Reading, seeing and hearing

[hooP]

I read it correctly and still asked the question.

If you guys were confused, imagine what is going on inside my head! A whole lot of nothing!

 

[horsegirl]

Kim. Amanda. Hoop. Praise be to Allah, you all made me laugh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!


This is the purpose of the thread folks. Laughter. It IS the best medicine. Remember that.....I am a shrink. It is the advice I give to all my patients. Do you think it bothers them I do a standup routine at the end of each session?

And, who wants a ride in my chopper!?!

Chappie, quit eating all the krispy kremes. I, for one, think you need to learn to share and think you should stay in fighting weight. stophoggingallthedonuts! stoptouchingthemandlala! and stoplookingatthedonutsandsher!

 

[paslea_pooh]

Dear Mrs. hooP,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. hooP has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our
stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three
of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your Husband has
caused. All complaints against Mr. hooP have been compiled and are listed
below.

Wal-Mart Complaint Department
--------------------------------------------------------
MEMO - Re: Mr. hooP - Complaints - 15 Things Mr.hooP has
done while his spouse is shopping:


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code3' in house wares and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to the Depends
undergarments area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!





I think it's safe to say hooP is gonna do some time at the Walmart Jail.

 

[sheridac]

Pooh~

 

[horsegirl]

Dear Mrs. hooP,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. hooP has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our
stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three
of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your Husband has
caused. All complaints against Mr. hooP have been compiled and are listed
below.

Wal-Mart Complaint Department
--------------------------------------------------------
MEMO - Re: Mr. hooP - Complaints - 15 Things Mr.hooP has
done while his spouse is shopping:


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code3' in house wares and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to the Depends
undergarments area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!





I think it's safe to say hooP is gonna do some time at the Walmart Jail.

OMG you are preventing me from losing weight! I am trying to extricate myself from the keyboard to hop on the elliptical....OMG too flippin funny! thanks pooh!

 

[Master Gracie]

Dana - That is hilarious. Said mostly because it wasn't me. One of those "Just when you think things couldn't possibly get any worse" moments.

 

[MommyPoppins]

Dana - OMGosh. You have just confirmed my suspisions that I should never try wax! Too funny!

Pooh - I think your husband and mine are one in the same. There are some of those things I think my DH might have actually done.

 

[LaLa]

((((((((((((((((((SLAP))))))))))))))))))))

Slap First. Talk Later.


Sher: Borg, Baby. Always borg. Not Provolone.

Horsey: ITA. Chappie should definitely write a trippie after he comes back in December. It would be HILARIOUS. ((((SLURP)))))

NM: Hope your little man is feeling better this morning.

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll: Love ya Woman. Your thing about the Pixie Dust had me doing the silent shake cause I can so picture all of yall doing that and freaking out the CMs. Oh, and ZZUB says to tell you we're out of muffins.

Hoop There It Is: Loved the fart story. The thread is definitely back on track now. Master G told a bodily fluids story and now all we need is for someone to come along and post another vomit story. NM, jump in here anytime. Just please don't mention corn.

I have a story. Surprisingly enough, it's not about vomit though. I already told NM and Sher this so they (and only they.. ahem) have permission to skim.

I was kind of in a flurry around the house last night, just getting in from work, trying to get supper done, putting on a couple of loads of clothes, etc. All you moms know what I'm talking about. The busy bee thing. So anyway, in the midst of all of it, in walks my son. He tells me he wants to take me on a date. That night. He says we can just hang around the house and suggests a movie and popcorn for just us. Of course I took him up on it. When I asked him what movie he wanted to watch, he says "You pick the movie, Mom because you're the fair maiden. The man is always supposed to always let the fair maiden go first."

My heart melted. I asked him where he heard that and he said from Cinderella. So anyway, I'm a fair maiden. And apparently the little man knows how to treat the women. How cool is that?

 

[dana0801]

Dana - That is hilarious. Said mostly because it wasn't me. One of those "Just when you think things couldn't possibly get any worse" moments.

Dana - OMGosh. You have just confirmed my suspisions that I should never try wax! Too funny!

I can laugh about it now but it was NOT funny at the time. I have since stuck (pardon the pun ) to only those areas that are within public viewing (legs etc.) and will not do it myself. I have someone who is professionally trained in the art of pain do it for me.

 

[kpk89]

Pooh. I can sympathize. I have 2 words for you.

Online shopping


That was tooooooooo funny! I am trying to clean my house today, and the computer keeps calllling me.

 

[LaLa]

Dear Mrs. hooP,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. hooP has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our
stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three
of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your Husband has
caused. All complaints against Mr. hooP have been compiled and are listed
below.

Wal-Mart Complaint Department
--------------------------------------------------------
MEMO - Re: Mr. hooP - Complaints - 15 Things Mr.hooP has
done while his spouse is shopping:


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code3' in house wares and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to the Depends
undergarments area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!





I think it's safe to say hooP is gonna do some time at the Walmart Jail.

PASLEA POOH!!!!!

Stick a fork in me, I'm done. That was hilarious, Woman!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((SLAP)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[horsegirl]

Leftie, you need to know, I am at this moment thinking of you.....ask me later if we meet up....

