Relocating between Middle and High School

[Hillbeans]

I am hoping to hear some success stories that others have had in relocating and switching their child's school between 8th and 9th grade. Due to a number of factors I will be facing this issue with my 8th Grader after this year and ideally i'd rather relocate now than after he's started HS. My town does not have a High School, so everyone will now be attending a Regional or Private HS with many new faces in the fall. I would also not be relocating far, but I would cross county lines a few towns over which is also in my ex's school district (a positive I believe).

Any advice? Positive or Negative experiences to share?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I went to three high schools.

Relocating now would seem to be best because then all your child's high school years will be at one school.

The only con I can think of, if this is your plan anyway, is that freshman participating on audition/tryout activities will be limited. So for things like cheerleading, flags, band, fall sports, etc may be off the table. But better freshman year than a potential 1 year break with a transfer during high school.

If you know exactly where you are moving and when, you may be able to coordinate a tryout in anticipation of the move.

All my transfers were out of state and during the summer. Starting the new year in a new school was the easiest type of transition for me.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My son changed schools at the end of 6th. grade and at the end of 8th. grade into new schools in different cities. No change in our house address but schools were definitely not in our neighborhood.

My daughter changed end of 8th. to a new high school.

Both were able to adapt quickly, made friends and enjoyed their schools. We gave them leeway in choosing the school that fit them the best.

I will admit that they had a few friends each year who just could not do it and ended up leaving the schools and either doing online schooling or moving to another school.

For the record their high schools were private.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

My parents did this to me between 8th and 9th grade. As a parent, it may seem like "not a big deal", but trust me, it will be a very BIG DEAL to your child. You lose a sense of identity and security when you have to start over as the new kid, especially as a freshman. It's hard enough to be a freshman at all and horrible to be a freshman and have no friends you can count on or have shared experiences with.

I absolutely would not move my child at this age, away from long time friends. I resented my parent throughout high school for moving me. High school is hard enough with friends, peer pressure and all the other teenage drama.

 

[JanaDee]

My parents did this to me between 8th and 9th grade. As a parent, it may seem like "not a big deal", but trust me, it will be a very BIG DEAL to your child. You lose a sense of identity and security when you have to start over as the new kid, especially as a freshman. It's hard enough to be a freshman at all and horrible to be a freshman and have no friends you can count on or have shared experiences with.

I absolutely would not move my child at this age, away from long time friends. I resented my parent throughout high school for moving me. High school is hard enough with friends, peer pressure and all the other teenage drama.

I agree with you. DH and I decided that unless it was an absolutely dire situation, we would be staying in the same district where they started school.

We were both lucky enough to go to the same district K-12 and we both wanted the same for our kids.

 

[kamik86]

My parents did this to me between 8th and 9th grade. As a parent, it may seem like "not a big deal", but trust me, it will be a very BIG DEAL to your child. You lose a sense of identity and security when you have to start over as the new kid, especially as a freshman. It's hard enough to be a freshman at all and horrible to be a freshman and have no friends you can count on or have shared experiences with.

I absolutely would not move my child at this age, away from long time friends. I resented my parent throughout high school for moving me. High school is hard enough with friends, peer pressure and all the other teenage drama.

I think this depends on your area.

In my high school it was a regional school so we had people coming from about 10 different middle schools for 140 kids. Besides at lunch there was a decent chance you could be in a class and have 0 friends in that class... for several classes in a row. Especially if you weren't one of the kids that were friends with 3 quarters of your 8th grade class. I didn't have friends in most of my classes... and this was coming from the largest of the middle schools (so probably 50-60 of those incoming freshman were my middle school) some of the smaller schools on the edge of the distrct that are allowed to go but can't be bussed in... there were only 5 or 6 kids from their school sometimes... so they had classes with no one they even knew.

However this was almost better for me. I had more enemies from middle school then friends. So it also worked out that I had most of my classes without someone I had a negative history with either.

 

[sukhakuli]

My parents did this to me between 8th and 9th grade. As a parent, it may seem like "not a big deal", but trust me, it will be a very BIG DEAL to your child. You lose a sense of identity and security when you have to start over as the new kid, especially as a freshman. It's hard enough to be a freshman at all and horrible to be a freshman and have no friends you can count on or have shared experiences with.

I absolutely would not move my child at this age, away from long time friends. I resented my parent throughout high school for moving me. High school is hard enough with friends, peer pressure and all the other teenage drama.

