s/o: How were you punished as a child?

[Lassie Lynne]

I was a child of the 70's and corporal punishment was the norm at our house. It was just me growing up, raised by my grandparents. Although I wasn't a bad child by any means, my grandmother had a few too unrealistic ideas about children. For instance, I would get spankings for spilling my juice, milk, etc. A few years later, the doctor figured out I was near-sighted and was having double vision....hence why I was spilling things.

I was spanked with a very heavy ping-pong paddle. When we cleaned out my grandmother's house when I was 19, I found it and have kept it all of the years, knowing it would never hurt me again and a reminder to myself about trying to keep my temper cool.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Spanked with a hand and with a leather belt. Had marks all over my legs to prove it, and my sister had some light scars.

Had TV removed. Doesn't sound too bad but we had a small house and the TV could be heard in every room. So, you were sent to your room but the TV was kept on. You could hear it but not see it. So, you were not allowed to know what was going on. (But we did.) If you were caught laughing at a sit-com, there was hell to pay.

Cleaning was a punishment. When I got into really, really bad trouble, I was made to clean a closet. I despise cleaning to this day and can break into tears while doing it for no reason.

Being grounded meant no TV, no movies, no dessert, no friends could call, and you were confined to the bedroom. No books, either. These were handed out in one-week increments.

If you didn't eat your vegetables, you were spoon fed them by dad and forced to eat them. When I chucked up some asparagus, I had to re-eat them.

I'm sure there are more. I wasn't that bad of a kid, I was just raised in the 70's.

 

[hereyago]

My BigMama (grandmom) forced us to go get our own switches from outside the thinner the better.

I grew up in the 70's.
I had a Bigmama too. And yes, the switch and don't be funny and bring back a twig. I had my mouth washed out with soap, by Bigmama-I didn't know that word I called my aunt was bad, I was like 5. she was fast and dragged me up the concrete steps to the bathroom before anyone could get to her, they were all screaming she doesn't know what it means.

A flyswatter-either end whichever was near me-DM did this and didn't stop and my bigmama forbade her to ever touch me again. and kept the flyswatter hung up as a guilt trip for DM.



My DF-he was in the military and didn't play. but I recall only a few spankings and couple belts from him, then there was the "LOOK". You know that look, the if you even think about doing something stupid, you are going to get it look. and it worked for me. I recall paddles being in the schools, but I was more afraid of DF finding out if I had the paddle then the paddle itself. and i never got the paddle because of it.

 

[J3nn78]

When I was young-under 9 or 10 I would get an occasional spanking or sent to my room
As I got older it was grounding and loss of privileges. I did have to eat soap one time for swearing-never did that again.

I do not feel spanking is abuse, but I do believe there is a very fine line that could be easily crossed. As a parent, I have given the occasional spanking, but it is NOT my first choice of punishment, usually a last resort.

 

[bellebud]

my mom would threaten us w/ "the stick" (a wooden spoon)... we never got hit w/ it though... she'd just yell "I'm gonna get the stick!!" and we'd run. My brothers were afraid of my dad I'm sure... I do remember him threatening us w/ "the belt", but again, I don't think it was ever used. I even think he was half joking, because he'd make it a circle and snap it really loud to scare us. His loud voice was enough.

I was born in 68, so a child of the 70's. I'm sure my mom swatted our butts when we were toddlers, but I honestly don't remember any "real" punishments. Just yelling. The only thing that we did "bad" was sibling fighting (mainly my older brother beating me up because I probably mouthed off to him). My younger brother and I never really fought.

My mom was easy - thank goodness. If we didn't want dinner - fine - grab a bowl of cheerios or make a sandwich. We always did our chores, which weren't over the top. We didn't have a super strict bedtime, and except the days my dad was home (Sundays), all friends were allowed over (we usually played outside, but our yard was the neighborhood yard). My parents weren't involved w/ our schoolwork in any way (except we got a dollar for each A on report cards). I always got A's because my friends and I did our homework, my brothers got C's and could care less. Typical of the 70's and schooling, I think.

