Removing people from your Christmas card list...

[zachnsamsmommy]

I have always mailed out between 50-70 cards in the past few years. The number was 50 until I b/c really good friends with some mamas on a birth board, and then I added them to the list b/c we all started exchanging cards (this was more than 3 yrs ago).

Well...this year I have gotten 23 cards. That's it. So my question is...when do you 'drop' someone off of your mailing list.

This year I have gotten many FB posts and phone calls saying "Your family pic Christmas card is so nice, but we aren't mailing cards this year". Or substitute "this year" for "not anymore" or "except close family".

I spent about 36 cents each card, plus 44 each stamp, plus the time I took to address the cards. So...you get the picture...it isn't cheap.

My previous rule of thumb was that if it was two years without receiving a card from someone, they got dropped from the list.

Before I get flamed, I don't drop elderly relatives that don't send out cards, or close family members (even if they are too lazy to send us a card). I'm mainly talking about out of town friends and distant relatives. And if someone was moving or getting married, I've also given them the benefit of the doubt (with forwarding mail, unpacking, and the like).

This year, I am thinking about dropping the friends that have told me they aren't sending cards anymore. Not waiting the two years. I know times are tough, financially, and we are feeling it as well. DH may not have a job in the next 2-3 months, yet we sent cards to ALL of our friends.

So...would you keep with the dropping from the list after 2-3 years, or go ahead and drop those that aren't sending cards to us 'because we aren't family'.

I appreciate all input...

 

[KirstenB]

Go ahead and drop them. Seriously, don't worry about it. They'll be fine with it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't care how many I get. I don't count them. I send to people who I want to wish Happy Holidays too. It is not an exchange. It is a note of good cheer.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

This year I tried a new tactic. I waited until I received a Christmas card from someone before sending them a card. In years past I mailed as many as 40 cards. Beautiful cards, too. I used to write a letter too, but this year I just don't feel the impetus.

 

[iwrbnd]

I've always loved sending out cards and never thought I would stop. It was always so fun to hear how my far away friends were and see pics of their family. Well, now with FB I already know what they've been doing and seeing many more pics than just the one a year. This is my first year not sending them. I think I'm ending that tradition. With computers and the cost of stamps it seems unnecessary. I tell them Merry Christmas free and instantly over the internet. It's hard to let traditions go, though!

 

[DVCLiz]

First, I would say that spending eighty cents and the minute it takes to write an address is...well...pretty cheap. Especially compared to what you could be spending on even one of those people if you did a gift exchange with them. 70 cards would be fifty-six bucks - again, not the most costly expense of the holiday season. An easy way to economize if you need to, but not really a bank-breaker, imo.

Still, I think it's a losing battle to decide who to send Christmas cards to based on who sends them to you. Instead, I would really focus on this - "Who do I want to make sure and keep informed about our family? Who is important enough to me to keep this tradition going, even if I don't hear back from them ever?" I'd make a list of the names that appear on THAT list and that's who I would send cards to.

And I'd stop calling people who don't send Christmas cards lazy, while I was at it!!

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

And I'd stop calling people who don't send Christmas cards lazy, while I was at it!!

The lazy part was ONLY referring to my family...ie my brother...and yes, he is lazy. I never said anything about others not mailing cards b/c they are lazy.

I am not talking about cutting out any close family members. I am talking about those that have informed me, by way of FB or phone, that apparantly I am not important enough to send a card. Those that are cutting out Christmas cards completely, or cutting us out b/c we aren't family to them. I totally get that cards are meant to be well wishes, and not just reciprocity. But I think if I am basically being told that I am not important enough to get a card, maybe I shouldn't mail one to them.

Thanks so far for the replies. I have already mailed all 70 out this year, and am just doing some thinking aloud for next year.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The lazy part was ONLY referring to my family...ie my brother...and yes, he is lazy. I never said anything about others not mailing cards b/c they are lazy.

I am not talking about cutting out any close family members. I am talking about those that have informed me, by way of FB or phone, that apparantly I am not important enough to send a card. Those that are cutting out Christmas cards completely, or cutting us out b/c we aren't family to them. I totally get that cards are meant to be well wishes, and not just reciprocity. But I think if I am basically being told that I am not important enough to get a card, maybe I shouldn't mail one to them.

Thanks so far for the replies. I have already mailed all 70 out this year, and am just doing some thinking aloud for next year.

