Returning to life

[femmegirl]

I am starting back to my classes tonight. I was supposed to start back yesterday, but my alarm never went off and I slept through my classes.

I have gone through many stages since my dad died. I just want to sleep now. I keep seeing him when i close my eyes.

He was a college professor so I am sure he would have wanted me to return to classes and do well and that is my plan. It is hard to find the courage to see people that don't know he died. My instructors know and are very understanding. I just keep telling myself that he would have wanted me to keep moving towards my future. I believe that he can see me.

My mind keeps wandering. I really can not keep my mind on one thing. I am so sad and that is very evident in everything I do. At least I am not crying all the time, just a few times a day. I wonder when this will pass. I wonder when my thoughts will be found memories and not of the things that make me miss him so dearly.

How do I get past this sadness and start to be myself again?

 

[DD2Disney]

I don't really know the answer to you question. I am sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you.

Tricia

 

[TimeforMe]

Having been through this myself, I know there is no one thing you can do (or that anyone can say) to make you feel better. Honestly, it just takes time. Allow yourself time to grieve. I used to actually set aside time for myself to go up to my room away from everyone and just cry for as long as I needed to. Each day will get a little better without you consciously knowing it. The fond memories will come with time. My dad has been gone 19 years and I still sometimes get choked up when I talk about him.

Hang in there--it does get better

 

[DawnCt]

I lost both of my parents way before I was ready; like you. I can tell you from my experience that it doesn't get better overnight but it does get better. In the beginning, they are all you think about. When the sun is shining you wonder how it can shine when you feel so bad inside. You wonder how others can go on with thier lives as if everything is normal when yours is upside down. Focus on what he would want you to do. When you have a question ask him! Imagine what he would tell you. Education was obviously important to your dad, it is what he did and a big part of who he was. Follow what he would want you to do. He would not want you to be sad and withdraw from life. He would want you to embrace it. You will see him again. You want a full life to tell him about. For me, it took about 3 months so I wasn't thinking about them all of the time. Six months before I could talk about my mom or my dad for five minutes without tearing up, and a year before I felt "normal" again. Its been 25 years since I haven't seen my dad, almost 8 years for my mom but I think about them always. The difference is now I can smile when I think of them and laugh about the funny times.

 

[browneyes]

 

[Rajah]

I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through almost the same thing right now, and as far as I know, the only way to get past it is to push on, even when you don't want to.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I'm so sorry honey. I don't know how long it's been for you. If you feel a reasonable amount of time has passed, and you are not just grieving but having a difficult time functioning you should go see a counselor. This will not take your grief away. It might give you somebody to talk to, and just to help you cope with the worst time.
Just an aside. I am a bit envious. My parents are still with me, but I'm not close to them at all. My father is a difficult person at best. I don't want him to pass on, but I often think that I won't have the fond memories others have when he goes, and that while I'll be sad because he's my father I don't have the sort of love that would lead to a healthy need to grieve. Your father must have been special, and you must have been close to him. How lucky you are.

 

[femmegirl]

Thank you for the responses. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since my dad died.

I am not sure how long is too long to grieve. It is too soon to think about what is too long to grieve.

Everyday is a new experience.

 

[Rajah]

Two weeks is definitely not too long. I'd even say two *months* is still perfectly fair, and in some ways we'll probly both be greiving at some points two *years* from now.

(Been 4 weeks for me)

 

[helenabear]

I am so sorry that you are going through this... as a few others have said it does get easier with time... and don't worry about how long it will take... you will get there

 

[Towncrier]

So sorry for your loss. When my wife's father passed away, her grieving lasted for a couple of years. So many years later, I know not to bring up the subject of her dad as it still brings her to tears. But she can handle the grief much better now that so much time has passed. Prayers for you, your mom, and your siblings as you go through this process of grieving for your dad.

 

[CRB#33]

It takes time sweetie. The first year is the hardest, with all the "firsts."

Talk about it, write in a journal, cry and know that it will take time.

You're in my prayers.

 

[#1 Disney Fan]

Just a big ~*hug*~ for you, femmegirl!!!!!!

 

[Pat]

Good advice from everybody. I don't have anything new to add. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will and does get better as time goes on. We al go through the stages at different rates of time. I agree that the first year is the hardest as you go through all those "firsts" without your loved one. Give yourself permission to grieve. Eventually you will be able to talk about him and laugh at some of the things that you have all done. Cherish your memories.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

You will grieve for as long as you need to. There will be varying degrees of intensity and on some level, you will always grieve. Try very hard to not let other people's definition of the "right length of time" to grieve interfere in your life. It is absolutely ridiculous to put a time frame on adjusting to loss. This is an intensely personal journey and every person's is different.

Living the life you know your precious father would have wanted for you is a beautiful testament of your love and respect for him.

Live your life, in honor and respect for your father and for yourself.

 

[holycow]

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you....I wish I could offer some wonderful advice but we are all different and deal with things differently....It will be tough but don't try to hide the feelings try and get them out...whether by talking or writing them down...it really helped me.

Lisa