SAHM....help me prepare!

[GoofItUp]

I am a planner - sometimes a little too much. DH and I are considering starting a family, so I want to be prepared. I know that if we do have kids, I will be a SAHM. DH and I have worked for the last 5 years and have been blessed with very good jobs. We have taken great vacations every 6 months to 1 year, had new cars, paid on our house, and saved in his 401K, stocks, and savings bonds. I'm afraid we've been spoiled to 'having it all' and I'm trying to prepare for cutting back if and when we need to. One of our cars is already paid, and I'm working to have the other car paid early next year. That will leave us with no debt besides our house and, of couse, our monthly bills. We've alread started trying to cut back on how much we eat out. We're about to book a cruise (12-night Panama Canal - ) but we are booking in the lowest category available and have decided this might be the last hurrah for a while if kids come along. Please give me some tips/advice on other things I can do now so that if I leave this job to take on the job of being a mom I won't throw us into shock!

 

[SueEllen]

Best of luck to you. All I can say is that you can never really prepare in advance for the arrival of children. It is a complete lifestyle adjustment and there really is just no way to be a planner for that one.
Don't worry though, when the time comes you will be able to adjust and will be so overjoyed that no matter what you did try to plan it would be out the window.
Again, best wishes and good luck to you.
Sue Ellen

 

[kfeuer]

I heard a financial planner suggest this and I think it's great advice--while you're both still working, try banking your entire paycheck and just living on your DH's pay for 6 months. This will not only give you a realistic idea of what your standard of living will be, but it will also help you build up a nice-emergency fund (and when only one person is working, you really need a good cushion in the bank in case of layoffs, etc.).

I really admire your planning ahead--I wish we'd done more financially while we were both working full-time (we didn't get serious until the baby was on the way )

 

[DiznEeyore]

Originally posted by kfeuer
I heard a financial planner suggest this and I think it's great advice--while you're both still working, try banking your entire paycheck and just living on your DH's pay for 6 months. This will not only give you a realistic idea of what your standard of living will be, but it will also help you build up a nice-emergency fund (and when only one person is working, you really need a good cushion in the bank in case of layoffs, etc.).

I second this advice!! It's the best way to determine your comfort levels and as kfeuer said, get that all-important savings cushion in place.

Good luck with your plans!

 

[RumpleMom]

Yep, that's what we did. We lived on one salary and banked the one that would not be there when I became a SAHM. I stayed at home for 16 years and then only returned to part-time work to help with college tuition. Best decision we ever made. Our children are almost straight A students, have friends, part-time jobs and the youngest leaves for college in 2 weeks. The oldest has graduated college with a job she loves in her field. And we still managed to go to WDW every 3 years.

 

[takemetoo]

Invest now in some good cookbooks (check a bunch out of the library to see which are a good fit for you first); cooking from scratch is a big money saver, and can be fun. Be sure both of you know how to cook, little ones can make it very difficult for a SAHM to get a meal on the table.

Resist buying all those baby must-haves. Babies don't really need all that much. Some clothes (second hand?), some diapers (cloth?), a place to sleep (your bed?), a car seat (!!!), cuddles (a sling?), food (breast milk = free), and, of course, love. Awww.

The fact that you have your house is great. Saving for a down payment on one income is very hard. At least it is for us.

Decide to homeschool, no preschool and private school tuition, and a curriculum tailored to your child.

Hmmm. I'll keep thinking.

Good luck, staying home was/is my dream job, and worth the cut in pay to be doing what I love!

Amy

 

[crisi]

I was also going to suggest living on one income now. Also - live on that one income and still be able to set some money aside - chances are you will want a car or a vacation while you stay at home.

Have a realistic notion of the "costs" of being a SAHM. Those worksheets always have you deduct your nylons, but don't mention that I never wore holes in my jeans until I became a mom of small kids and spent a lot of time on the floor - I buy jeans a lot more often now (and I'm a working mom who only wears them on weekends and evenings). And the costs of kids - diapers, formula (try breastfeeding - cheap and great for baby - but it doesn't work for everyone), the constant warddrobe turnover as they grow (all these things can be done less expensively - few can be done free). Working moms have these expenses as well, but make sure to build them into your budget.

