Ane o mi bairns wuz bletherin and greetin that oor bonnie coo wuz drookit and cauld ay it fell intay the wee burn ahendt the kirk. "Wheesht", say I, "Mibbie oor coo wuz off to play fitba wi Nessie!"
And the wind goes up my kilt and freezes my....legs. What, i say?
just take off the kilt and go play with Nessie.