Question for Homeschoolers????

[disneycountrygirl]

Avoidance of anxiety seems to be a good solution at the time - but in the long run, when is the child going to learn how to deal with the anxiety? You are just teaching avoidance as a way of not having to deal with an issue, instead of figuring out how to resolve the issue, aren't you?

And in the long run, how long will it take to heal from the scars and wounds inflicted by peers behind the teachers' backs? Children are vulnerable. Their lives are literally being shaped and formed, and they believe what they are told about themselves. Sometimes the price of being in a public/private school setting is just too high - a ruined life, unnecesary emotional scars are too high of a cost - and for what benefit? All the "pros" gained from traditional school settings can be accomplished in homeschooling too - often with much better results. (I personally am not the slightest impressed with the status quo result that public school yields. I desire higher caliber in every single arena across the board for my kids.)

I don't have Aspbergers, but was bullied in junior high, and I don't care what people say, it's not something you just grow out of or get over. It's impact is huge. The people that just got over it "cause it's a normal thing kids do" weren't really bullied. True bullying affects you to the deepest level, at your very core, in your very soul, and it doesn't matter what the school policies are because kids will never do it when a teacher is within ear shot. They wait till the 30 seconds the teacher slips in and out of the room - that's enough time to get a punch in and get back to your seat...or for 30 rubberbands to come flying at you. They wait till you have to go to the bathroom. When was the last time a teacher accompanied a teen student to the bathroom for safety? Never. And it isn't even the physical assaults that do the most damage! The physical blows are easier to take than the verbal and emotional ones. If you've known true bullying, you know the feeling of your heart starting to pound in fear when you know the teacher is walking out because that's when the abuse will begin. For the record, I switched schools in high school and it was a different experience, thankfully, but that just goes to show that 4 years of postive do nothing to undo the damage of the 2 years of abuse - and what parent would put their child through that when they don't have to? What parent would do that simply because other people, who aren't invested in their child, tell them they should? What matters more - other people's opinions or their child's life?

And really is any teacher as equally invested in a child as a parent is? If so, there is a serious parenting deficiency going on. Not to say that the teachers don't care, but parents have the ultimate investment in their child.

Regarding the anxiety, the parents have typically more influence than the schools. I have a friend with severe anxiety issues (takes daily meds for it) whose kids are in the public school system, and they've passed their anxiety on to their child. Her children are very fearful. A homeschooling parent who has mastered the ability to deal successfully with anxiety may very well be the highest qualified person to teach that to their child.

I personally think a parent knows their child best, and only they are equipped to make the decision about what will best serve their child. Only they see the true depths of how the child is being affected by being in a traditional school environment (if the child is being honest about being bullied - it's just as likely they'd hide it - my parents and no adult ever knew a THING - I was way, way too ashamed to reveal to any adult what was going on - and that's normal for a child being bullied.)

As a homeschooling mom, I don't try to convince people they should homeschool - in fact, I don't want everyone to homeschool as it would be an utter disaster and harmful to a great many children. But why do public school advocates try to convince everyone to go to public school (or private)? It should be left up to the parents, and we shouldn't judge another's choice - the OP knows best for her child and ultimately is the most qualified to make the decision as she is closest to the situation and most invested in her child.

 

[Schmeck]

Oh, don't get me wrong, I think that if a family chooses to homeschool, and they are educated and qualified to do so, then they should homeschool. One of my best friends homeschooled her two daughters, and they had great success.

My main point was that to homeschool to avoid a situation doesn't really solve the issue. If the child is planning on going to college or into the workforce after high school, living on his own, being self sufficient and independent, then allowing avoidance as a key tool to dealing with anxiety is not going to help in the long run. It's an easy solution at the time, but it can backfire down the road. I've witnessed it happening many times.

 

[Twoboysnmygirl]

And in the long run, how long will it take to heal from the scars and wounds inflicted by peers behind the teachers' backs? Children are vulnerable. Their lives are literally being shaped and formed, and they believe what they are told about themselves. Sometimes the price of being in a public/private school setting is just too high - a ruined life, unnecesary emotional scars are too high of a cost - and for what benefit? All the "pros" gained from traditional school settings can be accomplished in homeschooling too - often with much better results. (I personally am not the slightest impressed with the status quo result that public school yields. I desire higher caliber in every single arena across the board for my kids.)