Have a realistic plan - will you always be a SAHM or will you go back to work when your kids are older. When? Make sure you husband is aware of the plan and any changes - two guys at work are having marital troubles because they "thought" the SAHM gig was "until the kids were in school" and its turned out to be a permanent deal. Make sure the "how I'll spend my days" plan is realistic as well. Several of my girlfriends went back to work when they decided they were not good at being SAHMs because the house was never clean enough and they never baked their own bread - watching small children will keep you busy enough without having huge expectations about your ability to repaint the living room while your toddler plays contentedly in the pack and play.

Make sure your husband is employed as stably as possible in these days in a job he enjoys - and that he is on board for the additional stress a one income family can create on the breadwinner. The marital woes of my coworkers get a lot worse when we are laying off.

Consider making "cashflow" changes - a smaller mortgage payment via refinancing might be very helpful. You are already doing this by paying off the other debt.

Best wishes.

(Note - although I'm a working mom, nothing in this post is meant to disparage people who make the choice to stay at home).

 

[eeyore kelly]

while you're both still working, try banking your entire paycheck and just living on your DH's pay for 6 months.

ITA!!!

I buy jeans a lot more often now

As a SAHM I go through a lot of jeans, sweats, etc. You will need a couple of dressier outfits too.

try breastfeeding - cheap and great for baby - but it doesn't work for everyone

It didn't for me, and totally blew my budget to switch to Formula. If I had to do it again, I'd plan in my budget for formula, but try to breastfeed. Their are expenses to breastfeeding too. Breast pump, breast pads etc. Planning for formula also gives you the money to pay for the breastfeeding supplies, and still have money left over.

constant wardrobe turnover as they grow

2 words: garage Sales for everyday
E-bay for nicer things

Have a realistic plan - will you always be a SAHM or will you go back to work when your kids are older. When? Make sure you husband is aware of the plan and any changes

Revisit your plan often-together. Both parties feel better when they both help make decisions involving a plan change. I worked for a while after both kids were in school, but then DH got a good raise and I quit again. last year, I started subbing for extra money.

Talk about who is responsible for what- bills, dishes, etc.

Be flexible, a sick or colicky baby can lay waste to the best laid plans.

 

[StephMK]

Sounds like you are doing great in your financial preparations! Find your local consignment shops & some good mom group sales - there are tons of great gently used kids things out there. My kids have never complained about pre-used things & never know the difference between the new stuff anyway.

Decide on household chores in advance. I have gradually gone from FT, PT & now SAHM over the last few years. Since being at home FT, hubby has pretty much relinquished ALL household duties minus the trash. That has been the hardest transition for me personally. Plus having no set schedule every day, it helps to be a planner & make your own.

Practical stuff - if you really want to prepare - set your alarm for 12:10, then get up, walk around the house 3 times, drink a glass of water, re-set the alarm for not more than 2 hours later, get up & do it again. Do this the entire night & then set the alarm to get up 1 hr earlier than normal. THAT was the hardest transition for me - sleep is a valued commodity these days.

Best wishes!!

 

[hookedup]

