Road side memorials for accident victims

[LindsayDunn228]

Great post Patty

 

[DawnCt1]

For those of you who don't like it, how do you feel about the memorials that were at the World Trade Center?
Or what about the ones at the Oklahoma City Federal building that was bombed? Those are still up. We saw them last year when we drove through OK city.
Or what about when a person is killed on a sidewalk and people bring stuffed animals and light those candles and leave them on the sidewalk?
Or when a celeb dies and they put flowers at their star in Hollywood?
Do those things bother you too? Or is it only the ones by the side of the road? I'm just asking. Don't get mad or nothin.

When celebs die, the flowers at the star are a very temporary thing, a day or two. With regard to the WTC and Oklahoma City, decisions were made my the community, the state, etc to erect a memorial. It is called a memorial and opened to the public. Road side memorials involve no consensus from the community or even the neighbors. They are erected often without consent of the property owner.

 

[pattyT]

it is MY OPINION
that you cannot even compare the WTC and OC situations to roadside memorials...
Well said Dawn....
Thank you Lindsay

 

[Tigger&Belle]

it is MY OPINION
that you cannot even compare the WTC and OC situations to roadside memorials...
Well said Dawn....
Thank you Lindsay

I think what Steph meant is that just because the magnitude is not present in the death of one or even several people, for that family or those friends the person who died is still precious and they are missed. Whether "just" one person died or thousands, each person is missed.

But I haven't had my coffee, so don't quote me.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I don't like it. Why do you need to mark where a person died due to an auto accident but not other deaths? Do you put up a memorial in a hospital room? The person is not there. They just died there. They have a burial spot (urn, grave, etc) and that is where you can put your flowers. Do they think it makes me drive better to see it? Nope and it never will. IMHO they should all be removed and not be allowed.

 

[puffkin]

You might not understand the need for them, but the people who are grieving do.

My 17 year old brother was killed in a single car accident 3 1/2 years ago. He was speeding, lost control on a curve and lost his life. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Several friends were in a car following and witnessed the accident. Not only did he lose his life, but it left my parents and family completely devastated as well as his friends.

Yes he made mistakes. Yes he was a goon to be driving like that. What the heck was he thinking? But it happened. His friends made a plaque in wood shop and hung it from the tree. I know there were flowers placed at the site and I know many friends and some of my family members went to the tree (and still do). If that offends someone, GET OVER IT! Until you experience something like this, you won't know how you react. Trust me. Everyone grieves differently. My mother visits the cemetary for her grief. Others visit the site. And others grieve by moving on and not memorializing things. Don't judge others by how they grieve, because everyone is different.

There are plenty of roadside memorials around here, and I can't think of any that are distractions. Yes, if they get out of hand they should be removed/controlled, but other than that I say let them be.

 

[skiwee1]

For those of you who "hate" them, I need to ask.....why? How does it bother you? Have any of you lost anyone in a car accident? I am sure that those who put up the memorials do so as a way to remember someone who died needlessly and horrificallyand perhaps make others more aware of driving conditions. How can this possibly bother you? It is their way of dealing with grief. As far as Beth76's comment of "tolerating" them so as not to appear insensitive.....what does that mean? The fact that you express that you "tolerate" them already makes you insensitive in my opinion.

I don't like them because I think they trash up the road. It's bad enough that people litter. I don't need to see crosses, dead bouquets of flowers, deflated balloons, and old wet dirty stuffed animals. No one does that when someone dies in a hospital so why the need to litter on the roads? Leave the memorials to the gravesite where they belong. And yes, I have lost someone on the road. My cousin died 4 years ago while riding his motorcycle. He hit gravel that a truck had spilt and slid into the guard rail. He was wearing a helmet but it didn't help. He died instantly. His mom, my aunt, requested that no one trash up the accident site. She felt that there should be no memorial where he was lost, only where he lay.

 

[mickeymousefan]

I don't mind them...
Whenever I see one, it is a reminder to slow down, have more patience, and drive a little "friendlier".

 

[sodaseller]

New movie coming out about roadside memorials - Descanos

 

[coolmom99]

I don't mind them being erected for a period of time, say 6 months or a year, but after that I think it's time to take them down. Over a year ago there was a high school student that was killed with a rather freakish low speed (35 mph) accident (no tickets were issued or charges filed) about five blocks from our house. It was a pretty shocking and sad situation. The accident occured as the car was entering our residential area. The family and friends erected a full memorial cross with name, birth year/death year, plastic flowers, teddy bears, etc. One of the unusual things is that the memorial isn't in a highway median, it's in a front yard of a home along the street's edge. It's got to be odd for the homeowner to look out of their front window and see it everyday, have to mow around it etc. If the homeowner wanted to remove it, I'm sure they wouldn't dare for concern of having upset parents on their doorsteps. So it's been over a year now, and the memorial is looking pretty weathered even though it's been periodicially "spruced up". Personally, I think it's time to move on and "retire" the memorial.