Wow. Well, it happened to me, too. I moved away from the only city I'd ever lived or been in to a totally different area 2,000 miles away. It wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, and I certainly have not held on to the bitterness now as an adult.

It probably depends on the type of kid you have. I think if your kid is a generally positive kid, who easily makes friends and tends to roll with the punches, then your kid will probably do just fine.

 

[laurafergie]

We moved in 2013, DD14 went into 8th grade in her new school. We went from a huge urban school system in Virginia to a very small rural school in Oklahoma. It went very well, all things considered. DD is in band and did very well fitting in. Not counting episodes of culture shock, which still happen on occasion even a year later.

Back in the day, my parents moved across the country in the middle of my 9th grade year, and then changed me again the beginning of 10th grade. That did not go well with me. OP, if you are moving, do it before high school.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

Wow. Well, it happened to me, too. I moved away from the only city I'd ever lived or been in to a totally different area 2,000 miles away. It wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, and I certainly have not held on to the bitterness now as an adult.

It probably depends on the type of kid you have. I think if your kid is a generally positive kid, who easily makes friends and tends to roll with the punches, then your kid will probably do just fine.

Not sure what the "wow" was for-- but I can assure you that if you are implying that I have bitterness in adulthood, I do not. I am merely stating the fact that during high school I did, indeed, resent my parents move and that it did impact me as a young adolescent. And as such, I would not take the same action for my child.

BTW, if I misunderstood your tone and your "wow" was meant as admiration for the way I articulated my experience, then thank you for the positive feedback and please ignore the paragraph above. So hard to tell what people mean sometimes when you don't have them in front of you.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

I am hoping to hear some success stories that others have had in relocating and switching their child's school between 8th and 9th grade. Due to a number of factors I will be facing this issue with my 8th Grader after this year and ideally i'd rather relocate now than after he's started HS. My town does not have a High School, so everyone will now be attending a Regional or Private HS with many new faces in the fall. I would also not be relocating far, but I would cross county lines a few towns over which is also in my ex's school district (a positive I believe).

Any advice? Positive or Negative experiences to share?

I moved 3 times in high school, went to the same school for 9th and 10th grade, then 1 for 11th and one for 12th. It wasn't a bad thing at all, but I'm a pretty outgoing person and make friends very easily. If you're son is someone who's pretty easy going, makes friends well, and enjoys new experiences, you should be fine.

 

[Colleen27]

We're considering the same thing so I'm interested to see what kind of feedback you get. The private school my girls attend goes to 8th grade and there isn't a single high school that all/most kids move on to - my 13yo's class of 8 kids will be splitting between 4 different high schools - so we're thinking when our youngest finishes 8th grade might be a good time to move since she'll be making a transition to a new social group no matter where she goes to high school.

 

[Pamlur]

My family moved six weeks into my senior year in high school; I left the very small school that I had attended my entire life, and landed in a school that was several times the size of the one I was used to. I debated my choices; I could be miserable, and would feel very justified in letting my parents know exactly how miserable I was, or I could understand that this was my one and only senior year ever. I decided on the second one. The two principals knew each other, so I transferred over to the new school's NHS and school paper staff. I found a small group of close friends who happily added me, and I found an unattached football player to date.

I had an incredible senior year. Yes, I was sad that I didn't have it with my best friends, and I still go back to that school's class reunions. But the move forced me out of my cocoon of timidity and I think it changed my life for the better. A move doesn't have to ruin your life.

 

[powellrj]

My parents did this to me between 8th and 9th grade. As a parent, it may seem like "not a big deal", but trust me, it will be a very BIG DEAL to your child. You lose a sense of identity and security when you have to start over as the new kid, especially as a freshman. It's hard enough to be a freshman at all and horrible to be a freshman and have no friends you can count on or have shared experiences with.

I absolutely would not move my child at this age, away from long time friends. I resented my parent throughout high school for moving me. High school is hard enough with friends, peer pressure and all the other teenage drama.

This is how my move went too. Even 30 years later my mom says it changed my whole personality. I went from secure and happy to insecure and while not unhappy, just not as upbeat as I was before the move.

I had sworn I would never do it to my kids. You know what that means, we did it to our youngest. She also went from a large urban school to a small rural school too. She had a rough freshman year, but bloomed in her sophomore year and then really had a great Jr and Senior year. Was in homecoming court and valedictorian. Both things I am not sure she would have done in her old school because there were over 400 in her class not 65 like in her new school.

