Question about what to do for a Wake?

[Mishetta]

Today we will be attending a wake for my cousin's DH who passed away of Pancreatic Cancer. He was in his early 50's & this will be a very emotional time for all of us.

My cousin doesn't want any flowers (but tons will be arriving anyway) since this will be a very large funeral ~ probably hundreds of people will be attending. They have NO need for money so the only thing I could think of was donating Masses in the deceased name. (We're Catholic.)

Anyway, my question is, can you think of anything I can give to my cousin or to her family? Normally I do flowers for a funeral so this is all new to me.

What are your thoughts?

Mishetta

 

[newmousecateer]

Beside the Mass cards, why not make a donation to a charity in his name?

Sorry for the loss.

 

[mtemm]

I agree...I would donate to Pancreatic cancer research or something that meant a lot to him

 

[Lars624]

What about sending food to the family? We've done fruit baskets & pastry baskets in the past in similar situations.

 

[becka]

My first thoughts were food for the family or probably even better a donation to the American Cancer Society (or something of that nature) in their name.

 

[RUDisney]

We usually send food. Our staples are penne with vodka sauce and chicken franchaise. We also send donations to charity in the deceased's name. We've gotten away from flowers. They only benefit the florist.

 

[helenabear]

Lars suggested exactly what I was going to suggest as well. Food is good... especially meals that can be frozen and reheated.

 

[Mishetta]

OH, I like the idea of food or pastry basket.....I'm not sure who to call for that though. Who does food baskets? Maybe I'll look in the phone book..

Thanks for your replies...any other suggestions? Donations to the Cancer foundation are good too. I agree about flowers only benefiting the florists & not that the cemetery wants more than 2 arrangements anymore either (as well as the church!)

 

[RUDisney]

Most grocery stores, at least in my area, will do up a food basket. Also, you can call a bagel shop and they usually do up nice bagel baskets with the flavored cream cheeses and juices.

 

[Saffron]

Did he recieve home care through a visiting nurse organization or a hospice program? If so, they may except donations. I know the VNA through our local hospital does. So does our community hospice program.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. He was very young.

 

[cinmell]

Originally posted by mtemm
I agree...I would donate to Pancreatic cancer research or something that meant a lot to him

That would also be my suggestion and/or send food to their house since family and friends will most likely stop by.

I am sorry for your family's loss.

 

[December99]

I was thinking similar to Saffron - was there hospice involved or a VNA? I would donate not only a monetary donation but maybe some volunteer time in his memory. Or get on their newsletter list and you will find what they need at various times and keep his memory on by donating items at various times of the year - cookies or something for a goodie basket at the holidays, items for care baskets that they give to the families or children who have lost loved ones, etc.

 

[SeaShelley]

Recently a co-worker lost her husband very suddenly and when we put together the food basket for her we also included some nice paper plates, paper cups (hot and cold), napkins and plastic utencils. She said that the food we sent was wonderful, but the addition of the paper goods was a life saver. With so much family in and out all the time, it was a relief not to have to worry about doing the dishes.

Just a thought.....

 

[Mishetta]

Oh these are all such good replies. Thank you. Yes, they have lots of family in from Italy & Canada.....this is good.....I've just called a local bagel shop & they can arrange something but naturally, it won't be until tomorrow.

I wish I would have thought to post this question yesterday since everyone is waking up to her house this morning & Lord knows how she is coping, let alone trying to feed all these mouths now! I understand my newly widowed cousin is a basket case. Here she just turned 50 & now she is alone....

No, he didn't have hospice..my cousin took care of her husband the past 15 months all by herself! Gees...his goodbyes & last words to his children (which he spoke to them all privately) were just so heart breaking. I'm spilling tears here just thinking about it. Death is a part of life that is just soooooooo hard. Especially with someone so dynamic & yes, young.

Thank you for your kind words & suggestions.

 

[December99]

I know Mishetta......I lost my mom last August at the age of 55!!!! Way too young to have to not be here any longer. And I think the younger the worse it is, although loss at any age is hard.

Here's an extra big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
for you and your family.

 

[FOJMO]

I'm sorry for your loss. My brother passed away last August at 48 from colon cancer.

You mentioned they had children. If they are younger, maybe give her a card and a standing offer to babysit for her if she needs to attend to something, if not now, maybe in the near future?

The Mass card is always nice (we're Catholic, too). I'll keep you, your cousin, and all the families in my prayers.

 

[Mishetta]

December99 ~ I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your mother. My mother has cancer too & I watch her deteriorate each day & that is so painful. I am my mother's only caregiver & it is very hard to go through all this. My mother took the passing of my cousin's DH very very badly. She kept crying saying "couldn't God take me instead since I'm older & have lived my life!" I am selfish & am thankful the Lord left my mom with me for now.

FOJMO ~ thank you for your thoughts too. My deepest sympathy to you & your family over the loss of your brother. Waaaay too young also.

I thank you all for contributing to this thread. This is what I did. I went to a local bagel shop & ordered 2 dozen assorted bagels (but not the really weird ones) & 3 large tubs of cream cheese (plain, strawberry & cranberry-orange-walnut) & half dozen assorted (very huge) muffins in 2 separate trays. This way they can open one tomorrow (or eat both if there are lots of people) and if they don't eat the second one, they will have that for the day of the funeral (Saturday). It will be delivered between 7am & 9am tomorrow morning to their home. (I'm hoping for early.) The manager will make a special card up for the tray with my personal message & she will attach it nicely with ribbon.

I'm embarrassed to say that while I was ordering, I just broke down in front of her (so happy there was no one else in the store at the time). I was such a 'mess' she told me she'd call me tomorrow with the total amount that I owe her & that I can go in at my convenience to pay for it. God Bless her. So I haven't paid for this yet but it will be far less expensive than flowers & more useful!

Again, many thanks for your thoughtfulness everyone.

Sincerely,

"Mishetta" (Rose)

 

[FOJMO]

...you have ME in tears now. It will be OK. You shouldn't feel at all embarrassed. Perfectly normal. That was so nice of the bagel shop person. That was a WONDERFUL idea you came up with. I'm sure the family is going to appreciate it immensely. A lot of thought went into it.

It's just so sad when people are left behind. They are the ones that are in the most pain.

Hoping you're OK and hugs to you!

 

[MerryPoppins]

Sounds like a nice basket. I'm sure they'll appreciate it. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

I agree that the paper goods are a life saver. Someone brought coffee, tea, pop and paper goods when my dad died. When lots of people are visiting it's helpful to have something to offer them to drink. It's also nice not to have to do the dishes. Those are often things people don't think to bring.

 

[Lynn CC]

When my younger sister passed away I got a lot of different things and all were very nice.
My friend gave me a beautiful flowering tree maybe 5 feet tall in a planter to be planted outside. It had a big bow around it and she said I could plant it in a favorite place and each time I looked at it I could think of my sister. I thought that was so nice and everytime I look at it I think of her and smile!

I'm so sorry for your loss.
{HUGS}