School department bans 'father-daughter' and 'mother-son' dances

[BlovesC]

I have never, ever heard of "mother-son/father-daughter" dances (outside of a wedding, at least) and my school district certainly never had one.

 

[DeaverTex]

I have never, ever heard of "mother-son/father-daughter" dances (outside of a wedding, at least) and my school district certainly never had one.

Agreed. I'd rather have gnawed my legs off than dance with my mother, and I'm morally certain that my friends would have agreed. I believe that the girls might have been more willing to dance with their fathers, but I wouldn't bet the farm on that.

Actually, other than the prom, we didn't have school dances at all. The rich kids had other things to do and the rest of us couldn't have afforded it anyhow. And our parents did their own "grown-up" things. They were our parents, not our buddies.

 

[Ppufi]

I think the whole idea is cheesy and outdated. I don't think anyone in my school would ever attend a dance/event like that.

 

[Tink415]

Its sad that the girl wasn't allowed to attend the dance with another adult, male or female. Why be so rigid?

Any child (or adult for that matter) that doesn't have a dad or mom is likely to feel sad or left out for what they are missing at times, that's one of those hard parts of life.

Its also very sad that activities can't be called father-daughter or mother-son.

Our area still has father-daughter dances, but they are called any name except father-daughter. For the most part girls run around with their friends and the men talk or stand around. There might be a couple father daughter dances.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

I think that is fair given the make-up of modern families. There are many more kids out there being raised by single parents, grandparents, and same sex parents. I think renaming these activities is a way to include everyone without making anyone feel left out or self conscious.

Totally agree. I remember being in 4th grade and they had grandparents day. I didn't have any grandparents alive and I was too embarrassed to tell my parents about it since I was so upset over it. Had I told them, they would have had someone come for me but instead, I had no one. I'm 30 and it still makes me sad lol.

 

[nchulka]

first, life is not fair. plain and simple.

Second, you figure it out then and make it work. For grandparents day in grade school my kids were often short changed. one set of grandparents: grandpa is passed and grandma had a stroke and couldn't come. The other set for some reason always had vacation scheduled that week. I did not contact the school to get the day banned because my kids didn't have a grandparent there. The teacher said that I could come, or an aunt or uncle could come so they would have someone there. There was a year that no one was able to go. I could never dream of taking away from so many others that loved sharing that day with their grandparents.

I think it is an incredible mean and selfish thing to do, to take away from so many.

 

[Pollyanna Poppins]

I don't understand siding with the ban of this. So should we get rid of everything that might exclude someone or hurt their feelings? This is that same mentality that everyone deserves a trophy. Maybe they should do away with yearbooks since some kids can't afford one. We wouldn't want them to feel left out would we. People really need to wake up at what is happening in this country. If she or he wanted to go bad enough I'm sure there's someone they know that would have gladly gone. This school seems to be a groundbreaker for a lot of topics.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I couldn't find any article that states why she wasn't allowed to attend, or who wouldn't allow her. Could have been the school not allowing her because she didn't have any escort. Could have been the mother not allowing the girl to go (far less likely, I know - but possible based on the wording).

But this all happened quietly last Spring! It's only in the news now because someone, well, Google it. I don't want the thread to get shut down (hint: banned topic pertinent to the season).

 

[cornflake]

I don't understand siding with the ban of this. So should we get rid of everything that might exclude someone or hurt their feelings? This is that same mentality that everyone deserves a trophy. Maybe they should do away with yearbooks since some kids can't afford one. We wouldn't want them to feel left out would we. People really need to wake up at what is happening in this country. If she or he wanted to go bad enough I'm sure there's someone they know that would have gladly gone. This school seems to be a groundbreaker for a lot of topics.

Your school makes people pay for yearbooks and if they can't afford it - they don't get one?! That's so wrong.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't understand siding with the ban of this. So should we get rid of everything that might exclude someone or hurt their feelings? This is that same mentality that everyone deserves a trophy. Maybe they should do away with yearbooks since some kids can't afford one. We wouldn't want them to feel left out would we. People really need to wake up at what is happening in this country. If she or he wanted to go bad enough I'm sure there's someone they know that would have gladly gone. This school seems to be a groundbreaker for a lot of topics.

