Question: High Schools and Dear Relations

[snarlingcoyote]

Okay, Here's the situation: I have a dear relation entering high school. Dear Relative's high school WAS a good high school 20 years or so ago, but has fallen. It's still an OK school, but not a great school. Since No Child Left Behind, the focus has gone from education to testing.

I am childless, but live in one of the best public school districts in our region. Several families I know of have dear relatives living with them to graduate from our high school. The school is happy with this, b/c we pay the same taxes as everyone else, and kids who are living with relatives instead of with parents to get a better education tend to do v. v. well because they are motivated.

Dear Relative's mother half-joking/half-not-jokingly suggested that DR move in with us for at least his last 3 years of high school. I and DH are leaning towards asking DR to come live with us whenever he's ready. (We've already extended the offer for DR and another DR to live with us during college as we also live near a good state university.)

We've already had a DR who is now an adult live with us in adolescence, but there were other extenuating circumstances in that case.

What would you do?

 

[kidzmom3]

well, I would not let my teenage children live with anyone but me and their father unless there was some extremely dire situation. If the school is okay and they are motivated students, there shouldn't be any problem. I am all for growing experiences, an internship, study abroad, but to contemplate sending them away for 3 years, not my personal choice.

 

[englishteacha]

My older sister lived in a town with a much better high school than the one where I lived. She urged my parents to let me live with her to attend that school, but I didn't want to move and my parents didn't want me to go. I worked hard at my okay high school, got a scholarship to a good college, and am about to start my Master's degree, paid for by the district where I teach. So while I may have had a slightly better education living with my sister, I think I turned out fine. It's totally up to you and your relatives, but if you think that this relation will do much better attending school where you are, then it's worth considering.

 

[HelenePA]

Wait wait wait... Your going to ask the child to come live with you? Are you going to ask the parents first? I dont care what kind of school district you live in there is no way I'd allow my child to live with anyone but me until he/she is 18. I also kid around with friends about taking one of my kids.. but in no way do I mean it..

 

[luvmy3]

I don't know what I would do. I do know of some that have used a relatives address (without living there) for the same purpose. I'm not saying you should do that, just saying that it is done.

 

[Chuck S]

I would not let him live there or use the address. I had a cousin live with me for only a few months for school purposes. When he became an adult, he was a deadbeat, and of course, my address was the address of record for his early college years. What a barrage of debt collection and threatening calls I received. Nope, never, ever, again.

 

[kristilew]

You are kind and generous to be considering this offer, imho. Teenagers are tough enough to live with when they're your own!

I would think that if you decide to do this, you would want to create a written "contract" with your DR and his/her parents, spelling out all issues that could come up: dicipline, curfews, sports, money, phone, etc, etc.

A couple of other things to consider: there is hope with the new president that No Child Gets Ahead (as we lovingly call it here) will be repealed and teachers will be allowed to get back to actually teaching. Also, sometimes it behooves a student to have done well and be exceptional at a lesser school rather than to be one of many who get good grades at a school that has more advantages. Speaks well on the college aps, I've been told.

Whatever you decide, I think it's admirable that you are so concerned for your DR's best interests.

 

[barkley]

I don't know what I would do. I do know of some that have used a relatives address (without living there) for the same purpose. I'm not saying you should do that, just saying that it is done.

some districts are doing surprise unannounced visits to homes if they suspect this is happening (there are tip offs like where the doctor whose filling out the sports physical is located, what mom and dad's legal address is) and they will expell the child. we had some in our region where one district's grad requirements were a tad different than the others (but both met the state standards) and the kids that got expelled in senior year did'nt meet the grad. requirements in true home district.


we had a relative who offered to let our dd go live with him for highschool-beyond the fact that he's got parenting beliefs that no-way i'de put my child under (not saying this is the case with you o/p ) but he never thought of the issue with health insurance-we had an hmo so you had to pick a preferred provider based where you lived (and my kid had be living with me as far as my insurance was concerned to retain coverage) so in the event of routine med appoinments or an emergency we would have had to drive a 5 hour round trip it was one thing if she had been on vacation and got sick or injured but if it had happened at his district's school and they showed she was a student (1) it would'nt have covered a dime, and (2) they would have cancelled her coverage and possibly pursued me for insurance fraud.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would be happy to have someone like this that I knew and trusted stay with me and my family, but I would never let my boys stay with someone else like this...

 

[kangareaux]

Okay, Here's the situation: I have a dear relation entering high school. Dear Relative's high school WAS a good high school 20 years or so ago, but has fallen. It's still an OK school, but not a great school. Since No Child Left Behind, the focus has gone from education to testing.

I am childless, but live in one of the best public school districts in our region. Several families I know of have dear relatives living with them to graduate from our high school. The school is happy with this, b/c we pay the same taxes as everyone else, and kids who are living with relatives instead of with parents to get a better education tend to do v. v. well because they are motivated.

