Question for SAHM's

[FreshTressa]

I have been home with my kids since they were born, but now is the first year that I have had both kids gone every day at the same time.

Now that they are in school, I am feeling really lonely. We have always gone and done things all day with our friends....go to the zoo, the park, the mall, to friends houses for coffee etc.

We have always had a very busy social life.

But now with school, we don't have time for that anymore. My friends and I can't really get together because we have kids getting out of school at different times and we need to get back to pick up our kids.

So, now it feels like I am home all the time. I am still really busy, I just feel like I am alone all of the time.

Anyone else feel this way, or if not, what do you do differently?

 

[Nutsy]

Yes it does feel like that. I too have been home with my two all the time & they are now 14 & 15. DH was a night shifter, so he was always home during the day, but even so I still could not do the things we did in the,"before school days".

 

[sha_lyn]

I felt very alone when DS started school(and he was an only child). I ended up doing a lot of volunteer work at the school. I probably put in 40 hrs a week there most weeks.

 

[amid chaos]

I've been at this a looong time and I really ENJOY my time alone...I now have time to sit and read, watch a movie, sew, garden, exercise, do volunteer work...I love my time alone.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is my first year with the kids in school all day too, 1st & 7th. Silly me signed up to be on the pta executive board at school. I am a co leader for my dds troop, & room mom for my 1st grader.

I am enjoying all of this work but geesh, I'm jealous of you Fresh Tressa. I wanted time alone. Next year...yea

That being said, yea it does get lonely. My good friend is so busy this year we don't even have time to talk much.

 

[hentob]

I know in some states you can be a substitute teacher, even if you don't have a teaching degree. You could maybe sub a few days a week at your childrens' school. You'll have some extra cash in your pocket as well!

Hentob

 

[Mishetta]

I think I would miss my little one when he starts school (he'll be 2 next month), but I'm soooooo looking forward to just doing what I want to do. I would like to clean a china cabinet, during the day, not late at night when both kids are in bed....I would like to take some type of crafting class or try to do scrapbooking. I've always worked until last year so I've never had time to myself.

I was thinking how "unmarketable" I am going to be once my little guy starts K or 1st grade & my DH said "wouldn't you just rather stay home? Are you serious about looking for work once MJ starts school?" Oh boy...I'm so glad I married this wonderful man!!

I would suggest that you find something to give you some identity back. I know that right now my role is Michael's wife or Nicholas & Michael-James' Mommie, but I would just like to be "Rose" again too. Do something for YOURSELF. It's just an adjustment period like I'm having now getting used to my Mom not being with us. (She lived with us before she passed away & it just seems so strange not having an adult to talk too throughout the day.)

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm also a SAHM (have been for 11 years) and my youngest (DD) started Kindergarten (full day) last month. I'm loving my time by myself.

At first, I thought I would feel lonely, but that didn't happen. During the first week back to school, I was driving then the silence in the van hit me. Panic set in, "Who did I leave at home?". Then I reminded myself that ALL the children were at school.

I can do things that I enjoy, volunteer at my children's school. Yesterday, I met a friend for lunch that I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. I'm planning to go back to school, right now there are so many options for me. It's up to me to choose which way I want to go. I'm really enjoying it.

Just get out of the house and start out slow, if you're not sure what you want to do. Do things that you enjoy and go from there.

 

[rbuzzotta]

I am just beginning to get used to be alone during the school day. I have been running errands, hosted a coffee at my house for other SAHM's, cleaning out closets, cleaning the house etc.....

I would find myself staring at the clock saying the day was going by so slow but now, the days seem to fly by and I am busy.

I love volunteering at my DD's school and do so at every opportunity I can get............

 

[CamColt]

Like the others I was going to suggest volunteering at the school. My kids are only in 1st and preschool, but Im going to start volunteering at the oldest's school next week. Plus Im signed up to go on a field trip with my youngest(something I could never do with the oldest, having a baby at home). I thought Id have all this spare time(6 hours a week), and I dont!

