Recovering from a bad freshman year at college....

[disney314]

OK, I posted then deleted....because I am having a frustrating day. I have twins who just had a horrible Freshman year and I am wondering if anyone else experienced that and if they saw their kids turn it around the next year. They don't party (they live at home so I see them at night when they go to bed). One is just in a very hard/competitive major and the other has a learning disability (ADD) and is having a hard time figuring all of this out. So this year was pretty much a total waste, and if we were paying full price I would feel like giving up. But my husband works at the university so we only have to pay fees and books (not tuition) so we can afford to let them keep going.......just wondering if anyone can give me 'hope' with a story of others who had a bad freshman year that turned it around the next year.

 

[UConnFan]

I'm just finishing grad school now, so I have recent experience in the college world.

First of all, I would suggest talking to your sons' school about their services for students with disabilities. My school has a great program with lots of options.

Secondly, depending on your circumstances, I would consider having your sons take less credits next semester. That was never an option for me because I needed to be a full time student to stay on my parent's health insurance, but it's something to think about. If they can't drop some credits next semester, help them to plan their schedule to spread the hard courses out. I tried as hard as possible to only have one or two classes that were really challenging at a time. As sophomores, they're likely still taking some gen ed requirements, so carefully select the course they take for that. I used ratemyprofessor.com to help me choose which professors I took classes with. Often, a professor makes or breaks the difficulty of the course.

You may want to look into summer courses, as well. If there is a class that is particularly challenging and is offered over the summer, have your sons take it now. Only having one course to worry about will allow them to focus their energy on doing well rather than meeting lots of different requirements.

It may benefit them to do some research on how to study. I know some schools offer courses, but you can find lots of info online, as well. Transitioning from high school (where much of the info is handed to the student) to college (where learning is largely independent) is challenging. There are lots of learning styles, and figuring out what works best for your self individually is key to success.

Make sure your sons are taking advantage of office hours. The professors will give your sons studying tips (for example, which info to focus on), help your sons organize their learning, support missing information, etc. Also, professors are much more understanding of students who struggle but show the effort, than students who are struggling but never come for help.

I've known lots of people who have struggled freshman year and then turned it around. This transition is hard! It takes some time to really understand how to be successful in college. In fact, I'm finishing my fifth year in higher education, and I'm still learning how to be a good college student

It will all work out! It just takes some planning and hard work!

 

[UConnFan]

 

[disney314]

I am just so frustrated right now I don't know what to do. We did have them drop credits. So far, it looks like they are going to get credit for 9 hours for both semesters.....so 18 credit hours total for the year (you need 30 to be considered a Sophomore). One is going to take a summer class that is really hard so that is the only class they need to focus on (the other is leaving for a job over the summer).

They both have to retake classes from this year. So far they aren't on probation because we keep having them drop classes that we can see they are failing.

Insurance shouldn't be an issue any more because they can stay on until 26 regardless of school status.

And the one is a part of the 'student with disabilities' program, but it isn't really much help.

I am just really hoping NEXT year things click. But I just don't know. I have a masters, my husband has a PhD....we really just don't understand why this is happening.

 

[Mkrop]

What classes are they struggling with? Did they talk to the professors? Did they join any study groups?

I am not saying your kids did this, but my DBro commuted to school for a year and never went to class. He hung out in the lounge areas and talked with people. My mom saw him everyday since he lived at home and he left every morning to go to class. He dropped stuff without telling her and then eventually dropped out. He said it was too hard, um yeah it would be hard if you dont actually go TO the class.

Can your kids look for some easier classes to bring up their GPAs, this might give them a boost of confidence as well?

 

[Christine]

Glad you reposted.

Yes, I went through this my DD's freshman year, although, I cannot say it was a surprise. She was an apathetic student in high school. I had hoped that going away and being immersed in a school environment would help things. No, it did not. In fact, she was put on probation and then, didn't pick it up the next semester, and was eventually suspended.

I saw it coming but I did not do what you did to stop it. I let her fail. It was the best thing I ever did. I did not come to her rescue and make it so she would not get on probation. The *sting* of probation and suspension by someone other than her parents was a big slap in the face for her.

She came home, went to school locally, did fine. She then realized how great it was at her 4 year college and wanted to go back. She did return and has now consistently pulled a 3.4-ish GPA. She will graduate in Dec 2013--a little behind but a lot more mature and savvy.

All I can say is that you have to figure out WHY they are not motivated to do well. My DD also has ADD issues but she knew how to handle them from high school so we didn't really blame it on that. We did have a few weeks where she wasn't medicated properly but I made a new appointment and got everything adjusted better. We found that short acting Ritalin, in college, was better than the all-day stuff due to the way her classes were scheduled.

