Question about a dating situation.....

[Piglet203]

Hello everyone,
I decided to come on here and see if anyone has advice. I think others will be able to relate to my situation and maybe have some helpful advice or words of comforting. Let's see, before I go right into the dilemna I will give a little background.
I have been with my boyfriend for the last 6 months. This is a guy that has liked me for atleast a year and a half. He's always been very interested in me and I've never been available. Weird enough 6 months ago I was available to date and decided to give it a chance. When we first started to date I took NOTHING serious. I was interested one day and then whatever the next. I had a very protective attitude over myself because of my past experiences and told myself to "be cool." Well, over the time that we've been dating I have indeed fallen and am extremely happy. Then of course a problem arises.....
About two weeks ago or so I found out that he is looking into joining the Airforce. I can't tell you the feeling I had when I discovered this. My heart sank as he told me he went in to speak with a recruiter. He said he has to go back with certain paperwork and to talk more. At the time I just said "Oh, really?" and left it that. I mean I didn't feel it was my place to say anything but that. Then the other night I decided to tell him my feelings. I told him that something was bothering me and told him that I'd miss him to death if he went. I emphasized how great the past few months were and how great we get along, etc. and how I am afraid that if he goes we will be done or something along those lines since things are going so good.
My question is: What do I do? I know that he feels just as strong about me as I do him. I just don't know how to deal with these feelings and can't help but worry. I don't want to lose what we have or possibly could have. I don't want to be selfish and bring it up again and I don't want to make him angry about it. I just don't know how to deal with my feelings. Do any of you have relationships where your significant other is involved in the military? If so, how does it work and how do you keep yourself going? Any advice or thoughts are appreciated as I don't know how to deal with this. Anxiously waiting for replies.....
Thank you......
Carey

 

[mrsdon]

Hi Carey
You diidnt tell your age and that might make a difference. My DH was in the Navy and we had a long disance romance. It can be done. I think we got to know each other very well. We had to rely on phone calls and letters.(this was wayyyyy before email)
The Air Force is a great start and even makes a geat career.
I know of people puting their 6 years in and geting out and making almost $50,000 year which is a decent living. I realize that you will miss him, but you wouldnt want to hold him back.
I might not be telling you what you want to hear, but I say let him do what he feels he needs to do,
Long distance romances are do-able and if its meant to be, it will be.
Good luck and God bless

 

[Piglet203]

Mrsdon,
Thanks for your quick reply. Just so you know I am 22 and a recent college graduate. I don't know if that helps any in giving advice. I agree with you that it is a good move for him. I would never want to hold him back. I just can't help but be selfish because of my feelings. If I knew that I'd be able to move with him maybe eventually then I'd feel a little better since he did mention that quickly. But I've never dated anyone involved in the military, so I don't know how it works. I really appreciate your advice as what you say is true. Thank you.

 

[Rajah]

I agree with Mrs Don. Long distance relationships are doable, and will last if it's meant to be. I don't have any experience with an SO leaving for the military, though, so can't help you there.

Hopefully someone who is a military GF or Wife can give you more support or advice.
*hugs*

 

[house_of_princesses]

Dear Piglet... It's difficult, isn't it? Letting someone you care about do what's right for them? I was in a similar spot...although not military (he had already finished his tour). Mine wanted to take a job in OH while I was in IL. I said nothing more than, "if it's your best option, go for it!" He proposed shortly after he moved and we were married in six months. That was nearly 13 years ago. Unless you are at least engaged, your place is only to smile and support. It's not easy having faith that all will work happily. But if it's right, it will work out. I think it would be appropriate to ask, "Hey, how'd your meeting with the recruiter go? What are your goals while in the service?" Always positive, always supportive. If you don't, it will haunt you later. If he even feels a ripple that you kept him from fulfilling a dream, the chasm only gets larger later.

I wish you patience and good cheer!

 

[doxdogy]

I wouldn't bring it up to him again. I am assuming that he is a college graduate too. If so, he might qualify to go in as an officer. With today's job market, he would make a good living and for the most part have job security. Long distance romances can work. If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that even though you will miss him. You will support him in any decision he makes.

 

[Margie J]

By best friend from High School dated and married a Military man (navy). In fact, they got to know each other and fall in love through letters. They were pen pals long before they met. She got his address through mutual friends.

It was difficult for them, especially after they met and the feelings were mutual. He would often be away for 6 or more months at a time. A few times he managed to come home but that was rare.

What kept it going was contact by letter and phone. They learned to communicate in that way.

Eventually, he got stationed in the US on the West Coast and she moved to be closer to him.

As others have said, if it is meant to be it will be. Long distance relationships take a lot of work on both sides. If he is willing to do his part you can have a great future together.

 

[Piglet203]

Thanks everyone for your support and words of advice. I agree with everyone in that it would be wrong to hold him back. I would never want to do that. I want him to be happy and fulfill his dreams. I am hoping that if he does infact join the Airforce that maybe he will realize how much he loves me and misses me and I'm sure I will feel the same way. Maybe somehting like this could make us stronger? I mean people say that you don't realize what you have until it's gone.....so maybe the distance will show that? I don't know, I'm trying to look at the good in it. I haven't said one word to push him away from the idea, only that I would miss him and worry about "us" Does anyone know if girlfriends can live on base with their boyfriends? I'm not saying I'd do it tomorrow, but if it came to that down the road months from now, I'd do it. Ehhhh......loves ups and downs Thanks again for the support.....reading these made me feel a little better.
Carey

 

[AirForceRocks]

Does anyone know if girlfriends can live on base with their boyfriends?

