Quarantine and chill and kindness chatty clubhouse: Jump in and join the conversation! All is welcome!

[Nox]

And in response to the Question of the Day (indulgent dessert):

Is all of them an answer? Can I pick all of them?

Admittedly, though, if I had to pick one...

Banana pudding.

 

[hereyago]

My condolences to both of you, Nox and Pea-N-Me.



Um for dessert: S'mores pie or a new thing: you take like 9 Twinkies put in glass dish. Pour thawed frozen strawberries with sugar. Make vanilla pudding pour over that then lastly add Cool Whip and put in fridge for a few hours to set.

 

[hereyago]

Double post

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm sorry for your loss. I also understand how you feel about it being a blessing that you don't have to worry about her with C19.

I, too, lost my dad just before all of this happened. March 4th. It was "sudden, but not unexpected." He had a variety of health problems, beginning with diabetes in 2008, a heart attack in 2011, two massive gastric ulcers later in 2011 (he nearly bled to death), end-stage kidney disease/renal failure in 2013, and finally culminating in colon cancer in 2016.

Spoiler: Putting this under a spoiler so as not to make anyone read it who doesn't want to. Not graphic, just loss.

You can see why it wasn't unexpected, between kidney disease and colon cancer, but it still was sudden. He had been unable to walk for several days due to pain and weakness in his legs, so he had been unable to go to dialysis. (In hindsight, I realize this was a sign of "the end.") My mom took him to the ER because they are able to administer emergency dialysis there, and she assumed they could get his legs looked at to see if there was something amiss at the same time. I went after work to see them out of my usual concern. Insane to imagine now, but I just walked right into the ER room where he was. I was there at 4:02. Business as usual, doctors and nurses poking and prodding. Everything was fine until it suddenly wasn't. He went from talking to me, to agitation, to confusion, to silence. When silence came, at 5:57, I glimpsed his vitals monitor and it said "probe not connected to patient" and I thought someone had knocked it askew... but in the same second, my mom gasped, "[my name], he's not breathing." I walked over to his side and put my hand on his chest, and everything was gone. No breath, no heartbeat. Just like that. They were able to resuscitate him, but it was only long enough for us to say goodbye. My mom said goodbye first, just in case he only held on long enough for one of us. Then I heard his last little heartbeat right after I told him I loved him and it was okay that he was ready to go.

The strangest part of it all was walking out of the hospital knowing that was it. Every other time - and there were so many - I left knowing I'd be back the next day to see him. He'd be there on a ventilator, like always, because he always stopped breathing. Stopped breathing after his heart surgery. After the gastric ulcer repair. After the installation of his fistula for dialysis. After the colon resection. And this time, he stopped breathing, too. Just this time there was no "next day."

But I'm lucky. I'm grateful. I'm grateful that:
1. I didn't have to worry about him in this pandemic.
2. I didn't have to worry that he would die from a non-COVID19 cause just because he wouldn't be able to get a ventilator.
3. He didn't die at home alone while my mom was at work. I don't think she could have ever gone home again if he had.
4. I was able to walk right in to see him and be there with him through it all, just like I always had, one last time.
5. We didn't have to decide to remove life support and wonder if we made the right choice. His heart wouldn't even hold on long enough for life support. He had always told me that he "wouldn't want to hang around on machines." He meant it.
6. We got so much more time than we thought we would. I remember going home the night of his heart attack thinking it was the end. I remember being told his kidneys had failed, and thinking he would only have another two years. I remember when he was diagnosed with colon cancer, thinking he would only have another year, maybe a year and a half.

It isn't a happy subject, but I do try to find the comfort and silver linings.

I am also grateful that:
1. My husband is such a wonderful, loving person who truly loves my mom. When he came to meet us at the hospital that night, the first thing he did was take her into his arms. A while later, I mentioned how I would like to take my mom to Disney (since she can travel again, something she avoided when my dad was alive because of how ill he was) and he said "I think I'd like to go to be with her, too." I'm a lucky one.
2. As I sit here typing this, my little kitten (who we were only supposed to foster, but ended up keeping when it turned out she had a congenital physical defect that affects her breathing) is curled up beside me with her little paw on my arm. Earlier she happily greeted me with the sweetest little trill.
3. I discovered how amazing purrs sound on a stethoscope - I also have an adult kitty, my big boy who I have had since he was born on my couch, and who purrs SO. MUCH. And SO. LOUD. I was messing around with my stethoscope, and because he thought I was petting him, he turned on his motor. Let me tell you, that is amazing therapy.

I understand the situation medically all too well, and I’m so sorry. I think you’re right, it’s better to have happened there than at home, for you, your mother and other loved ones. Not only so you could be there, but because you saw that everything that could’ve been done, was done. I’m glad you got the gift of time with him.

And I can appreciate how good your DH is (which made me tear up, btw - great guy); mine is like that, too. We took my mother to FL and WDW for her first trips two years running last year and the year before. We have some now-classic pics of DH pushing her in her wheelchair with her walker and an amazing amount of bags and other paraphernalia hanging off the chair, and - get this - in the rain, holding an umbrella over her head! Friends noticed he had a bit of a scowl on his face, lol, but I think that was more for me wanting to stop and get pictures than it was for the situation itself. I wish you a wonderful trip and lots of great memories with your Mom!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Tonight we are going to pop some popcorn and watch the Disney sing along. I have my favorite Minnie shirt on and ready to go.

