Really??? What do you think?

[lovemygoofy]

Maybe it's because the Coast Guard is a bit different, but I've rarely seen an officers wife lording her husbands rank over another wife, it's almost always on the enlisted side. Again though, I don't have very much interaction with "military" life so maybe I just don't notice it? I have to say, in my own personal experience, the higher up in rank, the less likely that is to happen. Which is part of what leads me to believe that those husbands that allow their wives to interfere are the ones putting their careers in jeopardy. Again though, I could be completely off base with that.

My husband is enlisted and I think it is just more outwardly common that enlisted spouses are ugly about it. So many of these spouses have no life. I married my husband at 25 and was educated and worked and had no children. I didin't fit in with most of the lower enlisted spouses and none of the higher enlisted spouses wanted anything to do with me. After a while in the military it's just about your family or the relationships already developed.

My very good friends I made were officer wives and that made it even worse. I might have as well painted an A on myself as I went to the "other side." I was hearing it from old school officer wives that I had no business being friends with officer wives and I was hearing it from enlisted how I was sucking up and trying to make my husband look better and blah blah.

It's all about the people that don't have anything better to do than peek in others windows.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

We let our kids wear whatever they want. I'll warn, but I am not going to get into a power struggle over the absurd. Want to wear shorts out in the snow? Go ahead. You will learn. Nothing teaches like experience.

But combine militant moms with the military and you could actually get your husband in trouble for nothing. The military really isn't interested in the facts. That is why I got out after my term instead of re-enlisting. I couldn't take the notion that those in positions of authority are presumed to be right. The idea that a person's superior is always telling the truth is beyond stupid. I saw two soldier's careers ruined because their platoon leader didn't like them and wanted them out. Even though a number of people testified on their behalf, they were gone. Why? Because he was an officer, and the soldiers testifying on the other soldiers' behalf were enlisted men in his unit.

So, my advice - as long as your husband is in the military, don't snap back at these meddlers. Politely thank them for their advice and go about your business...

 

[monkeybug]

The way a family presents itself both in appearance and behavior absolutely does have an impact. The attitude is if the military member can't keep order at home, how can he/she be expected to keep order as a superior? I know things are more lax now than they were 30 years ago when I was a kid, but the basic idea still holds true.

I lived on a military base for the first time ever when we moved here, and I have to say that there were more unsupervised, un-groomed, and just plain unruly children running around than any of the regular neighborhoods I have ever lived in. I don't think that says anything against the military or it's families, I just think it's because there was a high concentration of very young and inexperienced parents living in one small area. I would say from that experience though that things have gotten MUCH more lax in the last 30 years!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The way a family presents itself both in appearance and behavior absolutely does have an impact. The attitude is if the military member can't keep order at home, how can he/she be expected to keep order as a superior? I know things are more lax now than they were 30 years ago when I was a kid, but the basic idea still holds true.

This is absolutely the attitude, and it is archaic. Are wives to be "kept in order"? Any of you ladies allow your husbands to tell you what to do, what to wear, how to cut your hair, when to go out, when to go home, how much to drink, etc, etc? In the military, that is the expectation placed on the husband. The two men mentioned in my previous post were disliked by their LT because their wives were sleeping around and the husbands failed to "control" them.

 

[Sleepy]

I lived on a military base for the first time ever when we moved here, and I have to say that there were more unsupervised, un-groomed, and just plain unruly children running around than any of the regular neighborhoods I have ever lived in.

Sometimes around here you would think it were a scene out of Lord of the Flies. The standard is just not there anymore.

 

[Disney Doll]

f you're old enough to have and raise children, you should be old enough not to let what someone else thinks make you leave a store in tears.

If you don't have a problem with how your children look, the proper repsonse to the person who was giving you a hard time would have been "Thank you for your concern, but my children are fine" and then walk away.

And since your post was based on another one that got you thinking, I wouldn't care if you chose to let your 5 year old go to the bathroom alone. But I also wouldn't want to have to listen to you carry on when something happened to your 5 year old because they were in the bathroom alone.

All decisions have consequences.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

f you're old enough to have and raise children, you should be old enough not to let what someone else thinks make you leave a store in tears.

If you don't have a problem with how your children look, the proper repsonse to the person who was giving you a hard time would have been "Thank you for your concern, but my children are fine" and then walk away.

And since your post was based on another one that got you thinking, I wouldn't care if you chose to let your 5 year old go to the bathroom alone. But I also wouldn't want to have to listen to you carry on when something happened to your 5 year old because they were in the bathroom alone.

All decisions have consequences.

Oooookay...You are right about not letting it bother me.

 

[monkeybug]

My husband is enlisted and I think it is just more outwardly common that enlisted spouses are ugly about it. So many of these spouses have no life. I married my husband at 25 and was educated and worked and had no children. I didin't fit in with most of the lower enlisted spouses and none of the higher enlisted spouses wanted anything to do with me. After a while in the military it's just about your family or the relationships already developed.

My very good friends I made were officer wives and that made it even worse. I might have as well painted an A on myself as I went to the "other side." I was hearing it from old school officer wives that I had no business being friends with officer wives and I was hearing it from enlisted how I was sucking up and trying to make my husband look better and blah blah.

