Ruined Christmas Surprises

[BLAZEY]

I work at an office and many of us just use the office as our shipping address. We just pile packages on the desk of the recipient. The a/p lady had 4 come today!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I must say, I don't "get" people opening boxes (or other mail) addressed to someone else in the house. I know every family is different, but that would really, really bug me. There are very, very few things that can't wait long enough for the addressee to get home, or at least send a text saying go ahead and open it. Even if I were to use the wrong Amazon account, say, and have something shipped to DH, I wouldn't open it without communicating with him, or waiting until he got home. I won't even throw out other people's junk mail--boy, will DD21 be surprised when she finds the pile when she comes home at Christmas!

I'm not trying to criticize people who do things differently, but I know I'd be really peeved on that one issue, and that might color how I view the OP's family and what went down. It might also explain why other people on this thread say, NBD--we do this all the time.

Well.....in all honesty it sounds a bit like you are criticizing people who do that. It's one thing to say in my household we don't open packages because you're sharing how things work for your family. It's another to say You say you don't "get" people who do that and that there are very very few things that can't wait til a person gets homes...

Like I said in my case I have my permission from my husband and I don't need to ask him each and every time a package comes that's in his name. If he doesn't want me do he will tell me to. I don't throw out my husband's junk mail (though he's told me plenty of times before to just toss it he doesn't care) nor do I open his mail. I only do that for packages because like I said it's usually for the household.

I just mentioned this topic to my husband a bit ago and he's like "uhh honey why would I care? Open it if you want or don't open it if you want I don't care". Really it's to each their own. My response to the previous poster was because it's not taboo to open up a package with your spouse's name on it. That just depends on each household and their dynamics and the item itself (i.e. like a gift for your spouse you likely wouldn't want them opening it up).

 

[mom2rtk]

I must say, I don't "get" people opening boxes (or other mail) addressed to someone else in the house. I know every family is different, but that would really, really bug me. There are very, very few things that can't wait long enough for the addressee to get home, or at least send a text saying go ahead and open it. Even if I were to use the wrong Amazon account, say, and have something shipped to DH, I wouldn't open it without communicating with him, or waiting until he got home. I won't even throw out other people's junk mail--boy, will DD21 be surprised when she finds the pile when she comes home at Christmas!

I'm not trying to criticize people who do things differently, but I know I'd be really peeved on that one issue, and that might color how I view the OP's family and what went down. It might also explain why other people on this thread say, NBD--we do this all the time.

We're the same. You only open what is addressed to you.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I must say, I don't "get" people opening boxes (or other mail) addressed to someone else in the house. I know every family is different, but that would really, really bug me. There are very, very few things that can't wait long enough for the addressee to get home, or at least send a text saying go ahead and open it. Even if I were to use the wrong Amazon account, say, and have something shipped to DH, I wouldn't open it without communicating with him, or waiting until he got home. I won't even throw out other people's junk mail--boy, will DD21 be surprised when she finds the pile when she comes home at Christmas!

I'm not trying to criticize people who do things differently, but I know I'd be really peeved on that one issue, and that might color how I view the OP's family and what went down. It might also explain why other people on this thread say, NBD--we do this all the time.

I open all mail in the house. It stemmed from a time my husband just ignored his mail for awhile. While ignoring the mail as a young male adult, he never opened his loan docs to pay his last semester of school, and never reupped the paperwork, and thus had 24 hours to pay for the semester out-of-pocket, or be forced to skip the semester. We had gotten married 2 weeks before and I took all my summer earnings ($8K) and paid his tuition that day so he would not be unenrolled. From that day forward, he told me to open everything always...he had no time for mail...and I do...

 

[LJSquishy]

I understand your frustration in the ruined surprise -- seeing someone's reaction to a gift is the best part, especially if it was a complete surprise to them.

He's obviously old enough to know that the phone was his Christmas gift and it was supposed to be under the tree...just tell him precisely that and that there won't be other gifts for him to open on Christmas day. He will understand. Don't feel obligated to spend even more money in order to have extra gifts for him under the tree.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I open all mail in the house. It stemmed from a time my husband just ignored his mail for awhile. While ignoring the mail as a young male adult, he never opened his loan docs to pay his last semester of school, and never reupped the paperwork, and thus had 24 hours to pay for the semester out-of-pocket, or be forced to skip the semester. We had gotten married 2 weeks before and I took all my summer earnings ($8K) and paid his tuition that day so he would not be unenrolled. From that day forward, he told me to open everything always...he had no time for mail...and I do...

My sister-in-law had something like that happen to her when she was in college 30 mins away from her house.

She didn't get her mail often and her mom didn't open her mail for her and just left it in a pile so she could get it when she came home. Well her mother told her she had something from the DMV but sister-in-law forgot about it.