I don't have Aspbergers, but was bullied in junior high, and I don't care what people say, it's not something you just grow out of or get over. It's impact is huge. The people that just got over it "cause it's a normal thing kids do" weren't really bullied. True bullying affects you to the deepest level, at your very core, in your very soul, and it doesn't matter what the school policies are because kids will never do it when a teacher is within ear shot. They wait till the 30 seconds the teacher slips in and out of the room - that's enough time to get a punch in and get back to your seat...or for 30 rubberbands to come flying at you. They wait till you have to go to the bathroom. When was the last time a teacher accompanied a teen student to the bathroom for safety? Never. And it isn't even the physical assaults that do the most damage! The physical blows are easier to take than the verbal and emotional ones. If you've known true bullying, you know the feeling of your heart starting to pound in fear when you know the teacher is walking out because that's when the abuse will begin. For the record, I switched schools in high school and it was a different experience, thankfully, but that just goes to show that 4 years of postive do nothing to undo the damage of the 2 years of abuse - and what parent would put their child through that when they don't have to? What parent would do that simply because other people, who aren't invested in their child, tell them they should? What matters more - other people's opinions or their child's life?

And really is any teacher as equally invested in a child as a parent is? If so, there is a serious parenting deficiency going on. Not to say that the teachers don't care, but parents have the ultimate investment in their child.

Regarding the anxiety, the parents have typically more influence than the schools. I have a friend with severe anxiety issues (takes daily meds for it) whose kids are in the public school system, and they've passed their anxiety on to their child. Her children are very fearful. A homeschooling parent who has mastered the ability to deal successfully with anxiety may very well be the highest qualified person to teach that to their child.

I personally think a parent knows their child best, and only they are equipped to make the decision about what will best serve their child. Only they see the true depths of how the child is being affected by being in a traditional school environment (if the child is being honest about being bullied - it's just as likely they'd hide it - my parents and no adult ever knew a THING - I was way, way too ashamed to reveal to any adult what was going on - and that's normal for a child being bullied.)

As a homeschooling mom, I don't try to convince people they should homeschool - in fact, I don't want everyone to homeschool as it would be an utter disaster and harmful to a great many children. But why do public school advocates try to convince everyone to go to public school (or private)? It should be left up to the parents, and we shouldn't judge another's choice - the OP knows best for her child and ultimately is the most qualified to make the decision as she is closest to the situation and most invested in her child.

Well said!

 

[DawnM]

You have witnessed homeschooled kids not survive in college and and in the workforce many times????

What I have seen is that homeschooled kids fare FAR better than their peers in situations in later life, including college and the real world workplace.

Dealing with anxiety does not need to be "throw them into the lion's den, give them a couple of tools, and make them survive."

Dawn

Oh, don't get me wrong, I think that if a family chooses to homeschool, and they are educated and qualified to do so, then they should homeschool. One of my best friends homeschooled her two daughters, and they had great success.

My main point was that to homeschool to avoid a situation doesn't really solve the issue. If the child is planning on going to college or into the workforce after high school, living on his own, being self sufficient and independent, then allowing avoidance as a key tool to dealing with anxiety is not going to help in the long run. It's an easy solution at the time, but it can backfire down the road. I've witnessed it happening many times.

 

[DawnM]

Thank you!

I didn't hvae a patience to get into a long post like this on the boards.....I appreciate that you did.

Excellent post.

Dawn

And in the long run, how long will it take to heal from the scars and wounds inflicted by peers behind the teachers' backs? Children are vulnerable. Their lives are literally being shaped and formed, and they believe what they are told about themselves. Sometimes the price of being in a public/private school setting is just too high - a ruined life, unnecesary emotional scars are too high of a cost - and for what benefit? All the "pros" gained from traditional school settings can be accomplished in homeschooling too - often with much better results. (I personally am not the slightest impressed with the status quo result that public school yields. I desire higher caliber in every single arena across the board for my kids.)

