Respite care for elderly parent

[FINFAN]

can anyone comment on how it went for them if they have ever done it? It's very $$$$, nearest affordable place to me is $2000 a month for a hotel sized room, 3 meals a day included, but not anything else. My mom is unable to pay for assisted living/retirement home, and my place is not livable for her, no bath on first level stairs in the way for access...so I am trying anyrhing I can to help.
Thanks,

Pam

 

[MEG&MINNIE]

I would contact your local Elderly Senior Service Dept and ask to speak to a Social Worker there. I did that when my father was getting very frail and unable to care for himself alone. They have access to alot of information that we just don't have .

They intervened along with the Vetern's VNA and got him a 10 day respite placement in a local Assisted Living Home. He was very unwilling to go ,but at the last moment , the morning I was suppose to pick him up for his short respite stay he actually had his bags packed! He actually stayed there for about 4 months and from there got admitted to the Soldiers Home.

There are many services to the elderly and money out there to be had and the social workers are there to help us. My father was a vetern and there is something called "Aid and Attendence" that provides money for their long term care if they can't afford Assisted Living and I know that there is more money available for Assisted Living if you qualify financially....the Dept. of Elder Services will give you lots of info.
Best of luck...just remember you are not in this alone...there is plenty of help out there as we care for our aging parents!

 

[FINFAN]

Thanks for the info...I actually am attending a meeting on the 12th for VA benefits..I am pretty sure my mom qulifies based on my dad's service, it is the interim while waiting for beneifts to begin that we are running into trouble on. The retirement/assisted living facility does offer monthly studios, but they are 2000 and that leaves just a few $100 for my moms living expenses, medicatins etc which will not cover what she needs. No one has the difference each mont to cover her expenses and the one family member who has a layout in their home to meets her needs refuses to allow her to stay. So, I have a very short time period to find alternate safe housing that does as least financial dmagae as possible...since she is relocating new doctors, mail etc makes it complicated so I am really trying to make it work for her temp location to also become her long term one. Normally, I woudl take a loan for the 10,000 shortage she needs to be prepared for, but I just signed on DD college loan for 3x"s that, car loan, just cannot do another 10 right now. Best solution is for her ot stay put right where she is at until we have VA approval, but as I said, current family is refusing and has given me until Sunday to find alternate housing. Nice, huh? Karma, I am hoping it is taking notes.

 

[Tiggerish]

I know this will sound harsh but the family member where she is now probably cannot forcibly put her out if you do not move her and threatening or harassing her could be considered elder abuse. Under the circumstances, I would be tempted to call the local elder abuse hot line and request emergency assistance to get her a temporary placement. Reporting the person will cause problems in the family but may be something you should consider because it sounds like there are already estrangement issues.

 

[NotUrsula]

I would certainly second all the info you've been given already here, but if push comes to shove and you cannot get assistance by the end of the week, how about an actual hotel?

Extended-stay hotels have some accessible rooms. Can she manage to feed herself? If so, perhaps she could go to a hotel and family members could take turns staying with her overnight while she was there. In this economy the manager might be willing to negotiate a reduced rate.

Also, I think that there is a distinction between "assisted living" and "supportive living" in terms of whether or not Medicaid can cover the costs. I think that if hers is a Medicaid case she will need "supportive living".

 

[MEG&MINNIE]

I feel sorry for your situation...I was there myself with my father ...the only thing was he refused to move out of his little apt. and basically refused any help to come in. I finally got the VNA to come see him and then also the Dept. of Social Services (Elderly Social Services: almost like child protective services ,but for the elderly). They stepped in and helped me along the way...he was not co-operative for me ,but was a little better for them .

Like I said before they are the experts and will help out out and support you.


Please call the Dept. of Elder Services and tell them that your mother is about to become "homeless". As bad as this sounds to you , they have more than likely delt with situations like yours before and guide you the best way.

There truely are great people and HELP out there...just make a phone call and let us know how it turns out.

Wishing you the best !

 

[MEG&MINNIE]

FINFAN, how did everything turn out for you and your mother...please let us know. Hope you are both doing well !