It's all about the people that don't have anything better to do than peek in others windows.

I totally agree!! I think the military needs to round up those meddling spouses and find them something better to do with their time!
I am also friends with many officers wives (most I made friends with at church, or we were neighbors, and some their husbands became officers after we were already friends), and my husband is good friends with many of their husbands. (thankfully in the Coast Guard that is allowed as long you are not in the same chain of command)
I never encountered anyone feeling strangely about that, and honestly never even thought about it at all, until I moved to a Navy base. That's when I realized how weird people can be about that.
Oh well! I'm not in the military, I get to play with who ever I want to!
My husband is in the process of becoming (hopefully) a "fence jumping turncoat" and I actually had one person tell me she didn't know if she could still be my friend if he made it. Ummm....OK....I'm not sure what my husband trying to get a bigger retirement check has to do with our friendship, but whatever! Like you said some people have nothing better to do!

 

[Sleepy]

This is absolutely the attitude, and it is archaic. Are wives to be "kept in order"? Any of you ladies allow your husbands to tell you what to do, what to wear, how to cut your hair, when to go out, when to go home, how much to drink, etc, etc? In the military, that is the expectation placed on the husband. The two men mentioned in my previous post were disliked by their LT because their wives were sleeping around and the husbands failed to "control" them.

Archaic or not, and your examples are a bit extreme, wives are held to certain behavioral standards. Like I said, my husband was punished for something I said about the military.

You may not believe this, but back when I was a kid, there were regular inspections in base housing. My mom said the inspector would wear a white glove and actually run a finger along the top molding of every door frame. If you had dust, you got a mark. If your flower bed had any weeds, you got a mark. Just examples. Would you allow someone to tell you that you had to keep your house so pristine? That was the expectation of the military member and the spouse who lived there. I have no idea how things are now, because as a spouse, I never lived in base housing.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Archaic or not, and your examples are a bit extreme, wives are held to certain behavioral standards. Like I said, my husband was punished for something I said about the military.

You may not believe this, but back when I was a kid, there were regular inspections in base housing. My mom said the inspector would wear a white glove and actually run a finger along the top molding of every door frame. If you had dust, you got a mark. If your flower bed had any weeds, you got a mark. Just examples. Would you allow someone to tell you that you had to keep your house so pristine? That was the expectation of the military member and the spouse who lived there. I have no idea how things are now, because as a spouse, I never lived in base housing.

It doesn't have to be just base housing. The military can still do quarters inspections but on a military installation they had to let you on. Now not so much because at least in the army the housing is privatized. My husband has had to make housing welfare checks because of things he had heard and OMG the stories I could tell would make some of ya'll sick.

It's even worse during a deployment. People lose their minds I swear.

 

[monkeybug]

It doesn't have to be just base housing. The military can still do quarters inspections but on a military installation they had to let you on. Now not so much because at least in the army the housing is privatized. My husband has had to make housing welfare checks because of things he had heard and OMG the stories I could tell would make some of ya'll sick.

It's even worse during a deployment. People lose their minds I swear.

I'm very into baking, and one of my neighbors when I was in housing wanted me to look at some scones she had just baked. I went into her house and
I looked at the scones and trying very hard not to breath through my nose said "Oh I don't know, they look good to me" Then I turned around and practically ran out of there. Oh my gosh! It was bad. I'm no June Cleaver....but that was bad!!!
We had a common lawn area with picnic tables, and in the nice weather we would all bring something different and have dinner together outside (I do miss that!!!) I always thought nobody ate what she brought because she wasn't a good cook....I was wrong!

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

YEP! My son who is 4 wears his boots or shoes backwards almost everyday, he has worn his pants backwards before and yesterday his shirt was backwards. He is so proud that he can dress by himself and is also very independent and NEVER wants us to help him. Dressing himself is important to him and gives him some freedom, it doesn't hurt anybody.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm very into baking, and one of my neighbors when I was in housing wanted me to look at some scones she had just baked. I went into her house and
I looked at the scones and trying very hard not to breath through my nose said "Oh I don't know, they look good to me" Then I turned around and practically ran out of there. Oh my gosh! It was bad. I'm no June Cleaver....but that was bad!!!
We had a common lawn area with picnic tables, and in the nice weather we would all bring something different and have dinner together outside (I do miss that!!!) I always thought nobody ate what she brought because she wasn't a good cook....I was wrong!

when I was young and stupid I got into a car with another spouse and her child. Holy hell the car was filled with nasty dirty diapers some wrapped up some not...nasty dirty bottles that had gunked and turned colors...throw up rags and nasty clothes. I could not get out of that car fast enough! I would have walked home if before I got back in the car with her.

 

[monkeybug]

when I was young and stupid I got into a car with another spouse and her child. Holy hell the car was filled with nasty dirty diapers some wrapped up some not...nasty dirty bottles that had gunked and turned colors...throw up rags and nasty clothes. I could not get out of that car fast enough! I would have walked home if before I got back in the car with her.