I do remember one night my older brother and I got locked out of the house (summertime) because my dad said "if you're not in by x'oclock, I'm locking the door". We slept in a friends livingroom that night (when we finally went inside way after midnight - it was freedom!). I think we were 10 and 12ish. My parents had no idea where we were - I'm guessing my dad was using "natural consequences"... we lived in a very safe development and whole area, so there were probably no thoughts of kidnapping, etc.

Very different times... but I am glad I had lenient parents in some ways, but probably could have used a little more guidance here and there. It all balances out I guess. I became very independent at a young age because I was allowed to make my own decisions for practically everything.

My mom was also great in my teen years - I could call her ANY time of the night (or early morning many times) and she'd come pick me and my friends up from wherever we were. She didn't want us driving w/ anyone drinking, and she'd come right away w/ a smile on her face, and I never got a lecture or in trouble at all. She was very glad I called her. And I always did. And I always told her exactly where I was going and w/ who, because it was my choice and she trusted me. It was a very good teen/parent relationship.

 

[Magpie]

I think Magpie and I were raised by the same mother. My parents yelled til they were blue in the face, and my mother called me horrible names. The yelling is still the talk of my friends and we're in our 40s! We got spanked with the belt, sometimes the soft end, sometimes the buckle. My mother bought wooden paddles and used wooden spoons or spatulas. She broke a wooden paddle on my sister once. My mother was famous for her windmill slaps. She'd chase you around the room with her arms swinging, slapping all over the face, head and shoulders. She tried to pull that one on me when I was in my 20s and I raised my hand back and told her to just try it. That was the end of that.

And oh, the shame and guilt! According to her, my sister and I were the cause of every single one of her health problems and would be the cause of her death too. My sister was stupid and lazy, and I was a lazy.... um, tramp (that was one of the nicer terms).

Her idea of "play" was to give us "indian burns" on our arms (where you grab the arm with both hands and twist the hands in different directions -- OUCH!), or she'd hold her hand over our mouths and noses til we panicked from not being able to breathe. I remember once thinking I was going to die because she sat on my chest and wouldn't get up (she weighed 300 some pounds).

Good times.

My mom wasn't as bad as yours. But, HER mother was. My mother has a deviated septum, from her nose getting broken, if that gives you any idea. Her parents were so bad, my mother actually looks different from the other kids in her class pictures. She looks pinched and too old for her years.

The thing is, I really can forgive my mother a lot, because I know she was doing her darndest to be a good mother and she loved me fiercely (sometimes a bit too heavy on the "fierce" part, though).

Her mother used to call her terrible names ("slut" was a milder one - and what kind of 6yo is a slut???). My mother called me names, too, but she only called me names that had some relation to my actual behaviour. "Sneak, and thief, and liar," mostly. I don't think it was right, but I can see how she thought she was being kind!

Also, I was a tough kid, in a lot of ways. First I got really good at tuning my mother out and ignoring her when she screamed at me. And then I got viciously good at digging the knife in and twisting it with just a sentence or a word or the tone of my voice. I hurt her bad, and I knew I was doing it. I walked out as soon as I could.

There's still a lot of pain between us, but as she ages, I'm slowly discovering the woman she was before she became my mom. And I think I could have liked that girl. I think if I'd known her when she was 20, we could have been friends.

It's funny though... She was telling me recently that she used to cry, asking herself what I ever did to deserve her as a mother. And then she looked at me and said, "But I must have done better than I thought I did, because you're amazing, Magpie. Just look how you've turned out. I'm a great mom!"

I kept my mouth shut, and just said, "I love you, too."

I was born in the late 60s.

Mainly we received natural consequences. You left a library book outside and it was ruined in the rain? You have to pay for it out of your allowance. You didn't wash the dishes? Everyone else'll sit down to eat, and you can't eat 'til you finish that chore. You went to school without feeding the dog, leaving mom to do that chore? Since she did your chore, you now have to do hers after school -- and you can bet hers will be a whole lot more time-consuming. You didn't turn in your homework? Obviously you aren't responsible enough to do your homework on your own, so you'll be sitting at the table doing it in front of mom.

