Robin Williams has passed away...

[cabanafrau]

It really depends. My sister has been battling depression for 8 years and uses it to get what she wants. She doesn't want to get better. When she is baker acted she manipulated the entire floor and laughed about it when she came home. She is refusing long term resort care (a very nice place that has a spa, activities ....). My sister doesn't want to get better because the situation works for her in a weird way. Not only has put herself in a prison, but she has put her entire family in it with her. That is selfish.

I have friends that have dealt with a relative taking their own life and leaving strange or nasty letters. The friends have had to deal with the death and letters left behind, that is selfish of the dead person to do that.

I had to let my sister go because I can no longer take the 2 am, 4 am constant phone calls because my own health started to suffer.

I know my sister will take her life and will not be here in a few years.

Dealing with a loved one with mental illness can take an extreme toll. One of the cruelties of mental illness is that frequently the ill will do everything in their power to cling to certain thoughts, behaviors, etc., which are obstacles to any hope of cure or improvement -- which they ironically on some level desparately do want to get better. It's similar to the way addicts will stoop to almost any level to keep using (and in fact may be linked). This explains why many chronically homeless remain so. Many of our homelesss are mentally ill & in order to avoid strictures of treatment, no matter how benign some of those strictures may in fact be, they wind up in a situation where they prefer living on the street to accepting any of the disciplines of treatment.

While your sister may indeed be manipulating in order to protect the way things are, try to remember she's in all likelihood not doing it on the level of consciousness you perceive. It's a trap, a trap of heartache and misery that she doesn't understand she's creating on many levels. I wish you, your sister and family the very best and I hope somehow she will receive treatment that enables her to live a happy, peaceful life, which I'm sure will provide tremendous peace to all of you who love her.

 

[heartsy77]

How about some compassion and sympathy. I know (I personally have been affected by suicide) it's heartbreaking for those left behind. The pain and suffering that these poor people are dealing with - where they feel that is the only way to bring relief and peace - I just can't imagine. How can you - or anyone who has not walked in their shoes, who don't know how they were suffering possibly be so heartless!

I loved my son as much as any mother ; I feel what he did was selfish and I have the right to feel this way. He left 3 siblings ages, 16, 13, and 5 ; this has forever changed the rest of my children's lives. I can't ever take that pain away and give them back their innocence.

I'm not even angry at this point; CJ has been gone for almost two years at this point. But as a mom of 4 children, 3 of which are still here and have to deal w/ his choice and actions, it wasn't fair to them or us for that matter! Unless your child had committed suicide, leaving a huge hole in your heart and unanswerable questions for your other three children, you have no idea how it feels to a mom dealing w/ the whole mess! Four out of five of us are anti-drepressants, we are all in counseling, all making day by day. I have compassion but: suicide is a selfish act IMHO and I doubt anything will ever change my mind!

 

[cabanafrau]

I loved my son as much as any mother ; I feel what he did was selfish and I have the right to feel this way. He left 3 siblings ages, 16, 13, and 5 ; this has forever changed the rest of my children's lives. I can't ever take that pain away and give them back their innocence.

I'm not even angry at this point; CJ has been gone for almost two years at this point. But as a mom of 4 children, 3 of which are still here and have to deal w/ his choice and actions, it wasn't fair to them or us for that matter! Unless your child had committed suicide, leaving a huge hole in your heart and unanswerable questions for your other three children, you have no idea how it feels to a mom dealing w/ the whole mess! Four out of five of us are anti-drepressants, we are all in counseling, all making day by day. I have compassion but: suicide is a selfish act IMHO and I doubt anything will ever change my mind!

I cannot even begin to imagine. I hope you all find more peace and healing every day.

 

[timsprincess]

Genie...you're free.

Robin -- may you find your peace and your Neverland. May you be free of the demons who haunted you on earth. We will miss you.

 

[Deb in IA]

I used to think that suicide was incredibly selfish as well, but with time, I see that it is much more complex.

Depression, at least to the point that it results in suicide, is NOT just feeling "down" or "blue", as what you would expect if you had a bad day at work, or got a speeding ticket on the way home. That is a typical response to an external event, and we all go through this.

