Secrets for a long and happy marriage????

[Buckalew11]

But maybe the biggest secret to a long and happy marriage is to pick your partner wisely.

DON'T get married just to have the big fancy wedding ceremony where you are princess for a day. Don't get married just to have children. Don't get married just to escape your family, or to have someone support you so you don't have to work or continue your education. Don't pick the "dangerous" boy or the "cute" boy just because they are dangerous and/or cute.


DO pick the person who you can see being friends with 30 years down the road. DO pick a man who will BE A GOOD FATHER! Do pick a man who has lots of good relationships, preferable with his mom, other family members and friends. DO pick someone who you can agree with on religion and politics...or at least be able to agree to disagree nicely. DO pick a man with some ambition, talents and skills and the desire to work. Do pick a man who can stop working occasionally and appreciate down time with his family.

Great post! I was asked by 3 guys to marry them. Then my DH came along. He asked me a total of 3 times himself. I was just making sure.
Anyway, these reasons are why I married him. Thanks for a great post!

 

[WriteDisney]

But maybe the biggest secret to a long and happy marriage is to pick your partner wisely.

DON'T get married just to have the big fancy wedding ceremony where you are princess for a day. Don't get married just to have children. Don't get married just to escape your family, or to have someone support you so you don't have to work or continue your education. Don't pick the "dangerous" boy or the "cute" boy just because they are dangerous and/or cute.


DO pick the person who you can see being friends with 30 years down the road. DO pick a man who will BE A GOOD FATHER! Do pick a man who has lots of good relationships, preferable with his mom, other family members and friends. DO pick someone who you can agree with on religion and politics...or at least be able to agree to disagree nicely. DO pick a man with some ambition, talents and skills and the desire to work. Do pick a man who can stop working occasionally and appreciate down time with his family.

Very good advice!!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

But maybe the biggest secret to a long and happy marriage is to pick your partner wisely.

DON'T get married just to have the big fancy wedding ceremony where you are princess for a day. Don't get married just to have children. Don't get married just to escape your family, or to have someone support you so you don't have to work or continue your education. Don't pick the "dangerous" boy or the "cute" boy just because they are dangerous and/or cute.


DO pick the person who you can see being friends with 30 years down the road. DO pick a man who will BE A GOOD FATHER! Do pick a man who has lots of good relationships, preferable with his mom, other family members and friends. DO pick someone who you can agree with on religion and politics...or at least be able to agree to disagree nicely. DO pick a man with some ambition, talents and skills and the desire to work. Do pick a man who can stop working occasionally and appreciate down time with his family.

But then there would be no more train wreck threads!

14 years marriage and I think it is easy. We have had no downs. We giggle, love each other to pieces. The key for us is to be easy going - some of the things I have read on the DIS when people are venting are ridiculous.

Sex every day helps too.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, now isn't that "s p e c i a l".

PS: I actually skimmed thru this entire thread, I did not seem to see one post that I would consider 'ridiculous'. Quite the opposite!

And, I don't seem to be calling many, or any, other threads where people were posting about their marriage because "my husband picks his nose..." or "my husband sent me red flowers instead of yellow...."

 

[minkydog]

we'll we went out last night.... I think my husband was looking forward too this more than I was.... he kept asking me " so we are really going to go out every week"..... we are on a strict budget so we didn't do anything to exciting.. we went to eat at Friendlys ( they had a 9.99 meal deal( drink ,entree and sundae) and I had a $3 off coupon).... so for about 25.00 including tip... we had a pretty good dinner.....
and than we hit the food store together ....

My
DH calls me his favorite cheap date. We go out for lunch dates, especially if we have a 2-for1 coupon. We only go to movies before 6pm. Sometimes we just drive up to the mountains, eat at KFC(because, you know, it's better up there, haha) and drive home. Or we'll drive out to the apple orchards, buy a bag of apples and a little piece of fudge and go home. I am not a high maintenance girl.

