relationship question

[happygirl]

Do you think it's possible to fall out of love with your spouse? Then do you think it's possible to fall back in love with the same person?

 

[allyphoe]

Yes to both. There's nothing magical about marrying someone that keeps you from falling out of love with them, nor anything magical about falling out of love with someone that keeps you from falling in love with them again.

 

[ChrizJen]

I believe 100% that a person can fall out of love with his/her significant other. I'm a firm believer in the concept that once you've loved someone, you'll always love them. But that's not to say that you'll always be "in love" with them.
If both parties don't make a conscious effort every day to make it work, then things can and probably will fall apart. And under those circumstances, given that you never really stop loving a person, I also think it's quite possible that you'll eventually fall "back into love".

 

[esbrick]

Do you think it's possible to fall out of love with your spouse? Then do you think it's possible to fall back in love with the same person?

Sure! Relationships are full of growth and change. Sometimes there are things in your relationship ie environement, situations, work that can impact how you relate to eachother. As your relationship goes on you choose how you are going to react both emotionally and literally. If you are lucky enough you and your spouse can get through it and develop a new relationship and though you can never go back to what "was" maybe you find that this new "person" throughout their own evolution is someone whom you can love even more.

We can't change eachother but we can change our selves and how we react to others. Something you thought maynot work or may be a little off could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

It's not always easy but yes it can happen

 

[georgina]

I have never liked the expression "falling in love". To me that describes more of an infatuation. Loving someone is a decision you make. There are times when it is really hard, times when it is easier. Sometimes it is tough to remember why you "fell in love" with this person, and both people may need to work on making it better.

 

[Pigeon]

I've been married 30 years. Fortunately for us, 98% of the time, it's been great. But sure, sometimes you can't stand each other and you wonder why you bother.

Like most things worth doing in life, relationships take effort, and they aren't always perfect.

 

[happygirl]

Thanks everyone

 

[Rora]

Yes to both, for sure!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I have never liked the expression "falling in love". To me that describes more of an infatuation. Loving someone is a decision you make. There are times when it is really hard, times when it is easier. Sometimes it is tough to remember why you "fell in love" with this person, and both people may need to work on making it better.

I was trying to find a coherent and heartfelt way of expressing how I felt about this subject, but basically this is exactly what I wound have said.

 

[worm761]

I once heard that the key to a lasting marriage is to not fall out of love with your spouse at the same time as they have fallen out of love with you. I believe that it goes in cycles.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Definitely possible to both.

I concur with those who have said that you have to make an effort. Just because you get married doesn't mean that being in love is forever. Saying "I love you" doesn't do it either. It's just words.

Actions speak volumes.

Ask anyone who has been married for several years. It wasn't always easy, but they decided to work to get through it. My grandparents have been married for 71 years... it wasn't a smooth ride the whole way.

 

[bumbershoot]

Do you think it's possible to fall out of love with your spouse? Then do you think it's possible to fall back in love with the same person?

Absolutely.

I once heard that the key to a lasting marriage is to not fall out of love with your spouse at the same time as they have fallen out of love with you. I believe that it goes in cycles.

I've heard it too. So you just have to make sure that when you're in a "down" phase you don't behave so atrociously that you cause your spouse to feel that way at the same time. You have to realize that it's just a phase.

 

[happygirl]

I hope it just a phase.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yep. And I think it's possible to feel like you don't love them anymore, when really you do.

I've been married for 18 years and it amazes me how one week/day I can feel almost indifference to my husband, but the next I'm completely in love with him.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I hope it just a phase.

I think generally you control whether it is just a phase or becomes a permanent thing by how you react to it. If you make an effort to get things back on track (take the time to dress up once in a while and go out together, take the time to have real conversations, etc) they probably will get there. If you are indifferent to it, or expect it to just magically fix itself (or him to notice an magically fix it for you) then that won't happen.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I hope it just a phase.

It's only going to be a phase if you take action to change something. When's the last time you had a real conversation about something other than bills and children? Do you have any alone time?

Love may just happen but staying in love takes some action. Don't just sit around waiting for things to change without putting in some time as well. I don't mean just you, I also mean your spouse needs to do something as well.

 

[SC Minnie]

It takes work. When you are in a 'down phase' it takes a lot of work to remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place. What are the good qualities about your spouse. Make a concerted effort to rekindle the spark.

There is a song by Clint Black that sums it up for me.

Something That We Do lyrics

I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
I still believe the words we said
Forever will ring true
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't somethin' that we find
It's somethin' that we do

It's holdin' tight, lettin' go
It's flyin' high and layin' low
Let your strongest feelin' show
And your weekness too
It's a little and alot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't somethin' that we have
It's somethin' that we do

Chorus:We helped to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that we can't tell where I end and where you start

It gives me heart rememberin' how
We started with a simple vow
There's so much to look back on now
Still it feels brand new
We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just somethin' that we're in
It's somethin' that we do

Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
Love is why I love this song
And I hope you love it too
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's somethin' that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's somethin' that we do

 

[princesspiglet]

Yes, most definetly to both. About 5 years ago I "fell" out of love with my husband. I just did not have those feelings for him anymore that I used to have. We just moved to a new city away from my family and friends, we were raising a very strong-willed three year old and he was working a lot more hours than usual.

I hid the feelings from him for a few months until he did something that totally annoyed the crap out of me and I let him have it! I cried afterwards because I felt horrible for what I had said and that I had hurt him. We had a very long talk and decided to work on the marriage and to work on me finding that love again. He started working less hours, we hired a babysitter for date nights and we just generally spent more time together reminiscing about old times and talking about future plans. It didn't take me long to fall back into love with him- maybe a few months. It wasn't anything he did in particular, it was the general overall time we spent together and that fact that I realized that I didn't want to spend my life without him.

Our marriage is stronger now than it ever was, even though he is 1000 miles away in Afghanistan until July 2011. We send each other love letters and cards and continue to work on our marriage every day. We will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary in June 2011.

You need to stop and think about what you want for your future. Can you imagine living your life without your spouse? Does it make you sad or happy?

Sit down and talk things out and spend more time together reconnecting. I am so glad I did not just give up 5 years ago and end the marriage.

 

[holycow]

Absolutely

 

[Frantasmic]

My "surmisals" are based solely on your signature.

You have an older husband, who is approaching 40. You are still young and just into your 30s. You've probably been together about 6-9 years or longer. He's probably gotten into a rut, doesn't help out around the house much. Look's to you as a babysitter. He doesn't do anything romantic anymore: no flowers for no reason, no cards, little thought into birthday, anniversary, or Christmas gifts.

You probably think you've expressed your displeasure with the way things have changed; however, guys don't take hints, sighs, rolled eyes, or martyr actions. We are pretty dense and need to have it showed to us in black and white. However, don't give him ultimatims, don't be his mother. You simply ask him what he expects of you in the relationship, then you can tell him what you expect of him.