Registries - am I the only one who doesn't like them?

[CJMickeyMouse]

I hate registries. I always give cash so the couple can buy what they want and/or need.

DH and I bought a TV (I think it's 25" or so....) with the money we received for our wedding. Back then they were pretty expensive! We still have that same TV in our living room 15 years later, and just recently I looked back at my wedding gift list and thought fondly of all those who had given us cash!!!!

It is with this in mind that I happily write the check whenever DH and I are invited to a wedding.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
Gotcha. That must have been how DW did them, then. Can you tell I didn't do the invitations?

But did you help with the thank you cards, that's the key question?

 

[Kimberle]

I like them too.

I want to buy people a gift that they will appreaciate, not something that will sit in a closet somewhere. My taste may not be their taste.

When you register, you are not telling people what to buy, you are telling them what you like and need. They will decide what to buy! Just make sure to register for a wide variety of items in every price level.

Your guest will appreaciate it! (Unless you only register for items over $100. )

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Aimeedyan
But did you help with the thank you cards, that's the key question?

I did the addresses, DW did all the sappy stuff.

 

[mbb]

Originally posted by Amberle3

....DFi are still battling over this, and I will probably relent ...

What marriage is - compromise

My cousin and his wife were married just a month ago...never met the girl.
I had no idea what they - this is key -as a couple- would like for their home. I KNOW my cousin would love the drill thing, but she probably wouldn't..well, maybe she would

Anyway,...

They were registered for some lovely things, and some that were a little wacky, in my opinion.

We went with the wacky
And *they* loved it

Have Fun registering!!...and let me know where you did!!

 

[Amberle3]

I guess my problem is that I don't really want anyone to give me something that has no meaning to them as the gifter. Our guest list is small, we'll likely only have about 70 people at the wedding. Almost all of those are relatives.

I'd be totally touched and tickled pink with a photo album with memories from childhood days spent with relatives. But I frankly don't WANT someone to buy a gift just because they feel they have to. I don't want any obligation gifts, for any occasion, ever.

I would honestly be more tempted to say "the only gift we desire is the honour of your presence" than have a registry. Being able to spend my wedding day with family and friends and loved ones means more to me than any gift that could possibly be given.

As for other people's registries, frankly I resent being told what I should buy. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I just don't like being told what to give as a gift. I've been invitied to a total of 2 weddings with registries, and each time I'm afraid that if I give something meaningful that's NOT on the registry that they'll be disappointed with the gift because it's not what they asked for.

Aside: Not related to registries but to being told what to buy - several years ago one of my best friends was getting married. I received an invitation to her bridal shower that her aunt was hosting. There was a note in it that the family had decided that the bride should be given some expensive set of... something, can't remember what... for her wedding shower gift and that each person was to contribute $50 toward it and not bring any other gift. I called the aunt because a) I couldn't make it to the shower and b) I already had something in mind that I wanted to get for the bride and was told in no uncertain terms that other gifts were not *allowed* and that even if I wasn't going to be there I was still expected to contribute the $50 and to mail a cheque.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

What if I told you I don't buy a gift out of obligation? I buy them something because I want to. And as the gift giver I like knowing that they will like what I get them (something they have already chosen for themselves.)

I guess if you give something not off the registry you take a chance that they won't like it.

What kind of gifts do you give? Photo album type like you mentioned? Or do you just choose a household item you think they will like/need (like mongramed towels or a framed picture)? Just curious.

 

[tkyes]

You aren't being told what to buy though - you can chose to buy whatever you want.

Could you possibly get them something they hate if you don't buy off the registry, absolutely. That's why I chose something off the registry. I don't want my money to end up in a garage sale. I want the couple to get some use out of it.

The photo album sounds great, that would be a wonderful gift. How about a wall hanging with a deer painted on it? Sure, they might have picked with a lot of thought and that was very sweet of them, but what the heck are you going to do with it?

Given how you feel, I think you should requests no gifts, just their presence at your wedding. That's a great idea.

Now the required $50 things is absolutely horrible! I would not attend. That's just wrong.

 

[Az Pirates]

I like having a registry to help with picking something out too. Like someone else aid, just be sure to include a range of prices.
It's so much easier to shop when you have an idea what the couple would like.

My cousin and her DF registered at REI because they are really into outdoor sports and camping. They had no interest in getting a bunch of fine china and silver - but wanted to have their own camping gear instead of borrowing from family every weekend.
I have not seen her in years and would have had no idea!

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by Amberle3
I guess my problem is that I don't really want anyone to give me something that has no meaning to them as the gifter.

Like I said before, I don't have time to sit around and think about what would be "meaningful". I don't have time to create a photo album for someone else (I barely have time to create my own). If I was invited to a wedding where the couple wasn't registered, they would end up with a toaster or a blender. And probably more than one. Don't register if you don't want to. But, it will be easier on your guests if you do. Besides, if someone wants to give you a "meaningful" gift, they will do it anyway.

Oh and I agree, the mandatory $50 gift was just wrong.

