Question for parents of children with Asperger's

[kelleyrn2000]

Is it common for children with Asperger's to run away from parents when upset? DD is 7, and at 74lbs, DH and I are having a hard time getting control of her running away episodes, that started up again recently.

I need to get her back to the psychologist, but I have no idea how to physically get her there. I am not physically able to do it (force her to go), and she refuses to go in/get out of the car. If I did manage to get her there, she would just run off.

It's got me worried now because it is a huge safety issue for me. She took off at Disney over the summer twice. It hadn't really happened since we got back, but it has happened three times at least in the past week. Once she threated to run out into traffic in a parking lot. I had to call after her that the police would be coming to get her before she decided to turn around and come with me.

DH had to basically hunt her down yesterday, after she got upset about having to leave the house to go pick up my ds from grandmas house. She ran outside in 30 degree weather with a short sleeve shirt on, and it took DH about 15 minutes to find her and catch her.

Anyways, I googled "running away" and it led me to Asperger's, and it being a possible relation to this behavior (she has other issues as well, but past counseling hasn't gotten us anywhere)..


Does this behavior sound familiar to anyone?

 

[LockShockBarrel]

I'm not sure you can make the jump from running away to Aspergers. I know you said "back to the psychologist" so is there other issues? Does she exhibit any of the other signs of Aspergers or is it just this running away thing? I don't mean to sound callus or anything but without other information I just think that's a big leap to make. And you don't want to get yourself worked up thinking its something big when it could be something small.

Let me ask you this, are there certain things that seem to trigger this reaction? Is it always when she's upset? Is it a particular level of agitation or just when something doesn't go the way she wants? Have you implimented consequences for her running out or threatening to (i.e. time out? loss of priviledges??)

Could it be that she just sees running as a way to provoke a reaction from you?

No harm or meanness meant, just my couple of pennies.

 

[bookwormde]

Fleeing is a multistep process for our kids. The trigger is anxiety, which is typically caused by sensory or social sources.
The direct link is the lack of societal social dampening which goes along with not having innate social skills, and the compensatory intellectual skills being overwhelmed.
You really need to get to the root source of the anxiety and frustration, and make adaptations and teach skills that will help reduce them.
I guess the other best suggestion and question is how self aware is she the she is Aspergers and what the entails. If you have not, it time since self awareness and understanding about her evolutionary genetic neurology and the gifts, challenges and gross societal discrimination that are a part of it. I have found that this alone can cut underlying anxiety in half if accurately and properly presented. If you have a highly qualified psychologist in the area of Aspersers, she should have already have been working on this area, if not you need to find one or get the commitment from the current one to get highly qualified (particularly around the female manifestations). Almost all our kids who have a supportive and non judgmental psychologist, love going so if the is resistance it is typically because they feel the purpose of the presentation of the clinician is to try to "fix" them, when they are not broken, just different. Quite honestly I see this most on a consistent basis when the environment around the child is that of "trying to make them Neurotypical" instead of celebrating their differences and gifts and helping them to adapt of societal discrimination.
Have your psychologist come to your house (if the clinician is committed and experienced with working with spectrum kids this will be standard practice) and in the interim, look for the sensory and social skill deficit triggers that are generating the anxiety.
Being a well informed (at a level above the average clinician) about Aspergers is also essential, just be sure and use only information that has been published in the last 4-5 years since the science is advancing so quickly.
If you have not read Tony Attwood's "The complete guide to Aspergers" (available on Amazon for about $17 then that is you first step)
Also identifying a place for her to "get away" which is safe and that you will respect and not invade is also a good way to avoid having her put herself in hazardous situations. Even out in public you can agree on ideas like the closest bench or seat where she know she will be left alone (with you watching form a distance) until she decompresses. It is also good for her to have a formal signal when she is ready for you for you to approach and support her (not the time for doing a social autopsy of the situation or an environmental analysis, I always recommend waiting at least 10 minutes after primary decompression before even asking if the child is ready to try to figure out what happened). It is important to respect our kids understating of their "state" otherwise by invading it tells them they do not have the capacity to manage and that they do not understand what they are feeling and how they adapting so they will never have the confidence to manage their own needs.
bookwormde

 

[kelleyrn2000]

I'm not sure you can make the jump from running away to Aspergers. I know you said "back to the psychologist" so is there other issues? Does she exhibit any of the other signs of Aspergers or is it just this running away thing? I don't mean to sound callus or anything but without other information I just think that's a big leap to make. And you don't want to get yourself worked up thinking its something big when it could be something small.