I don't really have any advice. Letting her fail is what worked for us but it's a hard thing to do.

 

[yoopermom]

Please understand that I say this with all the kindness in my heart. As someone with advanced degrees myself, I "expect" my DS to go to college and get a degree in order to have a career. But, are you sure one or both of your sons really *want* to go to college, or is it just a matter of them doing it because they are able to go for such a reduced rate/live at home/etc? Any student has to feel ownership in their own education, or they often won't feel the desire to succeed.

If they do want to do this, would they be better off at a different school (even though it would cost more) that would fit their individual needs better? I work at a technical college, and we have many students with special needs here learning trades, who largely do very well.

Just some things to think about. I really do feel for you, it's never easy.

Terri

Terri

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You and your DH know the hard work that goes into college work. Can you in all honesty say they put the time in that they needed to put into their studies?

 

[eliza61]

OK, I posted then deleted....because I am having a frustrating day. I have twins who just had a horrible Freshman year and I am wondering if anyone else experienced that and if they saw their kids turn it around the next year. They don't party (they live at home so I see them at night when they go to bed). One is just in a very hard/competitive major and the other has a learning disability (ADD) and is having a hard time figuring all of this out. So this year was pretty much a total waste, and if we were paying full price I would feel like giving up. But my husband works at the university so we only have to pay fees and books (not tuition) so we can afford to let them keep going.......just wondering if anyone can give me 'hope' with a story of others who had a bad freshman year that turned it around the next year.

I'm a living breathing example of bombing out my freshman year. Don't give up.

I went to the University of Pitt. It was really my first experience away from home for an extended period of time and I wasn't the maturest 18 year old anyway.

I completely bombed my first term. 1 c, a couple of d's and a withdrawal. I wasn't sure of my major. I came home for the summer and worked at Macy's on 34th street and figured that I hated working retail so I'd better get my backside in gear.

I was not a "dis" kid. I did not have all the answers at 17, I did stupid things as a teenager, I was not uber mature. My father did lay down the law and it finally kicked in.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

Freshman year is the easiest material they'll learn, but it's unsurprisingly the toughest semester(s) for most students because they don't know how to transition from high school to college studying.

You say that they live at home - is this a choice, or is there no on-campus living at their school? I ask this because our campus has live-learning communities and I know many people who have benefitted greatly from this. My boyfriend was in the engineering live/learn community his freshman year, and I honestly don't think he would've made it without it. Not only did their dorm offer tutoring sessions, test preps, etc., but his first semester, everyone on the hall had the same classes. So they could study together and ask each other questions on homework. Living on campus, you're close to the library, surrounded by other people who are studying just like you. Our school has statistics that students that live on campus their freshman (required) and sophomore years have a much higher success rate than those who move off campus, and I'm not at all surprised.

The DS in the difficult major.... now is the time to decide if this is the major for him. Does he have a passion for it? Does it motivate him? Can he see himself doing this in the future... for the rest of his life? If not, it's time to look into other majors and make the change now. There is no shame in changing your major because it's not what you want to do. So many people don't even know what they want to major in when they go to college. But the longer you wait to make the change, the more tough-as-heck classes you took become... electives.

There are also many ways to boost your GPA in college. Take all of the difficult classes that are offered at a tech or community college during the summer. At most schools, they'll transfer in as credit and not affect your GPA. C=passing. Take summer classes at your college that interest you. I took a 6-hour Spanish immersion program - it was a fun and not too difficult 6 hours of A.

As for your DS with ADD, I think you should evaluate with him whether or not this college and major is really the right path for him. Does he want to keep going? Would he be happier at a smaller college/community college/tech school? Maybe the college he's at just doesn't fit. And there is no shame in that. Not everyone needs to go to a state college, and you don't have to go to college to be successful. If he does want to continue at this school, look into getting him a private teacher or perhaps a mentor in his major that can help him build his schedule, study for classes, etc.

I wish them the best of luck!

 

[disney314]

Well one of them is studying all the time and going to tutoring and study groups. She (I have DDs not DS, I must have posted that wrong) is home a lot studying in her room. But she is in nursing and never had anatomy or high level chemistry in her high school and the science classes are overwhelming to her.

The other, with ADD, is so disorganized and is missing information and therefore misses deadlines....mostly in one class (all the other classes the grades are passing this semester) where the prof is confusing, but she doesn't want to go talk to them in their office (although I may have finally gotten through with the speech about going to talk to the prof and see how things are going....this particular prof hasn't posted any grades at all so we have no idea what is going to happen in the class).

And yes, I know that sometimes you have to just let them fail...and that is where DH and I are.....trying to figure out if we left them fail or if we don't give up on them. Which we have already decided to give them another year, but I just don't know if it is going to happen for them.

