Ruined Christmas Surprises

[TwoMisfits]

No it was $199 with 2 year contract or $650 without contract. Plus an upgrade charge.

Punishment? Where did that come from? Budget has been expended.

If you've bought him all that stuff, I'm sure he will be fine with getting boxes with notes (you can add clothes boxes, shoe boxes, etc) - he's an adult and understands costs. I wouldn't feel the need to blow the budget by adding on gift cards...not if you don't have the budget...

 

[focusondisney]

I'm confused. Was the package addressed to you? Why would your husband have known what was in it to give to your son? We're married 38 years & my husband doesn't open mail/ packages addressed to me. Did you ask him to open it & see what it was? Sounds like he thought you wanted son to have it right away if it couldn't wait for you to get home & open it yourself.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

This was really the only gift I planned for him to open. I already gave him the reimbursement for the tow and tire. I guess now I will give him an Amazon gift card. There are no other presents planned. He recently moved back home and hasn't moved all his stuff from the other state. (He was living with his bio dad where he was working and intially planned on going back, so he didn't bring everything. He actually only came back for a week to house/dog sit while the rest of us went on vacation. *per my request for him to house/dog sit). I recently also bought him new clothes, socks, underwear, and gear he needed for his new job here, which is why he wasn't getting a lot to begin with.

He's an adult. He should understand all of this and it shouldn't be an issue. I can see a young child being upset, but my 13 year old would be ok with this. A grown man should be.

 

[pens4821]

Your son needed a phone, and you got him one for Christmas. Who cares when it was given to him? Why make him suffer through the cracked phone more, just so he can open it Christmas day? I'm sure your son was thrilled in the gift, and that should make you happy.

 

[focusondisney]

Your son needed a phone, and you got him one for Christmas. Who cares when it was given to him? Why make him suffer through the cracked phone more, just so he can open it Christmas day? I'm sure your son was thrilled in the gift, and that should make you happy.

Yea, I can see giving it to him early. But I would have wanted to be there when he received it. So even if they were giving it right away, husband should have waited til OP was there so they could give it together. If OP asked husband to open package & "see if it's the phone for son". Then I can see husband thinking she wanted it given to son. Otherwise why the need to find out what was in the package right away before she got home.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

I would be upset at the DH because it seems that you made it very clear to him that the phone was for Christmas. As for your son, I agree with others. He is not a little kid, but an adult and should be fine with realizing that this was his gift. If you just want him to have something to open on Christmas morning with everyone else, then I would write him a letter. A heartfelt note would be a nice compliment to all of the great gifts that he had already received.

 

[scrapquitler]

Just posted before I head to work because I am so still so mad. Preface: every year it seems like someone opens a package from the mail or goes snooping for presents. This year I made it VERY clear to everyone not to open any packages and put all packages in my room when they arrive.

Black Friday I saw the Google Pixel phone on sale. DS2 is eligible for an upgrade and has cracks in phone. Talked to dH and we agree to get him this phone FOR CHRISTMAS. I ordered it, followed the tracking but Fed-Ex didn't arrive before I had to take DD to cheer. Called DS3 when he got home from school and he confirmed the package arrived and put it on my bedroom dresser. I asked who the package was from and DS3 says Fed-ex. I say no silly, what company? He says he doesn't know. So I was laughing about that with DH and certain it was the phone. When DH gets home from work he confirms it's DS2 phone. Okay no problem. I am wrapping things as they come in and DS3 already put the phone in my bedroom where DS2 never goes.

I walk in from cheer practice and DS2 is in the kitchen programming the phone!!!!! I was like... how the freak did he get the phone? He says dad gave it to him. I ask my DH and he says "well didn't you order the phone because his phone has cracks in it?" I said YES, but it was suppose to be a CHRISTMAS GIFT which means you DON'T GIVE IT TO HIM UNTIL CHRISTMAS! DH was just like "sorry, I didn't know you didn't want me to give it to him." REALLY, I AM FUMING AT THIS POINT! How many times have I told EVERYONE in this house NOT to open any packages and put them up. Why the heck would I order a phone on Black Friday when I was ordering all the other Christmas presents to give to him right away. DH says, well you said it was on sale, so I thought you ordered it for him because it was on sale, I didn't know you wanted it to be a Christmas present.