This is a long post (sorry)...
I have now been a SAHM for almost 2 months. Prior to this happening I was a working mom and had a really great 14 year career. I had worked hard to get myself into an executive level position and made over 100k a year (which was double what my dh made as 3rd grade teacher).
I wanted to quit when my son was born (nearly 4 years ago) I was too afraid.
We were smart and did not have a lot of debt - just our mortgage. We used our good income to buy what we needed (and A LOT of things we did not need ) but did not finance anything. The point of what I am saying is being as debt free as possible before switching to one income helps a lot.
Last year we had a couple of things happen that majorly changed my perspective on life, and we decided that quiting my job would be something we would MAKE happen.
We did the 6 month plan. We created a budget and lived off dh's income (banked the rest). My plan was to resign from my job in July.
In April my boss told me that my office was closing and if I wanted to keep my job I would have to relocate to Los Angeles to our corporate office. There was no way I would consider this so I was laid off. The whole thing was very eerie and confirmed our plan for me to quit was meant to be.
I love being home with my son. I want to have another baby very badly but at least I can enjoy this time now with no more regrets. I understand why women return to work after they have children it is not an easy decision and a very personal one.
Here is what I have learned so far...
Cooking has really saved us a ton of money. When I was working I ate out A LOT (and our family ate out a lot too). Now we eat way better, spend less, and I love to plan and cook our meals. I never really did any cooking before and had no idea how much I would enjoy this. I also cut coupons for food to maximize savings. There are so many ways to save money if you pay attention to your spending habits.
GOOD LUCK and please let me know if you have any questions of need some moral support. The gals here have really been helpful to me.

 

[disneysteve]

My DW is a SAHM and we've never regretted the choice.

I agree with all prior posts. One quick thing to add which really applies to all parents, not just the SAH variety. There is very little if anything that you need to equip your home for a new child that can't be gotten at your local yard sales. The only thing we bought new was furniture because we wanted top quality that DD would have until college. We bought almost everything else at yard sales (except for items that came as gifts). Diaper Genie, pack and play, high chair, swing, bouncer, etc. all came from yard sales for about 10% of original cost. Lots of toys and clothes did too. DO NOT buy car seats from yard sales though because you can't verify their safety. No matter what the seller says it isn't worth taking a chance.

The best thing about going the yard sale route is that when your kid outgrows the stuff, you can usually sell it at your own sale for as much as you paid for it, sometimes even more. That helps the budget tremendously.

 

[ceecee]

I agree with the six month salary saving plan. Also try pre paying some of your mortgage principal each month (a little goes a long way). Not having a mortgage has been wonderful! Get used to driving an older car as long as it's dependable and safe that's all you need. Not having two car payments is great as well.
I also agree with not buying the baby everything! It is so hard. We had garage sales with tons of baby stuff and made around $1000.00 each time but still......way too much stuff. People actually asked how many babies we had!

 

[DiznEeyore]

Originally posted by disneysteve
The best thing about going the yard sale route is that when your kid outgrows the stuff, you can usually sell it at your own sale for as much as you paid for it, sometimes even more. That helps the budget tremendously.

So very true!!

Another thing to consider doing to keep baby/toddler costs down is to do what my best friend does -- she exchanges clothing with other moms. Her first was a boy, another friend's was a girl. They had their seconds at around the same time, this time opposite sexes. They got their baby clothes together and traded! She's done this w/other moms, too, and it's worked out really well for all of them.

I had good luck at consignment shops like Once Upon a Child, both for buying and selling my ds' clothes when he was little. My sil loves to get things at garage sales and eBay, especially name-brand things. When her kiddoes outgrow them, she sells them and buys more "new-to-them" stuff.

 

[canwegosoon]

I am a SAHM, but will be rejoining the work force in 2 weeks (going into teaching). I totally agree with the posts on living on your DH salary. When I decided to stay home with my twins, my husband was always under the theat of losing his job. So we live in a small house, that I knew we could pay for even with out his job...(my mortage inc taxes/Ins is 700)...in a great town/school district.

I think you have to come up with a list of what you are willing to do with/ with out. What you would be willing to have secondhand, and what needs to be new....for everyone those lists are different. It can be quite a learning process to do with out, while your friends continue to spend. I remember when I stayed home, I lost all my working friends, but made great SAHM friends ( a few of whom also work now too). Life changes, just try to be true to your sense of values, and do the best you can. I also would recommend reading the Tightwad Gazette books. There is a lot of information there, but you don't have to do it all

I have very few clothes since I am always doing wash...every day, almost all my clothes are clean...so I have 2-3 pairs of kakhi's, skirts, legging/top, and a 3 shirts/3 sweaters, and 3 nice outfits to go out in. Most of the rest of my closet are "career clothes", which I hardly ever wear. But I buy good clothes that will stand up to frequent washing.

