SEMI-LIVE 5 weeks of onsite/offsite dining adventures Jan-Feb ‘23 *7/9 FINAL Update*

[maiziezoe]

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Big hugs to you, your kids and everyone who knew your DH.

 

[stace1214]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your love is inspiring and I’m so glad you’ll have the memories of your travels together to hold tight to. A trip with your children in August will be a wonderful way to help each other heal. You’re family is in my thoughts.

 

[ElizaDoesDisney]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

 

[ThreeBoyMama]

I’m so very sorry for your loss, and also so glad you and your DH made the most of your precious time together. You’re truly inspiring. Thinking of you and your kids and happy to know you’ve all found peace together.

 

[Dashzap]

I have not been on the Dis since my last update. Our lives have been in a constant swirl of fun activities and medical appointments, some in cities a 8hr roundtrip away. We kept making lemonade and did the tourist thing every time we went to make the trips something to look forward to instead of dread.

Unfortunately I have some very sad news to share. On Thursday, July 7, my husband passed peacefully with DD22 and DS20 and I surrounding him.

Despite everything, it felt very sudden. Earlier this year, our oncologist told us he had months to a year. I really thought we would have at least a few weeks when the end was imminent.

On Tuesday he was his normal self after a busy weekend of attending parties with family friends. On Wednesday he had a mild headache. By Wednesday night, he was throwing up all night. By Thursday morning, he was not responding to any of my questions and I called an ambulance to take him to the hospital to figure out what was going on. Thursday night, a CT scan showed a massive brain bleed on both sides of the brain and metastasis to the brain. This was in addition to aspiration pneumonia and a blood clot in his lungs we found the week before.

DD22 and DS20 were with me when the doctor gave us the news. I knew at that point that further treatment was useless. Way too much all at once.

Still, we thought we would have a few days. And initially made plans for the kids and I to take shifts through the night so we could each get some sleep.

A couple of hours later another doctor came by and again mentioned that he could go overnight or in a few days. He rather minimized it but I was paying close attention and after he said overnight twice I realized it really could happen.

So I decided to stay overnight with him. He continued to be unresponsive to us. They sat us up in a private room (even though our insurance only covers a semi-private room), provided us with comfy chairs, and the nurses had a slew of medications to keep him comfortable. I made sure each child and I had private time with him to say what we wanted to say.

At midnight, I could hear his breathing getting alarmingly strained. And told the kids that it was now looking very possible that it would happen in the night. He was occasionally in pain and sometimes struggled to breathe (hard to watch) so I asked them gently to decide for themselves if they wished to stay for the end or to go home. Either would be fine based on their personal preference. I warned them it could get ugly. They chose to stay.

Before 4am, I was cuddling in the bed with him when I got restless. Soon after, his breathing pattern changed as it slowed dramatically. I started shaking him to get him to take his next breath. At this point, I knew it was close but wanted him to hang on one more day.

I alerted the kids and we all gathered close to love on him as soon after, he drew his final breath. The end was remarkably peaceful.

DS, DD and I just sat quietly processing everything for about 10 mins before we called the nurse to let her know. And then we sat together for another half an hour before I started making the calls to the main people who would want to be woken up.

No one else but my children and I knew it could happen that night (we chose not to update people that evening because we didn’t want a rush to the hospital. We wanted it to be just us for that night and had planned for people to visit him in the morning). I am glad we did that as it was precious to have that quiet time with just our family. I even told my mother to go home even though she wanted to stay with us.

Now we are in a busy whirlwind of funeral planning. We are surrounded by so much love it is incredible. We were counting how many people may want to come and have been shocked by the numbers.

I was so blessed to get to be the wife of an amazing man. And so blessed that we mostly had time to prepare and time to “live like you are dying”. This past winter in Disney was particularly precious and I am so, so, so glad we did it.

Some of his family were rather shocked at all the travel and worried I was pushing him too far when he needed to rest. So glad we didn’t listen and paced ourselves based on how DH himself felt. It was so worth it and I treasure every second (well, maybe not the ones were he was throwing a fit about his food).

We are now thinking of still doing that early August trip we talked about. It’s the one week this year that works with both kids’ schedules. So while it is maybe a bit soon, I’m in the mood to grasp what opportunities come our way. Plus we think it would be an incredible place to remember him and spend time together doing the things we all loved. On top of that, my brother is in the UK and had planned to visit us with his family in August. We could just meet in Florida instead. Then he doesn’t have to try to race down for the funeral which is in just one week.

What a life we had together. The best part is that kids and I are at peace. We did everything and wrung every drop of life out of his last days. We have no regrets and our hearts are just full of love. God has given us the kind of peace that passes all understanding.