So it's hard enough to buy for DS2. I just paid for his motorcycle tow and new tire and told him that was part of his Christmas. He wants motorcycle wind pants I planned on buying but giving to him to use once his bike is repaired because he needs them in the morning as he drives to work at 5AM when it's cold. I had nothing else on my list to give to him!!!! And I am already over budget on presents.

Ugh.... I am still fuming. Why does every year something I order, someone ruins. DH is the worst. I can be talking to him about a birthday surprise gift for my daughter and said I am thinking about getting "A" or "B", which one do you think I should get. He answers but later that night driving to cheer he asks her "mom was looking at A or B, which one do you want?" She comes home and says she prefers "A". I was so mad because I wanted to surprise her, not give her a choice. He was like "oh I didn't know" then too.

I swear at this freaking point I need a PO Box and storage container and to just not involve DH at all.

Off to work.

I can see your husband's perspective.

So just tell your DS2 "that's your Christmas present" and wrap up the empty box for him to open on Christmas morning, it's not like he's 5 and won't understand.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP I'm sorry the surprise got ruined.

Depending on severity of the crack I would have either given the gift early but made it clear it was for Christmas or wanted to have waited til Christmas regardless of wanting to surprise or not. It's a practical thing in my mind if the crack was bad enough.

I understand though how you feel. My husband can be a bit dense sometimes. It boils down to active vs passive listening in our case which may not be what it is in your case. Active listening for your scenario would have been no packages opened period the reasoning behind that request wouldn't matter and if he had questions about why asking you in private would have been a solution. Passive listening would have been "oh it's ___'s new phone I'll go and give it to him now because he needs it as his current phone is cracked".

I don't think your husband meant anything by it same as with your scenario with your daughter and the A and B choices. Seems to me he just doesn't understand the importance of not spoiling surprises because maybe in his mind it isn't a surprise like it is for you. He may be looking at it from a standpoint of what his children may want (a new phone when it arrives versus waiting weeks to open it as a gift, or getting the item your daughter may truly want versus what you both thinks she may want).

It might be time for a heart to heart conversation with your husband on why it upsets you when the surprises are ruined by him and explaining what you mean by a suprise. Yes your husband is an adult but we are all capable of misunderstandings.

Either way what's done is done have a talk tonight and try not to stew today and let it get to you.

 

[southerngrce]

Your son needed a phone, and you got him one for Christmas. Who cares when it was given to him? Why make him suffer through the cracked phone more, just so he can open it Christmas day? I'm sure your son was thrilled in the gift, and that should make you happy.

It wasnt a need. His little half-sister in the other state cracked it about 9 months ago. We kept telling him he should have his bio-dad pay for it since she broke it. He choose not to fix or replace it. It was a lower end LG phone. If it was a need, he would have replaced it himself instead of buying new guns, video games or tool, etc. DS job there paid over $20 an hour (welding) so he had the money at the time. It was something I decided to do as a present.

DH knew it was his phone in the box because we agreed together to buy it for my son for Christmas. When I was leaving for cheer practice I called DH and told him Fed-Ex truck stopped 3 houses down but skipped us so DS phone must be on the evening truck. The last phone we ordered required signature. I was sure to select no signature required and had been following the tracking and told DH the tracking had it on a truck out for delivery.

I was joking to DH when the box came and I asked the 14 year old who it was from he said it was from fed-ex. I asked, no the company and he said didnt know. I told DH I specifically I had 14 year old put it away in my room on the dresser. I knew it was Verizon but I guess the label didn't make it obvious. So when DH got home he saw the box was on my dresser and texted me "yep, it's the phone" which I already knew. Why DH took it off my dresser to give to him I have no idea.

All packages come in my name. I have said over and over for everyone to stop opening them. Even during non'holiday seasons someone is always opening a package.