 

[paslea_pooh]

Kimmie...Thanks for the Box of Joe. This morning I was actually considering buying one of those and putting it in my fridge. That way I don't have to traumatize myself repeatedly by going to DnD's everyday!! BORG !!!


Grammy...If you don't get your laptop fixed this week I'm gonna send hooPie to your house. He's allergic to guano so don't make me do that to him!!


Brandt...Your bichon is a cutie. My bichon's name is Tighe. When hooP was a little boy he got a stuffed bear. He named him Ty. So when we got our bichon that was the name we decided on. We even still have Ty the Bear. He's missing an eye and is beyond scraggly. I'll take a pic of him if I get a chance.

Hi Guys - a quick drive by

Mr. Painter Man is done in here but is doing the trim and doors. Big time funes. WWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Yak..stay out of the paint woman!!! Geez, this is a substance dependant bunch!!!

I have a joke, but I'm going to post it seperately, you know to boost my post count.

Yes, post senseless funny stuff. That's how you're supposed to boost your count. Somebody needs to tell those fool on that thread that!!!

I believe I was 11 and we went with 5 families, totalling 19 people!

We waited hours for any and all shows/attractions in mid 70's.

WHAT??????????

Horsey..I knew coffee came in a box. As does cheap wine. But I can't drink the cheap wine. I've tried and I can't . I'm a wine snob!!!!


Back later...play nice!!!!

 

[kpk89]

I can laugh about it now but it was NOT funny at the time. I have since stuck (pardon the pun ) to only those areas that are within public viewing (legs etc.) and will not do it myself. I have someone who is professionally trained in the art of pain do it for me.

OH. MY. GOSH! That was actually YOU in the story??? I thought it was another "pulled from the net" stories. Like Hoopies.

Oh, now I'm laughing again. I'm sorry.

I have a hair removal story too. A short one. brb

 

[sheridac]

Leftie, you need to know, I am at this moment thinking of you.....ask me later if we meet up....

Somehow, I do NOT think he'll need to ask why.

 

[jw50]

I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that
I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.

Dana, it looks like you have clear cut product liability case (extreme pain and suffering). Zzub will probably be happy to represent you for a mere 70% of the award (plus expenses) since his home state is famous for its bazillion dollar judgements on much more frivilous cases than yours

 

[sns122]

Dana, it looks like you have clear cut product liability case (extreme pain and suffering). Zzub will probably be happy to represent you for a mere 70% of the award (plus expenses) since his home state is famous for its bazillion dollar judgements on much more frivilous cases than yours

Are you sure it isn't brazillion dollar judgements?

 

[dana0801]

Dana, it looks like you have clear cut product liability case (extreme pain and suffering). Zzub will probably be happy to represent you for a mere 70% of the award (plus expenses) since his home state is famous for its bazillion dollar judgements on much more frivilous cases than yours

If only. Unfortunately, remember the instructions say to rub it between your hands to "warm" it up. I used the hair dryer which I think negates the ability to blame it on the manufacturer (hence the stupid people warning labels on everything!) I suppose I could be inventive and sue myself for pain and suffering (like that guy did when he damaged his own personal automobile with the city truck he was driving)

 

[kpk89]

The Epilady Is Evil

a brief essay by Kim


That fateful Christmas, when I was 15, Santa gave me one of the sweetest gifts ever. An Epilady. A nifty little device, battery operated, with rotating coils designed to grasp leg hairs and yank them out by the roots. A sort of mass-tweezer, if you will. Because who has time to tweeze their entire leg?

I guess Santa noticed that I was hacking myself to pieces with the shaving routine. Our shower looked like a crime scene. And my legs looked like "When Sharks Attack!". Santa, being a benevolent being, wanted to spare me and my family from further pain.

So the Epilady was a welcome gadget. I unwrapped it, and immediately had to give it a try.

First of all, it's not "painless" as advertised on TV. It's not excruciating, just not totally pain free. It's like tweezing, remember? But I was cool, sliding the coils over my scabby hacked up legs. I wanted to see how it worked, so I leaned further over to try to see the coil grabbing the hair.

Basically the coils, as they rotate, get closer togeter at some points and further apart at some points. Picture a teenytiny slinky. As you slide the machine over your body, pinch, and... grab! Pluck, and ... moving on.

This was pretty cool to me, so I leaned over more to watch the little show. As the coil grabbed and released, grabbed and released, and grabbed .... My hair. My actual head hair, which was hanging over my legs thanks to my curious leanings. Yowch! And before I could turn off the button, errrrrrrrrrrbzzzzzmmmmmmmmmmm pfft. Total entanglement, and the machine went dead. I could smell burnt hair. It somehow got sucked directly into the motor. These "as seen on TV" gadgets are not SAFE, I'm telling you!

Silky smooth, though still scabby legs. And a chunk missing from my long golden locks.

A dark day indeed.

(I was 15, remember? doesn't take much to turn sunny skies gray at that age. At least for me. I was moody.)

 

[Master Gracie]

Maybe I should reconsider hanging out with you all...you're dangerous.

Ok, I'm gone for the day. See you guys later.