Turns out it was a notice saying her license was suspended for failure to pay a speeding ticket. She didn't look at that notice until 3 months after it had been sent so she was driving around with a suspended license.

Now because of that she gave permission to her mom to open any mail that comes to her house that does not look like junk mail. Even though sister-in-law is out of college she still uses her mom's address as per main/permanant one.

 

[mom2rtk]

My sister-in-law had something like that happen to her when she was in college 30 mins away from her house.

She didn't get her mail often and her mom didn't open her mail for her and just left it in a pile so she could get it when she came home. Well her mother told her she had something from the DMV but sister-in-law forgot about it.

Turns out it was a notice saying her license was suspended for failure to pay a speeding ticket. She didn't look at that notice until 3 months after it had been sent so she was driving around with a suspended license.

Now because of that she gave permission to her mom to open any mail that comes to her house that does not look like junk mail. Even though sister-in-law is out of college she still uses her mom's address as per main/permanant one.

Hmmm. And I thought her next step would be to have her mail sent to where she lives so she could open it herself.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Hmmm. And I thought her next step would be to have her mail sent to where she lives so she could open it herself.

Me too. She lived in apartments and moved every year or so. It was more of a hassle.

If you change your address with the DMV then you have to either pay a fee to have it changed physically which means a new card or bring a piece of paper with you at all times reflecting your new address changed with the DMV (that is free however);ETA: if you change your address when your DL is up for renewal there is no additional fee it's just if you want a new card before your license renews you would have to pay the fee). I didn't agree with it but she also had her address for auto insurance (though not renters) as her parent's rather than Downtown KC, MO because the rates would have been astronomical compared to her parent's house.

She actually is moving into her grandmother's house (grandma passed away almost two years ago) in a week so I would think she would finally change the address for all things (bank account, DMV, work mail, auto/renter's insurance, etc) since she plans on staying there for quite some time (or should be given the amount of $$ spent on refinishing the wood floors, painting, new tile in master bath, kitchen upgrades which will happen within the next 6 or so months, that have been done to prepare her to move in).

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, I totally get you wanting him to be surprised for Christmas. At this point I'd just get him some necessities like razors, shaving cream, boxers, socks etc and wrap those up so he has something to open. I know he's an adult but isn't there a saying that everyone's a kid on Christmas

 

[QueenIsabella]

Well.....in all honesty it sounds a bit like you are criticizing people who do that. It's one thing to say in my household we don't open packages because you're sharing how things work for your family. It's another to say You say you don't "get" people who do that and that there are very very few things that can't wait til a person gets homes...

Like I said in my case I have my permission from my husband and I don't need to ask him each and every time a package comes that's in his name. If he doesn't want me do he will tell me to. I don't throw out my husband's junk mail (though he's told me plenty of times before to just toss it he doesn't care) nor do I open his mail. I only do that for packages because like I said it's usually for the household.

I just mentioned this topic to my husband a bit ago and he's like "uhh honey why would I care? Open it if you want or don't open it if you want I don't care". Really it's to each their own. My response to the previous poster was because it's not taboo to open up a package with your spouse's name on it. That just depends on each household and their dynamics and the item itself (i.e. like a gift for your spouse you likely wouldn't want them opening it up).

If you have a system that works for your household, that's fine with me. We just don't do that here, in our house. Even if something important-looking arrived for DD21 (currently on a different continent), I would text her and wait for her reply before I opened it. I also don't check my DH's phone, ever, or read his emails, even though we have a shared account. In the case of the OP, she made it clear that packages shouldn't be opened, except by her. I can understand why she's miffed. I don't think it's cause to start World War 3 with her spouse or anything, but I understand where she's coming from.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If you have a system that works for your household, that's fine with me. We just don't do that here, in our house. Even if something important-looking arrived for DD21 (currently on a different continent), I would text her and wait for her reply before I opened it. I also don't check my DH's phone, ever, or read his emails, even though we have a shared account. In the case of the OP, she made it clear that packages shouldn't be opened, except by her. I can understand why she's miffed. I don't think it's cause to start World War 3 with her spouse or anything, but I understand where she's coming from.

I certaintly don't look through my husband's phone or e-mails or whatnot even if I have access to it no way on that. Like I said it's for packages only. I wouldn't start WWIII either. I'm totally understanding of the OP. Like I said multiple times the OP said don't open packages period..so that's how it should have been but I also mentioned earlier in regards to what the husband's thoughtprocess might have been.

I think the thing is you need to have expectations set up with whoever is in your household. If your expectation is "don't open any mail period that includes packages under any circumstance" then that's how it should be. However, if your expectation is "don't care if you open the package unless I tell you not to" then that's how it should be. It doesn't make it wrong either way the important thing is open communication with following along with what was agreed upon.

 

[morgan98]

I am in the camp that while your husband probably misunderstood you, I do not think this is as big of a deal as you are making it out to be. If I am following correctly, he is 22 years old and you have already paid for several things for him as part of Christmas. He is old enough to understand the phone is part of Christmas too.

