S/O: Differences in age for dating/marriage????

[Gumbo4x4]

No, they have the same taste in music. He just doesn't feel the need to do that (clubs and bars) anymore. And he feels that his wife, A WIFE, doesn't have any business in places "like that." Sometimes we don't even dance. We just sit and hang out. He doesn't even want to do that.

It's been 6-7 years of this now. She has basically given in and just doesn't go out with the girls or with him much at all. She says she's miserable yet she stays. I stay out of it.

Bummer, yeah probably best to stay out of it

 

[Shmily1]

XDH was 6 years older than I was-that was awful. Favorite XBF was 15 years older. DH is 21 years older. We've been together for 24 years and married almost 21. I can't see myself with anyone my age or even close. Our age difference bothers him more than it does me because he thinks we got cheated. He didn't get to meet me until he was older and with most circumstances will be leaving here before me so we won't be together forever. I just try not to think about that part.

 

[tvguy]

A co-worker didn't get married until he was 44, (he is 59 now) and his wife is 13 years younger. He says that isn't an issue. Their kids are age 9-14, and he is a coach on their sports teams and has discovered he is OLDER than his kids teammates GRANDPARENTS! THAT, he says, has been troubling.

 

[morgan98]

My husband is 11 years older than I am. He is 57, I am 46. We have been together for almost 13 years and married for 8. To be honest, my husband and I are a great match. We have many similar interests and enjoy our time together. He is very fit and active and does not act old at all. He is a bit of a workout and health nut, so luckily we have not had many health issues yet.

Again, I really think it is all about the two people involved in the relationship and many of the differences people are discussing, in some cases, sound like different interests, more than just age differences. I mean I never went out "clubbing" so to speak at any age, really, so I do not consider that an age factor. When people meet us and get to know us they see that we just "fit."

I realize the fact that he is older may mean I am alone in my old age. However, I really try not to dwell on that. My aunt married a man 6 years younger than her who died of pancreatic cancer at 56. You just never know.

 

[Vijoge]

XDH was 6 years older than I was-that was awful. Favorite XBF was 15 years older. DH is 21 years older. We've been together for 24 years and married almost 21. I can't see myself with anyone my age or even close. Our age difference bothers him more than it does me because he thinks we got cheated. He didn't get to meet me until he was older and with most circumstances will be leaving here before me so we won't be together forever. I just try not to think about that part.

DH and I attended the premarital counselling that was required in our Church before marriage. Our priest said he had counselled many, many engaged couples but had never counselled any two people who were more suited to each other than we were. His only advice was to do all the things we wanted to do as soon as we could because we probably wouldn't be spending our retirement together. We've been married 21 fun filled years, and we've always kept that in mind. We've made a conscious effort not to take ourselves, or anything else too seriously. We don't sweat the small stuff, and most of it really is small stuff. Honestly, if it ended tomorrow we'd both agree we wouldn't change the last 20 years for anything. But we don't dwell on that either.

 

[Colleen27]

No, they have the same taste in music. He just doesn't feel the need to do that (clubs and bars) anymore. And he feels that his wife, A WIFE, doesn't have any business in places "like that." Sometimes we don't even dance. We just sit and hang out. He doesn't even want to do that.

It's been 6-7 years of this now. She has basically given in and just doesn't go out with the girls or with him much at all. She says she's miserable yet she stays. I stay out of it.

Yeah, that definitely sounds like a guy who thinks of clubs/bars as a "meat market" rather than a place people go just for the sake of music/dancing/drinks. He doesn't feel any need to go because he's not looking to hook up, and on some level he probably thinks that if his wife is going there she's either already looking for something she's not getting at home or could be convinced to do so by guys who are there for the same reasons he went to clubs when he was younger.

You're wise to stay out of it. Trust issues are a mess.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Yeah, that definitely sounds like a guy who thinks of clubs/bars as a "meat market" rather than a place people go just for the sake of music/dancing/drinks. He doesn't feel any need to go because he's not looking to hook up, and on some level he probably thinks that if his wife is going there she's either already looking for something she's not getting at home or could be convinced to do so by guys who are there for the same reasons he went to clubs when he was younger.

You're wise to stay out of it. Trust issues are a mess.

100% right. You said it much better than I could.

 

[cats mom]

The largest difference I know of on a personal level is 17 years. They were 46 and 29 when they got married (husband older, wife younger). I've always thought of the wife as an old soul, and she has health issues that will likely lead to a shorter than average life span, so maybe she won't be left alone as long as might be expected given their ages. I admit I was a bit surprised about the age difference at first, but they both seem very happy together, so I'm happy for them too.

 

[ronandannette]

A co-worker didn't get married until he was 44, (he is 59 now) and his wife is 13 years younger. He says that isn't an issue. Their kids are age 9-14, and he is a coach on their sports teams and has discovered he is OLDER than his kids teammates GRANDPARENTS! THAT, he says, has been troubling.

It was tough for my DH while our DS was younger; we naturally ended up socializing with a lot of families that had kids DS's age. I was slightly older than most of the moms but DH was waaay older than most of the dads. The guys he would have liked to be spending time with had grandkids and were headed toward retirement. Now that DS isn't a factor anymore it's more awkward for me. We spend a lot of time with guys DH's age and the wives are a lot older than I am. We all get along fine and enjoy each other's company but it's never been a "perfect fit" and likely never will.

 

[tvguy]

It was tough for my DH while our DS was younger; we naturally ended up socializing with a lot of families that had kids DS's age. I was slightly older than most of the moms but DH was waaay older than most of the dads. The guys he would have liked to be spending time with had grandkids and were headed toward retirement. Now that DS isn't a factor anymore it's more awkward for me. We spend a lot of time with guys DH's age and the wives are a lot older than I am. We all get along fine and enjoy each other's company but it's never been a "perfect fit" and likely never will.

My mom was 34 and my dad 47 when I was born, and the people they socialized with were older than my dad, who had kids much younger than my dad did. So I was always the only child there.