Random thoughts about deployment

[Silent1CB]

I think I'm just going to start a thread where I can post stuff as I need to comment on it. First deployment coming in future. ARNG for 27+ yrs.

DH leaving for the month in a few days for training. Recently assigned to deploying unit who has already been training for few months. Should we be worried he's searching YouTube for his missing training? Amazing what's on there. Right now, its what is all the gear he was issued & how the hell to pack it all.

 

[My sister's princess]

Check your PMs

 

[jsmith]

The best part about all that STUFF-he will send home from or bring home on his 4 day pass from MOB station about half of it. Mike's unit MOBed at Ft Hood for this last deployment-about 75 percent of the families went down for the departure ceremony and then spent the 4 day leave in San Antonio. Because Denver is the only Major airport close to where most of us live-almost the entire flight home from Austin that Friday was people who had been seeing their soldiers off-when they un loaded the luggage in Denver my 20 year old son moved 47 green duffle bags off the luggage carousel for people-and there was not one single soldier on the flight. They get issued everything they MIGHT need and have to adjust the loads accordingly. One thing to warn him about-when they leave MOB for theater-they are limited to 400 lbs-including their body weight ( the guy who weighs 150 gets to take more personal gear than the guy who weighs 300) so they need to plan accordingly when they figure out what to send ahead.
One thing im going to suggest-you might want to check out the boards at military.com-on their discussion boards there under military life spouses and community-military spouses-there is a very large thread for just Guard and Reserve wives-most of those girls have multiple deployments under their belts and can give you great perspective-the information there will be similar to what tina and i provide here-im the RC mod there-but its a more military centric community with a different perspective that you might find helpful.

 

[Silent1CB]

That's one way to get rid of solicitors phone calls for DH. "Call back in a few months." She wanted to know if there was another # she could reach him at. Nope. I was vague & short.

She probably thinks he's in jail or something.

 

[Silent1CB]

DH is everyone's computer guy. And go-to guy for everything broken it seems.
We've been warning people for about a year they need to find themselves another computer guy.

DH is currently gone for the month for some training. We've warned people of this well in advance. He's got a hectic schedule.

Why won't or don't people get it? My own dad has called on 2 occasions still looking for computer help. My DH is out in a tent for 3 days in the rain right now, but my dad has called 2x just tonight to have DH call him if I happen to talk to him.

My dad is elderly, but not incompetant. A stubborn former engineer who has to fix everything - yes - but there is no reason we can't get him someone else. I don't know how to fix it. I don't fix computers. I have a friend who knows tons more than me due to her job & lives just a couple miles from him. She has offered to help my dad, but he won't accept. I think its because she's female.

I'm getting frustrated & its just the beginning. I'm dealing with my own things here. Learning new things. Dealing with new things. Finding my own help or information. Not asking anyone for help. So far, the only people even OFFERING any help if I need it have been neighbors & some of my very best friends & DH's friends. FAMILY? NOTHING! They are still calling for help like nothing has changed.

Sorry for the vent. This has been getting to me & I don't want to let DH know. He did his part by informing people long in advance.

How do you make people get it?

 

[lovemygoofy]

DH is everyone's computer guy. And go-to guy for everything broken it seems.
We've been warning people for about a year they need to find themselves another computer guy.

DH is currently gone for the month for some training. We've warned people of this well in advance. He's got a hectic schedule.

Why won't or don't people get it? My own dad has called on 2 occasions still looking for computer help. My DH is out in a tent for 3 days in the rain right now, but my dad has called 2x just tonight to have DH call him if I happen to talk to him.

My dad is elderly, but not incompetant. A stubborn former engineer who has to fix everything - yes - but there is no reason we can't get him someone else. I don't know how to fix it. I don't fix computers. I have a friend who knows tons more than me due to her job & lives just a couple miles from him. She has offered to help my dad, but he won't accept. I think its because she's female.

I'm getting frustrated & its just the beginning. I'm dealing with my own things here. Learning new things. Dealing with new things. Finding my own help or information. Not asking anyone for help. So far, the only people even OFFERING any help if I need it have been neighbors & some of my very best friends & DH's friends. FAMILY? NOTHING! They are still calling for help like nothing has changed.

Sorry for the vent. This has been getting to me & I don't want to let DH know. He did his part by informing people long in advance.

How do you make people get it?

Well, here is the thing, their life hasn't changed really or at least not directly impacted the way yours.