Oh and they live at home because it costs $8500 a year each for them to live on campus, and we live within walking distance (well 30 minutes when they walk so they usually drive which is 8 minutes). They basically are only home to eat breakfast, shower, and sleep at night. Sometimes they are here to eat at other times but it is usually just run in and then run out. The rest of the time they are on campus, at their jobs, or at their volunteer work.

 

[thedonduck]

I guess where I sit I would let them fail. College is supposed to be the time that not only you learn your choice of studies, but also what it is like to be an adult and independent. It may be time to step back and let them proceed on their own. Your DC with Add/ADHD is not going to have you holding their hand when they start a career/job. There is ALWAYS going to be deadlines and schedule, etc. They need to be able to figure out what schedule system works best for THEM. If you are always helping with your way, they can't figure out works best for them.

As far as nursing is concerned, the best thing you can do is get involved with study groups, meet with the prof/TAs, etc. She is going to need to study her butt off to catch up, but again it is up to her to make sure this is what she wants.

 

[Bearvet]

Freshman year is the easiest material they'll learn, but it's unsurprisingly the toughest semester(s) for most students because they don't know how to transition from high school to college studying.

I disagree with this - I think a lot of freshman classes are "weed-out" classes and can be quite difficult. DS24 went in as an engineering major and had a terrible freshman year - was even put on academic probation. Once he withdrew from the engineering major, he took mostly GenEds to help get his GPA back up to a reasonable level. He decided to apply to the school of business once he got up to a 3.0. The only business major accepting that low of a GPA was real estate, but it was a starting point. He eventually brought his GPA up enough to get into the major he really wanted - logistics & operations management.

Once he was in that major, the classes seemed much easier and he maintained his gpa. He graduated 2 quarters later than planned, but had 2 solid job offers well before he graduated. I'm pleased to say that he's been totally self-sufficient for 1 year now and has an excellent job.

DS20 was in Athletic Training pre-major and the sciences were difficult for him - mostly Cs and Ds. He managed a C in Anatomy and didn't do well at all in Physiology - there was no way he'd get accepted into his major. Last summer he/we did a lot of soul-searching and decided he needed a major that wouldn't focus on the sciences. We came up with Construction Systems Management and luckily his gpa met the bare minimum to get into the major. He LOVES the new major and is like a new kid this year - very happy.

So, I've been through this twice now and with some guidance (and patience) we've worked through it with good results. DS18 is going in undecided - I never thought I'd approve of that but maybe he'll be the one to make out well in his freshman year.

Have you visited the college confidential discussion boards? Might be a good idea to post your question there - maybe under the parents forum.

Good luck!

 

[eliza61]

I am just so frustrated right now I don't know what to do. We did have them drop credits. So far, it looks like they are going to get credit for 9 hours for both semesters.....so 18 credit hours total for the year (you need 30 to be considered a Sophomore). One is going to take a summer class that is really hard so that is the only class they need to focus on (the other is leaving for a job over the summer).

They both have to retake classes from this year. So far they aren't on probation because we keep having them drop classes that we can see they are failing.

Insurance shouldn't be an issue any more because they can stay on until 26 regardless of school status.

And the one is a part of the 'student with disabilities' program, but it isn't really much help.

I am just really hoping NEXT year things click. But I just don't know. I have a masters, my husband has a PhD....we really just don't understand why this is happening.

Just some additional thoughts.

1) my son is an aspergers child. colleges now do have disabilities programs but they still require a large degree of independance.

2) you also mentioned that they work and do volunteer work. Maybe all that is too much. No way, no how could my kids work and handle college at the same time. Many kids can, my kids were and are not wired like that. they work summer and christmas break but that's it.

3) leave you and your dh out of the equation. You are you, your dh is his own self and your kids are your kids. every one learns differently, every one matures differently.

 

[diznygirl]

I've noticed that there is a boost of self-esteem in the second year of college. Kids look around at everyone who survived the first year and know they made it this far. They are more familiar with how college works And this translates into being more relaxed with classes and studying. It's funny, because I saw my son go through this between 6th and 7th grade. I hope this pertains to your kids and that they get over the hump and keep on going.

 

[scoutie]

What kind of support is your dd getting who has ADD? Is her medication the correct dose? Does she have the right type of medication for her? If you're not medicating, is she trying to treat the ADD with diet, exercise, etc.?

With ADD, as I'm sure you know, it's very difficult to just "be organized". Finding the right treatment plan could do wonders for your dd.