But they're not getting rid of the dances, they're changing the names to make kids feel more included. I don't see a problem with that. You've got to admit the family dynamic HAS changed in the last 50 years. As far as this girl not bringing another adult, maybe she was never told she could.

 

[Mkrop]

I am so glad my kids attend private school where this PC stuff is not happening some days.

We had Father/Daugther dances, Mother/Son Breakfasts when I was growing up, an my kids schools have them as well as Grandparents Day. A VIP is always allowed if a child does not have one of the above.

My dad had a massive heart attack and bypass surgery right before my HS Father/Daughter Dance. He almost didnt go, in fact he was in bed when my BFF's dad showed up told him to get his suit on and he would take us both over and we could dance one dance and he would drive us home but I wasnt not missing this dance. Well dad was able to hang out the whole night. I got to dance with my dad. I will ALWAYS treasure that moment! It would be the ONLY time that ever happened bc he died the year after I graduated college. So I never got that Father/Daughter dance at my wedding....should we ban those as well bc I never got one and I felt left out everytime I went to a wedding...ummm no!


Life is not fair. My younger brothers dealt with MANY Father/Son things , either my mom went or my DH, who was then their BIL, took them, they also dealt with GP days bc by then both sets were gone.

Allow kids to bring a VIP but dont BAN the things, for many people it is a very special moment!

 

[luvsJack]

DGD's preschool has renamed their "mother-child" "father-child" activities to fit whatever family situation the child is in.

Instead of "Tea with Mom" they have a "Buddy Brunch" or "Punch with a Pal". In that way, any adult can go with the child and fit right in.

IMO, I would all for changing the name, but not outlawing all together.

 

[Andtototoo]

first, life is not fair. plain and simple.

Second, you figure it out then and make it work. For grandparents day in grade school my kids were often short changed. one set of grandparents: grandpa is passed and grandma had a stroke and couldn't come. The other set for some reason always had vacation scheduled that week. I did not contact the school to get the day banned because my kids didn't have a grandparent there. The teacher said that I could come, or an aunt or uncle could come so they would have someone there. There was a year that no one was able to go. I could never dream of taking away from so many others that loved sharing that day with their grandparents.

I think it is an incredible mean and selfish thing to do, to take away from so many.

Maybe the mother had the experience we did which was that her daughter was mocked and excluded for being different. We too had grandparent's days. Problem for my daughter was that we live 1500 miles from family and by the time she was 5.5, 3 of her 4 grandparents were dead anyway. So there was no one to come for grandparent day and we were not allowed to come in their stead. My dd was mocked and ridiculed by the other kids and the grandparents who came all asked her where her grandparents were, bringing up yet again that they were dead. The first year, she ended up sitting alone at what the kids called the "reject" table for lunch. The following years I kept her home. So yeah, we "made it work" by self-exclusion. But yeah, I'm soooo glad the other kids -- who mocked my dd -- had such a great day!

 

[Mkrop]

Maybe the mother had the experience we did which was that her daughter was mocked and excluded for being different. We too had grandparent's days. Problem for my daughter was that we live 1500 miles from family and by the time she was 5.5, 3 of her 4 grandparents were dead anyway. So there was no one to come for grandparent day and we were not allowed to come in their stead. My dd was mocked and ridiculed by the other kids and the grandparents who came all asked her where her grandparents were, bringing up yet again that they were dead. The first year, she ended up sitting alone at what the kids called the "reject" table for lunch. The following years I kept her home. So yeah, we "made it work" by self-exclusion. But yeah, I'm soooo glad the other kids -- who mocked my dd -- had such a great day!

Then I would have been all over the school, not to cancel but to change the terms. Allow VIPs. At our school we allow VIPs but even if that can not happen, other GPs can "adopt" one of the other kids for the day. There always kids walking around with their BFF's GPs and those kids are always smiling and made to feel just as special. I have worked those days at our school and the GPs that do "adopt" a kid are always super gracious and caring!

