Revival of the angry thread!

[Marek 4]

You most certainly gave the appropriate punishment. If you let her get away with the little lies now, just think what happens as she gets older and the lies become bigger. You have to stand your ground now and let her know there are consequences for her actions. Hang in there-mom can't be upset with you forever!

 

[Shannone1]

You most certainly gave the appropriate punishment. If you let her get away with the little lies now, just think what happens as she gets older and the lies become bigger. You have to stand your ground now and let her know there are consequences for her actions. Hang in there-mom can't be upset with you forever!

Thank you. That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. This parenting stuff is not easy.

 

[auntie]

Tough one..that's really your call. All I can say is..she's at that age. It's not an excuse..but it's to be expected. Probably..I wouldn't have pulled her home, because it didn't effect just her weekend..and maybe your Mom is pretty ticked right now? It didn't just ruin your daughters plans. Grandma's missed out on time with her grandaughter for not cleaning her room. Bet she remembers those days with say...you? She's 14...it's just not a priority for her. She thinks your lame for wanting things a certain way in what's supposed to be "her" space. I'm not saying that's right..I'm just telling you what she's probably thinking. Only because I have been told this by my daughter. Who has issues with keeping her room clean. I seriously think she has issues with clutter..and I am the COMPLETE opposite. I've had to take a breath and step back. My policy is..I want to see the floor. It's their space..but once it starts infringing on "my space"...then "I"M GOIN IN"....and they NEVER want that. Because I just throw out, throw out, throw out. Seems I even throw out what might be important to them. Ooops..sorry. It usually takes a time or two for them to get the idea..but they get it. I've accepted the fact, that I am a neat freak..and she isn't. Probably...becasue I'm a neat freak. Kids do that to ya..just want to make you squirm.

 

[Escape Artist]

Do you think I was wrong ?? I am sitting her feeling bad about her weekend being messed up.

I think you did *exactly* the right thing.

Not doing her chores = bad behavior.
Lying = totally inexcusable, wreck her weekend.

Your mom will get over it, and hopefully have more respect for your rules when she comes back to her senses. And you'll want your daughter cured of lying to you before she gets car keys and dates!

Sue in Texas
...with two teenagers, I'd better bookmark this, too...

 

[Marek 4]

Tough one..that's really your call. All I can say is..she's at that age. It's not an excuse..but it's to be expected. Probably..I wouldn't have pulled her home, because it didn't effect just her weekend..and maybe your Mom is pretty ticked right now? It didn't just ruin your daughters plans. Grandma's missed out on time with her grandaughter for not cleaning her room. Bet she remembers those days with say...you? She's 14...it's just not a priority for her. She thinks your lame for wanting things a certain way in what's supposed to be "her" space. I'm not saying that's right..I'm just telling you what she's probably thinking. Only because I have been told this by my daughter. Who has issues with keeping her room clean. I seriously think she has issues with clutter..and I am the COMPLETE opposite. I've had to take a breath and step back. My policy is..I want to see the floor. It's their space..but once it starts infringing on "my space"...then "I"M GOIN IN"....and they NEVER want that. Because I just throw out, throw out, throw out. Seems I even throw out what might be important to them. Ooops..sorry. It usually takes a time or two for them to get the idea..but they get it. I've accepted the fact, that I am a neat freak..and she isn't. Probably...becasue I'm a neat freak. Kids do that to ya..just want to make you squirm.

I do appreciate your perspective on grandmother missing out on time with the grandchild-it does tug at my heart- but this is LYING like Sue in Texas said. It isn't just about cleaning up her room or doing chores when asked. I think that is why the punishment, and the timing, was appropriate.

I also appreciate the perspective about letting the mess pile up in the child's room as long as it doesn't overflow out of the room. True-she is a teen and that is "her space", but what if she never learns and is reinforced that clutter and lack of hygeine is OK? What happens when she leaves the house and has her own kids to raise? If you look at my sister-in-law"s house all you see are piles of clutter everywhere - dishes stacked in the sink - piles of stinky laundry - toys and games not put away. Her parents tucked her away in a basement room because she was the "messy" one and they didn't want to look at the mess all the time.

Teens will be teens, but I think Shannone is dealing with something bigger than that.

 

[3gr8kids]

I would have to agree - you did the right thing. If it was just a matter of a 14 year old being messy, well, most are. But this went beyond just not doing chores - this was lying to you about having done them.