Dear Relative's mother half-joking/half-not-jokingly suggested that DR move in with us for at least his last 3 years of high school. I and DH are leaning towards asking DR to come live with us whenever he's ready. (We've already extended the offer for DR and another DR to live with us during college as we also live near a good state university.)

We've already had a DR who is now an adult live with us in adolescence, but there were other extenuating circumstances in that case.

What would you do?

As a Louisiana Native who lives in a *good school district* which is near some really *Bad school districts*... I'm dying to know which ones you refer to!

Oh, and to those warning against it because of the school finding out... HERE, if the child is actually LIVING at that address, then that is what counts. The fact that Mom and Dad still provide medical care or that the doctor is a few miles further away isn't an issue.

 

[bumbershoot]

Since the mom has already brought it up, and since you're already thinking about it, why not? I assume you're trustworthy and will keep the same rules as the parents. I also am assuming that you're fairly closeby, that this isn't a million years away.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

For all the PP questions

For Kangareaux - we are living in the 1 school district in the state for 4 years, at least in the eyes of Louisiana's BESE board. That should satisfactorally answer where I live.

The DR lives across the state. Close enough to drive in a few hours, but not that close.

As for asking the DR, PP misunderstood. If we extended the offer to DR the offer would be for DR to live with us, but would involve DSIL and DB first, as I never actually considered asking DR without asking DSIL and DB.

And then too, I'm not the one who brought this up. I'd never actually considered it until DSIL brought it up in a manner that she could laugh off and say she was just joking if I weren't amenable to the suggestion, but in which she also obviously was NOT joking.

And to, in our region, kids do this occasionally. If your parent teaches in school district A and you live in school district B you can go to A unless there's some kind of federal injunction, and even then sometimes it's okay. If you go to live with your aunt or godparent or some other adult who has agreed to raise you at any point, you live in their school district and go to school there. I'm aware in other places, it's questioned. Here, especially for HS students, it's not. The walls keeping kids out of a public school district unless their parents live in a district aren't as high here. (Although in districts where integration is still an issue, changing SCHOOLS within the district can present a problem on occasion.)

Where we live, people routinely send relatives to live with other relatives for school. It's better than boarding school and cheaper! Also, let me explain, it isn't a matter of School A offers better coursework than School B. School A doesn't even offer Calculus!

Insurance wouldn't be a big deal. They'd just say "DR is living with Auntie Snarlingcoyote in small town B for high school. Yes DR is still our dependent, this is for educational purposes only; DR is home on weekends and in the summer. Is Doctor X Auntie Snarling goes to on our plan?" If a Dear Child can't live with you and still be on your insurance, how do you handle college? (Am slightly confused. . .)

Also, remember, we've already had one teenager in our house. It wasn't bad. I'm not great with isty teensy ones, to be honest, but once they can talk back and make sense and have views on things, I can handle those. (I taught HS years and years ago.) Our rules on things are pretty straightforward and not that far apart from DR's family's. A tad more loose, but not by much. We're more or less patient and easy going on little things. (Laundry, noise, dishes in the sink, occasional bouts of surliness, the desire to do strange things to your hair while wearing absurd clothing etc.) Honest and upfront, but firm on the big things. (School, grades, opposite sex relationships, drinking etc.)

Of course, we're also more patient because we haven't had to live with teenagers for the last few years. . .we're not worn down from dealing with them. . .

The biggest thing we can think of, besides DH bemoaning the fact that "we can't walk around naked in the morning" is in church denomination. Even then, I don't think anyone will mind. (It'd be a change from Baptist to Methodist.) Oh, and Star Wars. See, I LIKE Star Wars, but I think it's pretty a pretty straighforward intepretation of some of the neo-Jungian archetypal concepts, but I'm more a Golden Bough girl than a Joseph Campbell chica. However, DR's family ADORES Star Wars, thinks it's an epic of some importance. So, there could be some serious strife there. . .

Actually, I guess my mind is made up. I'll jokingly say to DSIL that whenever she wants to send her sprog to us, we'll be happy to take them. HS or college, whenever, just give us some warning so I can clean out a closet or two! She'll take it under advisement that we're fine with it and decide when to send them on to us. . .

 

[kidzmom3]

For all the PP questions

For Kangareaux - we are living in the 1 school district in the state for 4 years, at least in the eyes of Louisiana's BESE board. That should satisfactorally answer where I live.

The DR lives across the state. Close enough to drive in a few hours, but not that close.

As for asking the DR, PP misunderstood. If we extended the offer to DR the offer would be for DR to live with us, but would involve DSIL and DB first, as I never actually considered asking DR without asking DSIL and DB.