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Oh Rita, I had that exact same experience! That big van can be very quiet when no one is in the back! I am really enjoying my time this year. My DD has started pre-school 3 mornings a week and I am so excited to be able to do some things that I have been putting off. I joined our Mom's in Touch group at school and am doing a Bible study and I still have 2 whole hours to do whatever I want on Friday morning! After being home with my 2 kids and taking care of my sisters when they were not in school I am going to ENJOY this time!

 

[sha_lyn]

I would suggest that you find something to give you some identity back.

OK you've hit a pet peeve of mine. A woman does not stop being who she is when she marries and has children. Sure she changes, but that is what is suppose to happen. While I think I know what your trying to say, I hate the implication that we aren't "whole" or "real" or "our own person" once we marry and give birth.

I would just like to be "Rose" again too

Even if you didn't have kids, you probably still wouldn't be the person you were 10 or 15 yrs ago. When I here "I want to be me again" I assume the person is speaking of their "past self".

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that a mom shouldn't have hobbies, go out with friends on occasions etc. What I'm trying to say is I think that society tends to send the wrong message... that were aren't fulfilled as a person" once we become mothers

 

[FreshTressa]

It is great you guys have all found things to do that you enjoy! I feel like I still don't have time to do things like read a book or whatever.

I find that I am still very busy driving the kids around, cooking, shopping, going to the gym, and stuff and of course there is always something in my house that needs cleaning.

I am not bored, I have plenty to do, I am lonely. I just am not used to doing all of those things by myself.

I want my social life back!!! I miss my friends!!

I guess some people like to be alone. I am not one of them! I find myself watching the clock for the time DH comes home from work.

Maybe next year when the kids are gone all day, I will take some classes or something to meet new people and find a little niche for myself.

Thanks for the help!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hey, you are not alone! You have us.

Yes, I would like a social life back. I just don't have the time to invest in it. I keep thinking this year...and it just doesn't happen. I miss that part of me too.

 

[disykat]

I've responded to this thread twice, but for some reason it won't let me! I think my posts are probably in some obscure thread on some other board. Maybe third time is a charm.

I get the loneliness thing. I'm busier than I've ever been now that my kids are in school full time. I substitute teach when I can fit it in, volunteer, the whole bit. Much of the stuff I do, especially at home, is solitary though. The years when I was juggling the kids schedules were especially rough.

Here are some things that have helped me. First of all, now my good friends kids are all in school all day too. We spent a few years not seeing each other much due to their schedules. Now we all agreed to keep Friday clear of weekly obligations so we can meet for lunch once a month. We set the date ahead so that we can keep it clear. One friend and I started helping each other with painting projects etc. instead of doing them all on our own. The work seems to go faster. I've also started committing to less volunteer stuff I do alone. Some of the things at school are done with multiple volunteers (like vision screening, picture day etc.) and are great social opportunities to get to know other moms. I try to do more of those. I'm trying hard to work with committees or partners instead of on my own with my PTA work. If I do this, I find I enjoy the other stuff more too - I was starting to resent it.

I think being a SAHM can be lonely and isolating, especially for those of us who had been used to going to a pretty social job and seeing friends on a daily basis. It is even harder if you are in a neighborhood that doesn't have other SAHM's and don't have family near by.

 

[sha_lyn]

I'm less lonely (as far as peers) now that we home school. Luckily I'm in a great support group and we get together for playdates for the kids every week. We joke that the playdates are more for our socialization that it is for the kids. It really is true in some aspects. We also try to get away once or twice a month wihtout the kids, but we've all be really busy since the end of summer. I keep meaning to suggest another Friday night coffe and dessert session, but my Fridays are full.

I'm also in Karate and it has really help keep me sane. Right now I'm the only mom in the group, but there is one other lady in the class. The others are all guys right now. Hopefully the other moms can make it back soon. Most had to stop because of the kids activites.

 

[Planogirl]

When I lost my job last Spring, I decided to spend the summer with DS and find a part-time job when he went back to school. It's HARD to find anything part-time which surprises me. I thought that companies would like a part-time person since they don't have to pay the expensive benefits for them. I haven't tried retail yet but everything else is dead.

So I can relate to your feeling of isolation. I'm kind of in limbo right now. I can't volunteer or anything because I could get a job someday and my hours would change. The places I'm interested in volunteering at want people to commit to certain hours. Plus everyone I know works full-time so it's way too quiet!