Question about weddings and churches **Another question**

[phorsenuf]

My Ds is getting married in September. He is Baptist and the fiancee is Catholic. Neither one is active in a church, plus she is from Germany and my son is not a member of a church here.

We live right next door to a Community Church (the pastor lives behind us). Do you think it would be OK to ask him if they could get married there?

Does anyone know the ettiquete of all that?

Thanks!

 

[MsLeFever]

It never hurts to ask!

I know that in many churches there is a charge to use the sanctuary if neither the bride or the groom are church members.

 

[SC Minnie]

It would be fine to ask but be prepared for them to be told no or charged a fee for using the church since they are not members. Also the pastor should require them to attend premarital sessions with him.

 

[Laura]

Are there other options for ceremony sites in your area that aren't churches? For example, I got married in a Victorian greenhouse, because neither my DH nor I are religious. Many reception halls can do ceremonies, too.

 

[phorsenuf]

It would be fine to ask but be prepared for them to be told no or charged a fee for using the church since they are not members. Also the pastor should require them to attend premarital sessions with him.

Premarital sessions would be tough since she's in Germany and he's in Afghanistan.
They were going to get married at the same place as the reception but a church setting is always so nicer.

 

[phorsenuf]

Are there other options for ceremony sites in your area that aren't churches? For example, I got married in a Victorian greenhouse, because neither my DH nor I are religious.

I wish there was but there is nothing.

 

[Beth76]

I wish there was but there is nothing.

What about a park? I had a friend who got married in a park and rented out a shelter. They weren't religious so they had a JOP marry them. The ceremony was underneath a huge beautiful tree. Then they had a local BBQ place cater the reception. It was the best wedding I've ever been to.

 

[noodleknitter]

I think that asking is a good idea. Explain the situation and their background/location to the pastor, and see what happens. Good luck.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I think a large % of churches allow it - I know ours does. However, they would have to be married by a clergyman/woman and I imagine nearly all of them would require premarital counselling. However, with the station in Afghanistan, I'm sure most Pastors would be willing to accomodate the distances.

Just go ahead and ask --- the worst they could say is no.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Is this where the bride and groom want to be married?

 

[salmoneous]

You should absolutely call and ask. In my experience, clergy love talking about weddings - it's one of the happiest functions they are involved in. As others have said, be prepared to be told, "no." When DW and I were getting married, we called one chapel, explained our situation, and were told that the church had a rule against marring non-members. However, they were extremely helpful and positive and pointed us to the minister who did end up marrying us.

 

[Monte Cristo]

What about a park? I had a friend who got married in a park and rented out a shelter. They weren't religious so they had a JOP marry them. The ceremony was underneath a huge beautiful tree. Then they had a local BBQ place cater the reception. It was the best wedding I've ever been to.

This is just about what wife and I did. We were both raised Catholic, but weren't attending a church. My church that I had went to until college wouldn't do it unless we started marriage sessions, started going to church every week, and became active members. While I understood, this really turned wife off.

Soooo, we found a beautiful gazebo in a park next to a beach in RI and it turned out gorgeous. A Lutheran pastor married us and he was thrilled to do it for us.

 

[missypie]

Our main sanctuary and chapel are just gorgeous, in a traditional, Gothic/stained glass way. Our rule is that church members get first choice of dates. Non-members may end up with Thursday or Friday night weddings, but they are certainly allowed.

 

[hlbtimes2]

My dh and I dont belong to a church. We called and went to a fw when we were getting married. Most allow it, but charge a hefty fee. Most wanted about $500 to let us use the church. That didnt include the cost for the organist, clergy, etc. Just the "nonmember" fee for using the church.

 

[phorsenuf]

Is this where the bride and groom want to be married?

Who cares???

No, just kidding. My DS had originally asked about this church. His future bride said whatever he wants because in May they will be having another wedding back in her hometown. So they are kinda doing a his and hers wedding. LOL

Outside would be tricky because it's an evening reception so the ceremony will be around 5 and in New England that can be tricky, especially that time of the year.

 

[Keli]

Most churches do allow non-members to use their church for weddings. I know ours does. Generally they do charge for use of the facility though.

Are any of your extended family members a member of a local church you'd like to use? I don't know how it works for every church but I do know we allow family members of members to use our facility free of charge. In other words if I had a neice or nephew that wanted to get married at my church they would be allowed to do that without a charge since I am a tithe paying member myself.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

My dh and I dont belong to a church. We called and went to a fw when we were getting married. Most allow it, but charge a hefty fee. Most wanted about $500 to let us use the church. That didnt include the cost for the organist, clergy, etc. Just the "nonmember" fee for using the church.

Our 100 year old Catholic church charges its active parishioners $300 and that DOES NOT include the organist clergy we pay for them too. We don't even accept non-active parishioners.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I gather the groom is a military member? Is there a base nearby? Most base chapels will allow weddings there for members of any branch of the military. Last time I had occasion to check in to it, it was ridiculously cheap to do. Military chaplains don't require that the bride or groom be of any certain religion and most don't require premarital counseling in cases such as your son's. Worth a look.

 

[phorsenuf]

I gather the groom is a military member? Is there a base nearby? Most base chapels will allow weddings there for members of any branch of the military. Last time I had occasion to check in to it, it was ridiculously cheap to do. Military chaplains don't require that the bride or groom be of any certain religion and most don't require premarital counseling in cases such as your son's. Worth a look.

Hmmm..I don't have a base nearby but we have a large national guard armory complex. I wonder if they have a chapel?

 

[aunt kelly]

I would definitely ask, given your son's circumstances. The precher might be more willing to try and accomadate a member of the military.

By the way, congrats to the happy couple!