 

[Bluestars]

I am hoping to hear some success stories that others have had in relocating and switching their child's school between 8th and 9th grade. Due to a number of factors I will be facing this issue with my 8th Grader after this year and ideally i'd rather relocate now than after he's started HS. My town does not have a High School, so everyone will now be attending a Regional or Private HS with many new faces in the fall. I would also not be relocating far, but I would cross county lines a few towns over which is also in my ex's school district (a positive I believe).

Any advice? Positive or Negative experiences to share?

Since your town doesn't have a high school and most of the kids will be attending a regional school or private school, I think between 8th and 9th grade is the perfect time to make a move. I went to four different high schools and wasn't traumatized. I made friends in all of the schools, but wished I had gone to the same school all four years. I think as long as all of the high school years are at the same school, it's not that big of an adjustment.

Some schools have activities for incoming freshman where they can meet other kids. I would look into things like that. Kids can adjust. Several of my son's good friends from elementary and high school ended up moving either during middle school or high school.

Since the school might be in your ex husband's district, maybe he will make friends who live near your ex too,

 

[elaine amj]

I think you just don;t know what will happen in high school or in the future anyway. You make the best decisions possible at each stage.

You could keep your kid in the same school forever and things happen and they can have a miserable time in high school. Or you could move and they could also have a miserable time. Or vice versa. Ask enough people and you'll have experiences from all 4 different scenarios.

For me, my elementary school was fine - a little blah. I got on well enough with my classmates but no super close connections. I did OK in high school, making a couple of good friends right off the bat. My parents moved me after 1 yr of high school. I wasn't too happy but understood and accepted that it was for the best (never felt it was the kid's place to decide where we live). I ended up making the best friends possible fairly quickly and high school was amazing. I am fairly social but not so great at close friendships so it wasn't the easiest move and I was understandably pretty nervous.

Just do what u think is best - there really is no right answer but my guess is that if u survey a bunch of people, you'll find the majority of kids adapt just fine.

 

[NewRVLady]

Mine went to HS with a couple friends but ended up having ALL new friends Soohomore year! These kids went to different grammar schools, so it was almost like relocating

 

[Kellydelly]

I'd much rather have to start over as a freshman than in the middle of my junior year like my mom made me. I wouldn't worry about a move at this stage traumatizing your kid. Do what you have to do, and give any support you can to maintaining ties with current friends and helping to foster new friendships .

 

[minkydog]

I am hoping to hear some success stories that others have had in relocating and switching their child's school between 8th and 9th grade. Due to a number of factors I will be facing this issue with my 8th Grader after this year and ideally i'd rather relocate now than after he's started HS. My town does not have a High School, so everyone will now be attending a Regional or Private HS with many new faces in the fall. I would also not be relocating far, but I would cross county lines a few towns over which is also in my ex's school district (a positive I believe).

Any advice? Positive or Negative experiences to share?

I did not move my kids, but I moved a lot as a child. When I was in 9th grade, my parents moved in the middle of the school year to a very small community where just about everyone was related to each other and had gone to school together since 1st grade. It was hard to break in with them, I will admit. However, since I had no choice in the matter, I just had to do my best.

It all worked out for me and my 4 younger siblings. We joined the band, participated in theater, took shop & home ec, went to High School Bowl. It took me about 1-1/2 years to really feel comfortable (11th grade). My next sister and I graduated from that high school. The other 3 got moved in middle & high school a few years later. We all managed to find our way. The 4 of us girls went on to college and did very well.

 

[Schmeck]

We moved the summer before 9th grade - and as an only child I hated the move. It's one thing if you have siblings to help the 'new kid' process get going, it's a different story if it's just you, and you're shy to begin with. I never made any good friends in high school, underachieved for the first year, and have no fond recollections of high school at all.

Comparing the moving of one child to a new district with an entire school in a regional system is not the same, BTW.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think it would be good time to move, as the kids here are coming to the high school from two different towns / middle schools anyway, so they're all making new friends, in classes with new people, etc. Plus, if everyone else is new to the building too, you're no more lost than anyone else.

I would acknowledge the difficulties and be sympathetic, but also focus on the positives of the move - whether it is a better job, closer to family, classes this school offers that the other doesn't, etc.