I sympathize - I have a 17 yr old DD, and a 12 yr old DD so I have been in your shoes many many times. It is true what they say - "choose your battles wisely", and in this case, I think you chose the right one (lieing) to make a stand. I cannot stress enough to my daughter's that trust is not something you mess around with, as it is not easily gained back. JMHO

p.s. I have to laugh every time I see your siggy - if one didn't know, they could think you were my mom ("mom to 3 great kids") LOL

 

[We4mickey]

You did the right thing. As the mother of two complete opposite children. I have been there, done that. When my older DS was in his teens we were in each others faces all the time. When I couldn't take the room anymore and he wouldn't take care of it, out came the garbage bags. Pack it up and say goodbye. He learned fast that I wasn't kidding. You want the stuff, then you take care of it. If you don't respect your stuff, how is anyone supposed to respect you. She is only 14, sorry to say you still have a few years to go. The good news is he is now 23 and he is actually a pretty nice guy with a son of his own on the way. Wonder how it will be when he is a teenager

 

[auntie]

I'm just saying...choose your battles. I am NOT saying she should get away with not doing as asked. Only..maybe..there was a way to enforce that without having grandma suffer the consequences as well. As extremely frustrating as a messy room can be....and I by NO means want to minimize the situation. It's a messy room. I didn't have the impression it was a hygene issue. Mom asked did you clean "your" room. Trust me..as far as she's concerned..yep..she did. Is it to mom's expectations? Not by a LONG shot. Do you want to draw a line in the sand over this. It's just been my experience that the two of them aren't going to be on the same page about this for a while. Figure out a happy medium. No dirty clothes under the bed. Is it a deal breaker that her clean laundry wasn't put away? Well, if it's neatly in a basket and not all over the floor..I think I could live with it. It's not that's she's "lying". I think fibbing about clothes under the bed, is not the gateway lie to stealing the car and sneaking around with boys. She doesn't think she is lying. She thinks mom is being a PIA who is dictating to her how "her" space should look. Now, she's feeling picked on...and that she doesn't really have a space of her own..and it's only fueled the drama. A 14 year old hormonal girl, starting high school in a few weeks.
She's got a lot on her mind. Think back...I have to be cool..will I be cool..? What will I wear the first day? Will a boy talk to me...Will I die if a boy talks to me? God,...I'm fat. (of course she's not..but she will think it) Will there be drugs in my school? She's 14 going to high school with kids who will also be 18..and that's itimidating. Her idea of a clean room and mom's are going to differ. It's just a fact of the age. When mom tries to ask her why she lied...really... What is she going to say..."Mom, your a pain in the butt". Of course not. She was raised better than that. She's going to clam up.
I also found that the best time to talk to my kids has not been while the drama is unfolding.
They usually decide to "share" with me when I'm driving at 55 miles per hour on the Long Island Expressway...having to keep both hands on the wheel. I've had more "bonding" moments on that road ....all the while trying not to look as if I'm not horrified, or shocked, and happy that they felt comfortable enough to confide in me. Then I pull into the driveway, and have to pry my frozen fingers off of the wheel..and the fake smile plastered on my face starts to crack in FEAR! KIDS!

 

[big kahuna1]

I AM ANGRY WITH MY DAUGHTER !!

She is 14 and sullen and grumpy a lot of the time. We've had trouble with her lately and her chores. She doesn't have many....picking up her room, emptying the dishwasher every other morning, taking care of her cat. We don't even expect her room to be spotless...just her floor cleared and her laundry put away correctly. When we ask her if she did something, she'll say yes and then it turns out she didn't she'll say "she forgot". She is a slob and we are always on her to clean up after herself. I don't know how many times I've had to explain how much easier her life would be if she just picked up after herself

This weekend she was supposed to go camping with my mom and stepdad. She was told to make sure she set her alarm so she would have enough time to properly do her chores. We are having a party this weekend and there will be people coming over that haven't been to the new house yet and I wanted everything to be clean. I told her all of this last night before she went to bed. My dh got up early to make sure she was up and ready. She SAID she did all of her chores and her room was nice and clean.

I got up and went into the kitchen and the dishwasher had NOT been emptied. She had already left to meet up with my mom so I called her. She said she "didn't know what day it was" so she didn't empty the dishwasher @@. I specifically asked her if she put away her clean laundry and she said YES she had. I told her she was going to be in big trouble if she was lying and she said she did it.

So I go up to her room and her clean laundry is still piled in her laundry baskets and her dirty clothes are shoved under her bed. !! I was so mad I called her again and my dh decided to bring her butt back home. So she comes in crying and stomped up to her room. My mom called mad at ME because her weekend was messed up now too.

My DH set the punishment and I have to stand behind it. I think it's appropriate. I feel bad that is also messed up my mom's plans, but my DD has to learn that we aren't going to put up with being lied to. If I had caved in and grounded her or something once she got back home, what kind of message would that have sent ??

I tried talking to her and she can't tell me WHY she lied. She isn't one who likes to talk in this situation. Instead she will walk around pouting and blast her music in her room for attention.

The scary part of this is that she is my oldest child...I have two more behind her that I have to get through

If you have never watched "Bill Cosby - Himself" you have to watch it. It is the funniest comedy act ever regarding raising children and is Dead On!! It will make you feel better knowing you are not alone.