But the type of depression that suicidal people have is much more than that. I am fortunate that I have never experienced it, but I have an idea what it must be like. It is internal thoughts and "voices", if you will, that plague you and hound you and won't leave you alone. Robin Williams himself talked about them, in his 2006 interview with Diane Sawyer after he went to rehab ("Just jump . . ."):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt53vViN-ZU

A lot has been written about why comedians, in particular, have such a propensity for depression. I think that it is because, in Robin Williams' case, he had such a fast, agile mind, that along with the funny stuff, it also went to some very dark places. And wouldn't stop.

And when those thoughts, those voices start, they don't stop. They tell you that you are no good. You are worthless. You are a waste. No one likes you.

Fame and fortune don't matter. Those thoughts tell you that you don't deserve all that. You are not that talented. You are a fraud, and someone will find out that.

Even the love of your friends and family can't always help you, because those voices tell you that you are a burden. Your family will be better off without you.

And when those thoughts, those voices hound you day after day, week after week, month after month, you just want them to stop. Just stop. And then you come to the conclusion that the only way to stop them, to make them go away is to just end it all . . .




I think that is what happened to Robin Williams. It may have started with his TV show "The Crazy Ones" being canceled, or related to financial problems (he recently put up a house for sale), or his reported relapse into alcohol again (he was spotted in Lindstrom, MN, near the Hazelden Addicition Center last month). Combined with his always-racing mind and his own demons and insecurities, the end was tragic.

 

[Christine43]

We all have pain, we are all sad sometimes, we all have bad days and want to give up. Take it from a Mom of a child who committed suicide : suicide hurts the people you leave behind more then you could ever imagine! Parents, siblings, grandparents, friends , cousins Aunts and Uncles are forever changed by a few seconds of selfishness. These are the real victims of suicide! Their lives go on wondering day to day. If you feel this way get help! Your family doesn't deserve this hell! #riprobin the National suicide prevention # 1-800-273-8255.

I lost my brother to suicide and I agree with everything you said with the exception of it being a selfish act. It may seem that way to some but I consider it a moment of sheer desperation and loss. They are not themselves when they take their own life. I am very sorry for your loss. My mother went through absolute agony when my brother died and so I can imagine the same for you. I hope you are doing well. I think of my brother every day, I understand your horrible loss, take care.

 

[Christine43]

I imagine Robin Williams and Jonathan Winters together again, improvising away in heaven . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDJjq0Pd0RM

Awesome

 

[Sandy51]

Awesome

That is hilarious! They were my favorite comedians.



Sandy

 

[Grmnshplvr]

2 days later and I'm still just so shocked.

While I have never lost someone very close to me to suicide my uncle did kill himself 4 years ago. Unfortunately he did it in a way that my 20 year old cousin was bound to find him. I wont go into details but it was horrendous. This was a man that I NEVER knew struggled with depression, his wife didn't either. No note. No answers. 4 years later and we still don't know any more now than we did then. He was a church going man, loved his wife and kids....no drug/alcohol problem that we knew of.

 

[FergieTCat]

I used to think that suicide was incredibly selfish as well, but with time, I see that it is much more complex.

Depression, at least to the point that it results in suicide, is NOT just feeling "down" or "blue", as what you would expect if you had a bad day at work, or got a speeding ticket on the way home. That is a typical response to an external event, and we all go through this.

But the type of depression that suicidal people have is much more than that. I am fortunate that I have never experienced it, but I have an idea what it must be like. It is internal thoughts and "voices", if you will, that plague you and hound you and won't leave you alone. Robin Williams himself talked about them, in his 2006 interview with Diane Sawyer after he went to rehab ("Just jump . . ."):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt53vViN-ZU

A lot has been written about why comedians, in particular, have such a propensity for depression. I think that it is because, in Robin Williams' case, he had such a fast, agile mind, that along with the funny stuff, it also went to some very dark places. And wouldn't stop.

And when those thoughts, those voices start, they don't stop. They tell you that you are no good. You are worthless. You are a waste. No one likes you.

Fame and fortune don't matter. Those thoughts tell you that you don't deserve all that. You are not that talented. You are a fraud, and someone will find out that.