We were never "reasoned with" or given useless time-outs. I was grounded once, and I think my mom realized that it didn't make me sorry for what I'd done. I don't think our parents ever took anything away from us as a punishment. We were just told what we had to do to make up for our lax behavior; thus, we learned that rules are in place for a reason, that other people are affected by our actions, and consequences are a sure thing.

For really bad misbehavior, we were spanked. Without exception, every time I was spanked, I knew full well that I deserved it. This was a rare thing; we were pretty good kids.

I've treated my kids the same way, and I had the same results. They're good kids and rarely require discipline.

This is exactly how I'm bringing up my kids now! I adore natural consequences!

My other favorite response is, "What do YOU think the consequence should be? What will help you remember not to do this again?" My kids usually come up with tougher punishments for themselves, than I ever would.

 

[Melmac]

I grew up in the 80s and 90s.

I don't remember any spankings although my mom did say she spanked us when we were younger (hand only, over clothes).

My mom's choice of punishment was grounding. I was typically a good kid but was notoriously late for curfew. I was grounded a lot and tardiness was always good for 1 week in the house, no phone, no friends. My mom used to take the TV away as punishment until she realized that I don't really like TV anyway. Then she took my weekly library trip away - that hurt. I needed to reread what I had at home

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

Child of the 90's. I was spanked a few times mostly for lying or locking myself in the bathroom and using my mothers lipstick as "crayons" on the back of the door XD

I took my mother's lipsticks and held them against the radiator to watch them melt down! I didn't get spanked for it, but I'd say I deserved it!

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

After reading this thread I called my parents to ask how they were punished/disciplined in the 70s and they both said they were hit with a belt! Not bare-bottom but hard enough to hurt and leave red welts! I had no idea, they never said anything about this before. Well I guess the topic just never came up. But wow belt spankings are/were common!

 

[yellowlabforever]

Child of the 90s, I was only spanked a few times (mostly because I was a good kid). I got grounded once for spilling water on the keyboard when I was eating/drinking by the computer when my parents specifically told me not to. My parents would send my sister and I outdoors for the day occasionally, and we weren't allowed back in until a parent said we could go back in, which was usually around 2-3 hours...

I also remember one time cheating on a test in 4th grade. I felt so bad about it that I told my parents, they didn't punish me because they knew that the (policy required) F I'd get on the retest was terrible for a kid like me (a straight-A aiming perfectionist). I also had to tell my teacher, which was the worst part. Needless to say, I never cheated on a test again.

 

[RunDanceSkate]

Laps, if I did something wrong my mom marched me out to the backyard and I did laps around until I was too tired to misbehave. Did really well in track and field as well as cross-country in high school.

Did the same thing with my kids, you would think that it would make them hate running instead they run marathons/half marathons now.

It was never done to an extreme.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

Child of the 90s,
I also remember one time cheating on a test in 4th grade. I felt so bad about it that I told my parents, they didn't punish me because they knew that the (policy required) F I'd get on the retest was terrible for a kid like me (a straight-A aiming perfectionist). I also had to tell my teacher, which was the worst part. Needless to say, I never cheated on a test again.

Oh god this thread is starting to bring back memories. I didn't cheat on a test but I got a couple of very low grades on my report card (5th or 6th grade I think) and I was scared to show my parents. So I didn't. I just held on to it and suffered through the weekend because I had to return the signed report card to school. I wasn't afraid of them spanking me or even screaming at me, but I knew they'd be very disappointed in me and it would show by sort of ignoring me for a few days after I finally told them. That silent treatment hurt worse than a spanking would have, I imagine. I vow never to give my child the silent treatment. That kind of temporary rejection goes right to the soul. Geez now I'm sad.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I got spanked a few times, but I would've much rather been spanked than suffer through my mother's lectures when I did something wrong. I had undiagnosed ADD as a kid and every 6 weeks I had to sit through about 3 hours worth of lecturing on what a miserable ungrateful child I was. I would've preferred being spanked with a belt. When my nephew was diagnosed as ADD the light dawned on my mother and I think she regrets it now, but at the time all she knew was that I was smart and that I was making D's and F's for daydreaming. She did her best.