Let me ask you this, are there certain things that seem to trigger this reaction? Is it always when she's upset? Is it a particular level of agitation or just when something doesn't go the way she wants? Have you implimented consequences for her running out or threatening to (i.e. time out? loss of priviledges??)

Could it be that she just sees running as a way to provoke a reaction from you?

No harm or meanness meant, just my couple of pennies.

I honestly just don't know anymore. In the past the psychologist suggested bipolar, then later suggested ADHD instead, and that was where we left off. Insurance covers 20 visits per year, and she spent those refusing to talk or do anything at all while there. So, I really have no idea if she has Asperger's or anything at all. She is so tough to figure out, she just doesn't talk to anyone when she is upset, and most the time we have no idea what she is upset about. Transisitions have always been difficult for her, so having to go someplace she hadn't intended/wanted to go/leave often trigger a meltdown.

As far as running away to get attention, sure that is a possibility, but I guess I just don't understand it. I'm at the point where I can't even go in public with her unless my dh is with me, just in case.

 

[kelleyrn2000]

Fleeing is a multistep process for our kids. The trigger is anxiety, which is typically caused by sensory or social sources.
The direct link is the lack of societal social dampening which goes along with not having innate social skills, and the compensatory intellectual skills being overwhelmed.
You really need to get to the root source of the anxiety and frustration, and make adaptations and teach skills that will help reduce them.
I guess the other best suggestion and question is how self aware is she the she is Aspergers and what the entails. If you have not, it time since self awareness and understanding about her evolutionary genetic neurology and the gifts, challenges and gross societal discrimination that are a part of it. I have found that this alone can cut underlying anxiety in half if accurately and properly presented. If you have a highly qualified psychologist in the area of Aspersers, she should have already have been working on this area, if not you need to find one or get the commitment from the current one to get highly qualified (particularly around the female manifestations). Almost all our kids who have a supportive and non judgmental psychologist, love going so if the is resistance it is typically because they feel the purpose of the presentation of the clinician is to try to "fix" them, when they are not broken, just different. Quite honestly I see this most on a consistent basis when the environment around the child is that of "trying to make them Neurotypical" instead of celebrating their differences and gifts and helping them to adapt of societal discrimination.
Have your psychologist come to your house (if the clinician is committed and experienced with working with spectrum kids this will be standard practice) and in the interim, look for the sensory and social skill deficit triggers that are generating the anxiety.
Being a well informed (at a level above the average clinician) about Aspergers is also essential, just be sure and use only information that has been published in the last 4-5 years since the science is advancing so quickly.
If you have not read Tony Attwood's "The complete guide to Aspergers" (available on Amazon for about $17 then that is you first step)
Also identifying a place for her to "get away" which is safe and that you will respect and not invade is also a good way to avoid having her put herself in hazardous situations. Even out in public you can agree on ideas like the closest bench or seat where she know she will be left alone (with you watching form a distance) until she decompresses. It is also good for her to have a formal signal when she is ready for you for you to approach and support her (not the time for doing a social autopsy of the situation or an environmental analysis, I always recommend waiting at least 10 minutes after primary decompression before even asking if the child is ready to try to figure out what happened). It is important to respect our kids understating of their "state" otherwise by invading it tells them they do not have the capacity to manage and that they do not understand what they are feeling and how they adapting so they will never have the confidence to manage their own needs.
bookwormde

I had no idea they would actually come to your home! That would be great!