Road side memorials for accident victims

[BernardandMissBianca]

For those of you who don't like it, how do you feel about the memorials that were at the World Trade Center?
Or what about the ones at the Oklahoma City Federal building that was bombed? Those are still up. We saw them last year when we drove through OK city.
Or what about when a person is killed on a sidewalk and people bring stuffed animals and light those candles and leave them on the sidewalk?
Or when a celeb dies and they put flowers at their star in Hollywood?
Do those things bother you too? Or is it only the ones by the side of the road? I'm just asking. Don't get mad or nothin.

My complaint is only the ones on the side of the road that could be distracting to other drivers. I would not want another accident to happen because of something flashing on the side of the road. That is why I asked for the one in our old town to be removed. Even the sidewalk ones could be distracting because of the flickering of candles. Also they attract visitors and someone could be hit by a car if the driver was trying to see what was going on.

 

[Aidensmom]

They don't bother me. They make me kind of sad to realize someone died there, but until this thread it never occurred to me that people would think they shouldn't be there. I don't find them distracting at all, I only notice them when I am stopped at a light or stuck in traffic anyways. I don't notice them when I am actually driving, my eyes are on the road.

 

[mommaU4]

I remember watching the news coverage of all of those events, and thinking that perhaps some children's ward or nursing home would get some enjoyment out of the bears and flowers. And wondering who has to pay to clean up all the dead flowers and ragged bears and ribbons and signs that get wet in the rain.

Did you see on t.v. all the flowers that were brought to the gates of the royal palace when Lady Diana died? That was unbelievable. There was a sea of flowers. I think I read that alot of them were then taken to nursing homes and the like, but I'm not sure.

The items still on the fence at the OK city bombing site are just amazing to see. Poems and letters and pictures. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. I'm glad they were still there because it was a very important lesson and piece of history for my kids to see first hand and learn about.

Anyways just wanted to share that. Go back to discussing among yourselves....

 

[CharlesTD]

I think it is silly personally but some people need it as a reminder of loved ones lost I think there are better ways of doing it personally but hey to each their own I guess.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I'm very surprised at the amount of people who seem to be bothered by roadside memorials. Especially the comment about "I can understand it the first day or two....". No personal offense, but people don't stop grieving for their loved ones after just a day or two! I'm willing to bed that half of the people here who think that roadside memorials are morbid, disturbing or annoying would feel differently if it were their child, parent, friend or other loved one that lost their life at the side of a road. People grieve in different ways, and for some it may be putting up a Christmas tree at a gravestone 10 years after someone has passed, and for others it might be decorating the side of a road. A little sensitivity would be in order for these poor people. You never know if you'll wind up in their shoes someday.

 

[kerrynic78]

Great post ChrisnSteph...I wish I could have put it so nicely

 

[PryncessChrysty]

I don't understand the need for them. Part of the reason for cemetaries is to have a place to go to visit your loved one and remember them. Decorate the grave site, where they will be forever laid to rest, not the site of their death. I also don't appreciate the fact that people are more than willing to fill the area with balloons, flowers, candles, cards and teddy bears, but no one ever returns to clean it up.

Now, with that said, when there is a massive tragedy, like 9/11 and Oklahoma City, that's a totally different story. When an entire building is brought down and there are hundreds, even thousands, missing in the rubble, that's much different than a car accident. Not even comparable, in my opinion.

 

[CharlesTD]

I'm very surprised at the amount of people who seem to be bothered by roadside memorials. Especially the comment about "I can understand it the first day or two....". No personal offense, but people don't stop grieving for their loved ones after just a day or two! I'm willing to bed that half of the people here who think that roadside memorials are morbid, disturbing or annoying would feel differently if it were their child, parent, friend or other loved one that lost their life at the side of a road. People grieve in different ways, and for some it may be putting up a Christmas tree at a gravestone 10 years after someone has passed, and for others it might be decorating the side of a road. A little sensitivity would be in order for these poor people. You never know if you'll wind up in their shoes someday.

My best friend in highschool was kiled in a car accident we didn't do a roadside memorial we chose other ways to remember him.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I don't understand the need for them.

Now, with that said, when there is a massive tragedy, like 9/11 and Oklahoma City, that's a totally different story. When an entire building is brought down and there are hundreds, even thousands, missing in the rubble, that's much different than a car accident. Not even comparable, in my
opinion.

You might not understand the need for them, but the people who are grieving do.

It really isn't any different than a massive tragedy. The only difference is that one life is lost vs. hundreds. Try explaining that the two aren't comparable to someone whose setting up a memorial to their child who died in a car accident. A death is a death. Sure, there are cemetaries. But I don't fault those who take it one step further than that. My young dd still insists on sending a bouquet of flowers to the pediatric ICU on the anniversary of her brothers death. This might seem morbid or overdoing it to some, but according to the staff, it really brightens their day. And every time they get those flowers, for a few moments they think of our little boy who died in the room down the hall, and remember his sweet, beautiful smile, instead of the deaths that happen there on a daily basis. These are their words, not mine.