 

[daisy2jae]

DON'T get married just to have the big fancy wedding ceremony where you are princess for a day. Don't get married just to have children. Don't get married just to escape your family, or to have someone support you so you don't have to work or continue your education. Don't pick the "dangerous" boy or the "cute" boy just because they are dangerous and/or cute.


DO pick the person who you can see being friends with 30 years down the road. DO pick a man who will BE A GOOD FATHER! Do pick a man who has lots of good relationships, preferable with his mom, other family members and friends. DO pick someone who you can agree with on religion and politics...or at least be able to agree to disagree nicely. DO pick a man with some ambition, talents and skills and the desire to work. Do pick a man who can stop working occasionally and appreciate down time with his family.

I agree with get married for the right reasons. At 19 I found out I'd be a mom. I was shocked. Family and friends pushed for us to get married. However I personally was not ready. Plus I was not going to get married for the only reason of having a child with him. Things worked out and we're still together. We choice to make sure we were right for each other. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons.

 

[njcarita]

just wanted to update....
that Hubby and I are still dating
and it was really the best thing we did was find to time for ourselves...... made a world of difference

 

[jodifla]

just wanted to update....
that Hubby and I are still dating
and it was really the best thing we did was find to time for ourselves...... made a world of difference

Great news!! thanks for the update

 

[SaraJayne]

just wanted to update....
that Hubby and I are still dating
and it was really the best thing we did was find to time for ourselves...... made a world of difference

That's wonderful.

 

[ead79]

That's great news!

 

[focusondisney]

Hi Op! Just read the whole thread & happy to hear your update. I have been married almost 32 years. I want you to know that marriage may be work sometimes, but if you can stick with it & get thru the hard times, it will still be as wonderful as it was when you first got married.


There have been great posts already about picking the right man, date nights & communicating. Something I did early on was make a conscious decision to always treat my DH better than I treated anyone else in my life. He is the most important person in the world to me, even more important than my kids. After all, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have my kids!

I make a choice every day to be happy & in love. I know that this is the one person who will be there for me, no matter what. We laugh every day. We spend as much time together as possible. I never say anything bad about him to anyone. No husband jokes or complaints to the coworkers. Why knock the most important person in my life? Is he perfect? NO. But neither am I. We have fights of course. But then we get back to the big picture. Nothing has been more important to us than being together.

Making a conscious effort to be happy sounds like work, like how can it be OK if you have to make an effort. But after a bit, it just becomes your nature. Just how it IS. And then the payoff....a happy, fulfilling life with your best friend.

Ok, so sorry to ramble. And to those of you I've made sorry, too!!!

 

[Irin997]

OP that is wonderful! I too have read through the whole thread and it was heartbreaking to read some of your stories.

OP, what are some of the dates you two have been on? Can you pick a favorite?

My boyfriend's cousin's marriage unfortunately looks like it is falling apart, and they have a new 4 month old baby boy. Strictly from an outsider's POV, I am about 99.9% sure that the reason is because they have let the kids take over their lives. They have the most adorable 3 year old and the new baby, but they make absolutely zero time to be together as a couple.

We go on vacation with them every year to the OBX so it will be very interesting to see how they interact together this year.

 

[kehlyrsmom]

OP just read through the thread, wonderful news. My husband and I will be married for 19 years this month. We are also the parents of two children on the Autism spectrum our DD is 10 and our DS is 8 and life has certainly thrown us some other challanges along the way.

My mother-in-law will generally watch the kids for an evening either on a Fri or Sat night to just give us some couple time. Which by the end of the week we so desperately need it.

We are counting down the days until we get to run away with each other for 6 nights and 7 days to see the mouse. My parents and inlaws are going to take care of the kids while we are gone, the past few months have been so fun in waiting for our upcoming trip. I am not sure if we will ever be able to do this again, but we are going to hopefully make the most of what we can this time.

