VOLDEMORT: BEHOLD! My latest scheme will destroy Harry Potter once and for all!
LUCIUS: I hope it's better than the "Push him off a boat" scheme you thought of last month
VOLDEMORT: Oh, don't be silly, Lucius. This time it is foolproof, deadly, and above all evil!
DRACO: How about we give him a wedgie? That's evil, isn't it!
SNAPE: We can just break his broom and let him plummet to his death. That's what I'd do
WORMTAIL: *cough*Ripoff*cough*
VOLDEMORT: Nonsense! This plan will be so heinous, so evil, so absolutely unstoppable that Dumbledore would never see it coming! Behold, my tool that will destroy Potter and secure my destiny!
ROWLE: Is it behind the little girl?
VOLDEMORT: It IS the little girl!
*silence from assembled Death Eaters. Snape headdesks*
BELLA: Master, isn't this a little, well....
DRACO: I still think my wedgie idea is better
VOLDEMORT: SILENCE, FOOLS! This girl will destroy Potter somehow, unless of course she falls in love with him, which would just be too cliched. It's perfect!
AMYCUS: *giggle*
VOLDEMORT: Look at her! She's adorable! She will be more than a match for Potter!
NARCISSA: While we're at it, why not send a kitten to kill him?
VOLDEMORT: I WILL NOT ENDANGER KITTENS AT ANY COST!
*later, at the Order's HQ*
SNAPE: And that concludes what Voldemort is planning. I have to throw up now
TONKS: Pull the other one!
DUMBLEDORE: As glad as I am that you are actually expressing a sense of humor at something that doesn't involve disembowelment, Severus, I must say that such a joke is in poor taste
SNAPE: It's not a joke
LUPIN: Yeah, and I turn into a mangy baboon every full moon
SNAPE: *headdesk*
From Pottersues.
