Returning B.Day Invitation

[acomasdiaz]

My daughter's 5th birthday is coming up and she wanted to invite her Pre-K class. On Wednesday, her teacher placed the invitations in each kid's cubbie box. The next day, my daughter found one of the invitations without the envelope back in her box. One of the little boys told her that it was his invitation and his mom was returning it because she didn't like parties.

I felt so bad for my daughter. Now, I understand that some people don't like parties (and for some it could be for religious reasons) but I don't understand why you would put the invitation back in the birthday child's box. If you don't like parties, then you could throw away the invitation and forget about it. Why throw it back in my DD's face. My poor DD was so sad.

I just find that to be so rude. I can't understand why the mom would handle it this way...If you're not interested then just ignore it.

 

[Hannathy]

Just consider the source.....


Tell your DD not to feel sad she handled it right and invited everyone, they are the ones that handled it poorly. I feel for that poor little boy, not only is he missing out on one of the rights of childhood, he is also learning some very poor manners and social convictions/interactions, he is being taught to be rude. I always taught my kids to be polite and say thank you for an invite you don't want or a gift you don't like. She should have just responded to you with a thank you for asking but "jimmy" can't make it.

 

[sTINKS]

I think you have to consider the age. That child could have just been having a bad day. My preschooler specifically requested not to have a party with her school friends, and honestly, I was afraid to plan one on the chance that she wouldn't use her mannors and say something like "I don't want you here" to her school friends.

Kids at this age are still trying to figure out that there words and actions have meanings. And what it means to one child may be different to what it means to another child.

Use it as a good conversational teaching point with your own child to talk about good mannors.

 

[badblackpug]

He is 4. I doubt his mother told him to give it back. He probably just returned it on his own after his mother told him he couldn't go. Knowing a 4 year old he he probably confused the "you have to have an invitation to go to the party" thing with "I'm not using it so I should give it back." I doubt if any harm was meant. Is your daughter really broken up about it? I can't imagine it would even be a blip on my kids radar. I would just explain to her that everybody likes different things some people like parties, some don't, and that he didn't understand that he didn't need to give the invitation back. Trust me, come party day she won't even remember it.

 

[luvmy3]

If my 4/5 year old got an invitation and I told him he couldn't go for whatever reason (even if I didn't like parties), he'd probably do the same thing. He would have wanted to give it back to his friend, not because he (or I) was throwing it in her face, or because he had bad manners, or because it was handled poorly. He would have thought she needed it back because he couldn't go, and he would tell her why (in his own words) because kids are honest, and I would probably have no idea that he did it.
If my child was the one that sent out the invites and that happened, I would never assume that the mom would have even been involved with the returning of the invite

 

[Reagan&Co.]

I, too, am wondering if the message was misinterpreted. Either from the mom, the boy, or your DD....knowing the stuff 4 year olds think and say.

 

[Cruise]

Have to agree with luvmy3. At that age, most kids are taught that if something isn't theirs, they make sure to return it to the person it belongs to. The little boy may not be able to attend for whatever reason and thought he was doing the correct thing by returning the invitation simply because he won't be able to take advantage of it. I also wouldn't assume it's because the mother told him to do so.

 

[amybethchristiansen]

It probably did just come back from the kid. But, I would send the mom a nice email to the effect of:

"I had to laugh today when *your daughter* came home from school. She handed me back *her son's* invitation to her birthday party. She said that *her son* said that his mom doesn't like parties and he had to return the invitation. I had to laugh out loud at the funny things kids say! Can you imagine a mother actually doing something like that? Too funny! I can send the invitation to your home in case you are interested!"

Have a great day,
*you*

That way, it puts mom in her place IF she actually did it. And if she didn't, well, it puts it off on the kid.

 

[zumbergc]

if the kids family is a jehovah witness, they don't celebrate birthdays. So, it wouldn't be rude for a jehovah witness to say that sort of thing.

Thats just what they believe.