Hopefully you and your husband can plan at least a long weekend to get away with each other as well.

 

[njcarita]

OP that is wonderful! I too have read through the whole thread and it was heartbreaking to read some of your stories.

OP, what are some of the dates you two have been on? Can you pick a favorite?

actually best was last night...... walked over to our local ball field... caught the end of a softball game.... and than walked thru town..... relaxing and free... lots of time to talk and got my exercize in....win win

 

[njcarita]

Hopefully you and your husband can plan at least a long weekend to get away with each other as well.

its been about 2 year since we've gone overnight together...but I don't see it happening in the near future

to much stuff going on..... my mom needs surgery.... close family member with cancer....add to it the everyday normal family commintments....

 

[Colleen27]

hi guys..... been happily married for 22 years.....but lately have felt somethings not right...... I know marriages have their ups and down...... I just hit 45 and seem to be questioning everything..... my life....career.....me..... etc.....I feel like I went from a young 23 year old to on middle aged mam in a blink of on eye.....I know my husband loves me..... but i don't feel he's in love with me .... just don't see that glint in his eye anymore....I almost feel like I'm the one going thru a mid life crisis......my kids are still young 8,12 &14 so a lot of our energy is spent on them......Just feel a little lonely, lost and neglected.....

As my kids have gotten older (my olders are 8 & 12), I've found that our ideas of parenting have been way out of whack with reality. When you're deep in the exhaustion and scut-work of the baby phase, you think to yourself that it'll be easier to find the time and energy for romance and intimacy when the kids are a bit older, but I've found them to be just as energy-sapping and in less relationship friendly ways. Like, when our toddler is being a handful we can take a walk and talk so that she'll nap in the stroller, or have a cup of coffee while watching her play in the yard. The big kids, on the other hand, keep us running, usually in different directions; I take one to softball and he's with the other at Cub Scouts or he's at a little league game and I'm on my way to 4H. It is a stage where you REALLY have to make "alone time" a priority or it just won't happen, and then the 'disconnected' feelings start.

DH & I do go away without the kids once a year, around our anniversary, but I think the more important thing is the time we get on a regular basis without them. Even something as little as walking around our neighborhood, maybe stopping for lunch, looking at all the old houses and talking about what we're going to do to ours next. Or going to the home improvement stores and pricing those projects, or catching a movie, or whatever, just some little time to reconnect as Colleen & DH rather than as Mom & Dad.

 

[orlandothebeagle]

Easy...............nightshift.

 

[LuvOrlando]

its been about 2 year since we've gone overnight together...but I don't see it happening in the near future

to much stuff going on..... my mom needs surgery.... close family member with cancer....add to it the everyday normal family commintments....

If you can't get away how about picking a night and making arrangements for the kids to sleepover somewhere else? You could have a mini-vacation date night and then have the entire night and next morning to yourselves.

The news that you guys are improving is fantastic. It's much easier to adjust things ahead of the curve than try and put them back together again after an traumatic event. I'm glad you noticed early

 

[njcarita]

Hi Op! Just read the whole thread & happy to hear your update. I have been married almost 32 years.

There have been great posts already about picking the right man, date nights & communicating. Something I did early on was make a conscious decision to always treat my DH better than I treated anyone else in my life. He is the most important person in the world to me, even more important than my kids. After all, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have my kids!

first I want to say congrats to your 32 years!!!!!!

I totally see your advice to the importance of treating your spouse better....I know my husband and I have both been guilty of taking each other for granted....
but I can honestly say that for both of us ...NOTHING is before our kids... I can not imagine loving anyone more than my children.....

My parents are celebrating there 50th anniversary.... and I can honestly say I have never seen a couple still more in love..... but they always drilled into us ... that we ( my sister and I ) were first and that a love of a child comes before anything...

my husband just read your post and agrees that the kids come first us...... so I guess the lesson is that if u are both on the same page( both think kids come first or both think spouse comes first).... it works out well and its all good.....