Even the love of your friends and family can't always help you, because those voices tell you that you are a burden. Your family will be better off without you.

And when those thoughts, those voices hound you day after day, week after week, month after month, you just want them to stop. Just stop. And then you come to the conclusion that the only way to stop them, to make them go away is to just end it all . . .

I think that is what happened to Robin Williams. It may have started with his TV show "The Crazy Ones" being canceled, or related to financial problems (he recently put up a house for sale), or his reported relapse into alcohol again (he was spotted in Lindstrom, MN, near the Hazelden Addicition Center last month). Combined with his always-racing mind and his own demons and insecurities, the end was tragic.

Thank you for this explanation. It gives me something I can wrap my mind around.

Too bad you aren't on TV. Your words are more eloquent that some of the things the "pundits" have been spewing lately.

It's so sad that a man who could give so much joy to so many could not do the same for himself.

 

[heartsy77]

I lost my brother to suicide and I agree with everything you said with the exception of it being a selfish act. It may seem that way to some but I consider it a moment of sheer desperation and loss. They are not themselves when they take their own life. I am very sorry for your loss. My mother went through absolute agony when my brother died and so I can imagine the same for you. I hope you are doing well. I think of my brother every day, I understand your horrible loss, take care.

Thanks for thinking of me! It's ok that you don't agree w/ me 100%! I think we all have the right to have our own thoughts and feelings.
I think the reason I think my son was selfish is mostly because of the damage it has done to his siblings! My oldest daughter ( now 18) was his best friend it was like a double loss for her. She has suffered horribly since he died: severe depression, her own suicidal thoughts, and gained 50 + lbs. Thankfully she is on the other side of it and leaving for college Friday!

MY younger daughter will never forgive herself for not answering his call that am ( it was her 1st day of 8th grade and she had just got to school). She is 15 and 1/2 has quit counseling once already and had been cutting herself to deal w/ the pain. She is also improving with the help meds and we are in the process of getting her a new counselor!

My seven year old is for the most part unaffected at this point; but, who knows what will pop up in a few years.

Don't get me wrong : I loved my son he made me laugh every day! He watched the younger ones at night when his dad was at work and I was at nursing school! I just wish anyone thinking of committing suicide would stop and think of all the pain they are causing!

My bottom line is: tragedy and loss are bad enough for adults; but' it forever changes kids childhoods and that is simply tragic!

 

[skylizard]

May he finally rest in peace.


As for those saying suicide is selfish, I came across this quote yesterday on facebook which pretty much sums up my opinion on the matter:

"Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others."

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

.

 

[Robinrs]

We all have pain, we are all sad sometimes, we all have bad days and want to give up. Take it from a Mom of a child who committed suicide : suicide hurts the people you leave behind more then you could ever imagine! Parents, siblings, grandparents, friends , cousins Aunts and Uncles are forever changed by a few seconds of selfishness. These are the real victims of suicide! Their lives go on wondering day to day. If you feel this way get help! Your family doesn't deserve this hell! #riprobin the National suicide prevention # 1-800-273-8255.

I am so sorry

 

[Missy1961]

a great tribute to Robin Williams by the cast & audience of last night's performance of Aladdin on Broadway:

http://www.broadway.com/buzz/177085...-moving-tribute-to-film-genie-robin-williams/

 

[Robinrs]

I do understand what you're saying -- and most of the time I agree. I would only add that unless you've stood in the shoes of a family member of someone who has committed suicide, you really cannot judge them either.

Since my father committed suicide four months ago, my thoughts and feelings have been all over the place - truly. I knew he had struggles -- for many years. I spent my childhood fielding threats of suicide and feeling appointed to make sure I prevented it from happening. I also have incredible memories of his sense of humor, how I ALWAYS felt like the most precious thing in his life, and the pure joy I saw on his face every time he interacted with my children. My mind also wanders at times to the incredible mess he left in his wake -- legal, financial, emotional, etc.

I have felt deep sadness for him. I've felt an odd sense of relief on his behalf that at least he is no longer in pain. I've felt angry that he left us with all of this mess. I've felt sorry for myself that he's left me with this legacy. My heart has broken for my 9 yo son who only got one fishing trip with his grandfather and heard of his death while he was planning his second. And yes, I've felt that his act was selfish.