I have spent time researching Post Office boxes. The one closest to my house has aweful hours that I can only make if I am off work on a weekday, no weekends. There is one just past my work (opposite ditection ftom home) that seems like it will work better. I am going there after work to confirm hours accessible and if a larger package if the pick-up hours change. I am done having things shipped to my house.

We don't have any relatives in this state and I always hate to inconvenience the one friend I would use her address, plus her home is in an area (15 minutes from me) where packages have been stolen from the doorsteps, so my packages would be unattended at her door for several hours. I have put bikes or large presents in her garage in the past. I order online quite often.

 

[Allison]

Hopefully, you can blow off steam and let this go. It doesn't need to be a big issue. It doesn't appear than anyone had any bad intentions. He is an adult and will understand he has his present already.

Sorry it didn't go as you planned.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I feel your pain OP.

I have never given my kids any gifts early. Christmas is on Christmas. I don't want it to feel like a December spend fest of I want this and that and then Christmas morning is just blah because everyone already has their gifts.

I also like to do surprises. To me that's the fun part about Christmas. My kids give me a list but I always try to get them something they "want" but know is "impossible" or "too expensive" just so I can see that look of surprise on their face.

This is the first year I have or am giving gifts early. I bought DS a Lebron jersey and his father took him to a Sixers/Cavs game Sunday so I gave him the jersey early. I told him that's one less gift and he understood. DD wants a hamster and I've decided to take her Christmas Eve to pick out her own hamster.

I still have a few things up my sleeve for surprise gifts but I would be upset if there was going to be nothing under the tree for that person Christmas morning.

 

[sk!mom]

Honestly I haven't hidden gifts since my kids were 12 or so. They are in a pile in one corner of my room until I wrap them. My philosophy is that if you snoop, you ruin your Christmas surprises not mine. By 12 (probably long before), my kids usually knew what they were getting. It only takes a few years of getting whatever you need/want to sort that truth out.

My one exception, if I manage to come up with a truly unexpected idea then I hide it. Like when Ipods were first "a thing' but no one DS (then a teen) knew had one and I surprised him with one, or when we decided to go ahead and get DD (then 13) an iphone.

Op, your son is an adult. I would do as someone else suggested. Wrap the phone box with his favorite candy. Wrap a photo of his motorcycle with a themed tshirt (or something else small) that he would enjoy. If the budget is done then the budget is done.

As far as your frustrating family (really just your DH), he can't keep a secret- accept, release, and move on. I would be upset that he opened it and gave it to him but it's water under the bridge now.

 

[littlezar]

My 21 yr old already got 2 of his gifts (3DS XL and Pokemon game because he ended up with mono and after he got out of the hospital we brought him home from his school which is 4 hours away for a week.) I told him it was for Christmas and he asked if I wanted the empty boxes back to wrap up! Yep!

 

[wenrob]

I feel your pain OP.

I have never given my kids any gifts early. Christmas is on Christmas. I don't want it to feel like a December spend fest of I want this and that and then Christmas morning is just blah because everyone already has their gifts.

I also like to do surprises. To me that's the fun part about Christmas. My kids give me a list but I always try to get them something they "want" but know is "impossible" or "too expensive" just so I can see that look of surprise on their face.

This is the first year I have or am giving gifts early. I bought DS a Lebron jersey and his father took him to a Sixers/Cavs game Sunday so I gave him the jersey early. I told him that's one less gift and he understood. DD wants a hamster and I've decided to take her Christmas Eve to pick out her own hamster.

I still have a few things up my sleeve for surprise gifts but I would be upset if there was going to be nothing under the tree for that person Christmas morning.

