RIP James Van Der Beek

[mjkacmom]

Deciding whether to donate to a GoFundMe is a personal choice. I’ve donated to a few over the years, usually to families who truly had no financial safety net. That’s why it’s frustrating to hear about multiple properties, including a home in California, while also seeing a large fundraiser. I absolutely understand that medical bills can be devastating and that sudden loss can upend a family’s finances. But at some point, personal responsibility has to be part of the conversation too.

If this were an average, non-famous family, people would likely be asking tougher questions. Like, why doesn't his wife get a job outside the home? Why can they not sell either property to purchase a smaller, reasonably sized one within their budget? Are there more assets that could be sold before asking the public for help? These aren’t cruel questions; they’re practical ones that many everyday families have to face without national attention or large fundraising campaigns.

A friend of mine was battling breast cancer at the same time her (now ex) husband was fighting a different form of cancer. They had children and overwhelming medical bills. They made the incredibly difficult decision to sell their home and move in with her parents just to keep a roof over their kids’ heads, as being out of work for treatments hurt them financially. Those are the kinds of hard choices many families are forced to make.

I don’t say this to be mean. I say it because there are so many families who lose a loved one and are facing eviction, medical debt, and total financial collapse, without multiple properties or public platforms to lean on. At the end of the day, everyone can choose where their money goes. I just think it’s reasonable for people to ask questions before donating.

But they didn’t set up the go fund me, and we have no idea how much medical debt they have. Texas laws are very in favor of home owners, I’m assuming they sat down with some financial planners to figure out the best way not to lose everything in bankruptcy. He was unemployed for years, no residuals on his most famous role which was a while back. I have a college degree and obviously worked before having kids, but having 5 back to back made it pretty much impossible to work (daycare, kids getting sick, my husband worked an hour+ away). And then you’ve been out of the workforce for a while too. I’m sure cancer wasn’t in the plan, even with my husband’s million dollar life insurance policy, I would’ve been fine with the mortgage, but debilitating medical bills, not so much (which is scary now that I think about it but our kids are adults).

 

[RangerPooh]

But they didn’t set up the go fund me, and we have no idea how much medical debt they have. Texas laws are very in favor of home owners, I’m assuming they sat down with some financial planners to figure out the best way not to lose everything in bankruptcy. He was unemployed for years, no residuals on his most famous role which was a while back. I have a college degree and obviously worked before having kids, but having 5 back to back made it pretty much impossible to work (daycare, kids getting sick, my husband worked an hour+ away). And then you’ve been out of the workforce for a while too. I’m sure cancer wasn’t in the plan, even with my husband’s million dollar life insurance policy, I would’ve been fine with the mortgage, but debilitating medical bills, not so much (which is scary now that I think about it but our kids are adults).

I was under the impression that his wife set up the GoFundMe, though I may be mistaken about that. I completely understand how challenging it can be to have young kids. We have four who are now teens and young adults, and we chose to both work and budget for childcare. Neither of our jobs paid amazingly, but they were reasonable. I wasn’t going to let the college education I paid for — and the student loans I worked hard to pay off — go to waste. That was my choice, just as it’s her choice to be a stay-at-home mom.

Do I sometimes slip into mom-shaming? Sure, I can be petty. I’ve had negative experiences with stay-at-home moms with large families who complain about not being able to do certain things, financial strain, or difficulty reentering the workforce after many years without updated skills. But ultimately, those were choices. I’ll step off that soapbox.

I absolutely acknowledge that medical bills can be devastating, and it highlights the urgent need for a more affordable healthcare system. The financial toll can be overwhelming. That said, choosing to purchase an extravagant home without the ability to comfortably afford it still seems irresponsible to me. If the fundraising is strictly for medical bills, then transparency would go a long way — post the estimated total and clearly explain the need. It shouldn’t be framed as having nothing if there are reportedly two very expensive homes.