No.

 

[Trinity721]

Carey, I will tell you a little bit about my experience with a military man before and after he joined the military. Well if you can't tell by my tags, I ended up marrying him. But it was a long road for us...

We started dating in high school, we were both 16. When we started dating we knew that our relatioship was something special, and something that would last. Back then he didn't even talk about any sort of desire to join the military. It wasn't until I was halfway through college (at which time he wasn't attending college, he was working) that he started talking seriously about going into the Navy. As depressing as that was to me, I encouraged him and supported him knowing it would be the best decision he would make. By this time we'd been talking about marriage seriously once I graduated.

Boot camp was the hardest time we've experienced in our relationship. I wrote him every day, while I received a letter once and a while (they don't have a lot of time to write). It was probably the most depressing 2 months I've ever been through. We talked maybe twice those two months, we were used to talking hours every day. But I can't tell you how proud I was of him when I watched his pass-in review (their graduation). And he loves what he does.

So eventually we did get married, now we have a beautiful daughter. We have lived together a total of 6 months (barely that), so ok not ideal for a marriage. But right now I'm finishing nursing school here in Chicago, while he's stationed in Florida...so our seperation is partly by choice and partly necessity. It's definitely difficult to have a long distance relationship, but our motto has always been "Love knows no distance" and it has held true since we've been apart. Almost 7 years after we met, we're still very much in love... When you love someone that much, you make the necessary sacrifices and you stick by them through thick and then.

It's hard, without a doubt. And of course I worry. But I've always supported and encouraged him. We do that for each other. I think I would tell you that if this relationship means a lot to you, to support him as well (which I'm sure you do) and if it's something he really wants to do tell him you'll be there for him.

So you also know, I am 22. Like mrsdon said, it can be done. Relationships like this do work, but it does take work. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need advice please PM me. I would be more than happy to talk to you or just lend an ear

 

[Piglet203]

Trinity,
Thank you so much for telling your story. It's kind of cool too that you are my age. I'm so glad that things worked out so well for you. Hopefully if my boyfriend does go through with the decision, we will be as happy as the two of you are. I was a little sad to read that girlfriends can't live on base with their boyfriends. I wasn't sure of the answer, but I was hoping it was a yes. I guess I'll cross that road if we come to it. For now I'll just have to stop worrying about it (or atleast try) and try to focus on us right now. Thank you for writing.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Piglet203-

I am a little older than you and Trinity (ok a whole decade older
), but I am both a military member and military spouse. DH and I were both in the AF for several years before we met and got married. So I cannot give you much good advice in your current situation, but maybe I can help with an alternative.

Has your SO considered the Air National Guard?? It would allow him to join the military, but stay local (within the state). Like the Reserves, the ANG is requires you serve for 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year. Full time employment is limited, but very possible if that is what SO is looking for. The ANG has different recruiters thatn the active duty AF. If he is interested in this option, he can go to www.goang.com to find a local recruiter.

Good luck.

 

[katerkat]

Well, here goes.
I went to college next toa military college. Was never interested in the cadets because I didn't want that kind of a life as a military wife. *snobbish look* I was too good for that kind of guy! LOL!
Then, I met HIM. DH. We met in September, started hanging out in October, started dating in November, and I told my mom over Thanksgiving that I was going to marry him. (I was a junior in college, he was a sophomore.) Mom tried to tak me out of it - she didn't think I'd like the military life. I knew from day one that he was going to be in the Air Force (although he didn't get his pilot slot until September 2001) so I had plenty of time to get used to the idea.
We dated for 18 months, got engaged, and married after 2.5 years of dating, 3 weeks after he commissioned in the Air Force and graduated from college. Our first six months were spent with his college ROTC unit, now we're in Mississippi for a year for his training.
Being apart...sucks. I hated boot camp - he called twice and was barely able to write. Luckily, he hasn't had any long trips (TDY) away yet (he has to finish training first.) I've got a job, so I'm busy, plus I have a lot of craft-y stuff to keep me busy when he's gone/working late. We also have two cats so I have something to sleep with while he's gone.
Being a girlfriend is hard. No, you can't live on base. And many wives are fairly snotty to girlfriends. (Not me!) Also, girlfriends don't get a lot of the fringe benefits - healthcare, discounts, the right to know things when her SO is overseas... It's a sucky limbo position to be in, as far as the military is concerned.
Moving, IMHO, is fun! I'm really enjoying seeing new places. Even rural Mississippi. I'm an extrovert, so I love meeting new people. But we don't have kids to worry about uprooting yet.
This first year in the Air Force, I've been keeping m mouth shut and trying to learn as much as I can. I don't like a lot of stuff they do (the colonels' wives were HORRIFIED that I got a job ) but a lot of other stuff is better than being a civilian. They really do try to take care of families, as far as I've seen. It's been interesting for me, coming in from a completely civilian perspective.

Good luck! I wouldn't change my life for the world, even though it was not even remotely what I was expecting. And feel free to PM me or ask here any questions you want!

 

[katerkat]

Oh, yeah, and we're your age - I'm 24 in August and DH is 23. We married when he was 21 and I was 22.

 

[Serena]

My h joined the military and then proposed to me. He wanted to have a secure job before becoming a husband.