You might want to consider if college is right for your kids.....right now. Maybe taking a few classes at a community college would be a better idea.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

I disagree with this - I think a lot of freshman classes are "weed-out" classes and can be quite difficult. DS24 went in as an engineering major and had a terrible freshman year - was even put on academic probation. Once he withdrew from the engineering major, he took mostly GenEds to help get his GPA back up to a reasonable level. He decided to apply to the school of business once he got up to a 3.0. The only business major accepting that low of a GPA was real estate, but it was a starting point. He eventually brought his GPA up enough to get into the major he really wanted - logistics & operations management.

Once he was in that major, the classes seemed much easier and he maintained his gpa. He graduated 2 quarters later than planned, but had 2 solid job offers well before he graduated. I'm pleased to say that he's been totally self-sufficient for 1 year now and has an excellent job.

Classes in your major are always "easier" because those are the classes you really care about. 101-level courses may be "weed out," but it's the easiest material you'll learn in that subject. Yes, it's a lot of material and it will hit you hard if you don't know how to study yet, but after completing four subsequent courses, 101 looks like a cake walk in difficulty level. Weed-out courses exist for a purpose - if you can't make it through 101, you probably shouldn't be in that major. That doesn't mean that 101 is easy at the time, but compared to the more difficult classes that you take, it really was.

What's difficult are Gen Eds that you don't really care about or have a desire to do, but are required for graduation. That's when the 101-level courses really suck. Because who cares if that's the easiest Biological Sciences course available - it sucks and isn't interesting at all.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My almost 22yodd is still struggling so I know how frustrating it is.

Sounds like your nursing dd will be fine once she gets up to speed with her science classes. It may take her some time since you said she never had ANY high level science classes. Did she not take them in HS or did not know she was going to major in nursing? Once she "gets it" she will be fine.

As far as the other dd, that is a whole different ball of wax. Does this dd know what she wants to do as her major? Does she want to go to school? A gap year is certainly not out of the question for this dd since she is unclear with her path and struggling.

Many hugs!

 

[mamacatnv]

There is hope!!!!!!
I left my DS's dorm on move out day at the end of his Freshman year in tears, I was soooo disappointed in him and so worried he had just screwed up his entire life. A bit dramatic, I know

DS had done fine the first semester. 2nd Semester his high school girlfriend dumped him, he discovered alcohol and parties and had not yet figured out how to manage his time. By the time he realized how bad off he was, it was too late to drop classes and of course he was a bit vague at delivering the news to us, the folks writing the checks. His 2nd semester was something like a 1.6 gpa - it was dismal.

It has been almost exactly 4 years since that day and now we are packing our bags to head to his graduation next month and then making plans to get him relocated to the Graduate School he has been accepted into for the fall. It took him 5 years to graduate but the past 3 semesters he has had 4.0's and is so proud of himself.

After that Freshman year, we learned a few things. We upped our expectations, tied our funding to grades, gave him the benefit of the doubt that he had learned his lesson and we moved on. My DH said to him, "this is your one free pass" DH also said to me "we sent him to college for a lot of reasons and not just what he will learn in a book"
He was right, DS picked up a few life lessons along the way.

His sophomore year was much better. At the end of his Sophomore year, he was still struggling a bit and his Dr. decided that it was now time to help him with his ADD via meds. We/He had resisted meds all his life but it was becoming apparent that the boy needed some help. We tried several and finally found one that works well with DS.

His grades continued to improve. His Jr year he ended with a 3.5 for the year and then his first "sr" year was a 4.0 as is this, his final Sr. year.

He applied to 10 Grad schools for Doctorate of Physical Therapy. He received 8 denials and landed 2 interviews. His #1 school of choice was in the interview group and he has been accepted for Fall 2013. So to answer your question, Yes, they can recover from a dismal Freshman year but it will take a lot of hard work and it will continue to bite them when competing against kids with 4 years of 4.0's but it can be done, they just have to want it bad enough.

 

[marcyinPA]

I myself had a rough first 2 years of college. I was finding my way, so to speak, with my new-found freedom, and was not the best student in the world anyway. I was dropped from my major after my first year because my GPA did not meet the curriculum requirement. I had to work my way back up and was able to declare again after my 2nd semester of sophomore year.

I failed a basic math class twice before finally passing it the third time. I hated environmental science. Speech was scary.

Once I got into the classes in my major- I exploded (in a good way). It was a long tough road, and I still didn't graduate with a stellar GPA, but I did graduate.

One thing I did not have was parental support. They wrote the checks, but they never cared much to ask me about school. They were pretty disinterested. I think I didn't know really how to get myself out of the hole I was in. It would have been helpful for some guidance on what to do- not to do it for me, but to counsel me.

My DS17 will start college in the fall. He is on his own, but he will never be without us if he needs us. We will always be there to bounce ideas off of!