Blondie
~*~*~*~<br><font color=blue>This TF always enjoys
- Joined
- Aug 18, 1999
- Messages
- 17,306
Who Wears Short-Shorts?: Anyone who's watched "Newlyweds" knows that Jessica Simpson has a childlike innocence about her, but that doesn't mean she should appear in public in the adult version of a onesie. Nick Lachey's hotter half hits Cancun for MTV's Spring Break in a cleavage-enhancing, teeny-tiny green-and-white striped short-all, a fashion phrase we hope never to utter again. On the plus side, Jessica's new blonde extensions are fab, and keep her looking sexy even while sporting this high-riding Garanimal reject.
Muu-Muu Boo-Boo: Paris Hilton may fancy herself a sitcom star after the success of "The Simple Life," but that's no excuse for wearing caftans from Mrs. Roper's closet on "Three's Company." Even with that precipitously plunging neckline, this tent-sized floral print catastrophe is almost frumpy on the skin-baring, success-craving starlet, who should have sprung for some heavy-duty, double-sided sticky tape. Why, you ask? It seems Paris' widely seen assets were once again on display when her dress later shifted and gave onlookers, including boyfriend Nick Carter, on whose lap she was perched, an eyeful.
Crash Landing: Kirsten Dunst is a) in costume to play a flight attendant in a futuristic sci-fi film or b) attending the premiere of her new movie, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? Unfortunately, the adorable actress isn't in character, and therefore has no excuse for this unsightly ensemble. Kirsten misguidedly cinches her frayed sleeveless white vest with a black obi belt, simultaneously hiding her knockout figure and making her look like an extra from the set of "Kung Fu." At least she shows off her shapely gams, although the way her sequined asymmetrical skirt peeks out it looks like she's smuggling lingerie out of Victoria's Secret. And while we love Dunst in short hair, the stylist responsible for her Trump-esque two-toned comb-over should be sent to the board room and immediately fired.
Red Eye Blight: Tyra Banks has a body made for clingy evening dresses, so it's no surprise this revealing chartreuse frock fits her like a second skin (and speaking of skin, let's hope the bodice is reinforced, 'cause it looks ready to blow). But what on Earth possessed the genetically gifted "Top Model" creator-host to coat her eyelids in so much red shadow that Tammy Faye Bakker would take a step back and say, "That might be a wee bit much, dear." The Visine-deficient effect is almost alien, and not in that hot "Seven of Nine" way -- more like the "set your phasers on stun" way.
I'm Carmen Out: Carmen Electra was recently quoted as saying she sometimes regrets enhancing her bustline, but she must figure that once you've got it, you may as well flaunt it. Mrs. Dave Navarro models two similar looks on the red carpet, both of which are designed to show off her abundant assets, and neither of which do her justice. On the left, Carmen attempts to hypnotize us into believing this bizarre bandeau-topped knee-length cutaway is a flattering fashion do (it's a definite don't, even if she loses the sleeves), while on the right, her skin-baring negligee-inspired mini-dress should have stayed in the bedroom, 'cause this couture bore is putting us to sleep.
The Simple Life: OK, we realize Christina Aguilera's faux tan makes her look like the offspring of an Oompa Loompa, but we're willing to overlook her carrot coloring because for the first time in a long time, the pint-sized diva is dressed like the fun 23-year-old she is and not the victim of a pretentious stylist determined to put three-inch eyelashes and Dee Snider wigs on the map. At the "Dawn of the Dead" premiere, Christina wears her dark locks pulled into a tight braided bun, and dresses down in simple cut-off jeans and a black button-down short-sleeved shirt, which she pairs with cute black-and-white shoes and a matching bag.
Cover Up: We can't speak for Christina Applegate, but when we're dressing for a night out, we generally try to avoid choosing outfits that might prompt someone to ask us, "When's the baby due?" As far as we know, the actress isn't expecting a visit from the stork, but that didn't stop her from donning a super-sized empire-waisted ivory chiffon nightie with a red underlay. Adding to Christina's fashion folly are her extra-long jeans and carpet-blending red shoes, which make her look footless, though sadly not footloose. Christina, next time you're getting ready to go out, we suggest you click those ruby heels together and say, "There's no place like home" ... and then stay there until you find a better outfit.
Tyler Up, Tie Her Down: Liv Tyler hits the "Jersey Girl" premiere looking more than a little like a costumed superhero. We're guessing her special power is turning ugly prints into kicky clothes in a single bound. But the usually fashionable "Lord of the Rings" lovely has met her match in Michael Kors' matching purple patterned wrap shirt with flared sleeves and an A-line skirt. Liv unwisely emulates the catwalk look, donning a dark boot instead of a sexy, strappy heel. Let's just hope the Kevin Smith-directed movie is more successful than this outfit.
Dying on the Vine: Spring has sprung early for Amber Tamblyn, who may chat up the Almighty on "Joan of Arcadia" but is in dire need of some divine fashion intervention in real life. The cute-as-a-button actress fails to bloom in a floral print skirt that would look better on grandma's kitchen table, an alarmingly sheer butter-yellow tank, and -- horrors! -- white open-toed heels. Amber has obviously forgotten the all-important 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not wear white shoes before Memorial Day
Cat Scratch Fever: Gabrielle Union demonstrates why you should always keep your couture away from your kitty. The actress arrives at the NAACP Image Awards in a gown that's picture-perfect except for that bizarre hanging-on-by-a-thread hemline, which looks like it was used as a scratching post before the big event. Maybe it's just us, but the bottom of this gown seems like an afterthought, and distracts from the natural beauty of the dress -- and the person wearing it.
Class Act: Jennifer Garner should give her stylist a hefty raise. Just weeks after she ascended to the fashion A-list wearing a vivid vintage Valentino to the Oscars, the "Alias" beauty steps out in a sultry and sophisticated black silk frock from white-hot designer Louis Verdad. The '40s-inspired dress, with its deep neckline, shoulder ties and wide belt, is oh-so-flattering and feminine on the physically fit Garner (we also adore the matching silk flower). Also garnering our thumbs up are Jen's black stiletto sandals, delicate silver bag and heavy bangs, which have finally started to, er, grow on us.
Mischa Mischa Mischa: Mischa Barton may play a high school student on "The O.C." but she usually looks like she should be teaching the class, not passing notes in it. The nubile actress always appears far older than her 18 years (an asset now, though probably not in the future), so it's nice to see her selecting age-appropriate clothes, such as this pastel striped mini-dress. Now, if Mischa would just get rid of those 10-pound bangs, she'd look even younger, maybe even a dewy 33 or 34 (okay, okay: 35).