Of course, I got off the easiest, I'm the baby of the family and by the time I came along my parents were too busy and too tired to do much and besides, for the most part they were pretty easy going. Don't want to eat what Mom cooked for supper, fine, you know where the PB&J are. Don't want to wear warm clothes to school, fine, shiver for a day. (We live in Louisiana. It never gets cold enough to endanger your health by dressing skimpily.)

Curfew was something that wild kids needed. If I was out past 2AM it was to a christian rock concert with my brother or out the church youth group kids doing something wild like extreme Trivial Pursuit, so as long as I always said where I was going, it was my problem if I had to guzzle a pot of hot coffee before going to school in order to stay awake.

I never doubted that my parents loved me though and were doing their best.

 

[nathalee81]

Child of the 80's here. I think I was spanked twice, maybe? Once was by my father and I think he cried afterwards. Needless to say, he never spanked me again. My mother mostly yelled and took things away from me (a trip to Chuck E Cheese, a doll I had just gotten was taken away, TV taken away, etc.). Occasionally, they sent me to my room.

I was a pretty good kid, though. I was an only child and loved to read-so most of the time my head was buried in a book and I didn't get into too much trouble. My main problem was that I was a slob! I didn't clean up my room, left my things all over the place and didn't do my chores. That is usually what got me into trouble.

My husband, however, another child of the 80's got whipped with a belt or "anything that was handy".

 

[cristit14]

Spanked from time to time, just with a hand. Dad would get the belt out but he never used it. Groundings, usually a look from Mom was enough to make me behave though. I do remember getting my mouth washed out with soap once too.

 

[FireDancer]

The punishment my brothers and I got depended on the circumstances of what we did, how many times we were warned, the degree, etc.

Sometimes we were sent to our rooms, sometimes grounded, sometimes we had something taken away, sometimes we were spanked with a hand, sometimes with a belt, sometimes with a paddle, sometimes with a wooden spoon (Sicilian born great grandma was the normal culprit there). If we talked back we were smacked (open handed) in the face, had our mouths washed out with soap, or had Tabasco sauce put on our tongues.

No matter which of the above punishments I or my brothers got we deserved them pretty much 100% of the time. We were pretty typical boys and did a lot of stuff we shouldn't have (a baseball bat went through a wall or two while playing ball in the house for example) and fought a lot like you'd expect with 3 of us all close in age. We were never abused and I would have no qualms using any of the punishments used on me on my own kids when they deserve them.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

You know, when I was in kindergarten the school decided there were too many kids in each grade or the teachers were over the legal limit or some such, so they created a new class out of kids from the other classes by lots, if I'm not mistaken, and I got picked.

There was one little boy in that class who was my first boyfriend, and he apparently got on the new teacher's last nerve. I remember distinctly that she washed his mouth out with soap one day (she soaped up a washcloth and ran it along his teeth and tongue) and taped his mouth shut another time (with a hole for him to drink morning milk out of) . .I also remember that even this little boy thought that she was great because she never paddled! (Mostly she made you stay in during recess and sit at a table where you could listen to the other kids playing.)

My how things have changed. She'd likely be arrested today.

 

[Kathi OD]

I grew up in the 50s & 60s.

