Rough week ahead for my DD (and all of us, too)

[Claudia1]

Monday, 12/9 is our DD's birthday. Sunday, 12/8, is the "anniversary" of her DD's conception. As your may recall, is was a result of a crime. Not a forced rape but a rape of her mind, soul, and heart.

She is adamant that she doesn't want to celebrate her birthday in any way. (Yes, she has received and is still receiving counseling, so we are not going this alone.) I have tried to encourage her to use this date as a way of closing tha book on the bad things but taking the good things with her into the next year (her precious DD, etc...) With her processing skills, it is very, very diffucult. Even though we have always raised her as a low-functioning LD student, she is more appropriately labelled as very mildly mentally impaired. (We have taken the different approach to help the schools educate her and not just to settle for a limited education. However, we must always keep her processing skills in mind when guiding her through life.)

As her parents, we want her to at least survive the day, if not even enjoy her presents. We are not sure at this time what we will be doing for her. We have given several options but she is stressed about it all. She just doesn't know how to "move on".

She attended a church drama team meeting with me a couple of months ago and knew that we were looking for a baby to be baby Jesus in our 12/8 evening cantanta. She really, really wanted her baby to be Jesus and the rest of the group were equally excited. So, our DD will be a "stage mom" on that horrible anniversary date and I think that it will give her something positive & exciting to focus upon.

It is really hard to believe that one year has passed................!

 

[jldriscoll]

{{{hugs}}} Claudia, now words of wisdom here I'm afraid. Take care. Your daughter has quite a support base in you and your family.

 

[Spinning]

I wish I could offer words too. I remember when you posted about her pregnancy and it broke my heart.
It may just be too soon. Some time a year feels like forever and at the same time it is a just a blink. So I would give her the space and time she needs.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[ennazus]

{{{hugs}}}

 

[browneyes]

Hopefully, this will be the toughest anniversary for your dd. {{hugs}}

 

[newmousecateer]

{{HUGS}} to all of you Claudia.

 

[mamajoan]

God Bless you and your family Claudia.. special prayers for them.

I think the Christmas play being on her birthday will help her negotiate the day with some distraction being forward in her mind. It will be hard to let her set aside her birthday if she so chooses but there will be another to celebrate next year. Hopefully she will continue to heal over time.
Joan

 

[Serena]

Claudia, {{{hugs}}}}

Let me know if there is anyway I can help or do something, or even just listen.

 

[Jeafl]

I'm so sorry, Claudia. Hopefully the play will give your daughter something positive to focus on. I'm sure somehow you'll all find the strength to get through this--you've done a wonderful job so far.

 

[JerseyJanice]

The Christmas play sounds like a wonderful idea.

{{{hugs}}} to you all.

 

[Cindy B]

The Christmas play sounds like a great idea, and a fantastic way to get her mind off of other things.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Maybe you could celebrate on a different day. Would that make a difference to her? Just a thought. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all.

 

[dizneenut]

I'm sorry, Claudia.
Prayers & {{{hugs}}} heading your way.

 

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} I'll be praying for her and your family as you go through this difficult time.

 

[Claudia1]

Yes, MarryPoppins, we have offered to do it on a different day. She still gets upset.

We still have a few days to work on it. Thanks everybody for the support!

 

[C.Ann]

With such a loving, supportive family, I just know that she'll get through all of this and go on to live a very happy life..

You're wonderful parents!!!

 

[robinb]

First of all, {{hugs}}.

It sounds a little like you are the one who would like to put it all behind you. I know what you really want is to help your DD heal, but that may not be in the cards yet. Maybe you should respect her wishes on the matter and not celebrate her birthday. It's very common for rape victims to never put what happened behind them and to never "move on". My best friend staffs a rape crisis line and most of her calls are from rape survivors, some of them "regular callers" and many of them call years after the rape. Your own DD may not be ready now or even ready ever .

If you really, really want to celebrate her BD, perhaps you should talk to your DD's therapist and see what s/he thinks about it. You could also play things by ear and have presents and a small cake ready in case she asks.