I don't have Aspbergers, but was bullied in junior high, and I don't care what people say, it's not something you just grow out of or get over. It's impact is huge. The people that just got over it "cause it's a normal thing kids do" weren't really bullied. True bullying affects you to the deepest level, at your very core, in your very soul, and it doesn't matter what the school policies are because kids will never do it when a teacher is within ear shot. They wait till the 30 seconds the teacher slips in and out of the room - that's enough time to get a punch in and get back to your seat...or for 30 rubberbands to come flying at you. They wait till you have to go to the bathroom. When was the last time a teacher accompanied a teen student to the bathroom for safety? Never. And it isn't even the physical assaults that do the most damage! The physical blows are easier to take than the verbal and emotional ones. If you've known true bullying, you know the feeling of your heart starting to pound in fear when you know the teacher is walking out because that's when the abuse will begin. For the record, I switched schools in high school and it was a different experience, thankfully, but that just goes to show that 4 years of postive do nothing to undo the damage of the 2 years of abuse - and what parent would put their child through that when they don't have to? What parent would do that simply because other people, who aren't invested in their child, tell them they should? What matters more - other people's opinions or their child's life?

And really is any teacher as equally invested in a child as a parent is? If so, there is a serious parenting deficiency going on. Not to say that the teachers don't care, but parents have the ultimate investment in their child.

Regarding the anxiety, the parents have typically more influence than the schools. I have a friend with severe anxiety issues (takes daily meds for it) whose kids are in the public school system, and they've passed their anxiety on to their child. Her children are very fearful. A homeschooling parent who has mastered the ability to deal successfully with anxiety may very well be the highest qualified person to teach that to their child.

I personally think a parent knows their child best, and only they are equipped to make the decision about what will best serve their child. Only they see the true depths of how the child is being affected by being in a traditional school environment (if the child is being honest about being bullied - it's just as likely they'd hide it - my parents and no adult ever knew a THING - I was way, way too ashamed to reveal to any adult what was going on - and that's normal for a child being bullied.)

As a homeschooling mom, I don't try to convince people they should homeschool - in fact, I don't want everyone to homeschool as it would be an utter disaster and harmful to a great many children. But why do public school advocates try to convince everyone to go to public school (or private)? It should be left up to the parents, and we shouldn't judge another's choice - the OP knows best for her child and ultimately is the most qualified to make the decision as she is closest to the situation and most invested in her child.

 

[Twoboysnmygirl]

My main point was that to homeschool to avoid a situation doesn't really solve the issue. If the child is planning on going to college or into the workforce after high school, living on his own, being self sufficient and independent, then allowing avoidance as a key tool to dealing with anxiety is not going to help in the long run. It's an easy solution at the time, but it can backfire down the road. I've witnessed it happening many times.

There are different ways of looking at it. To me, it's not homeschooling to avoid a situation, but to help a child that may need to take things slower. It actually might be beneficial in having them experience a larger variety of social situations, school is only ONE social setting and not one that is very reflective of what things are like as an adult.

I homeschool and there is a predominant assumption that we are trying to shelter our children from something or keep them from something. There's also the assumption that they are avoiding "real life" or learning what the workforce will be like by homeschooling. My children are exposed MORE to the real world because of homeschooling. They spend more hours interacting with people of all ages instead of being locked up in a room with same-age peers all day.

I get to interact with them all day long, we talk and discuss everything...this is part of learning things while growing up but in school there is very little opportunity for that. They are surrounded by kids that are as clueless as them and many times treat each other horribly.

My kids are more independent from homeschooling, talk to people WAY more than they ever did when in school, and very mature for their age. I believe this is partially from our homeschooling.(obviously your parenting style makes a difference too, and I'm not saying there aren't kids in school that are mature and independent)

I think taking a child out b/c of Aspergers is not avoiding anything, but being more involved in helping them and guiding them so that they can be successful.