We were hit (but not beaten) with bare hands, fly swatters, wooden spoons, and sometimes a copybook or our Catechism if we didn't know our homework or do it neatly enough. Of course, we then had to do it over again or study more. We were yelled at, grounded, made to write prayers from our Sunday Missals (there's that Catholic thing again), write "I will not....." hundreds of times, sent to bed early, made to sit at the table until we finished everything (although that stopped the night I threw up my mac&cheese with stewed tomatoes at the dinner table), and had things & privileges taken away. I guess, you name it, my mother did it. If we were too noisy on the stairs, we'd have to go up and down them 20 times quietly. Same thing with the door. If we slammed it, open and close it 20 times quietly.

Sounds pretty abusive, doesn't it? (and to think I was the "good" child!), but I don't really think it was. My sisters and I could be quite mischievous and usually deserved some kind of punishment. I never ever felt that my parents didn't love me or my sisters. We had many, many more happy times than times when my parents felt the necessity to punish us.

 

[mommasita]

I debated posting this, but will shed some light.

I was born in 69, and was abused, as was my sister. She is permanently handicapped due to my father throwing her over the stairs, and not allowing her to go to the ER. The bone set, and it was years of pin surgery, which never totally corrected it, alas she is wheelchair bound, and can use a cane at times. She has not contacted any of us in 5 years, and won't ever allow me or my mother or my kids to call her. We have no idea where she lives. That would be my mother or my husband and my kids. She had stopped seeing my Dad WAY before that. THis is killing my mother daily, and I am the one trying to pick up the loose ends.

Sadly, nobody really knows how damaging it is to that child on the video, others it is happening to, until they do grow up, and maybe by then it is too late.



In one instance we were playing backgammon and I used my hands instead of the shaker, and my father punched me right out, bang. Now, he was 6 foot 4, and I was 11, so not even 5 feet or 100 pds. My mother was at church, so my sister picked me up and brought me there. We never came home. I have had 2 plastic surgeries to fix burn marks on my face, and that was the 3rd time he broke my nose. Not much was done, albeit my mother tried like crazy at the police station, and they told her "mam it is your word against his, how do I know YOU did not do this". And that began MANY years of court proceedings, and nothing really was done. If I brought home anything under a 90, I was beat raw. There was also emotional abuse, and that I can remember more clearly. He never believed I was his, so he took things out on me more than my sister. He was also the world's best sneak. So nice and to everyone. Work loved him, the hockey world loved him, and little did they know he was living a double life.

Had we not left that night, I don't think either one of us would have lived much longer. I had to hide for 6 months, as he threatened to kill me on the street waiting for the school bus, so I did not finish grade 6 with my friends.

Today, I have a sort of relationship with my father. I see him, and I forgive him. I will NEVER forget. He was/is an alcoholic and was on cocaine all the time. He had me roll his lines for him, and I was about 5 or 6. I thought I was helping Daddy.

I have a different view because of this. And it changed who I was, as to who I am today. It took years to trusts anyone, in lieu of the Judge basically laughing, and many more things. I still have trust issues.

I know I will never do anything close to this to my children. They are my world. They will be 12 and 15, and I can stand looking at that sleep, thinking how could ANYONE do anything to a child like I had, or on those tapes. SICK SICK SICK. I will always stand by that, and I am thankful that more is being done today than in the 70's.

I am not a perfect mother, and yes I want my children to be my friend, not their BEST FRIEND, but a friend. I want them to have the comfort of knowing I will always be there, I might be angry at something or a test they did not try hard enough for, but there is NO beating or abusive anything in this household. I do and have punished. In no way do I want them to fear me.

 

[disfan07]

I was raised in the 90s but I was never spanked, hit or anything like that. All natural consequences or time-outs.

My dad went to 12 years of Catholic school in NY during the 50s-60s. He said that Catholic school was the worst thing that ever happened to him and that was the one significant reason for how he decided to raise us. and one of the things he swore was to never ever lay a hand on his children.

He has especially bad kness from being made to get on his knees when punished in school.

Luckily, his parents didnt discipline the same way they did at school but school scared him so badly that I can't imagine what it would have been like if his parents had punished him like that at home.

He is 60 and still cringes anytime he sees a parent be physical with their child in public. He doesnt understand how a parent thinks its okay to do that.