Question for spouses.

[Maryr1]

As my mother says-Kill her with kindness. Ignore the fact that she is nasty and always treat her kindly,over kindly,in fact. Send in cakes and cookies around the holidays,be sweet sweet sweet. Always take the high road.It will make her crazy. However, never go beyond this-don't be her friend-she works for your husband.Never get to know her on a personal level. Who cares about her? She is just around to make your husbands job easier. Be polite, never loose your cool. Always be the adult. Be confidant-be smooth-be self assured. She looses her control if you keep yours. You are the wife-in this for the long run. She just works with him-could be here today, gone tomorrow.Good luck.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Well, it seems as though she is a very rude person. Your husband can tell her to be more polite to everyone who calls, not just to his wife.

Has others brought it to your husband's attention how rude she is to you, or to other people, or both?

An ineffective assistant will not only reflect poorly on her habits, but your husband's as well if he doesn't gently correct her and guide to to become a better employee, which includes being nicer to you.

I do love the idea about asking her about it yourself. The line, "I think we may have started off on the wrong foot," is most excellent advice in this case. Maybe your husband forgot her birthday...it can be something as simple as that...or maybe she is just a miserable person. (I had an employee once who was just misery in a can! NOTHING I could do would improve her mood nor her morale.)

 

[Disney Doll]

Yep I agree with you. I'm mature enough to conduct myself in that manner. I deal with people all the time, I know how to handle myself in a business situation. It's not in my nature to be rude or nasty (even with people I don't care for).

From day one his assistant has been rude and disrespectful towards me. I don't care if she doesn't like me, but at least be courteous and show some respect. I am not the only one who has mentioned her attitude to my husband. Last night he saw how she acted in regards to me. He wasn't happy about it either. She has made it very uncomfortable for me to even call him. No I don't call him 900 times a day. I might call him once or twice a week.

I would just like to try and figure out what I could do to better handle this situation. I find I am starting to avoid going to see my husband. For example, he wanted me and our kids to go see him at work Fri. night. I made up an excuse so that I wouldn't have to go. I shouldn't have to avoid calling or seeing my husband because of her.

If I knew I had done anything to her I could understand it. That isn't the case. She really has acted this way from the minute I met her.

Well, I am not sure why your husband's assistant has enough power over you to cause you to change your behavior, not call or visit when you want to.

If I didn't like her, and she didn't like me, so be it. But I certainly wouldn't be avoiding calling or visiting my husband because of it. As a matter-of-fact, I'd probably call and visit more often, just to tick her off.

But then again, I am "witchy" that way!

 

[Nancyg56]

Yep I agree with you. I'm mature enough to conduct myself in that manner. I deal with people all the time, I know how to handle myself in a business situation. It's not in my nature to be rude or nasty (even with people I don't care for).

From day one his assistant has been rude and disrespectful towards me. I don't care if she doesn't like me, but at least be courteous and show some respect. I am not the only one who has mentioned her attitude to my husband. Last night he saw how she acted in regards to me. He wasn't happy about it either. She has made it very uncomfortable for me to even call him. No I don't call him 900 times a day. I might call him once or twice a week.

I would just like to try and figure out what I could do to better handle this situation. I find I am starting to avoid going to see my husband. For example, he wanted me and our kids to go see him at work Fri. night. I made up an excuse so that I wouldn't have to go. I shouldn't have to avoid calling or seeing my husband because of her.

If I knew I had done anything to her I could understand it. That isn't the case. She really has acted this way from the minute I met her.

I think it doesn't matter why she doesn't like you. If this has been going on since day one the issue is hers, not yours. If there are others commenting on her behavior the issue will resolve itseld in the workplace because of her lack of professionalism, as it should be.

I know that it is not easy but I would suggest that you do not avoid your DH. When you arrive make it a point to be friendly to her. Smile. Remember taht she needs to respond appropriately and she is the person whose employment depends on her job skills. You are simply her bosses wife. If she is smart she will shape up. If she is not......oh well...it sucks to be her.

Also, I would avoid talking about her to anyone associated with your DH company. Let him handle her behavior by responding to the others comments. He already knows taht she is out of line with you, bt the behavior to her associates will have more impact.

I know that it is going to be difficult but I can almost gaurantee that it will work. It is very hard for anyone to support anyone whose behavior is rude even to people who have been beyond reproach. Besides that, it will make her nuts!

 

[dennis99ss]

From a husbands side,

mind your own business.

It is his job, his deal to address. It is not yours, nor is it your place to become involved with something that is going on at the office.

Sorry to be blunt, but, sorry if you two can't get along, but, stay out of his work.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Well the issue will be dealt with this week. Other people have been complaining about her too. Apparently she wasn't just rude and disrespectful to me the other night. She also acted that way toward the wife and an assistant of a manager who is very influential in the industry my husband works in. In his line of work you never know who you might be talking to, or who might be sitting in his office on a show night. You never know who knows who. A client can be lost for something as what seems no big deal being rude to someones wife.

He really doesn't care for her, doesn't like her style or her attitude. He has been trying to get her to understand she needs to act more professional.

 

[ilovejack02]

Well the issue will be dealt with this week. Other people have been complaining about her too. Apparently she wasn't just rude and disrespectful to me the other night. She also acted that way toward the wife and an assistant of a manager who is very influential in the industry my husband works in. In his line of work you never know who you might be talking to, or who might be sitting in his office on a show night. You never know who knows who. A client can be lost for something as what seems no big deal being rude to someones wife.

He really doesn't care for her, doesn't like her style or her attitude. He has been trying to get her to understand she needs to act more professional.

Isnt it nice to know you arent the only one she is rude too?
Hopefully this can be handled soon, when I worked in investments an assistant like that could kill a business!

 

[Disney Doll]

If her behavior is unprofessional, she'll do herself more damage than you can ever do to her. I'd judt go in, speak to her politely when you have to speak to her. When she answers the phone, speak to her politely. Don't let her bad behavior chnage your behavior.

If you give her enough rope, she'll hang herself.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Isnt it nice to know you arent the only one she is rude too?
Hopefully this can be handled soon, when I worked in investments a assistant like that could kill a business!

Honestly? No. I would rather not have this type of situation at all. There is just no reason for it.

 

[MAKmom]

I would just call my husband on his cell phone. She may just not know any better. DH had a secretary like that once she was an older woman. She may feel over worked who knows.

If you have to see her in person I would not acknowledge her. Make her acknowledge you first no matter what.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I do call his cell phone. He asked me why I don't call his office phone when I know he's at the office. I told him the truth. If she feels over worked, she's in the wrong line of work.

 

[ilovejack02]

Honestly? No. I would rather not have this type of situation at all. There is just no reason for it.

Well of course you dont want to have this situation, I wouldnt either. But at least its not just you... dont want you thinking that you did anything to provoke it .

Hopefully she can figure out how to be polite and professional before she loses her job. I would hate to see anyone lose their job over something that they can fix.