I feel like when I am my "best self" I am not angry. I don't feel that he was selfish. I think of the good times and pray that he is at peace. But I'm not always my best self.

So many sad stories...

I apologize if I missed any.

I agree that the people left are the ones who suffer the most. When I was 14 I remember hearing the song "Suicide Is Painless" and thought, that makes sense. My mother totally disagreed with me.

She told me something that affected me so deeply, she told me if I ever killed myself, it would KILL HER.

It was the only reason I didn't do it after my son died.


But I was NOT suffering from depression, I was in despair but mine was understandable. Those who are suffering from the affliction cannot just "get over it". I had to learn that from so many people I know who suffer from mental illness, including my ex.

Hugs to the survivors, because they are the ones who truly suffer the most.

 

[luvsJack]

Hugs to all that have had to deal with suicide in their lives. I can't imagine what that is like to live through.

I have never had anyone commit suicide but have had a loved one who tried. When her mother told her that she would be devastated and didn't know if she could have gone on without her, the girl simply said "At that moment, I thought that you would have been better off without me"

I wonder if that is not honestly how many of them feel at that point in time. That the world would honestly be a better place without them in it.

 

[Christine43]

Thanks for thinking of me! It's ok that you don't agree w/ me 100%! I think we all have the right to have our own thoughts and feelings.
I think the reason I think my son was selfish is mostly because of the damage it has done to his siblings! My oldest daughter ( now 18) was his best friend it was like a double loss for her. She has suffered horribly since he died: severe depression, her own suicidal thoughts, and gained 50 + lbs. Thankfully she is on the other side of it and leaving for college Friday!

MY younger daughter will never forgive herself for not answering his call that am ( it was her 1st day of 8th grade and she had just got to school). She is 15 and 1/2 has quit counseling once already and had been cutting herself to deal w/ the pain. She is also improving with the help meds and we are in the process of getting her a new counselor!

My seven year old is for the most part unaffected at this point; but, who knows what will pop up in a few years.

Don't get me wrong : I loved my son he made me laugh every day! He watched the younger ones at night when his dad was at work and I was at nursing school! I just wish anyone thinking of committing suicide would stop and think of all the pain they are causing!

My bottom line is: tragedy and loss are bad enough for adults; but' it forever changes kids childhoods and that is simply tragic!

I really am sorry to hear this and I understand where you're coming from but remember he had to have gotten to his very bottom to be even able to do it and there can't be any truly clear thinking at that point. It must be like a feeling like everyone will be better off without me, they're just not thinking clearly, they're unable to and that is the horror of the disease of depression. I am so, so sorry for what your family is going through and I know you love your son and it must be terrible for you every day. It does change the family but not always negatively. I actually think I become a much more compassionate person partially due to my brother's death but it took years to get there. I understand your younger daughter's feelings too because I had a similar situation with my brother and I'm still not quite over it but I've learned to process it. There is no way she could have known, it's okay. I hope with therapy all of you can start to live again. It doesn't go away, it incorporates itself into your life as with any death. But, with suicide there are all the what if I had done this or could it have been stopped but, believe me, that gets you nowhere. My brother died in 1985 so I've had a long time to philosophize about it. Please continue getting help for your girls and you and your husband. It will get better. Please take care of yourself. Hugs.

 

[Christine43]

http://http://youtu.be/GorgFtCqPEs

Well, that didn't work. I am terrible at this sort of thing but there is a wonderful video on Youtube and on Koko the gorilla's website of Robin meeting Koko and it is beautiful

 

[Christine43]

Hugs to all that have had to deal with suicide in their lives. I can't imagine what that is like to live through.

I have never had anyone commit suicide but have had a loved one who tried. When her mother told her that she would be devastated and didn't know if she could have gone on without her, the girl simply said "At that moment, I thought that you would have been better off without me"

I wonder if that is not honestly how many of them feel at that point in time. That the world would honestly be a better place without them in it.

Exactly, they are incapable of understanding the impact and they feel worthless. Thanks for the kind words.