LOL....if our husbands survived being confined in a place as dangerous as a festering car o'diaper and over ripe baby bottles, they would get an award or something!
That takes real courage!!!

 

[lovemygoofy]

LOL....if our husbands survived being confined in a place as dangerous as a festering car o'diaper and over ripe baby bottles, they would get an award or something!
That takes real courage!!!

lol and on top of that having to hear how her husband was a cheap not so nice word because she was upset about my engagement ring having a real diamond. All she could go on about was my ring and then I go married and she started in on the whole set and how my husband must love me and blah blah. Needless to say I never had dinner at her house or got in her car again!

My husband did help them move out. I tried to tell him not to. He said that he picked up a mattress and urine leaked out..it does not get much nastier than that.

 

[Sadie Chez]

Wow on the cuteness scale a two year old in a pink tutu trumps anything else I can even think of even puppies and kittens, and you say she added uggs!!! Serioulsy someone would have to be harmonal or unbalanced to not think that was cute.

Don't you hate it when you let someone's comments make you second guess yourself. You know your doing a good job, but sometimes we need to be reminded. Don't let someones ugly mood ruin your day. And PLEASE remember to take some pictures of those outfits they will be your most precious memories someday.

A friend of mine came in one Sunday with her daughters and they were in their usual cute dresses but were carrying what I think of as little evening bags you know the ones with lots of beads and a chain to carry it and wearing costume jewelry oh say from the 70's. They were so proud walking with their backs straight and holding their heads high. Oh soooo cute I had to stop and tell them how nice they looked and they proudly replied that they had spent the night with grandma and she had given them those things and weren't they pretty.

Wow this is making me miss my kids being little, someone quick tell me about tempertantums or someway their kid embaressed them this week.

 

[monkeybug]

lol and on top of that having to hear how her husband was a cheap not so nice word because she was upset about my engagement ring having a real diamond. All she could go on about was my ring and then I go married and she started in on the whole set and how my husband must love me and blah blah. Needless to say I never had dinner at her house or got in her car again!

My husband did help them move out. I tried to tell him not to. He said that he picked up a mattress and urine leaked out..it does not get much nastier than that.

Oh man, that sounds like torture!!!
And the mattress thing....yeah...pretty much the most disgusting thing ever! Gross! I'd make my husband shower with brillo pads when he got home!!

 

[cheermom1]

I am so sorry you had to deal with that

some people are not happy themselves and don't want others to be happy. trust me I understand the dd independent thing all too well. My dd by the time she was 3 refused to wear anything but dresses and with all the stuff that goes with it. I just let her do it b/c it was a battle a didn't want to fight unless it was something other than going to the store or something.

Now when I see a girl and she all "decked" out I just laugh and give her the thumb up.

I read somewhere one time when my kids were little that to stop and ask yourself why are you saying no. and if you can't give a very good reason why you won't let you kid wear her swim suite inside on a snowy day than let her. I have found that if you don't make a big deal about things like that they get bored with it real quick.

and the officer's wife had NO business threatening you at all. I would have gotten her rank and dh's name to report her.

 

[monkeybug]

Wow on the cuteness scale a two year old in a pink tutu trumps anything else I can even think of even puppies and kittens, and you say she added uggs!!! Serioulsy someone would have to be harmonal or unbalanced to not think that was cute.

Don't you hate it when you let someone's comments make you second guess yourself. You know your doing a good job, but sometimes we need to be reminded. Don't let someones ugly mood ruin your day. And PLEASE remember to take some pictures of those outfits they will be your most precious memories someday.

A friend of mine came in one Sunday with her daughters and they were in their usual cute dresses but were carrying what I think of as little evening bags you know the ones with lots of beads and a chain to carry it and wearing costume jewelry oh say from the 70's. They were so proud walking with their backs straight and holding their heads high. Oh soooo cute I had to stop and tell them how nice they looked and they proudly replied that they had spent the night with grandma and she had given them those things and weren't they pretty.

Wow this is making me miss my kids being little, someone quick tell me about tempertantums or someway their kid embaressed them this week.

Tutus and uggs totally trump puppies and kittens!

 

[surfergirl602]

Hello fellow military mommy!! We're in Ft. Sill, so just a few hours from you. You'll find the most snooty officer's wives sometimes that have nothing better to do than to put their nose where it doesn't belong. And sometimes I've had to tell them, oh so nicely, of course! "your husband wears the rank... you don't, so please leave me alone." I am an officer's wife, but I would NEVER behave like that, because my kids are the same way! You should see some of the outfits my three year old picks out. It's her form of expression, and as long as certain areas are covered, in most cases we'll go with it.

So bottom line, ignore those wives, and keep on doing what you're doing. When my hubby was an enlisted soldier we let our older kids do the same thing as we do now. You'll always find those people who think they are better than you just because of whatever rank their spouse happens to be. Like some sort of segregation. It's totally insane, and we do not raise our children like that.

Oh, and we happen to like tu-tu's over leggings in this house!!! Has anyone seen the pictures of how Shiloh Pitt is dressing these days? Can't be any worse than that! LOL