Maybe they simply cannot afford to send them to everyone or anyone for that matter. I think it is a silly thing to be offended about. I sent out about 150 cards this year. I do it because I want to wish people well. Not because they owe me a card.

 

[dizluvah]

I think it is ok to trim your list of christmas card recipients however you see fit. Worst case, you get a card from someone you didn't send one to - no biggie you'll be sure to send them one next year.

My usual list is about 25-30 and this year I think I sent out 5 so far, I hope to to get the rest mailed on Monday (we'll see how it goes)

In all seriousness I had a dear friend send out her 2008 christmas cards in July 2009! She included both Christmas pictures of her children and cute beach photo of the girls too! Made me feel so much better about the times I am behind or just simply dont' get everything done!

 

[C.Ann]

I don't send cards expecting cards in return.. If I get them, that's fine - if I don't, that's fine too.. I send them because they're people that I want to wish a happy holiday to - nothing more, nothing less..

If you really want to cut back, make a list of who sent you cards this year and only send cards to them next year.. If a straggler comes in later, you can always quick mail out another card..

 

[livie1205]

I thought the point of sending cards was to wish someone merry christmas not to get one in return. We do not send out cards every year, we just get so busy but most people know we do not send cards and we still get very pretty cards and we say thank you.

 

[marlynnp]

I don't send cards expecting cards in return.. If I get them, that's fine - if I don't, that's fine too.. I send them because they're people that I want to wish a happy holiday to - nothing more, nothing less..

If you really want to cut back, make a list of who sent you cards this year and only send cards to them next year.. If a straggler comes in later, you can always quick mail out another card..

Exactly!

I can't get over how many posts I've seen lately where it appears that people are only doing things to "keep score".

As far as people letting one know that they are no longer sending cards - it's nice that they are acknowledging the receipt and giving thanks far what was sent. Otherwise one may wonder if it ever got there & if it didn't maybe they'd be 'keeping score' and you'd be down one!

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I've never thought of Christmas cards as an exchange. I know people who have never sent out Christmas cards, but they remain on my list. Send out to who you really want to and don't feel obliged. If you feel the need to trim your list, go for it. You can always send out a card to someone if they mail you one and they weren't on your shortened list.

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

Exactly!

I can't get over how many posts I've seen lately where it appears that people are only doing things to "keep score".

As far as people letting one know that they are no longer sending cards - it's nice that they are acknowledging the receipt and giving thanks far what was sent. Otherwise one may wonder if it ever got there & if it didn't maybe they'd be 'keeping score' and you'd be down one!

First...let me say this isn't about 'keeping score'. I have always mailed out lots more cards than I receive. I do know the situation with lots of the people that don't mail cards to me. I honestly don't expect my grandma in the assisted living home to send me one, or my good friend whose child has cancer (and she is at the hospital all the time). And there are other situations as well.

This is basically about those who have let me know that they aren't sending a card to me b/c I am not family. In other words, they are going to keep sending out cards to other people (family) and not to me. I mean, I have actually been told the exact words..."we are only sending cards to family this year". That tells me that I am somewhat unimportant.

Thank you for all the input thus far, but I think I have made a decision. I think I am going to stick to my 2-3 years without a card rule of thumb, just b/c some people may be cutting back this year b/c of the economy. It has never been about 'keeping score'.

 

[justhat]

I'm sure you're not just trying to send cards to get them in return. I know I do not. Like you, we send out about 75 cards a year. I do send them to people who never send out cards, but if someone told me they no longer wanted to send me a card, I would probably phase them out. I think it's different if someone has never sent out cards or isn't sending them for the purpose of saving money during years when money is tight, but to say "I don't feel like sending a card to *you* this year," well, that seems different to me.

So in your case, I'd probably eliminate those people over time, but keep on the others who have never really sent cards, or for whatever reason just don't.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Go ahead and drop them.

I am dropping one of my relatives. After I sent them an easter card and told them how I almost died this year etc., and never heard from them, I figure its time to stop the christmas cards too.

2 other people I stilll send that I never get cards from, 1 is my cousin who is really bad off financially and the other is a single older male cousin who just doesnt do cards, never has.
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My new rule is if we dont hear from them the next year they dont get a card. I have too much medicallly on my plate to put in any extra effort for those who dont reciprocate etc.

Enjoy your holidays.