question regarding funerals...

[lillygator]

I haven't attended many, but was wondering, are they considered open invitation? I guess my jumping board is ex'es....my mom is newly divorced, say her ex dies, is she free to go to the funeral? you don't send invites or anything right? what about the other family members? I would be a step daughter, or ex SD now.

 

[clh2]

This is my opinion - Emily Post may have others.

A funeral is not an "invitation-only" event. The visitation and funeral are open to the public. It is an opportunity for people to show their respect for the deceased, along with extending their sympathies to the immediate family.

Depending on how civil the divorce was, would have an impact on whether your mother should attend, and if her presence would really upset other family members.

My BIL passed away several years ago. He had been married to my DH's sister for about 25 years. His first wife did stop by the visitation to express her sympathy, she was also there to be supportive to the two sons that BIL and her had. From what I understand, their divorce had been less than civil, but time had healed many of the wounds. There really were no hard feelings with her stopping by.

Hope this helps!

 

[FireDancer]

It all depends on the situation. If you know that there are people in the family that would be upset by your presence I would say don't go. It really does depend a lot on the situation.

 

[Justanopinion]

I don't know. I would think as long as you wouldn't be upsetting any of the family members you should go.

When my uncle passed away probably 6-8 years ago all 3 of his ex wives came and were welcomed as well as his current wife. His current wife had been with him for almost 20 years but they had only been married maybe 6 months.

I don't know how it got decided or by whom, but it is my understanding that his son's did not like his current wife and therefore they had all the wives(exes and current) ride together in the limo. Everyone else drove their own cars.

 

[MerMom60_94]

In answer to your question, unless a funeral is stated as Private, it is not invitation only. As for exes, like other posters have said, I am sure it depends upon the circumstances for each family and whether the divorce was bitter and so forth. What I can tell you, though, is when my father died last year two of my brothers' ex-wives came to the wake and not only were they welcome but I was comforted by the fact that they loved and cared enough for my father that they would come and show their respects. One brother was out of the country but I know he wouldn't have minded his ex being there. The other brother was there and while he isn't fond of his ex, he wasn't upset that she came by.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are going to a funeral to support those members left behind. If they will be comforted by your presence then you should go.

If you are going to upset people, you should just send a plant, card, or donation.

 

[aprilgail2]

its not invitation only- same as a wake or a wedding---you invite people to your wedding reception but if its in a church then anyone can go---I know as kids we used to go to the local catholic church on saturdays and go in and watch a wedding every now and then.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would agree with the above posters.

Depending on how civil or acrimonius the divorce was would be the deciding factor for me. If my presence as an ex-SD was going to upset his family, then I wouldn't go. I would send a card conveying my sympathy and perhaps saying something to the effect of "I will always be grateful for how kind Bill was to me when he and my mother were married".

If it was a fairly civil, or low key, divorce without a lot of animosity and your presence isn't going to cause it to become a Jerry Springer episode, then by all means, go.

 

[EMom]

MIL passed away recently. She has a sister, who was married for many years to a man I'll call "Uncle Joe." But she and Uncle Joe divorced 25-30 years ago at least. The two of them have stayed on good terms. So Uncle Joe was MIL's former BIL.

We made certain Uncle Joe was notified of the funeral arrangements and I made it a point to invite him to sit with the family during the service. As far as my DH and his siblings are concerned, he will always be UNCLE Joe, whether he and their aunt divorced or not. We were touched that he made the trip of a few hundred miles to pay his respects.

Unless the divorce was especially bitter and hateful and you became involved in it, it never hurts to show respect for the departed and the family by calling or attending the visitation or the funeral.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Is there something you want to tell us??? It kinda sounds like your plotting something