I guess this just really bothers me, the lack of sensitivity and compassion for those who are grieving. Everyone deals with death differently. Some take it much harder than others, some deal with it better than others. Like someone said before, there are some disturbing billboards, roadside stands and all sorts of things that can distract you from the road. Memorials aren't any different. I say don't worry about the small things in life, especially when it's things like this that help a sad, grieving person get through their day.

 

[va32h]

I'm willing to bed that half of the people here who think that roadside memorials are morbid, disturbing or annoying would feel differently if it were their child, parent, friend or other loved one that lost their life at the side of a road.

My honest belief is that if my child or spouse died on the side of the road, I would never want to drive past that particular spot again, and certainly wouldn't visit it on purpose.

But as you said, everyone grieves differently.

My young dd still insists on sending a bouquet of flowers to the pediatric ICU on the anniversary of her brothers death. This might seem morbid or overdoing it to some, but according to the staff, it really brightens their day.

I do think this situation is different, as the flowers provide some enjoyment to the living. Christmas gifts and teddy bears placed on a roadside memorial cannot be enjoyed by the dead, and will become old and ragged soon, requiring someone to come and clean them up.

I don't condemn people for mourning as they do, but I didn't feel it was insensitive to simply acknowledge that I do not understand it.

 

[bettyann29]

I dont mind them at all.. I always feel a little sad when I see them though.. If it helps someone grief what does it hurt..

 

[Donny Baker]

I don't drive through your graveyard.

 

[eclectics]

I don't drive through your graveyard.

Another reincarnation 'Canes Fan? I admire your perseverance.

 

[nwdisgal]

I think a lot of them are put up by high school age kids when they lose a friend. Perhaps they have no other way to express their feelings over the loss. I don't think they should be permanent. They are actually a hazard, IMHO. Some states are planning on outlawing them. In their place, a standard sign bearing the individuals name can be purchased. It makes it easier on the crews that keep up the roadsides.

In Washington State I saw signs like this warning people to not drive drunk and in memory of.... It was a good reminder, and because it was a sign, and at eye level or above, it was less distracting than a memorial on the ground.

 

[Michie]

If it gives somebody a sense of peace, who gives a rooty toot toot. There are bigger things in life to get upset about than roadside memorials.

 

[crazee4mickey]

It's a person's way of grieving so it doesn't bother me that they are there. Where we are from, there are not alot of roadside memorials and most that have been put up aren't there for very long.
Last year on our way to Florida, we were driving through the southern states when we came across a little bunch of 6 white crosses on the side of the interstate--my DH looked at me at the same time I looked at him then we looked in the back of the van at our 4 kids, none of the kids saw it but it did scare us because we are a family of 6. He slowed down and became more aware rather than speeding along the interstate--makes you think and it does bother me to drive past them(not because it is bothersome but because it makes me think of the saddness and loss others endure and it makes me sad) but I also remember to be a little more careful because of them..

 

[Geoff_M]

I don't mind them being erected for a period of time, say 6 months or a year, but after that I think it's time to take them down. Over a year ago there was a high school student that was killed with a rather freakish low speed (35 mph) accident (no tickets were issued or charges filed) about five blocks from our house. It was a pretty shocking and sad situation. The accident occured as the car was entering our residential area. The family and friends erected a full memorial cross with name, birth year/death year, plastic flowers, teddy bears, etc. One of the unusual things is that the memorial isn't in a highway median, it's in a front yard of a home along the street's edge. It's got to be odd for the homeowner to look out of their front window and see it everyday, have to mow around it etc. If the homeowner wanted to remove it, I'm sure they wouldn't dare for concern of having upset parents on their doorsteps. So it's been over a year now, and the memorial is looking pretty weathered even though it's been periodicially "spruced up". Personally, I think it's time to move on and "retire" the memorial.

 

[Marseeya]

I guess this just really bothers me, the lack of sensitivity and compassion for those who are grieving. Everyone deals with death differently. Some take it much harder than others, some deal with it better than others. Like someone said before, there are some disturbing billboards, roadside stands and all sorts of things that can distract you from the road. Memorials aren't any different. I say don't worry about the small things in life, especially when it's things like this that help a sad, grieving person get through their day.

I don't get this. We were asked how we felt about them, and a few people responded that it bothers them. It's not like any of us go around telling the people who erect them that they're grieving the wrong way, or that they're stupid for putting them up.

So now, those of us who get bothered by them are insensitive and lack compassion?

You said it yourself, "Everyone deals with death differently," and many of us choose not to be reminded of it every single day on the spot where it happened. If we knew someone in an accident, trust me, that spot will be imprinted on our memories for the rest of our lives. We don't need reminders.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Thanks Marseeya, you beat me to it.

 

[pattyT]

Sorry to tick you off -
You asked how I felt
I answered...
when I said the first day or two - because it is MY opinion that after the funeral you should visit the place they rest peacefully....
Unfortunately accidents tragically happen every day - and if everyone had a roadside memorial... well just picture it...
I can completely understand when for the first day or two before a wake or funeral - or whatever - people need a place to "go" to see to remember...
I NEVER said anyone would stop greiving - or should...
Personally I would not want to remember the tragic incident that occurred by visiting the site constantly -
I would want to remember the wonderful things about the person and their life and I would make my own "place" in my home with wonderufl things that remind me of the person.
If you don't want others opinions - don't ask for them - geeez