And then too, I'm not the one who brought this up. I'd never actually considered it until DSIL brought it up in a manner that she could laugh off and say she was just joking if I weren't amenable to the suggestion, but in which she also obviously was NOT joking.

And to, in our region, kids do this occasionally. If your parent teaches in school district A and you live in school district B you can go to A unless there's some kind of federal injunction, and even then sometimes it's okay. If you go to live with your aunt or godparent or some other adult who has agreed to raise you at any point, you live in their school district and go to school there. I'm aware in other places, it's questioned. Here, especially for HS students, it's not. The walls keeping kids out of a public school district unless their parents live in a district aren't as high here. (Although in districts where integration is still an issue, changing SCHOOLS within the district can present a problem on occasion.)

Where we live, people routinely send relatives to live with other relatives for school. It's better than boarding school and cheaper! Also, let me explain, it isn't a matter of School A offers better coursework than School B. School A doesn't even offer Calculus!

Insurance wouldn't be a big deal. They'd just say "DR is living with Auntie Snarlingcoyote in small town B for high school. Yes DR is still our dependent, this is for educational purposes only; DR is home on weekends and in the summer. Is Doctor X Auntie Snarling goes to on our plan?" If a Dear Child can't live with you and still be on your insurance, how do you handle college? (Am slightly confused. . .)

Also, remember, we've already had one teenager in our house. It wasn't bad. I'm not great with isty teensy ones, to be honest, but once they can talk back and make sense and have views on things, I can handle those. (I taught HS years and years ago.) Our rules on things are pretty straightforward and not that far apart from DR's family's. A tad more loose, but not by much. We're more or less patient and easy going on little things. (Laundry, noise, dishes in the sink, occasional bouts of surliness, the desire to do strange things to your hair while wearing absurd clothing etc.) Honest and upfront, but firm on the big things. (School, grades, opposite sex relationships, drinking etc.)

Of course, we're also more patient because we haven't had to live with teenagers for the last few years. . .we're not worn down from dealing with them. . .

The biggest thing we can think of, besides DH bemoaning the fact that "we can't walk around naked in the morning" is in church denomination. Even then, I don't think anyone will mind. (It'd be a change from Baptist to Methodist.) Oh, and Star Wars. See, I LIKE Star Wars, but I think it's pretty a pretty straighforward intepretation of some of the neo-Jungian archetypal concepts, but I'm more a Golden Bough girl than a Joseph Campbell chica. However, DR's family ADORES Star Wars, thinks it's an epic of some importance. So, there could be some serious strife there. . .

Actually, I guess my mind is made up. I'll jokingly say to DSIL that whenever she wants to send her sprog to us, we'll be happy to take them. HS or college, whenever, just give us some warning so I can clean out a closet or two! She'll take it under advisement that we're fine with it and decide when to send them on to us. . .

As a parent of a teen, to send them to a relative is not a choice I would make, but this is incredibly nice of you. You seem to have a great attitude towards it and I am sure it could/will be an enriching experience for the teen.

 

[Loverly]

For all the PP questions

For Kangareaux - we are living in the 1 school district in the state for 4 years, at least in the eyes of Louisiana's BESE board. That should satisfactorally answer where I live.

. . .

I consider most of LA's public schools to be inferior-that's why there are lots of Private Schools -right?

No way should a teen live far away from parents, IMO.

 

[BabyPiglet]

What does the teenager thinks of this? I'm sure he/she has a lot of friends and is invested in that community (sports, dance, part time job, etc.)

Have you or your DR considered his/her feelings? Plus, a switch from an O.K. school to a 'great' school might be too much. Maybe he/she's not on that level.

There's a lot of things to think about if you guys are actually considering this. Personally I, as a teenager, would never want to be carted off to live with some relative across the state. It's a big change.

 

[barkley]

For all the PP questions

For Kangareaux - we are living in the 1 school district in the state for 4 years, at least in the eyes of Louisiana's BESE board. That should satisfactorally answer where I live.

The DR lives across the state. Close enough to drive in a few hours, but not that close.

As for asking the DR, PP misunderstood. If we extended the offer to DR the offer would be for DR to live with us, but would involve DSIL and DB first, as I never actually considered asking DR without asking DSIL and DB.

And then too, I'm not the one who brought this up. I'd never actually considered it until DSIL brought it up in a manner that she could laugh off and say she was just joking if I weren't amenable to the suggestion, but in which she also obviously was NOT joking.

And to, in our region, kids do this occasionally. If your parent teaches in school district A and you live in school district B you can go to A unless there's some kind of federal injunction, and even then sometimes it's okay. If you go to live with your aunt or godparent or some other adult who has agreed to raise you at any point, you live in their school district and go to school there. I'm aware in other places, it's questioned. Here, especially for HS students, it's not. The walls keeping kids out of a public school district unless their parents live in a district aren't as high here. (Although in districts where integration is still an issue, changing SCHOOLS within the district can present a problem on occasion.)

