Rude Host or Rude Guest?

[jtnsami]

I'm with you on this one. A child's health comes first.

 

[ducklite]

Maybe she is used to central air? Maybe she wasn't feeling well to begin with and the heat added to her illness?

Bottom line, the inconsiderate host and hostess used an AC in their room, but would not allow the AC to be on in order to cool their guests.

The way she explains it, the central air was on, set to 80, which IMHO is just not that hot, and the hosts had an additional window a/c unit in the master bedroom.

I do agree that the BIL should have turned it down a bit, but I don't think it was unreasonably hot to begin with. I"ll be honest, there's no way I'd turn my A/C down to 70 for a guest--that's absolutely freezing to me. I would turn it down to 78, maybe 77, but no lower. And if they wanted to go to a hotel I would understand. I've gone to a hotel when my hosts had a home with the A/c set to 68--which to me is a freezer.

Anne

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

This gave me flashbacks to 3rd grade, when I spent the night at my cousins' apartment. It was in the winter (in NJ), but the apartment was heated by radiators that never seemed to work right. It was SO hot, and steamy, even with open windows, and I was absolutely miserable. It was one of the few times in my life I ever threw up...and I did it on my cousin's Raggedy Ann doll. (She still brings this up to me 40 years later. ) But I absolutely can understand feeling ill from the heat, especially if you're just so uncomfortable and you can't get away from it, and you start to get anxious about it, and you just feel worse and worse. I sympathize with your daughter, whole-heartedly.

Guests come first. Their first concern should be seeing to your comfort. If you or they are too cold, put on a blanket. But it's hard to get away from being too hot.

 

[hentob]

I've gone to a hotel when my hosts had a home with the A/c set to 68--which to me is a freezer.

Ahhh--Just the temp I like it at

Seriously, if they were at work during the day, who cares if they had it at 68 degrees? It seems like it was a money/control (hence the "You will NOT go to a hotel--Stay here and sweat" attitude) issue.

OP--I agree--When (if) you visit again, it would be wise to stay at a hotel. The strangers there will be better hosts

 

[pearlieq]

My A/C is always set between 70 and 80. I don't think it's hot at all.

I'm not sure how your daughter was so hot that she was nauseus and dizzy in 80 degree temps.

Fine for you, maybe, but I would have been miserable and DH wouldn't have even lasted an hour. I think that's kind of the point--the host wasn't thinking at all about what their guests would have liked. They refused to see past their own preferences.

I can totally see being nauseated and dizzy--you sweat for long enough and you get dehydrated. It sounds like a horrid experience. I'm with the taxi group--we would have been outta there!

 

[Philadisney]

The way she explains it, the central air was on, set to 80, which IMHO is just not that hot, and the hosts had an additional window a/c unit in the master bedroom.

I do agree that the BIL should have turned it down a bit, but I don't think it was unreasonably hot to begin with. I"ll be honest, there's no way I'd turn my A/C down to 70 for a guest--that's absolutely freezing to me. I would turn it down to 78, maybe 77, but no lower. And if they wanted to go to a hotel I would understand. I've gone to a hotel when my hosts had a home with the A/c set to 68--which to me is a freezer.

Anne

i am one of those people that is ALWAYS cold. i don't turn my AC on for anything less than 80 degrees. 68 degrees would be a freezer to me too.
my boyfriend is from the midwest and is used to the cold, and has not had a good time adjusting to the heat here. he gets uncomfortable in anything over 70 degrees.
so when he is here i put on the AC. because i can throw on some slippers and grab a blanket if i get chilly. what's he going to do if he's swealtering, take his skin off?

 

[pearlieq]

The way she explains it, the central air was on, set to 80, which IMHO is just not that hot, and the hosts had an additional window a/c unit in the master bedroom.

I do agree that the BIL should have turned it down a bit, but I don't think it was unreasonably hot to begin with. I"ll be honest, there's no way I'd turn my A/C down to 70 for a guest--that's absolutely freezing to me. I would turn it down to 78, maybe 77, but no lower. And if they wanted to go to a hotel I would understand. I've gone to a hotel when my hosts had a home with the A/c set to 68--which to me is a freezer.