 

[auntie]

You want "Angry at Daughters"..forget about the room..go down the road 7 years to Dumb *** boyfriends. THEN you'll be happy to be arguing about messy rooms. I'd like to put the boy friend in one of those big black contractor bags..that I've had to use to clean out her room, when she thought it was neat enough. Works like a charm by the way...I've seen the floor ever since!
Ooops.. I'm sorry..did mom throw out something important again. I'm sorry.

NOT!

Is this against the law officer...I had no idea?


_______________________

 

[Shannone1]

Update-

My dd is talking to me again. She says she isn't "mad" at me anymore and she understands why she was punished. She should've just admitted she didn't do it rather than lie about it.

I am a neat freak...but I don't expect my kids to be. Their rooms are their rooms. The only think I ask is that I can see most of the floor and that they keep their laundry organized. Laundry is the chore I dread the most !! They have baskets in their closets for dirty laundry. I wash the clothes, fold them, put them back in the baskets and then they put the clothes away (the two oldest kids anyway). I am sick of washing clothes that are already clean because they didn't feel like putting them where they belong !! It's not that hard to put some clothes in dressers or closets (a lesson I have to remind my dh of too from time to time )

What happened with my dd today was mostly to do with the lying. I have realized I will have to continue to ride them about their chores. In an ideal world they would do them perfectly without ever having to be told. But that's never gonna happen !!

But I am not going to put up with lying. And she did right to my dh's face and knew she was going to get caught. She just figured she's be long gone by the time we realized it. We caught her off guard by acting quickly. I think that's a GOOD thing...we need to keep them on their toes, right ??

 

[Shannone1]

You want "Angry at Daughters"..forget about the room..go down the road 7 years to Dumb *** boyfriends. THEN you'll be happy to be arguing about messy rooms. I'd like to put the boy friend in one of those big black contractor bags..that I've had to use to clean out her room, when she thought it was neat enough. Works like a charm by the way...I've seen the floor ever since!
Ooops.. I'm sorry..did mom throw out something important again. I'm sorry.

NOT!

Is this against the law officer...I had no idea?


_______________________

I don't even want to THINK about boyfriends yet

 

[Colson39]

If you have never watched "Bill Cosby - Himself" you have to watch it. It is the funniest comedy act ever regarding raising children and is Dead On!! It will make you feel better knowing you are not alone.

That is still one of my favorite comedy shows ever, he was absolutely brilliant in that.

 

[ntsammy5]

We're going to see Bill in about 3 weeks.......

 

[VACAMPER]

Girl, i brought you into this world and I WILL take you out! I heard this alot as a child. Of coarse my mom was the person who kept a switch in between the pages of her bible at church. We didn't move a muscle during those long sermons.

 

[loveDmouse]

I am glad my kids have four legs and fur. I worry about them enough.
We have nieces that we can have fun with and then give them back when they turn rotten!
Bill Cosby Himself is soooooooooooooooooooo funny!

 

[3gr8kids]

Bill Cosby should run for president

 

[loveDmouse]

I'd vote for him.
Better than the choices we got right now!

 

[auntie]

I don't even want to THINK about boyfriends yet

Me neither but I don't have a choice..I've been "ignoring" one for almost seven months. It's time to swallow my pride..and follow my own advise...because ignoring the situation hasn't worked. I have to ....aaaaccc..wait..I'm choking on my words ....Okay ACCEPT him. I did tell him the other night that I have NO idea what she see's in him...cause I'm not seein' it.(to that there was an aghast daughter yelling "MOM!". That if he hurts her..I'm going to let her father and brother do to him what they want to do.(please God..let me do it instead ) That I'm gonna trust her judgement (again..I gag ) and give him the opportunity to show me what it is she does see in him. This...KILLED ME.
Do you think that was "to the point enough"? Now I have to make nice and have him over for a BBQ. Like one big happy family. Happy, happy joy..joy. (you want to be sitting around that table?...LOL!)
My hope is by welcoming him in...(such as it is) he will have to step up and actually be the man she thinks he is...OR..she's gonna see that he's not who she thinks he is. Either way..by ignoring him we've only pushed her closer to him..she protects him. Now....we shall see.
If all else fails..there are those contractor bags!

________________________

 

[BigDaddyRog]

If my kids want "Thier own space"...they can move the hell out and rent their own space somewhere else. I bought this house, I paid for the crap they clutter their rooms with...I pay for the electricity that they refuse to turn off in the middle of the day when they arent even home...I pay for the food that gives them energy to make the messes thay make....I pay for the water they fill the bathtub to the very rim with the clean the dirt they gathered from someplace I probably DONT pay for and selflessly brought home to me.
This is MY world, I bought it....Im simply lending it to them till they are old enough to bully their own kids around in a home that THEY have paid for!!!!!
That being said....I havent seen the floor of my 2 oldest daughters' rooms in many months....doesnt matter how tough or lenient you are...you're kids were created to piss you off!!