I also garden in the summer to help with the grocery bills, but I do think you should continue to plan a few special trips ( maybe just not 12 day cruises...hard to get a baby sitter for 12 days), but a weekend is doable, or even trips that you can do with children are tons of fun too..DISNEY

You are so smart to think ahead... and good luck with your plans and dreams

 

[GoofItUp]

Thanks for all the great advice! Buying (most) everything at garage sales is a great idea. There are some nice neighborhoods around which would probably be perfect shopping grounds! We definitely need to work harder at living on just DH's salary. We've attempted this half-heartedly in the past. Something seems to come up that we just have to do, though. At times it's been good stuff, like putting a big chunk towards our house debt, but several times it's been stuff we really could have lived without.

StephMK - I think I'll pass on your tip to set my alarm for every two hours (or less)....I don't want to be quite that prepared!

crisi mentioned cloth diapers....Have any of you tried this? I know disposable diapers are much more convenient, but it looks like you could spend a fortune on those. I may be trying to potty train at 3 months!

canwegosoon - Gardening is a great idea. And I know DH would LOVE that! Taking vacations is one of the things that DH and I are most concerned about giving up. We love to travel. But, I think we'll be able to take less expensive trips for our whole family - maybe once a year or every other year, I'm hoping. And, yes, probably shorter than 12 days!

 

[wuv tigger]

Tip #1 is get some sleep - you'll need it

Otherwise, something I learned from these boards: join hotwire savings club and buy all the Toys R Us/Babies R Us cards that you can. You get a $25 card for $20. They are both useable at the Babies R Us. Combine this with diaper and formula coupons and you can save 30% on these supplies.

ITA about yard sales and/or consignment stores. Kid's do not become fashion conscious until middle school - maybe a little earlier these days

David

 

[Disney_1derland]

you will want to factor into your grocery budget the cost of diapers, formula, baby food, wipes. Now take that amount each week and put it in savings too. That will give you an even more realistic look at your budget. Plus, you should plan for all of your utilities to go up about 3%/month for being home all the time, more laundry, more cooking etc.

Also consider making your own baby food, it's quick, easy and economical. There is a great book called Super Baby Food that will tell you all you need to know when the time comes

With what you will save doing the "one salary test drive" you may still be able to pull off some decent vacations while your child is young!

I have been a SAHM for 4 years. I now have a job that I do from home 25 hours per week and in the office the other part. I am very lucky. Since we are so used to living on just dh's salary, we are putting almost everything in savings and have a very nice amount saved up after just 6 months. It's a great feeling to know you have that cushion(which is significantly bigger than it was previously!) and doing this dry run will give you the same thing!

Good Luck!

 

[punkin]

I went the cloth diapers route. It was much cheaper. If you have your own washing machine, it's really not a problem (especially if you breastfeed because the poop dooes not smell nearly as bad). However, even if you don't do your own diapers, there are diaper services which are more expensive than washing your own but still much cheaper than disposables.

 

[punkin]

Oh, and BTW, they do toilet train faster in cloth than disposables because they can feel the wetness. Disposables stay dry no matter what and it is much harder to toilet train in them. (but don't count on toilet trained babies at 3 mo. LOL)

 

[mom2alix]

The garage sale /eBay tip is the best, but you also want to spend some time window shopping at regular stores so you have a better idea of what things cost new. It makes it much easier to know when you're getting a good deal. There's also a great book "Baby Bargains" by Denise and Alan Fields that has great guides to baby products of all types. It really helps to know what the most reliable brands are even when you're shopping second-hand.

Also look around for a support group for yourself. Staying at home is a big transition. I really recommend looking for a MOPS or MOMS Club group in your area. I joined our local MOMS Club when DD was 6 months old, got into a playgroup with other moms with kids that age, and we have had a blast! DD is now 2 and DS is due end of October. It is so nice to have a group of moms and kids to go out with.

Being a SAHM, well the pay is terrible, but the BENEFITS (kisses and hugs) are GREAT!