I have a friend who is a jehovah witness. Every year, there are always some people wanting her to celebrate her birthday, or theirs with her. So, she always politely declines. Of course everyone is just celebrate this one. She finds it annoying, to constantly tell people this.

There is a bigger chance that the boy wasn't allowed to go, and thought the girl could have re-used the invite and given it to someone else.

 

[TallyTutter]

Consider it a RSVP. Explain to her about the concept, that it helps with planning the # of people to expect, etc. & she might take it better.

 

[bumbershoot]

I highly doubt the mom told him to put the card back. He probably just interpreted that way.


DS takes part in Homeschool PE at the YMCA. There's a family that, for some reason (I didn't ask why) doesn't celebrate Valentines Day (neither do I, actually) and *maybe* other holidays, I don't know. I only know what I know because one of the other kids came over to ask the girl's mom how to spell the girl's name. Then he went off, and, I guess, wrote her name on a Valentine and gave it to the girl. Then...the girl said that they don't celebrate that holiday, and gave the card back to him. She had NO clue what to do with the card, and she's 6 or 8 or so! (the mom has 3 daughters in the class, each of them looks absolutely identical except for their height b/c they are 1-2 years apart from each other, so only seeing one at a time I can't tell which is which, LOL). It just hadn't come up yet. And the mom apologized to the boy's mom, and felt really embarrassed that her daughter didn't know that the polite things to do would be to just thank him. And they are a very kind, polite, quiet family, so it's not like they are just barbarians.

Anyway, having *just* had that experience a couple weeks ago, of watching that whole thing unfold, I'm really willing to give the little 4 year old AND his mother quite a good deal of slack on this one, and hope you do too.

 

[crashbb]

It probably did just come back from the kid. But, I would send the mom a nice email to the effect of:

"I had to laugh today when *your daughter* came home from school. She handed me back *her son's* invitation to her birthday party. She said that *her son* said that his mom doesn't like parties and he had to return the invitation. I had to laugh out loud at the funny things kids say! Can you imagine a mother actually doing something like that? Too funny! I can send the invitation to your home in case you are interested!"

Have a great day,
*you*

That way, it puts mom in her place IF she actually did it. And if she didn't, well, it puts it off on the kid.

Passive-aggressive much? And if he isn't going to party, why would the mother possibly want the invitation?

OP - I agree with the others that it is likely a case of misinterpretation by the boy.

 

[gillenkl]

If my 4/5 year old got an invitation and I told him he couldn't go for whatever reason (even if I didn't like parties), he'd probably do the same thing. He would have wanted to give it back to his friend, not because he (or I) was throwing it in her face, or because he had bad manners, or because it was handled poorly. He would have thought she needed it back because he couldn't go, and he would tell her why (in his own words) because kids are honest, and I would probably have no idea that he did it.

totally agree with this considering you're dealing with pre-k kids

 

[hsmamato2]

I think the kids are 4 or 5- I'd let it go as just young kids not knowing every social grace there is...... as to why a kid might not be going,it could be a lot of reasons,and most folks that I know who don't celebrate things for religious reasons aren't annoyed with giving a polite explanation,but sometimes kids take a while to figure out the 'polite' part..... I'd explain to your dd that the boy just wasn't able to go,and wanted to recycle the invite so your dd could use it for someone else,if she so desired.

 

[puffkin]

I agree that they could be Jehovah's Witness. At my last place of employment we had about 60 people in my department. The one year to have fun we did a valentine exchange just like in Elementary school. The one guy was Jehovahs and he returned each and every Valentine, even the treats. It was a little startling at first but that is just his beliefs.

 

[badblackpug]

I imagine the whole thing went something like this: Billy brings home the invitation and hands it to his mom. Mom, who is a bit exasperated says "We already have two parties to go to that weekend, we can't possibly go to this one, too! I would love to have one weekend to myself, I hate going to all these parties!" Billy interprets that Mommy hates parties, and therefore, he can't go and returns the invitation to the birthday girl because he can't use it. Being four years old, and tact not being a four year old's strong suit, he tells the birthday girl that he is not going because his mom "doesn't like parties."