Question about church-mods remove if against guidelines.

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I feel its ok to post this here because it is not about religion at all. It's simply about church. Do you think it's wrong if a family choses different churches to attend? I am not comfortable where DH goes to church and vice versa. It's just weird and I have never really encountered that. I took my DD15 to my church yesterday and she told me she didn't care for it. Ok, so maybe it is about religion, it's the same religion. Nothing like Judaism vs Catholic for example. It's the same basic religion, just different styles of preaching.
Again, I don't want to break any rules, just wanted to know if any families did this, or thought it was wrong or weird. Just a little confused. My DDs are free to go anywhere they feel the most comfortable (if you cant tell, we are all just now getting back to church).
Please no one be offended and I will be happy to delete if anyone requests or is offended. This is such an innocent question, I swear. I'm not proselytizing or anything. Be nice, I come in peace

 

[CF'er]

I see nothing wrong in going where you are most comfortable. Is it possible for both of you to change to a church where you are both comfortable?

 

[Magic Mom]

Religion is a great thing to be able to share with family, but in the end it is about your own personal relationship with your god. So you should go where you feel the most comfortable or the closest with your god. If that is different from your family, then so be it.

My daughter's friend's family is like that. The parents both got to different Baptisits type churches and the daughter goes to a third church with her grandmother because she doesn't want to have to choose between her parents churches. it works for them.

 

[kitsch4]

No offense taken here. There are several families at our church where the one spouse is a member there and the other is a member at the church next door. They go to our church one week and the other the next week. Maybe that could be a solution for you? Are you totally comfortable with your church? Would you consider leaving to find a church that everyone likes? My husband isn't comfortable at our church, so I take the kids each week. He is fine with that, but he doesn't go to another church. He just comes with us every so often. I don't want to leave, though, b/c I love it- we've had everyone milestone there. We were married there, our kids were baptized there, had their first communions there, etc. Good luck with your decision.

 

[TaraPA]

Do what feels best for you. My BFF is in the exact same situation as yours. They all practice the same religion, however her DH goes to one church, she & the kids go to another.

 

[disykat]

My husband recently started attending a different church than us. When we married, he came to "my" church and we've attended that denomination every where we've lived. We've been quite happy there for 20 years until recently when DH decided he could no longer attend there. Since our kids are teens and love our church, the kids and I are staying and dh is attending elsewhere. He still comes with us on holidays, etc.

I guess once the kids are gone we'll visit back and forth, but I honestly can't see us finding someplace where both of us are happy. If I thought that was a possibility I'd be looking with him, but I don't think it is.

IMO it is what it is and you do what you have to do. I wish DH would come with us, but I can't force him - nor can he force me to leave. Neither one of us wants to rip teens away from a place they're happy and force them to go elsewhere.

 

[bicker]

I think a substantial number of members of our church are with us, specifically, because the two spouses either disagree about matters of belief, or were brought up in different spiritual traditions, and so couldn't find another church which they both could call their spiritual home. It is a very common issue, these days, I think.

 

[Buckalew11]

My DD just joined a different church (same denomination) by herself. She's 16 and I'm all for her going where she feels at ease in her worship of God. I've visited there and it is not for me (wish it was 'cause life would be easier to all go to the same church).

Now, to *our* church. I'm not thrilled there at this point and would like to visit around. DH, however, seems content enough there, and isn't for checking into other churches. I'd still pick same denomination (or something close) but I'm really ready for a change. Yesterday's SS class was uh, absolutely boring to me. I just do not think I can keep this up...I've been feeling this way for over 6 months to a yr.

I feel your pain, OP.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think a substantial number of members of our church are with us, specifically, because the two spouses either disagree about matters of belief, or were brought up in different spiritual traditions, and so couldn't find another church which they both could call their spiritual home. It is a very common issue, these days, I think.

Yes extremely common for UUs--to either both go to the UU church because it encompasses many possible beliefs OR to have one spouse go there and the other go elsewhere. Though it sounds like yours is not a difference of doctrine but rather of presentation. I still see nothing wrong with that at all. I have known many people over the years who attend a different church than their SO--and also families where one person does not attend at all.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Thank you ALL so much. We are a different denomination and I feel SO comfortable and I get so much more out of my church than I do his. I would never tell him out loud, but he knows. We live in an area where the different denominations of Christianity can be taught in many different ways (same basic message, totally different delivery). I thought maybe it was wrong of me to go to a church different than my family, even though I knew in my heart, that where I go, is where I learn the most. He grew up in his type of church and I grew up in mine. They are night and day. We haven't been to any church in years, so it hasn't been an issue. So thank you so much for all of your input. I feel better.
Thank you all so much

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I see nothing wrong in going where you are most comfortable. Is it possible for both of you to change to a church where you are both comfortable?

Unfortunately, no. I hate to be that black and white about it, but the styles of preaching are polar opposites. His particular denomination is very energetic and loud (NOTHING wrong with that). Mine is calm and peaceful. I need calm and peaceful, especially now. And this is actually the church I grew up in. So that really adds to the comfort for me.

 

[GeorgeG]

Freedom of choice is a good thing. My wife sometimes likes to go to church (Catholic) and I don't go to any church (Atheist). As long as we agree to disagree life is good.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Freedom of choice is a good thing. My wife sometimes likes to go to church (Catholic) and I don't go to any church (Atheist). As long as we agree to disagree life is good.

Sounds like you two have it figured out!

 

[GeorgeG]

Sounds like you two have it figured out!

It's easier than most people think.

 

[minkydog]

I have no problem with any of my family going to a different church.DD17 prefers a different church, same denomination. She has a lot of friends in their youth group and she never has really bonded with the youth in our church.

DH and I go to church together to a church we have been members of for years. We were unable to go to church for about 4-5 years because we didn't have anywhere for Christian to be and he couldn't behave in the service. But now we have a nurse on Sunday mornings so we're just now getting into church again. The thing is, we love reconnecting with our Sunday School class members. But we HATE the church service. They have disbanded the choir & orchestra(which were both very good) and all the special music is provided by one guy with a guitar who is completely FULL OF HIMSELF and the "praise music" is bland and not memorable--and his "music" takes over 30 minutes of the service. It's just annoying to be there and I"m thinking "GET ON WITH IT" the whole time. So we don't go to church, we just go home after SS. If we didn't have some friends in our SS class we wouldn't go at all.

 

[LaurLaur04]

IMHO, Church is church. If you believe in God and accept him as your Lord and Savior, what does it matter where you attend? Church is most effective when you are comfortable with your surroundings. Yes there are different denominations who vary in their beliefs, but what's wrong with that? We all have opinions. As long as you believe God is your Savior, pray and rejoice him wherever you like!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I would not be comfortable being married to someone who doesn't go to the same church as I do.

I was a nonpracticing Catholic for 5 years when I met my wife, and happily converted to her Protestant denomination.

I understand some people have no problem with being a mixed-religion marriage, but I just couldn't do it. I think it helps that I was searching for a different type of church when we met.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Thank you each and everyone for your positive responses. I was feeling guilty, like I'm not part of the family unit and I should suck it up and go where they do. But like I said, the peace I have gotten since attending my old church has helped me so much. Thanks for the validation. Around here, I believe it's pretty unusual to attend a church other than where the majority of the family goes.