SAHM and SAHD what do you think?

[ceiligh1]

I am part of a SAHM group that meets every week or so. THe leader just sent out an email to all the members saying that because some people are worried about spending time with SAHD's that the two men who were part of the group are no longer welcome to come to the group events. It looks like this is just part of a general fear of men -ie. dont want to invite a strange man over to the house even though he will be with his young child and a bunch of other mothers with young children- and not a specific event. This just seems wrong to me, I have emailed the leader to ask if there was something specific that these guys did to cause the expulsion. I am not sure I want to be part of a group that would do this to people without cause. My dad was a SAHD and it was very hard for him to find people who would talk with him. I just cant belive that they would exclude them.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That is pathetic!

I wouldn't be part of a group like that.

Very sad.

sounds like those worried--need to look inside themselves---do they fear friendship with a man for some inappropriate reason? I'm sure the SAHD's aren't looking to date.

 

[Michie]

who says young mothers can't do something inappropiate?

 

[Beth76]

That's just wrong. If someone has a problem with the men, then they should leave the program. I think you should tell the leader that. I have a friend who was a part of a nationally recognized "mom's" program that would not allow men in. I guess someone petitioned to get in and the leader wouldn't even help him. My friend left the group because of it.

We all know how hard it is for a SAHM. Imagine how it is for SAHDs. Why do some people insist on making more difficult? I agree with you. I would leave the program too.

 

[beckmrk04]

I would feel awful! I have heard sahd's have a pretty hard time finding a group to relate to anyway. And afterall- SAHM, SAHD- no matter the gender, the job is pretty much the same: stay home, take care of the kids/household/family. It helps to have people sharing that experience to talk with!

 

[Stacerita]

Thats just wrong. I wouldn't be part of that group.

 

[poohandwendy]

wow...I have to laugh everytime I hear that someone is 'kicked out' of a voluntary, informal group formed for the sole purpose of parents in the same boat to get together. Especially when the group consists of people who may or may not feel socially isolated due to circumstance and are looking for more adult interaction. It's just incredible that they are deemed unfit and expelled for whatever reason. Sheesh...and they say the corporate world is cut throat?

I have heard of this with mommy-and-me groups, bible study groups and now SAH groups....what is UP with people being so ignorant and exclusionary?

I guess they are also ok with schoolyard bullies...or is that different?

 

[azgal81]

I think that's lame. They deserve to be part of the stay at home group too why should it matter if their gender is different. Maybe you should contact the two dads and the other members that don't have a problem with them and start your own group!

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

I think that's lame. They deserve to be part of the stay at home group too why should it matter if their gender is different. Maybe you should contact the two dads and the other members that don't have a problem with them and start your own group!

That is my suggestion also. People can be so ridiculous some times.

I say the heck with that group and go start another one!

 

[Marseeya]

That's ridiculous.

I hope you and some other members stand up and do what's right here. Good luck.

 

[cinmell]

I think that's lame. They deserve to be part of the stay at home group too why should it matter if their gender is different. Maybe you should contact the two dads and the other members that don't have a problem with them and start your own group!

I was thinking the same thing as azgal81.

 

[Christine]

What a bunch of neurotic twits.

 

[Freyja]

Totally rediculous and I definately wouldn´t want to be part of that group anymore.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would leave the group.

 

[nealymouse]

Crazy, I also would leave the group.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'd leave. My SIL stayed home with DGD for two years because he and my DD did not want to leave the little one in a daycare. DD had the better job and better benefits, so she was the one to work. It was tough on SIL, becasue there really is no support for SAHD's and both heard a lot of ridicule. No one would have questioned it if DD wanted to stay home with her DD.

AH and I decided that I would offer to provide care for the little one because we could see that if SIL was home much longer, it would have been even harder to explain to an employer, as a two year employment gap for a man is not as acceptable as the same time frame for a woman, even for the same reason.

Shame on those women who are afraid of people whose family decisions differ from their own.

 

[auntpolly]

OK, devil's advocated here. Are these people your friends? If not, I'd just find another group with people who think more like I do. If this is as it seems, there are some pretty unreasonable women in that group and if you aren't close to them to begin with, blow them off!

But if they are your friends, you could try to work with them for change. If I quit every group that I ever disagreed with I wouldn't have belonged to anything. Sometimes people, even friends, even I (I know it's hard to believe! ) do very dumb things and you know, we just do we're human.

Unless there is something very specific that they haven't spelled out in the newsletter (something bad happened but they aren't saying) then I agree, it's not right. But I still wouldn't assume that the entire group is a bunch of idiots that you need to run from.

 

[TinkInPink]

I'd leave BUT first a few things.... How did she get to be leader did she start it, so her group her rules, or are you really an organized group with rules, elections etc. If you are a group what about calling for a vote or finding out how it was decided. Do most agree with this idea or are a very few unhappy and maybe they should leave. If they are a few of you who are unhappy start your own group I mean who wants to socialize with such close minded righteous people or have your impressionable children around them. Go to the next group and find out, then leave after everyone knows why and announcing a new group.

 

[auntpolly]

I'd leave BUT first a few things.... How did she get to be leader did she start it, so her group her rules, or are you really an organized group with rules, elections etc. If you are a group what about calling for a vote or finding out how it was decided. Do most agree with this idea or are a very few unhappy and maybe they should leave. If they are a few of you who are unhappy start your own group I mean who wants to socialize with such close minded righteous people or have your impressionable children around them. Go to the next group and find out, then leave after everyone knows why and announcing a new group.

Good advice. Maybe it was just 1 or 2 people's knee jerk reaction to something and they need to be reminded that they don't control the universe.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I guess it's better than having the kids bond and then kick them out of the group. Air out the idiocy ahead of time, I say.