I'm sure the bedroom doors would have been closed--both the master bed and the guest bed, so the host's window AC would have been of no help to the guests. We would never leave bedroom doors open with guests.

The fact that the hosts had a window AC indicated that even THEY found it unacceptable to sleep at 80 degrees. Why they didn't feel their guests weren't entitled to the same comfort is beyond me. To a great deal of people, an 80 degree indoor temperature is unacceptable. Heck, we don't go above 72!

Being cold is not the same as being too hot. You can always put on a sweater and grab more blankets if you're cold. Once you're naked, there's not much else you can do to cool down!

 

[disykat]

I"ll be honest, there's no way I'd turn my A/C down to 70 for a guest--that's absolutely freezing to me.
Anne

But at least you wouldn't be turning on your own private unit to make yourself comfortable and leaving your guests to suffer. It's reasonable to have your house comfortable for you, but that wasn't the case in the OP. They had their own unit so they could be comfortable, but left their guests at a what they admittedly felt was an uncomfortable temperature.

 

[va32h]

The way she explains it, the central air was on, set to 80, which IMHO is just not that hot, and the hosts had an additional window a/c unit in the master bedroom.

The thermostat was set at 80, which means the air conditioning would only come on if the temperature was more than 80.

And obviously, 80 degrees can be too hot or just right depending on the individual person.

BUT, it wasn't really a question of comfort levels - because BIL goes to an office where someone else pays for the AC to be on all day. So it isn't as though he actually thinks 80 degrees is comfortable. He would just rather be hot than pay for AC.

And since he doesn't mind being hot, he doesn't think anyone else should mind being hot either. That's what I thought was rude.

 

[agnes!]

The important thing is this whole situation is this:

What was the hosts'(BIL & SIL) bedroom temp set at?
Well, whatever overnight temperature was in the room with the A/C unit, I'm *SURE* it was cooler than the rest of the house.
(And I think that the bedroom door was probably kept shut to keep all that nice cooooool air in that particular room!)
Therefore, *that* bedroom temp is what the ENTIRE house should have been set at while other people were sleeping elsewhere in the building.
The guests should have been at *least* as comfortable as the hosts.

The refusal to arrange alternate accomdations strikes me as a teensy bit odd.

I would have called a cab during the day & gone to a nice air-conditioned movie theatre or museum .

agnes!

 

[daisyduck123]

I would have been out of there the first day that my sister left us alone & went to work. Why should you stay there all day in the heat if she's at work anyway? (And the hotel probably has a pool). I learned a long time ago to speak up for myself & don't let somebody take advantage of me just for the sake of not hurting their feelings or anything like that.

I would've called a cab & said "See ya sis".

 

[Beth76]

The way she explains it, the central air was on, set to 80, which IMHO is just not that hot, and the hosts had an additional window a/c unit in the master bedroom.

Who are you to say what temperature someone is comfortable in? You live in Florida don't you? I would imagine that 80 wouldn't seem that hot to you. It's not to me either--if I'm outside. But a house set at 80 is HOT--to me anyway. And obviously to the OP and her kids.

I agree with (most) everyone that they should have allowed you to turn the temp down during the day while you were there. They should have also compromised with the temp. during the evening. They were completely out of line to demand that you suffer in the heat whether it was refusing to cool the house or refusing to let you leave. I would not be returning to that house.

 

[va32h]

The refusal to arrange alternate accomdations strikes me as a teensy bit odd.

Well this is probably my fault. My sister thought I was exaggerating the level of our discomfort - I should have been more firm about insisting we go to a hotel. But have you ever known a person who makes such a fuss about things that sometimes it is just easier to let them have their way, because it's just too draining to argue with them? My sister is like that. (and apparently, she thinks her husband is like that!)

I was concerned about my daughter feeling sick, and so was my sister. After that night, she did let us keep the AC on during the day. But as I said, as soon as BIL came home in the evening, the thermostat went right back up (which was still quite hot, as overnight lows in LV were 77-80).

