Red-neck letter....

[EROS]

 

[Amusement Park Junkie]

OK, I had to go find my collection to add to this post.

MARTHA STEWART’S TIPS FOR REDNECKS
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3 Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
3. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

And some more worthy of Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a Redneck Jedi if.....

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookies are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

 

[JohnTBap]

 

[Lars624]

I think that Blondes were left off of the list of groups that get picked on in jokes.

 

[AF Brenda]

I've spent most of my life in the South, and I see nothing at all offensive about the letter...as someone mentioned, it is really no different than the Beverly Hillbillies and a Jeff Foxworthy CD.

And BTW, Southerners are not a different race....

 

[I <3 Eeyore]

I thought it was funny, Tony, but then I AM a d@mn yankee.

 

[EROS]

Originally posted by AF Brenda


And BTW, Southerners are not a different race....

Hey, maybe not, but how many people in Boston drive pickups with rifles mounted in the backseat???

 

[Jenzebelle]

Hey, maybe not, but how many people in Boston drive pickups with rifles mounted in the backseat???

Maybe not in Boston, but New England has its fair amount of rednecks. Only here they're called "Swamp Yankees"

I thought the joke was funny. I've heard it before as an Irish version - I think he redneck version is much more easily indentifiable though.

 

[Serena]

Most of my relatives are rednecks, though not quite this bad. lol I still think it's funny.

 

[A kid at heart]

I love redneck jokes and this one was really good! so were the other ones.

 

[JohnTBap]

Originally posted by EROS


Hey, maybe not, but how many people in Boston drive pickups with rifles mounted in the backseat???

Your facts are ERRONEOUS.

The GUN RACK is mounted, not the rifle.

 

[snowwhitemom]

I do NOT think that southerns or rednecks are a race....I did not make myself clear, sorry. I suppose the best way to say it that when I hear the term rednecks that I do think of a racist. Just my perception.

 

[UncleKyle]

Good post Tony

 

[EROS]

Originally posted by JohnTBap

The GUN RACK is mounted, not the rifle.

Soooooooooooo,what makes YOU such an expert on "mounting"????????

 

[I <3 Eeyore]

 

[JohnTBap]

Originally posted by EROS


Soooooooooooo,what makes YOU such an expert on "mounting"????????

What makes you NOT????

 

[vickyBaby]

You know you're a redneck if:

You think Possum is the other white meat.

 

[EROS]

OK, so you have a "thing" about MOUNTIES , BUT that doesn't suggest that you have any expertise in MOUNTING......rifle racks

 

[I <3 Eeyore]

OMG, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying here.

 

[JohnTBap]

Originally posted by EROS
OK, so you have a "thing" about MOUNTIES , BUT that doesn't suggest that you have any expertise in MOUNTING......rifle racks

My location alone suggests that I know EXACTLY how to handle a rifle. Care to come down and find out?