 

[Aliceacc]

One last comment:

Everyone agrees that a parent knows his or her own child best. And when someone suggests keeping the child in a school, that's the argument that's used against it.

Yet when others, not the same parent, suggest homeschooling, no one seems to remember that same point.

OP, do what's best for your child. I'm sure that some Aspie kids do better at home. I am a bit concerned about the skills of some of those kids once mom and dad are not there to protect them, but I'm hoping you have a handle on that. Best wishes with your son.

But I know a number of kids with Aspergers who have flourished in a school setting. So it IS possible.

 

[worm761]

Thanks for all the support! DS's neuropsychologist first agreed to the private school because the classes are smaller and we felt that he would be able to handle the class size. His elementary school was excellent. And if the middle schools were like that I would not hesitate to leave him where he is at. The anxiety is relatively new and is a result of kids pushing his buttons. To a point of it being bullying. I know that it would be dealt with if they had anything other than DS word that it is happening. The anxiety grew worse over the course of the last school year. He was fine this summer. When it came time to go back to school, the anxiety started in again and has progressively gotten worse. All of his doctors are on board with the homeschooling. This way we can control the size of the groups he is in and therefore control the anxiety. I am against putting him on anxiety meds. I would rather go this route and slowly teach him to deal with it than to give him a pill to fix it. He is already on ADHD meds, he doesn't need anymore going into his system. Thanks for all the advice. I am looking to some online courses, some offline curriculum, and he is in other smaller groups for social interaction.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

If you feel in your heart that you should homeschool your son, then do it. I have 3 daughters and this will be our first year homeschooling. My dd has anxiety issues and is 10 years old. Her teachers told me all year long, that she needs to learn to deal with the anxiety, I believed them at first but as the year went on it got worse, and then one day the school Pysch. told me that " She will not go to college if you take her out of school" Exact Words!! I said "Are you serious?" walked out of her office and that was my last straw.

If you want to do it, do it , or you'll regret that you didn't. Kids this age should not have to have anxiety every day going to school. Public schools are fine for most kids, but for others and their parents, they're just not good enough. Good Luck with your decision, it sounds to me that you already made up your mind, you're just second guessing yourself, which is very normal!!!! Don't worry about it, you guys will do great! If you're a wonderful, caring parent like you sound to be, you can't go wrong.

 

[wvdislover]

Thanks for all the support! DS's neuropsychologist first agreed to the private school because the classes are smaller and we felt that he would be able to handle the class size. His elementary school was excellent. And if the middle schools were like that I would not hesitate to leave him where he is at. The anxiety is relatively new and is a result of kids pushing his buttons. To a point of it being bullying. I know that it would be dealt with if they had anything other than DS word that it is happening. The anxiety grew worse over the course of the last school year. He was fine this summer. When it came time to go back to school, the anxiety started in again and has progressively gotten worse. All of his doctors are on board with the homeschooling. This way we can control the size of the groups he is in and therefore control the anxiety. I am against putting him on anxiety meds. I would rather go this route and slowly teach him to deal with it than to give him a pill to fix it. He is already on ADHD meds, he doesn't need anymore going into his system. Thanks for all the advice. I am looking to some online courses, some offline curriculum, and he is in other smaller groups for social interaction.

Looks like you are doing all the right things. The meds may help him deal with the anxiety better at this point, and then you could wean him off of them. But, that is a choice you can make yourself. Some kids need it, while others do ok without them. Each parent needs to look at their own situation. It is quite interesting that the anxiety has disappeared during the summer, when school wasn't in session. It's pretty obvious that most of his anxiety is school-related. Homeschooling is probably your best option--you'll both be much happier, and your DS will most likely learn much better, with the anxiety out of the picture. Good luck!

 

[mom2att]

mom2att: Have you used FLVS? I know that we had two options but I swore that I had read that FLVS was not a valid option in Escambia County. I could be wrong. LOL Ever since we made the decision I have been looking up curriculum's and trying to figure out what would work best for DS. And a lot of what I am looking at for 8th grade he did last year in 7th grade. Mostly the reading/literature part. But still. Anyway, any advice you have would be appreciated. Thanks!