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I don't know why we're debating the actual temps and what is hot to some and not to others...the point is they weren't very gracious hosts to not oblige a small request from family they had as houseguests. It's not like you were asking them to install new ac units in every room or asking for an addition be built onto the house. Comfortable temperature was all you were asking for. If money was the issue I would have thrown $50 at the BIL and turned the AC down to 74 myself. If they had a problem with that then I would be calling a cab and getting outta there! Just my honest opinion.

 

[kimmikayb]

Let me join in on the 80 is way too hot to be comfortable group. Hate to say it, but often our AC is set at.....are you ready for this.....64. I have a freakish hatred of heat. I can't stand it. Either can DH. I do admit, when my sister and her family or my parents come over we have it warmer. If you and your kids were that uncomfortable....I think it's up to the host to try and help.

I won't spend much time at my parent's house because it is so hot. My dad wants it to be about 82. Blah!

 

[daisyduck123]

Hate to say it, but often our AC is set at.....are you ready for this.....64.

 

[ducklite]

But at least you wouldn't be turning on your own private unit to make yourself comfortable and leaving your guests to suffer. It's reasonable to have your house comfortable for you, but that wasn't the case in the OP. They had their own unit so they could be comfortable, but left their guests at a what they admittedly felt was an uncomfortable temperature.

I absolutely agree with this point. Although I want to point out that in my house, my bedroom is always cool while my sons room is always hot. It's the way the sun hits it during the day, and it never seems to get "cold" in his room, even at night.

Our thermostat is nearer to my room. So it's possible they've got a similar situation. His room is always 10 degrees warmer than mine, even with central a/c, and a good five degrees warmler than the rest of the house. If theylve got a similar issue I can understand the window unit.

Anne

 

[ducklite]

Who are you to say what temperature someone is comfortable in? You live in Florida don't you? I would imagine that 80 wouldn't seem that hot to you. It's not to me either--if I'm outside. But a house set at 80 is HOT--to me anyway. And obviously to the OP and her kids.

I keep my home the same temp here that I did in NJ.

And BTW--the OP also comes from a warm weather climate--Texas.

Anne

 

[momrek06]

OP: Really now what exactly would the additional cost have been to allow the A/C on for 24/7 while you and your fam visited your sis??? Probably a few more dollars but nothing that would have put them in bankruptcy!!

My fam went to Vegas June 2004 and let me tell you it was 104 during the day...yup, you could have fried an egg on the sidewalk. We were miserable walking around during the day and even the pools (@ RIO) were like bath water...not the least bit refreshing. I feel sorry you had to endure all that when you were suppose to be on vacation.

YUP, next time sis wants you to come and visit...call and make a ressie at a local hotel. If she really wants to spend time with you, she can leave her DH at their "HOT HOUSE" and you all can enjoy yourselves in the cool comfort of that local hotel.

Bottomline: You were NOT rude at all and DEFINITELY not rude to want to take your fam and head for that hotel. BIL needs a book on how to be a "HOST".

 

[LadyBears]

Let me join in on the 80 is way too hot to be comfortable group. Hate to say it, but often our AC is set at.....are you ready for this.....64. I have a freakish hatred of heat. I can't stand it. Either can DH. I do admit, when my sister and her family or my parents come over we have it warmer. If you and your kids were that uncomfortable....I think it's up to the host to try and help.

I won't spend much time at my parent's house because it is so hot. My dad wants it to be about 82. Blah!

I thought it was just me! Ok - so I'm not THAT bad, but still, we have the AC set for 68. We have the kind that will turn on automatically if the temperature rises above that. There is a HUGE difference between 68 & 71 degrees. The AC is usually off if we're not home during the day. HOWEVER, if it is a day that is above 85 outside, we will leave the AC on in the bedroom set at 70-something so the dogs will be cooler. I know how I feel when I'm hot & am wearing minimal clothing. The poor dogs can't take off their fur coats or jump into a cold shower on their own!

For the record, during the winter, the max we turn the heat up to is 76. My thermometer has never had the needle put over 80 (I wouldn't want to see the gas bill for that!)

The OP wasn't asking the BIL to turn the AC down to 50!! He could have still put it to 75 & that would have made a huge difference!