Where we live, people routinely send relatives to live with other relatives for school. It's better than boarding school and cheaper! Also, let me explain, it isn't a matter of School A offers better coursework than School B. School A doesn't even offer Calculus!

Insurance wouldn't be a big deal. They'd just say "DR is living with Auntie Snarlingcoyote in small town B for high school. Yes DR is still our dependent, this is for educational purposes only; DR is home on weekends and in the summer. Is Doctor X Auntie Snarling goes to on our plan?" If a Dear Child can't live with you and still be on your insurance, how do you handle college? (Am slightly confused. . .)

Also, remember, we've already had one teenager in our house. It wasn't bad. I'm not great with isty teensy ones, to be honest, but once they can talk back and make sense and have views on things, I can handle those. (I taught HS years and years ago.) Our rules on things are pretty straightforward and not that far apart from DR's family's. A tad more loose, but not by much. We're more or less patient and easy going on little things. (Laundry, noise, dishes in the sink, occasional bouts of surliness, the desire to do strange things to your hair while wearing absurd clothing etc.) Honest and upfront, but firm on the big things. (School, grades, opposite sex relationships, drinking etc.)

Of course, we're also more patient because we haven't had to live with teenagers for the last few years. . .we're not worn down from dealing with them. . .

The biggest thing we can think of, besides DH bemoaning the fact that "we can't walk around naked in the morning" is in church denomination. Even then, I don't think anyone will mind. (It'd be a change from Baptist to Methodist.) Oh, and Star Wars. See, I LIKE Star Wars, but I think it's pretty a pretty straighforward intepretation of some of the neo-Jungian archetypal concepts, but I'm more a Golden Bough girl than a Joseph Campbell chica. However, DR's family ADORES Star Wars, thinks it's an epic of some importance. So, there could be some serious strife there. . .

Actually, I guess my mind is made up. I'll jokingly say to DSIL that whenever she wants to send her sprog to us, we'll be happy to take them. HS or college, whenever, just give us some warning so I can clean out a closet or two! She'll take it under advisement that we're fine with it and decide when to send them on to us. . .

on the insurance issue-with mine there is a specific process if the dependant were to be going to college (or attending a boarding school) but it's a horrendous hassle because you still have to committ to having their primary care provider either where you live or where they attend (i have one friend whose dd used the college clinic for anything that popped up during the school year but kept the pcp where home was-her parents figured if anything major came up they would want her back home for treatment and she timed all her check-ups and annual stuff during summer break).

i think the issue with the kind of insurance i have is because of the way the school districts where we lived (and the insurance is based) worked-the schools did'nt want kids just staying with someone in order to be able to attend out of district so you could'nt just say that the child was staying with someone TO attend a school district. the requirements the school district put in place for a new entry if met would contradict a statement to the insurer that the child was just staying there to attend school-so if something happened where the 2 entities compared notes you'de end up with one finding you ineligible.

the issue with the schools in the areas around us was that 'yes' there were preferable school districts but there were also preferable schools within given school districts and people that truly lived in the neighborhoods zoned for a given school might, because of enrollment numbers, find no space available for their kids such that those kids got bussed. we lived around the block from the "best" elementary school in our district but there was a LONG waiting list to get into it-people who bought homes for the purpose of sending their kids there might not get in for a couple of years whereas someone who let their family member move in with them to attend might (if you had multiple kids all in elementary or jr or sr high the district preferred not to have them go to different schools that might operate on slightly different scheduals so those families had to wait until there were enough open slots for all their kids-that one slot taken up by someone not technicaly a resident could prevent an entire family of kids from attending their neighborhood school).

 

[Loverly]

http://www.schooldigger.com/go/LA/schoolrank.aspx?pagetype=top10&level=3

According to this chart...
#1 is in Orleans parish
#2 is in Baton Rouge
No way I'd send my kid to either public school

 

[cajunmommy]

Loverly...
Both schools you listed are magnet type schools, and although they are in failing districts, they are indeed two of the best high schools in the state.

However, OP referred to the #1 district, not high school, and it's just a few miles north from your #2 listing.

 

[Loverly]

Then I do know where she is.
There is huge "white Flight" in Baton Rouge to this better school area.

 

[koolaidmoms]

We took in a DNi for awhile so she could finish school when DB moved out of the area. You need to also check school requirements. Districts in our area are sometimes very strict about what constitutes being able to go to their schools.

In some students can not be "part time" residents in some areas, they can't go home to parents on weekends or they can't go to school (they have stories on the detectives the districts hire to check these kids out). Some districts will only take the student if the person they are living with is appointed guardian of the child.

Check with the district to see if they have any specific requirements before you decide.

Otherwise if you can do it that is really great of you to offer to your relative.