Question for all Non Catholic Christians

[disykat]

I'm Lutheran and it varies according to the minister. Most want you to do some premarital counseling. We did two sessions with our minister and also did an Engagement Encounter weekend.

In general most of the ministers I've known have felt that weddings, funerals, etc. are a great way to reach out to the non-church community and been against "turning anyone away" who is reaching out. That said, most I know personally are somewhat uncomfortable with just going through the motions with someone who wants a nonreligious wedding, but wants it in a pretty church.

 

[tiggerlover]

I am Presbyterian and DH is Lutheran and we were married in my church with both pastor's officiating. I don't think baptism and confirmation were a requirement, however I can't be sure since both DH and I were baptized and confirmed so it wasn't an issue. We did have to go to pre-marrital counselling and we did it twice, once with my pastor and once with DH's pastor. (This was 18 years ago).

 

[4greatboys]

My dh is Catholic and I am Baptist. We were married in the Catholic Church. I was previously married (he was also Catholic) but since we were not married in a Catholic Church and by a priest, it didnt count as a valid marriage so I didnt have to get an anullment.
My dh and I did have to take the classes though, or get a sponsor couple. We took the classes.
I wasnt required to sign anything that states my kids were going to be raised Catholic but my dh did have to sign a paper stating so.

 

[momof2inPA]

My husband and I attended pre-cana classes in Fairfax, VA. Two Saturdays, three hours each, and two meetings with the priest. I am Catholic, but my husband is not.

onecoolmama: Maybe your cousins could fulfill their requirements out of town and get married at the Shrine. Sounds easier.

 

[tkd lisa]

We are non-denominational Christian (based on the Brethern faith). Our church requires the couples to go through individual and joint counseling with one of our two ministers. If one is a believer and one is not, the ministers are very hesitant to marry them. Again, this is due to the believers unequally yoke discussion above. If they are certain that the couple really wants to get married, and that both understand the stresses caused by this situation, they will perform the marriage.

Baptism is encouraged, but not required in our denomination, so the lack of baptism would not prevent the marriage. Communion is weekly, but again, lack of communion wouldn't prevent the marriage.

 

[believe]

DH and I were going to do a dual wedding with both a Baptist and Catholic representative present (I'm Baptist, DH Catholic). Unfortunately...DH wouldn't sign the form about raising our children Catholic. We felt we would be lying since we weren't planning on Baptizing them Catholic. Our goal is to have Christian children, denomination wasn't going to be forced. In the end the priest would not marry us. We were told by another priest that it is not necessary in his eyes and that if we had come to him before the other priest he would have married us, but he can't over-ride the other priest. Because I had attended our church for 16yrs and DH for 2 at the time of our marriage they did not have us take marriage counseling classes.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

But I think the offical stance of the Catholic Church is as long as one is fully catholic and the other is baptized Christian...they will ok the marriage with out the others getting the sacraments.

I don't think this is the case either. DH was Catholic. I was not, nor had I ever been baptized. We met with the priest for one counselling session is all.

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by 6_Time_Momma
I don't think this is the case either. DH was Catholic. I was not, nor had I ever been baptized. We met with the priest for one counselling session is all.

Then I wonder if it is left up to the individual pastor/preist or if it is the ArchDiocesees that makes the rules. That is interesting to me that you didnt need to be baptized at all.

We were living in Philly at the time and getting married in DC becuase all of our family was here and the church was here. SO we littlerally drove down from Philly every weekend for 6 months and spent 3 hours a Saturday at those counseling sessions. He went over how to communicate, how we were going to raise our kids, all of our finances...ext. He said he would not marry us until he felt comforitable with us getting married. Two sessions is nothing to me. But, we were living together for years before we got married...so I am sure that was what started the more sessions then most.

My family is exetremely Catholic. My Uncle got married at a Unitarian Church to his second wife. His first wife and he were married at B.S. so he would have had to get an allument. Well, he didnt feel like waiting. Out of 13 brothers and Sisters (and of course their spouses) only 5 went. The others wouldn't go due to the fact that the Catholic Church wasnt recognizing this as a wedding so neither would they. My grandparents didn't go either. Of the 5 that did go, their pastors told them that they should go to support their brother and not create rifts in the family. All the other pastors said not to go.

I did all the work because I was determined to get married at B.S. Like I said everyone in my family got married there at least once (some 2 and one 3 times) and it is soooo beautiful that I would have done whatever it took. But I thought I would give my cousin a heads up if that is what she wanted and if she wanted to go to a different church...I was wondering what the rules were.

 

[SC Minnie]

I am Presbyterian and DH is Catholic. When we engaged 13 years ago he wanted to get married in the Catholic church. We met with the priest and were told we had to go to the pre cana classes- I don't remember how long or how many there were but 6 weeks comes to mind. Anyway, the priest couldn't perform the ceremony on this day or that day, then the one Saturday he could he told it would have to be before 2pm because he had a mass at another church that evening etc. We wanted an evening wedding because we had people in from all over the country and wanted a dinner and reception plus due to DH job(accountant) he was tougher for him to be away certain times of the month. The priest gave his 'blessing' - not sure if that is the correct term- for us to get married in my church by my pastor. Even originally he didn't require that I convert. My church required us to go through about 4 weeks of counseling.