I am so sorry your DD had to go through that. Kids unfortnately are made fun of for a lot of things they can not control. It is never right and things should be worked to stop the teasing and bullying always. But you dont need to cancel the event for that to happen either, IMHO.

 

[luvmy3]

Oh you mean The mother father aunt uncle grandmother grandfather sister brother cousin niece nephew family friend complete stranger dance. Our school pretty much covers everyone just in case.
It is such a special event, they didn't want any girl or boy to look back and not have such great memories of the MFAUGGSBCNNFFCS dance.

 

[Jaime4004]

Maybe the mother had the experience we did which was that her daughter was mocked and excluded for being different. We too had grandparent's days. Problem for my daughter was that we live 1500 miles from family and by the time she was 5.5, 3 of her 4 grandparents were dead anyway. So there was no one to come for grandparent day and we were not allowed to come in their stead. My dd was mocked and ridiculed by the other kids and the grandparents who came all asked her where her grandparents were, bringing up yet again that they were dead. The first year, she ended up sitting alone at what the kids called the "reject" table for lunch. The following years I kept her home. So yeah, we "made it work" by self-exclusion. But yeah, I'm soooo glad the other kids -- who mocked my dd -- had such a great day!

That's horrible for your daughter. But not what the PP was saying. She mentioned that the kids were allowed to have another relative, not excluding kids for the benefit of the rest. You're taking it a little personally.

I agree with the grandparents days, mother/son, father daughter events. The majority of the kids (elementary school here) love them. But never should it be exclusive, I can't believe that would go on anywhere! We have several events and all kids are welcome and can bring whatever adult they choose, regardless of the name of the event. And they do...

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I voted other. I don't find these dances outdated, offensive, or that the ban is too PC.

I find the entire idea a little creepy and pedo, though.

Basically, I don't care. There are are 99 million issues more important than this.

 

[kellyg403]

Honestly, I think its ridiculous. In my children's school whenever theyhad these types of dances, they could bring an aunt, uncle, grandparent or whatever. Like another said, noone asked for a birth certificate.

While I agree that family situations have evolved over the years and are more diverse, I don't understand why we can't include everyone in some way and why we have to bring attention to the 'difference'. Again, there were plenty of times the kids dad was deployed during father/daughter events and noone batted an eye when I showed up instead. So, I guess unless the school is banning substitutions, I don't see the issue. There was never any issue with other students 'mocking' or make fun of my children. Maybe the community we live in is more diverse or accepting of these types of things.

Regardless, I don't get it. Seems like we are veering from appreciating differences in people to wanting there to a 'pack' mentality. Not everyone is the same, not every family is the same and not everything is geared towards every person. Sometimes I think people take personal issues and convey them onto events and other people to make themselves feel better.

Just my personal opinion on just one more thing in our society I don't get!

Kelly

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Loved going to the Daddy Daughter Dance when I was younger. I knew girls whose fathers had died, so they took a grandfather, uncle, or another male relative. There was absolutely nothing creepy or pedo about it. It was simply a father (or other male relative) taking his little girl out for a good time. IT helped show her how she should be treated by a man and made her feel special. I fully believe that girls whose father is no longer in the picture need to have the option of bringing another adult male relative, but to take it away completely would be irresponsible and an overreaction. Luckily, it doesn't sound like that was the case, but that they just changed the name.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

first, life is not fair. plain and simple.

.

I agree!

Sometimes everyone can't be included in everything. Thats life.

Our community has a "princess ball". Its a father/daughter dance the first weekend in February every year.

DD loves going and spending time with her daddy and running around and dancing with her friends. A couple years ago, DH was called out of town and DD couldn't go. Yep she cried. Especially when she knew all her friends would be there. My mom's BF offered to take her as well as some of the neighbor dads but DD didn't want to go without her dad.

She was disappointed but survived without any scarring effects.