SAHM's vs Working Moms on Dr Phil

[NMAmy]

I saw a show on Dr. Phil last week that just amazed me. These women were just so militant in stating their positions. The stay at home moms were saying that working moms don't love their children. The working moms were insinuating that the SAHM's were letting their education go to waste. It was just terrible.

I do think that it's a privilege to stay home with your kids. I wish I could have done it (and I did for about a year when dd was about 7). I would have adored to be able to stay home with her. Unfortunately, I was unable to do so at first due to financial constraints and then due to the fact that I was a single mom.

I guess I just don't understand why it has to be a competition. I got the feeling that both sides were feeling defensive and that's why they were being so...well, frankly, really cruel to each other. I think each mom is doing the best she can. If you are a better mom because you work, then work. If you enjoy being a stay at home mom, then do that. Why do they feel obliged to put down someone who has made a different choice?

Did anyone else see the show? What did you think?

 

[Aimeedyan]

There is a debate on this very show a few pages back that someone started right after the show aired... scroll a bit you'll probably find it

 

[caitycaity]

I guess I just don't understand why it has to be a competition.

i agree. moms should support moms. period.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Originally posted by caitycaity
i agree. moms should support moms. period.

Amen to that! We have enough difficult issues to deal with!

 

[Beth76]

You missed a very heated debate

I did not see the show, but participated in the thread. I believe that moms (and dads) should do whatever they feel is right for their families. No one is to say that one way is better for someone else.

 

[rcyannacci]

Originally posted by caitycaity
i agree. moms should support moms. period.

I double agree. Women should support women. period.

 

[NMAmy]

Oh, I'm sorry to bring it up again! It was way back on page 11. That's what I get for being gone for the weekend!

 

[spagheddie]

When people get tired of debating whether your a good mom if you don't breastfeed this is the topic that gets discussed.

People want to make it a right or wrong answer when there is no right answer. My wife is a working mom and one of her friends is a SAHM who seems to guilt my wife every time they talk. It aggravates her to no end.

I don't think my wife would enjoy being a SAHM, she likes her job and it helps fulfill her life. Also, our DS 2 is flourishing in day care. He has many friends of all different backgrounds and we are constantly amazed at his development. We couldn't be happier.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Not going there again!

 

[SC Minnie]

I must be one of the worst Mom's ever. I didn't breast feed (couldn't because of DD's birth defect) and I work outside the home.

I get a kind of guilt trip from SAHM at church and at DD's school. They plan activities then look at me like I have a third I when I say we can't go because I have to work. This even happened to me at the YMCA the other day.

I say-- to each his own. No one else knows what your situation is be it financial or personal and no one else should make those judgements about what is or is not best for your child.

 

[cats7494]

I agree - it is not a competition! Support each other and decisions made by each family!

I am a working mom and have always been a working mom. I do feel guilty some days when I can not be at every party or function because of work - but I do attend 99% of them!

I totally respect moms (and dads!) that are able to stay at home with their children!

There is no general right or wrong - it is up to each family what is right for them!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

agreed. and this is a topic that got old 14 years ago when I had my first baby. I'm sad to see it still going now with my 3rd kid.

I honestly think the "women's" magazines and shows like Dr. Phil try their hardest to keep this stupid fight going.

 

[disykat]

I think most SAHM and WM live together just fine without conflict. That show had the extremes. The other thread also had many SAHM's and WM's getting along and respecting each other. The most heated debate happened when someone with no kids jumped in and started getting nasty - probably just to watch the fireworks.

 

[tiggerlover]

This topic has been debated for years and will probably be debated until the end of time. I truly don't understand the division or the ridicule of someones life choices, I think it boils down to there are some lousy working parents and some lousy stay at home parents and it is easy to lump all working parents as lousy and all stay at home parents as lousy. But the bottom line is if you do what is best for your family and love your children than you can't lose.

I have been on both sides, I was a stay at home mom for 4 years out of DS's 8 years of life and that was a choice I made and a choice I was able to make financially. I enjoyed my time with him and I am so happy that I had the time with him, however, my son has attended pre-school/day care and I have worked full time and he has not suffered at all. It is all about choices and priorities, and just because someone chooses work or someone chooses to stay at home, they can still be great parents.

JMHO

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
agreed. and this is a topic that got old 14 years ago when I had my first baby. I'm sad to see it still going now with my 3rd kid.

I honestly think the "women's" magazines and shows like Dr. Phil try their hardest to keep this stupid fight going.

I have never thought of it that way! You may be on to something. My friends and I do not act or (I think) feel like that about one another.

 

[decker96]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
I honestly think the "women's" magazines and shows like Dr. Phil try their hardest to keep this stupid fight going.

ITA. I am a SAHM and I have friends that work and friends that stay home. My sister works and I have just as much respect for her as I do for my friends that stay home. There's nothing wrong with being either a WM or a SAHM, whatever is the right choice for you and your family.

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

Originally posted by decker96
ITA. I am a SAHM and I have friends that work and friends that stay home. My sister works and I have just as much respect for her as I do for my friends that stay home. There's nothing wrong with being either a WM or a SAHM, whatever is the right choice for you and your family.

ITA.

 

[The Duchess]

I think the old adage "The grass is alwasys greener on the other side!" definately applies here in some cases.

Some working moms wish they were home, some SaHMs wish they could work. All the moms I worked with lamented that they could not be SaHMs. I quit my job last spring because of a series of events...my stepfather passed away, he and my mom had been taking care of DH since he was a baby even though he has been in a Montessori 1/2 day pre-school since age 3 (he's almost 6 now)
My mom couldn't possibly handle him herself (think "Dennis the Menace") and I just felt such guilt telling him "Sorry, your favorite person (his Papa) died but you have to go to day care now instead!
I just couldn't do it. I have NO problem with putting kids in Day Care and I know a lot of moms who do and their kids are great. But, I was financially able to quit and it seemed the best decision.

I REALLY miss work. All my friends were there but they don't actually live anywhere near me. All my college friends live far away, too. So, it's pretty lonely now staying at home, especially with school back in.