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible that you need to relax. You are going to drive yourself crazy long before your husband actually leaves. I understand wanting to be prepared and knowing all you can know but at some point you are just going to have to be and let this come. I know the unknown is scary and the build up is just about as stressful as can be. I'm a firm believer in getting it started to get it done. Don't let everyone bring you down.

You are going to have to be blunt and to the point for people that are stressing you. At this point you either need people that help not hinder. Tell them that for the next 16 months everything your husband did for him/her needs to be done someone else because whatever time your husband has free will be spent with you and getting his stuff in order.

I know that lots of people say tell everyone you are going to "need help" because your husband will be away or whatever but I just guess it depends on the nature of the person. I never really expected people to help me unless I really needed it. I was lucky to come here and vent when needed and I surely did alot but for things in my life I just dealt with it. In the end my mindset is that I chose this life knowing my husband was army and I would learn to make the best of it. Having trust in myself and my capabilities really helped me relax and learn to deal with what comes.

You can handle this. Don't let everything drag you down and make you worry anymore. Try to enjoy the time you have now and make memories for when you are getting through. I know you can do this.

 

[Silent1CB]

I'm not asking for help or looking for help. I don't tend to do that either. But I don't want or need them asking ME for help when it really my DH's help they want.

That's what I was trying to say. THAT's the part that's been getting to me. I'm actually handling him being gone fine I've thought.

I'm not a whiner or a baby. I know I can do this. I just don't need to be taking on OTHER peoples problems too.

I didn't sign up for that.

I was venting.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm not asking for help or looking for help. I don't tend to do that either. But I don't want or need them asking ME for help when it really my DH's help they want.

That's why I was trying to say.

I'm not a whiner or a baby. I know I can do this. I just don't need to be taking on OTHER peoples problems too.

I didn't sign up for that.

I was venting.

I'm sorry I offended you that wasn't my intention. When people call for help, clearly relay that they need to go away. I had my MIL on my case the entire time and at one point I had to bluntly say that she needed to get a grip and if greensuiters were not ringing her damn doorbell then it was a good day and she needed to go on.

I hope things get better for you. Pre deployment stress is such a different stress than many understand.

 

[jsmith]

The one thing i will add to what Tina said is that the pre-deployment stress is worse than the actual deployment-the unknown-for him-for you-is the worst part-once they go-you can start counting down the days-it really does get easier-As for your dad-be blunt-Hubby is not here-he is training for deployment-he does NOT have time to solve your problem-i can NOT-you can let "friend" help you -or you can pay the geek squad.
While you do not feel you need and are not looking for help-if people offer-let them-it makes them feel like they are contributing-and it will take some stress off of you. An-the reason your family is trying to act like nothing has changed-they want it to be true-they dont know how to deal with this either-they are worried-for him and for you-and the best way to make something go away is to ignore it. Its part of how they deal-my family was the same way-my Mother STILL doesnt get it-ive given up trying to explain it to her.

 

[Silent1CB]

Much better today.

Tips from the kitchen. Cook as normal. Eat one portion. Freeze the other 3 portions individually.

As this rate, I'll have plenty of single people food & won't have to cook for a while.

Way better than take-out when too lazy to cook.

 

[samshane]

I am an extremely self-sufficient person. We live off base, Dh is on a IA, and most of my friends are non-military. People offered help - I can count on one hand the number of times I took people up on it. Heck - I fixed the garbage disposal twice while he was gone (among many other home repairs I never thought I'd be able to do) - LOL! I never would've expected that from me.

Whine and vent away - believe me... I understand.

I live in separate states from my family - and that helped a lot! So it was easy to avoid their requests. But we have never been real close to our families anyway - so I never noticed a difference.

The worst part was the week before he left. That was over a year ago and we are down to days. Now I am wondering how we'll adjust to him back again. I have everything structured - but "fun dad" is coming back. Let the chaos commence...

Good luck to you!

 

[Silent1CB]

I've always considered myself self-sufficient. I'm not a girly-girl at all. I'm very outdoorsy & like adventure. I'm geeky & technical. I'm really not worried about being alone & getting things done. I'll find a way. And in the areas where I am physically unable to do things due to my back problems since age 13, I'll try to find a way, then I'll find someone to do them for me. Most of my friends are male just due to the fact that my hobbies are outdoorsy & geeky. For years, I've done stuff doctors have told me I shouldn't do. Won't stop me now.