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I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for posting about your sunbird snacking.

 

[emilyann704]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I loved reading your reviews and checked back here often to see your updates. Thank you for sharing your story and putting so much love into the world.

 

[elaine amj]

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts.

He was cremated on Wednesday and then I held Open Houses on Wednesday and Friday evenings in a church cafe.

I thought you would all appreciate photos of the food


He had the gift of hospitality. He didn’t care what happened to his body but he asked for there to be plenty of food. It threw some people off because they expected a somber atmosphere and instead the room was packed and full of joy.

I cried with many people, but also laughed at many stories. And people gathered, and reminisced, and enjoyed each other’s company too. DH would have been so happy to see people having a good time in his honour.



There was even a whole roast pig LOL!



His Memorial Service was Saturday and was incredibly beautiful. So so many tears at all the heartfelt tributes. We had 9 speakers (still shocked we kept it to 1hr 20 mins!) and even our pastor started crying during the sermon. DH was so loved. And he left such a legacy behind.

And we sprung a fun surprise on everyone at the end of the Memorial Service when my DS announced DH was treating them all the fancy Chinese buffet (with prime rib, sushi, etc etc) in town. We had a 108 people at the buffet and it was so fantastic to give everyone a final lavish feast (the food in the church cafe was awesome - but nowhere near the style I wanted for the final feast).

So worth it to cheap out on the funeral arrangements and spend on food instead. His parents’ super simple (very traditional) funerals with maybe 50 attendees between all the events cost about $15-20k each.

DH had over nearly 200 people between the 3 events and between cremation and all the lavish food only cost about $13.5k (about USD$10k).

We asked for donations but still got maybe a dozen floral arrangements. I brought them home and arranged my living room a little as a memorial to DH I will take his photo down in a few weeks and rearrange things again so it’s not too morbid. For now, it feels right.



But the best part was how I had so many guests come up to me to tell me how inspired they were by how he lived his life.

When I spoke at his Memorial Service, I wrapped up my tribute with these words:

So when you go home and you smile in the face of challenges, when you praise God in the midst of devastation, when you take joy as you gather with family and friends, and when you take the time to cherish each moment like a precious jewel, his legacy will live on.

 

[Nohal]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

 

[kkpsirog163]

I do definitely appreciate those nanaimo bars. I wish I could get those here in the states.

 

[texaslover]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your report was full of joy and I so appreciate you sharing your life with us.

 

[Tess]

May he rest in peace and you find comfort.

 

[olliesmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute. I will always remember the stories you shared here of his resilience and joy in the midst of the most difficult circumstances. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers. Your dining report truly will stay with me for a long time. Cheers to you, your husband and family. Your love for each other shines through every one of your words.

 

[elaine amj]

I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute. I will always remember the stories you shared here of his resilience and joy in the midst of the most difficult circumstances. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers. Your dining report truly will stay with me for a long time. Cheers to you, your husband and family. Your love for each other shines through every one of your words.

Thank you. Truly. Your kind words mean a lot.

We are on the road to Disney now and so far it’s been cheerful and everyone has been having a good time.

The last 2 weeks was intensely stressful with my lengthy to-do list and I was thoroughly upset with DD for not helping enough before we left. She did take on more jobs after that. I have been struggling with concentration so things take me 2x as long and I often need someone calm next to me while I figure out all that needs to be done.

And as DD requested, I dropped all the to-do lists after we hit the road.

Of course, I still have Disney planning to do but trying not to let it stress me.

We hit the parks tomorrow! Need to buy tickets for everyone still

 

[Ellester]

Oh Elaine! I am so sorry. But what an amazing send off for an amazing man! I was just thinking of your story today and came back to this thread to see how everything was going. I am so glad that you and your children were all there to say goodbye. I hope you have an amazing trip, a true celebration of family and a life well lived.

 

[elaine amj]

Oh Elaine! I am so sorry. But what an amazing send off for an amazing man! I was just thinking of your story today and came back to this thread to see how everything was going. I am so glad that you and your children were all there to say goodbye. I hope you have an amazing trip, a true celebration of family and a life well lived.

Thank you so much! We knew it was coming and in some ways I totally expected it and in some ways, I still feel a bit of disbelief it actually happened.

Been crazy busy this past week at Disney so not much time to spare to be sad. So many memories though and we have been talking about him a lot.

Also bought a little Goofy to take around the parks with us and man, that little guy has been so meaningful to carry around.

 

[erinch]

Wishing you joy at every turn. And unexpected Presence.

 

[elaine amj]

I have started another dining review for the solo portion of my trip this month here: https://www.disboards.com/threads/s...g-adventures-continue-solo-march-‘23.3927653/