Hi Angela--my oldest is currently enrolled in two FLVS classes, and she's never been to public school (or any other kind, for that matter). I don't know about Escambia County, but www.flvs.net should answer any questions you have. I have been very happy with the FLVS classes so far.

Good luck in that curriculum search. My dd has been easy in that regard, but with my middle child it's been more difficult. Fortunately there's a lot out there, so keep looking!

 

[emh1129]

And in the long run, how long will it take to heal from the scars and wounds inflicted by peers behind the teachers' backs? Children are vulnerable. Their lives are literally being shaped and formed, and they believe what they are told about themselves. Sometimes the price of being in a public/private school setting is just too high - a ruined life, unnecesary emotional scars are too high of a cost - and for what benefit? All the "pros" gained from traditional school settings can be accomplished in homeschooling too - often with much better results. (I personally am not the slightest impressed with the status quo result that public school yields. I desire higher caliber in every single arena across the board for my kids.)

I don't have Aspbergers, but was bullied in junior high, and I don't care what people say, it's not something you just grow out of or get over. It's impact is huge. The people that just got over it "cause it's a normal thing kids do" weren't really bullied. True bullying affects you to the deepest level, at your very core, in your very soul, and it doesn't matter what the school policies are because kids will never do it when a teacher is within ear shot. They wait till the 30 seconds the teacher slips in and out of the room - that's enough time to get a punch in and get back to your seat...or for 30 rubberbands to come flying at you. They wait till you have to go to the bathroom. When was the last time a teacher accompanied a teen student to the bathroom for safety? Never. And it isn't even the physical assaults that do the most damage! The physical blows are easier to take than the verbal and emotional ones. If you've known true bullying, you know the feeling of your heart starting to pound in fear when you know the teacher is walking out because that's when the abuse will begin. For the record, I switched schools in high school and it was a different experience, thankfully, but that just goes to show that 4 years of postive do nothing to undo the damage of the 2 years of abuse - and what parent would put their child through that when they don't have to? What parent would do that simply because other people, who aren't invested in their child, tell them they should? What matters more - other people's opinions or their child's life?

And really is any teacher as equally invested in a child as a parent is? If so, there is a serious parenting deficiency going on. Not to say that the teachers don't care, but parents have the ultimate investment in their child.

Regarding the anxiety, the parents have typically more influence than the schools. I have a friend with severe anxiety issues (takes daily meds for it) whose kids are in the public school system, and they've passed their anxiety on to their child. Her children are very fearful. A homeschooling parent who has mastered the ability to deal successfully with anxiety may very well be the highest qualified person to teach that to their child.

I personally think a parent knows their child best, and only they are equipped to make the decision about what will best serve their child. Only they see the true depths of how the child is being affected by being in a traditional school environment (if the child is being honest about being bullied - it's just as likely they'd hide it - my parents and no adult ever knew a THING - I was way, way too ashamed to reveal to any adult what was going on - and that's normal for a child being bullied.)

As a homeschooling mom, I don't try to convince people they should homeschool - in fact, I don't want everyone to homeschool as it would be an utter disaster and harmful to a great many children. But why do public school advocates try to convince everyone to go to public school (or private)? It should be left up to the parents, and we shouldn't judge another's choice - the OP knows best for her child and ultimately is the most qualified to make the decision as she is closest to the situation and most invested in her child.

Loved your post. Loved it.


Our oldest child (7.5) has Asperger's and is homeschooled as well. The school just couldn't meet his needs as well as we could/can, and he is so much happier at home (and MUCH more productive!). He still does a lot of things regularly with other children both public schooled and homeschooled - he actually just attended a Lego Engineering camp that was wonderful- but he can't learn in the traditional public school environment. He wasn't happy, and now he is.

 

[disneycountrygirl]

Dawnm, you are welcome

Angela, I agree that you sound like a caring parent doing whatever you can to give your child an advantage in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Homeschooling is a sacrafice that isn't always easy, but the fact that you are willing to make that sacrafice shows you do care!