I'm also not afraid to hire people where I just don't have the desire to do something myself. lol


So....on another note.....
I had a talk with my dad. He says he was calling for me to get a message to DH that he had computer problems, and was not asking ME for help in solving them. (He called twice within an hour & was telling me what it wasn't doing & asking lots of questions. I sure sounded like he was asking me to fix it.) Well, right there that proved that my dad isn't getting it. DH is not here to fix your computer. Can't call you for hours at a time to fix it. I told him his phone calls to me for computer help send me into anxiety for some reason where no other situations do that any longer. Can't explain why, but they do. So like we've been telling him for a year, he NEEDS to find someone locally who can help. When DH gets back mid-July, we'll have to go down to dad, find someone & get them familiar with dad, his computer, and how he uses wrong terms when explaining problems over the phone. Stuff my DH is too kind in putting up with.

While I'm geeky & technical - I just don't & can't diagnose someones computer over the phone. DH even takes care of ours. Even I will need to find someone else if I'm not able to figure it out on my own. I'll have to learn too since DH has always taken over in that area & didn't want me messing with stuff. lol I've already taken lots more initiative in that area.

So hopefully, my dad gets it now. we'll see.

 

[Duckyiam71]

SilentCB this is kind of on topic but kind of off as well. I read when your DH returns in July he is going to go and help dad. I have some friends DHs that are afraid to come home for r&r because of the "honey dos lists." I think that is why my DH was trying to surprise me for his r&r at DW. This way he can relax and not have to do anything at home.

I hope everything works out with your family. My family is in VA and I am in TX so I dont really have many family issues. Just look at the caller id and decide if I am in the mood to talk to family...esp my in-laws Take care and you will become stronger through all of this.

 

[Silent1CB]

Coming home in July is not for r&r. They haven't left for deployment yet. He's currently away at more training. He'll be home for a little while more still.

 

[lovesmurfs]

You will need to guard your husband's time and energy, particularly when he's home before deployment or during leave. It helped when I assigned myself the "Executive Secretary" role. A caller to any business office has a "dragon lady" they need to get through to get to the person they want to speak to.

Be that dragon lady for DH. "No, he's not available. He won't be available."

The neatest thing my church gave me when DH deployed was a list of volunteers, their area of specialty (home maintenance, car work, babysitting, etc.) and their phone numbers. I never needed the list, but it was there if I did. You might want to start a directory for things like that.

 

[disneywatcher]

One thing my DH does before just about any deployment or TDY is get me really mad at him. I dont understand his thinking TBH. He says it's easier to see me cry if he know's I'm angry with him then crying because we are going to miss him so much. Frankly I'd rather spend his last month/week/day with him not being angry with him but just being with him.

Our Families are the one's who dont often understand that we are still ourselves even with our Husband's half a world away. They often forget that we are alone for periods through out the year sometimes. The act like we cant stand on our own two feet. We can and do take care of things very well in this type of situation. Do we love our Husbands? YES! Do we miss them not being in the house with us? YES! Do we fall to our knees like were lost without them? NO! We stay strong so they can do their job and be strong for our Country. Toughest job in the military isnt always the Servicemember but the Spouse of the Servicemember.

 

[Silent1CB]

Received a packet of info today.

They'll be having an upcoming weekend at a hotel (since unit not where we live). Weekend of seminars for military member & family members.



Sign me up!!!

 

[Silent1CB]

Back from vacation & back to reality. Starting to plug away at a few things that need fixing / repairing around the house. Luckily we live in a condo, and some items outside that were on our list, the condo association decided to take care of this year for everyone. Nice!

Deck got stained this week. Outside trim was painted. And right now, there is a guy here replacing some rotted trim, and since he had to take off our storm door to do it, he agreed to installing a new storm door I bought instead. Other was sagging & out of square & didn't close.

Right there, a few things off DH's list & he didn't have to do any of them.

 

[Silent1CB]

DH's mom does not want to fly here before he leaves because it will be winter. So, if he wants to see her, looks like we need to pay to fly to FL and find time to do it. I might just see if he wants to go alone so we don't need to buy 2 plane tickets.

Its funny how friends are more helpful about all this than family has been so far.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Its funny how friends are more helpful about all this than family has been so far.

Yes. You'll find that's a recurring pattern, particularly when he comes home on leave about halfway through or so. Consider yourself his secretary -- DO NOT overschedule his travel during leave, and DO NOT allow family to persuade you to do it. If they want to see him on leave, THEY need to come to you, and for a specific, designated period of time.