 

[luvmk]

We registered for our wedding and it worked out very well. The people who wanted to use the register did, those that didn't, didn't. We were in no way telling people that the only things we would accept as gifts were on the register. It was merely suggestions for people who wanted to know what we could really use. We were starting with nothing. We had several people give money and some gave a gift that they chose on their own. One lady who loves to cook gave us a wonderful assortment of cookbooks. I hope that wasn't a hint! We also had people give us engraved picture frames. Two different people made us quilts. This was 13 years ago and I still remember the gifts we received, registery or not. Just realize that many people like to shop from a registry because they really want to give you a gift that you can use/want. To me, that just says they care about you and want to do something nice for you. Enjoy your day!


Rachel

 

[RadioNate]

As a shopper, I love registries. I wish people would register more.

I hate shopping and to pick out gifts...just tell me what you want and I'll get that. Want to be surprised? fine give me some choices....

Same things with kids birthday parties. For my son's friends. I'm always stressed out buying something. What if they already have the toy I'm looking at. Do they collect something specific? What did other people buy. I doubt I'll ever register my kid at TRU but I like direction.

I like Christmas lists.

I want to get people things they want or need.

 

[RachelEllen]

Originally posted by Amberle3
I guess my problem is that I don't really want anyone to give me something that has no meaning to them as the gifter. Our guest list is small, we'll likely only have about 70 people at the wedding. Almost all of those are relatives.

I'd be totally touched and tickled pink with a photo album with memories from childhood days spent with relatives. But I frankly don't WANT someone to buy a gift just because they feel they have to. I don't want any obligation gifts, for any occasion, ever.

That's a wonderful attitude. Can I add a different perspective? We weren't going to register either, but some relatives really wanted us too. Especially if your fiance comes from a family that does register, it can be a nice thing to do for guests. There were people who really, sincerely wanted to give us gifts, didn't want to give cash, and didn't want to try to figure out something personal. It didn't make the desire to give us something any less genuine, but I realized that I really was adding to their stress level by not giving them guidence.

We also had one aunt who really wanted to give us silverware. That's the sort of thing that you almost have to have a registry for, so people know what peices and pattern you need.

You can register and never tell anyone who doesn't ask! I think most people's problems with registries come from them being flaunted (insert cards in wedding invitations, that sort of thing) and their being rediculously expensive and overextended. If you really register with the thought that it's a service for those guests who want it, it could be a very nice gesture.

Rachel

 

[princess pooh]

I love picking gifts off the registry. I don't always know the couple getting married that well and this way I can get them something they really want. Even when it comes to my close friends, I'd rather not guess at what they'd need. I spend countless hours at my best friends house but I have no idea how many serving bowls she has.

I'm not good with really personal, thoughtful gifts for some reason. I always get the wrong thing

 

[JetMom]

I am also uncomfortable with the whole registry idea. I did not register when I got married or when my DS's were born because I was not comfortable with it.

I do understand the rationale behind it, I'm just not sure how I feel about using one.

 

[dbal]

I'm with jetmom-

I don't get it either. It takes the guesswork out of gift giving which I'm all for. But there is something about it that's so .... i don't know materialistic.
Right now- I have a baby shower to shop for a friend. TWINS. She was just telling me all about not being able to afford childcare, diapers, & the like which hey- most people can usually relate. Well I just went online to check out the registry and whoa!!! shower curtain $50, lampshades $35, and all these decor items that are really pricey. I think I will stick with a Pampers GC. I don't get it.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
Trust me, it's a lot better option than letting hundreds of people go off on their own and buy what they think you might like.

We've got an assortment of those gifts -- trust me, we know who they come from, but that doesn't make them better than the other things.

It's also easier for your guests as well -- especially if you're not really close to them. How would my aunt who lives in Indiana that I last saw when I was 8 know what type of home furnishings I would like?

ITA with Bob..Your wedding guests that really care would much rather get you something you want, than something that will be returned, stuffed in a closet, donated, or "shudder" regifted...

A registery is not demanding or asking for gifts, it is only suggestions of things you would like. It is a totally accepted and appreciated practice. It is NOT proper ettiquette to refer to the registery in any of your invitations....People usually call someone close to you or whoever is hosting your shower to ask where you are registered.

Don't register, and you may end up with a hand made quilt like I did that is just too hideous for words...Sweet? Yes. Would I ever take it out of the box? Never.

Don't feel bad...Some brides think it is OK to ask specifically for money...I KNOW that you would never do that....

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding..

 

[mtemm]

personally I love registries, both as a giver and a receiver.

 

[princess pooh]

Ooh I just thought of something my brother's friend did instead of registering for baby gifts. They could afford everything they wanted so they set up a fund for a children's charity in their daughter's name. I thought it was a really sweet idea . Amberle3, maybe that could be your alternative to having a gift registry?

 

[binny]

Aside: Not related to registries but to being told what to buy - several years ago one of my best friends was getting married. I received an invitation to her bridal shower that her aunt was hosting. There was a note in it that the family had decided that the bride should be given some expensive set of... something, can't remember what... for her wedding shower gift and that each person was to contribute $50 toward it and not bring any other gift. I called the aunt because a) I couldn't make it to the shower and b) I already had something in mind that I wanted to get for the bride and was told in no uncertain terms that other gifts were not *allowed* and that even if I wasn't going to be there I was still expected to contribute the $50 and to mail a cheque.

now THAT is the epitomy of tacky!!!