If you have spent your budget on things he needs/wanted, but he happens to have received them before the holiday, I do not think you need to spend even more just so he has something under the tree. I understand different people have different expectations when it comes to Christmas, but it sounds like you have been generous enough already.

ETA: I am not trying to sound like a meanie, just a realist...LOL!

 

[klacey1]

OP, I would be miffed too. Sounds like you communicated clearly and were ignored. I love seeing people open their gifts, and I would be upset too. I hope venting here helps get out some of that frustration!

I did want to say, I've never heard of wrapping empty boxes to open on Christmas! Does the recipient know in advance that those boxes will be empty?! Otherwise it seems that it would just get their hopes up that they're actually getting more presents. I've just honestly never heard of this tradition before and am a bit mystified by it!

 

[TwoMisfits]

OP, I would be miffed too. Sounds like you communicated clearly and were ignored. I love seeing people open their gifts, and I would be upset too. I hope venting here helps get out some of that frustration!

I did want to say, I've never heard of wrapping empty boxes to open on Christmas! Does the recipient know in advance that those boxes will be empty?! Otherwise it seems that it would just get their hopes up that they're actually getting more presents. I've just honestly never heard of this tradition before and am a bit mystified by it!

Yes, they know - just like my oldest (a teen) knows she's getting a PS4 and it may or may not be given early (depending if dad sets it up) and then she would just open an empty box as her only "mom/dad" gift on Christmas (Santa would still bring a few little wrapped things b/c we have believers) - she had to know she was getting it b/c her birthday is also in December and I wasn't buying the games she wanted (when she was already getting the system), so she had to put them on a wish list for her grandparents/aunts/uncles...it would have sucked for her not to know to ask for them or not b/c then she'd have to wait 12 months for another chance to ask...so, she knows her big gift and is very excited whether she gets it early or waits (and that's all up to hubby b/c he's in charge of install)...it's her dream Christmas and ruined nothing for her...once they know, they are just so thankful when they know an expensive gift is gotten for them when mom and dad don't have a lot of money...

 

[QueenIsabella]

I'd never heard of wrapping empty boxes, either. If it were me, I would get a few things that he could actually use, like socks, underwear, deodorant etc., and wrap those up so he had something under the tree, without his mom completely blowing her budget out of the water.

 

[afan]

As someone with a birthday in May, which means Jan - May is bday, June - Dec is xmas presents, I have spent 20 years getting tires, a car repair, work on my house, my dog's surgery, etc as my gift for one or the other. It's never bothered me. I still get a stocking and normally a few small presents my mom, stepdad or the dogs got me. They never wrapped an empty box, and honestly, that would have irritated me more than having fewer presents to open. I knew I had gotten my gift already so it was about watching others open their gifts. I understand the thought behind wrapping an empty box but I don't think it's necessary. I also don't think it's necessary to get him anything more, especially if the budget you had set for his presents is already gone.

 

[disneychrista]

Wrap a box with a PHOTO of the phone. I have had to do that a couple times. It is not as exciting as GETTING the phone for Christmas but at least he will have something to open on Christmas.

 

[Dinohood]

wow op I would mad I think you and our husband need to work on talking to one another and lets get real most people who buy gifts on black friday are buying christmas gifts. Maybe you should have a new rule every package you get during the month of November and December are gifts for christmas and do not touch if they get open just start saying merry christmas hope you love your new gift.

 

[gottalovepluto]

Wrap a box with a PHOTO of the phone. I have had to do that a couple times. It is not as exciting as GETTING the phone for Christmas but at least he will have something to open on Christmas.

ROFL! We do that too! Stuff doesn't arrive on time or isn't available yet... once what I thought had to be a jewelry piece one year turned out to be the next season of Downton Abbey via a little cut out photo! I would NEVER have guessed that one!

 

[klacey1]

Wrap a box with a PHOTO of the phone. I have had to do that a couple times. It is not as exciting as GETTING the phone for Christmas but at least he will have something to open on Christmas.

ROFL! We do that too! Stuff doesn't arrive on time or isn't available yet... once what I thought had to be a jewelry piece one year turned out to be the next season of Downton Abbey via a little cut out photo! I would NEVER have guessed that one!

Lol, see this I totally understand! Wrapping a pic of a gift that didn't come on time but will be there soon--totally makes sense. The recipient would still get that element of surprise and look forward to actually receiving the gift.
I just still can't wrap my head around unwrapping an empty box with a pic of something I already received, or doing that to a kid. I think it's fine to give Christmas gifts early or for kids to know exactly what they're getting if that works for your family. No judgment, I just can't imagine having any excitement or joy over unwrapping an empty box if I know it's going to be empty. But hey, whatever works for individual families!