Since, DH has joined the Presbyterian church and that is how we are raising DD.

 

[jx3smom]

I am Lutheran and DH was Catholic when we married in my church. I was also divorced. We had to "meetings" with the minister and that was it. DH converted to my church after DS was born and baptized there. You do have to baptised to marry in most Lutheran churches. I does not matter what religion you are just that you were baptised.

 

[beattyfamily]

FYI...Although each parish and/or priest may be doing things differently in the US Churches in regards to the rules for getting married in the Catholic Church, it's not supposed to be that way.

You are both suppose to be Roman Catholic to marry in the Roman Catholic Church. If you are not fully Catholic, you are suppose to go through the RCIA program to become Catholic and do whatever you haven't done; Baptism, First Communion, and/or Confimation.

Then you are suppose to go through the Pre Cana classes and these can vary in length etc...

You are not suppose to be living together when you are seeking to get married in the Catholic Church and they are suppose to ask you this. You are suppose to promise to raise your children Roman Catholic and I believe it's suppose to be asked in the wedding ceremony/Mass.

There is a problem in the US in regards to the Churches being uniform in their rules and ways of doing things. They are suppose to be all the same.

For example, just recently, all Churches were reminded of some parts of the Mass that we are all suppose to do; each parish was doing their own thing. One example is that we are suppose to bow during the Creed when we say "By the power of the Holy Spirit, He was born of the Virgin Mary and became King". It says it right in the Creed if you read it from the book. Another example, we are suppose to bow our head right before receiving Communion, while we are saying "Amen" or we should kneel right before receiving Communion. Each parish was given a letter telling the parishes to re-teach these things.

With the US Roman Catholic Church being so large, each parish sometimes end up doing their own thing when they are not really suppose to.

 

[onecoolmama]

That was what my mom was saying about the marriage thing too. That you had to go through RCIA.

But I didnt know that about the Creed or Communion. Ever since I was little I always said Amen and never bowed and I NEVER kneeled or bowed during any part of the creed.

Interesting...I wonder if all parishes in the US got that memo or if it was targeted to certain ArchDioceese. (SP?)

 

[AirForceRocks]

You are both suppose to be Roman Catholic to marry in the Roman Catholic Church. If you are not fully Catholic, you are suppose to go through the RCIA program to become Catholic and do whatever you haven't done; Baptism, First Communion, and/or Confimation.

There is nothing in the Catechism that prohibits marriage of a Catholic and a non-Catholic in the Catholic church, and there is nothing that states that only two Roman Catholics may be married in the Church.

 

[Rajah]

We got married in an Episcopal church. DH is Catholic, I'm non-denominational Christian (baptised Baptist, raised in a combination of Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian (never can spell that one ), and non-denominational, depending on where we were), we compromised for Episcopalian. In our case, you just had to both be baptised in the Christian faith (any Christian denomination counted) and one of the pair had to become a member of the church, which meant taking a couple of classes or sessions with the minister, and going through a ceremony along with others who wanted to be in the church. Obviously, I'm the one who joined. Didn't take that long for us. You also had to have 3 pre-marital counseling sessions with the minister.

 

[kbeverina]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
Those of you that are in the area..I got married at The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament. It is a beautiful church and all of my family, all of my aunts, uncles, and my grandparents were married there.

Is this the one in Alexandria--you make a right off King Street heading out of Alexandria toward Bailey's Crossroads?

My close friend attended that church, if it's the same, and she loved it. She'd grown up Catholic, left and was heavily involved in a Baptist church for many years, went back to the Catholic church when she and her husband, who is Catholic, were getting married. That church made her feel absolutely wonderful and completely welcome, even though she wasn't confirmed and didn't want to be.

Neither my husband nor I have been confirmed, and we were married in the Catholic church. My dad is Catholic, my mom is Lutheran, we were raised Catholic, but my mom felt we should have a choice when we're older to become Catholic or not so we were not confirmed.

We had no problems, but did encounter various policies when our kids were being baptized regarding godparents. The church where my sister's son was baptized recognized the godfather, but not me as the godmother because I wasn't confirmed and wasn't married to the godfather. If I had been, that would be fine. Just two years before that it was fine for my sister to be my daughter's godmother even though she wasn't married to the godfather, my husband's brother...

 

[Keli]

I'm Pentecostal and so is my dh so we didn't have any troubles getting married in our local church. (Where we met, btw ) The organization our church belongs to doesn't have any hard and fast rules about who can marry in the church or whether counseling is required. It's really up to the local church to decide that sort of thing. I know our current church allows couples of different faiths to marry in the church and I think that the pastor tries to have each couple attend a session or two of premarital counseling but I'm pretty sure that isn't even a requirement.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

My husband and I were both baptised in the Catholic church and also received the Sacrament of First Holy Communion. Neither of us had gone through Confirmation, but we were allowed to be married in the Catholic Church. The only requirement was attending a counselling session with the Priest and doing Pre Cana on Saturday. That was almost eighteen years ago...

 

[DrTomorrow]

DW is Catholic, I was a Presbyterian. We were married in a beautiful old German Catholic Church in Detroit (St. Joseph's). All they needed was:

1. My certificate of Christian Baptism
2. Me to sign something to bring any children up Catholic
3. A couple of marriage counselling classes.

It all must have worked, as we're nearing 24 years!