Question for you

[flying_babyb]

Please dont flame me or take what im going to ask wrong. I have many gay and lesiban freinds one who im very close to.
I am wondering how you know if your a lesbian? I guess I wonder if I am mabey a lesbian or mabey bi. I have a best freind who we shall call steph. Well Ive had a few dreams where Im doing dirty things with her. Ive also had dreams where im kissing her. I have at times wondered what it would be like to kiss her.
On the other hand, i would also like to ask you about a freind of mine whos wondering if she is. She recently got hot and bothered by somehting I was telling her about a dream i had about me and a celeb. She also had a fantasy where she was kissing my neck. Shes really freaked out about this. SHes slightly homophobic.

I presonally think some of this is because weve been freinds so long (10 years) but Im wondering what you guys think? This has me really upset, i hate not knowing who i reallly am.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Dirty things? Hush now.

Learning about oneself is a long and sometimes difficult journey. If you have thoughts, that do not involve hurting yourself or someone else, then try not to judge yourself for having those thoughts, eh?

If you seem to be attracted to someone, then explore those feelings (within yourself). Imagining yourself with someone is something that everyone has done!

One step at a time. Do not rush yourself, but mostly do not consider your feelings or thoughts to be something other than right, or "normal" for you. {{{hugs}}}

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Oh, meant to add this. How to know if you are a lesbian (or gay) is not easy to explain. It's a deep seated "just is" knowledge for many folks. Some come to the acceptance of this after much denial. Some recognize they are lesbian or gay and just go on from there.

No one way is "right" or "wrong." Accepting yourself, is the key. The more completely you do that, the better it will be for you.

Hope that helps a bit. Don't hesitate to continue this discussion. There are many others here who can expound on the topic better than I seem to be able to!

 

[flying_babyb]

thing is on and off at times ive imagined myself with this person. I guess im just really confused on how I feel and dont want to risk saying somthing to her at somepoint and her taking it wrong. She did tell me once that if she ever "turned lesibian" I would be her perfect match.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Never move faster than you are ready for. {{{hugs}}}

 

[hematite153]

thing is on and off at times ive imagined myself with this person. I guess im just really confused on how I feel and dont want to risk saying somthing to her at somepoint and her taking it wrong. She did tell me once that if she ever "turned lesibian" I would be her perfect match.

Well, since you said she's your best friend, why not talk to her about it?

As DVC~OKW~96 says though, don't move faster than you are ready for. You could start by talking simply about your own confusion and uncertainty. If it's going well you could bring up the prior conversation and your thoughts of her.

I agree that the process of understanding yourself is different for everyone. In some ways I wonder if it might actually be easier for those of us who figure out that we are very different early on--I have met numerous people who suddenly discovered late in life that they didn't know who they were.

If you can, try to enjoy the opportunity to get to know yourself better, regardless of what the answers become.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Well, since you said she's your best friend, why not talk to her about it?

As DVC~OKW~96 says though, don't move faster than you are ready for. You could start by talking simply about your own confusion and uncertainty. If it's going well you could bring up the prior conversation and your thoughts of her.

I agree that the process of understanding yourself is different for everyone. In some ways I wonder if it might actually be easier for those of us who figure out that we are very different early on--I have met numerous people who suddenly discovered late in life that they didn't know who they were.

If you can, try to enjoy the opportunity to get to know yourself better, regardless of what the answers become.

I agree! Great thoughts!

 

[PrincessJasmine]

I wish I knew what to tell you...I started crushing on other girls at 14 but didn't think anything of it until I fell madly in love with a girl at 16. I dated only one girl and then guys, even was engaged to a man. Now I'm 23, in a great relationship (with the girl I fell in love with at 16 ) and I'm just now realizing that I'm probably a lesbian instead of bisexual. I always thought it was black or white - you either liked men, or you didn't, no gray areas. But it's not. I am attracted to men...but now it's suddenly making sense that even though I truly did love him, I sometimes hated being intimate with my ex-fiance. It always felt so forced. Being with another woman just feels right.

So, in other words...one day you'll just know.

 

[Scissors4Franky]

Never move faster than you are ready for. {{{hugs}}}

I agree with this. I'm 16, and Bisexual. I had the same situation as you. I actualy did hook up w/ the girl I was having 'thoughts' for, and things went WAY to fast. Let's just say that things happened that shouldent have, and now we don't talk anymore.

My advice is to also take it slow. If it's meant to happen, let it take its course.