This is me as well. MY Christmas is seeing the looks on faces when gifts are opened, even my adult DD. My mom (and now my sister does it with her kids) was always "this is your Christmas" as she was buying things in front of me. I HATED it. I understand that surprises aren't how everyone rolls but I can certainly emphasize with the OP. This isn't just about her son not having something to open, it takes away from her Christmas as well. Add the feeling of not being heard, yeah, I'd be upset. I'm sure I as well as OP will/would get over it but it doesn't mean the feelings are invalid.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

This is me as well. MY Christmas is seeing the looks on faces when gifts are opened, even my adult DD. My mom (and now my sister does it with her kids) was always "this is your Christmas" as she was buying things in front of me. I HATED it. I understand that surprises aren't how everyone rolls but I can certainly emphasize with the OP. This isn't just about her son not having something to open, it takes away from her Christmas as well. Add the feeling of not being heard, yeah, I'd be upset. I'm sure I as well as OP will/would get over it but it doesn't mean the feelings are invalid.

I know people who do this but it doesn't work for me. If that's the case, I'll take you shopping in January when the crowds are super low and we can hit some good sales.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My mom (and now my sister does it with her kids) was always "this is your Christmas" as she was buying things in front of me. I HATED it.

At least when it came to clothes my mom and I for a few years when I was a tween/teen we would go shopping and those would be my christmas gifts. However, she would wrap them up and give to me for christmas. While I remembered nearly everything I had picked up a few things I didn't so they became a surprise to me lol.

 

[Iowajes]

I'm on the wrap the empty box train. That way Christmas morning he is reminded he already got the gift. It's a good tangible "yep, I got a present", as opposed to having to think "a month ago they got me a present".

I'm confused why your husband opens boxes addressed to you, though I wouldn't be so angry about this. It's not worth it. It's not a very young child where Christmas is still 'magic'.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm confused why your husband opens boxes addressed to you

To be fair I open packages all the time that come to our house. Doesn't matter if it's my name or my husband's...many times it's things for the household. We buy a lot of stuff through Amazon prime. I'm the one with the prime account but you can have it addressed to anyone. My husband's info including CC information is saved so during the checkout process if he's doing it then he will select the pre-saved information that has his name on it along with his CC information so the package will be addressed to him. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to open the package since I have his permisson to do so and he can open packages in my name as well.

That being said if I purchased something online for him I tell him not to open such and such package and he'll do the same for me.

In this case the OP gave instructions not to open the package so really it shouldn't have been opened period. However, as a generality it's not a big deal at all at least in our household to open up a package not addressed to you.

 

[MomToOne]

I understand your frustration completely!!! DD16 is a snooper, has been for many years. And there are just times where she is home alone so she has the freedom to snoop. It got so bad I actually put a motion sensor alarm in the room where I keep the presents and programmed it to just text me when it triggers. The FIRST DAY I had it active, it fired less than 2 minutes after DD got home from school (disarming our general home alarm also sends a text to me so I know when she gets home). At least when I immediately called her and asked just what the heck she was doing in the room she's been told in no uncertain terms to stay out of, she knew the jig was up.

It's just so disappointing to take all that time to plan out a great surprise just to have it ruined. And when you aren't even there to see them excited for it! Yes, it's a life lesson for them and all when they then get no more gifts (if you choose to go that route). But still EXTREMELY disappointing for you!! You are allowed to be ticked - there's nothing wrong with that emotion. It's not like you are beating your husband in response you are just venting on a message board!

ETA: You don't necessarily need to rent a PO Box - FedEx and UPS both allow you to reroute many packages to FedEx/UPS stores for pickup at no charge. Not all packages can be - the shipper can disable that option - but many can be. I use that option for packages where DD could figure out a surprise just from looking at the box sometimes! But I'm lucky in that I have both FedEx and UPS stores within just a few miles of my house; I know everyone isn't so lucky.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I must say, I don't "get" people opening boxes (or other mail) addressed to someone else in the house. I know every family is different, but that would really, really bug me. There are very, very few things that can't wait long enough for the addressee to get home, or at least send a text saying go ahead and open it. Even if I were to use the wrong Amazon account, say, and have something shipped to DH, I wouldn't open it without communicating with him, or waiting until he got home. I won't even throw out other people's junk mail--boy, will DD21 be surprised when she finds the pile when she comes home at Christmas!

I'm not trying to criticize people who do things differently, but I know I'd be really peeved on that one issue, and that might color how I view the OP's family and what went down. It might also explain why other people on this thread say, NBD--we do this all the time.