I never would have allowed them to put it in my yard to begin with. Who wants to deal with looking at something like that day in and day out?

 

[coolmom99]

I don't get this. We were asked how we felt about them, and a few people responded that it bothers them. It's not like any of us go around telling the people who erect them that they're grieving the wrong way, or that they're stupid for putting them up.

So now, those of us who get bothered by them are insensitive and lack compassion?

This is just typical. Some people feel as if you can only reply with how you feel as long as you agree with them. If you don't, you are called names and accused of things such as this.

 

[coolmom99]

His friends made a plaque in wood shop and hung it from the tree. I know there were flowers placed at the site and I know many friends and some of my family members went to the tree (and still do). If that offends someone, GET OVER IT!

Everyone is entitled to feel how they want and if they're offended that's their right. They don't need to "get over it".

 

[pattyT]

This is an absolutely ridiculous disagreement
Nonone needs to GET OVER anything
Noone needs to feel quilty for their opinions

THINK ABOUT IT - if EVERYONE who lost someone in an accident felt the need to do this - EVERY STREET in EVERY TOWN in EVERY STATE would have a memorial of STUFF on it....

if it were in front of my house it would be gone....
I clean up all th stuff that people throw out their windows several times a year....

 

[robinb]

What do you all think about crosses, bunches of flowers, etc. that you see along the side of the road as memorials for victims of auto accidents?

I really hate them. I think they distract other drivers rather than encourage them to slow down. I am also uncomfortable with such a public demonstration of grief. If you want a memorial, but it in the cemetary or in your own home.

 

[cardaway]

I would think the people looking to create a memorial for somebody would pick another way. After a couple days these roadside things look terrible due to the elements and traffic.

I would hope my family wouldn't create something for me that would consist of McD's wrappers and road grime after a couple days.

And no matter how you spin it, they are a distraction and nuisance. Most places have a smalle nough shoulder as it is, and many times these things don't stay put. Roads and highways are nto designed for these things.

 

[IceQueen777]

I don't like it. Why do you need to mark where a person died due to an auto accident but not other deaths? Do you put up a memorial in a hospital room? The person is not there. They just died there. They have a burial spot (urn, grave, etc) and that is where you can put your flowers. Do they think it makes me drive better to see it? Nope and it never will. IMHO they should all be removed and not be allowed.

I agree. To me, it doesn't seem like a good way to memorialize a loved one. Why someone wants to make their grief public is beyond me. I feel that grief is a private thing between the family and friends left behind.

 

[pfishgirl]

I don't like them either.. They give me the creeps, and like that is now labeled like a "Bad Luck" spot..

 

[Rollercoaster13]

For those of you that do not agree with marking a site with some sort of plaque, or flowers, or whatever may be there, is it acceptable then to mark places that battles took place, or perhaps catastrophes? Why is it acceptable to mark a battle ground, or more specifically someplace like Pearl Harbor, or even more recently, the twin towers site in NY, but not to mark a car crash site. Just because a large number of people died with these other examples, why are they remembered at those sites but someone in a car accident is not? If the site is not on private property, why do others that see it care? Yes, some can be distracting, but most are done tastefully. And again, as stated many times before, if you don't like the sight of them, then don't look!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I think what Steph meant is that just because the magnitude is not present in the death of one or even several people, for that family or those friends the person who died is still precious and they are missed. Whether "just" one person died or thousands, each person is missed.

But I haven't had my coffee, so don't quote me.

Thank you Tigger, that is EXACTLY what I meant.

 

[cardaway]

For those of you that do not agree with marking a site with some sort of plaque, or flowers, or whatever may be there, is it acceptable then to mark places that battles took place, or perhaps catastrophes? Why is it acceptable to mark a battle ground, or more specifically someplace like Pearl Harbor, or even more recently, the twin towers site in NY, but not to mark a car crash site. Just because a large number of people died with these other examples, why are they remembered at those sites but someone in a car accident is not? If the site is not on private property, why do others that see it care? Yes, some can be distracting, but most are done tastefully. And again, as stated many times before, if you don't like the sight of them, then don't look!

There is no comparison between a place like Pearl Harbor and a highway. Highways are designed in specific ways and do not allow for people to make their own additions. These memorials only increase the chance that there will be another accident there in the future.

Some plcaes allow for official memorials (official signs and the like). I have no problem with those. They were put there with the design of the hgihway in mind.