I really enjoyed it! (I maaaay even have DVR‘d it so I can watch it again.)

3. I discovered how amazing purrs sound on a stethoscope - I also have an adult kitty, my big boy who I have had since he was born on my couch, and who purrs SO. MUCH. And SO. LOUD. I was messing around with my stethoscope, and because he thought I was petting him, he turned on his motor. Let me tell you, that is amazing therapy.

I love this!


Indulgent dessert: brownie sundae with peppermint stick ice cream - There is a little place a couple of towns over that makes them. They are huge and done right - they break up and warm the brownies and everything.

 

[lovin'fl]

Hot pie a la mode. Like choc chip pie, apple pie or even hot brownie....a la mode. Mmmmm.

 

[monkeydawn]

Chocolate mousse. How am I the only one saying chocolate mousse?

But also anything sweet that doesnt involve cooked fruit.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

Indulgent dessert? I didn't know dessert was an indulgence. I thought it was a necessity. Hmmm...

 

[gwynne]

I'm so sorry for your loss, @Pea-n-Me and @Nox . I hope your memories of time spent with your loved one is a comfort to you both.

It's been a busier week than normal here. I'm declaring today a catch up day. I've got ground turkey I need to cook, portion and freeze so that is today's project.

My favorite indulgent dessert? There is a local restaurant that serves a delicious 7 layer coconut cake. It is a special treat my hubby and I enjoy sharing.
It will be awhile before we have it again, but still it's a happy thought.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Nox, I am sorry for your loss. What a shock that night in the ER must have been.

While we are telling stories of passing and WDW, I have one from 1996. My dad had been in the hospital the entire summer. Went home in September. My kids were 8 and 10. During the summer we had planned a family trip to WDW for October. The Sunday before the Friday we were to leave, my dad passed away. Like Nox, a surprise but not unexpected. What to do? We had the funeral Wednesday. Talked with my mother and decided my dad would have hated for us to cancel. I made sure my mom had lots of friends and neighbors checking on her and we went. I honestly think we had a better time because we didn't have to worry about my dad. Called my mom several times and she was well taken care of. DH and I joked, "Your dad just died,what are you doing next? I'm going to Disney World!" I hope this isn't insensitive but sometimes you laugh so you don't cry.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

to Nox and Breezy Carol.

 

[cabanafrau]

@lovemygoofy I had one of your type days yesterday! Around 2am DS went to get a Claritin out of the medicine cabinet and accidentally knocked a pill bottle into the toilet as it was flushing! So in the middle of the night, DS and DH had to break out the coat hangers to try to fish it out, without luck. So no one could use that toilet all day. DH bought an auger on the way home and spent an hour or two trying to get it out - it would've been DS's job but he was working a 12 hr shift (of course, right) and we wanted to get that toilet back in use. By late afternoon we realized we'd have to call a plumber, so started calling around and couldn't get a hold of one anywhere! Till finally we found one and lucked out as he came out by supper time and was able to fish the pill bottle out by taking the toilet off the wall - all the while, while social distancing! He was actually quite the character, walking downstairs holding the pill bottle with his mask and gloves on saying, "Here is the culprit!" So we got it fixed but it cost us almost $500 plus we gave him a cash tip for coming out right away. Ugh.

My Gratitudes for the day:

- Good friendships
- Family you can work and laugh with
- Ability to still pay bills
- My dog who has been like Velcro to me and is such a good buddy

I really haven't mentioned it here before but I lost my mother before this all happened. Still coping with the loss. We'd cared for her at home for a year and were fortunate enough to see her through to the end. As many of you know from my posts she'd lived with me for a long time so I am still finding my new normal. It is another blessing to me that I do not have to worry about trying to protect her from Covid as that would've been a huge challenge (and probably next to impossible) since both my daughter and I are now caring for Covid patients, too. No stress here! So thanks again for this thread that celebrates some of the "normal" things of our lives during this craziness and helps us remember all the blessings we have despite the difficulties. Love to you all.

So sorry to hear you lost your mom. I know from your posts she was taken care of very lovingly and well and lived as comfortably as possible. I pray you all are at peace with her loss and have plenty of good memories to hold close.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

WDW certainly cures a lot of ills.

 

[AuntieMe3]

We went to the country fair the day my grandma died. She had been at our home on hospice a couple of days, my uncle had just arrived from out of the country and my parents were there. My grandpa told us we should go....our daughter was little so we decided to do it. Right as we parked we got the call she had passed. Hubby asked if I wanted to head home and I told him no, my grandma wouldn't want that so we went in. A little more somber than usual but we had fun with our daughter. We bought a personalized angel ornament from a vendor and they looked us a little weird when we told them the date to put on it. They kept saying but that's today date?? Yes, we know...lol

 

[cabanafrau]

Dessert would probably be a really top notch ice cream. I love it, but I just wish it loved me back. If I know it's a really, really well made ice cream I'll occasionally make the decision to suffer for indulging.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Having a rough couple of days with my son. On the one hand, he knows "coronavirus" and "quarantine," he knows we can't go anywhere...on the other hand, he misses school and his friends and he really seems to need outside stimulus. He's getting very difficult. Yesterday was all screaming and crying, refusing to do ANYTHING that I suggested. He upturned a chair and used it as a jumping-off platform almost all day. When I told him that he was going to break his neck, he responded, "Did my head fly off? Then I won't break my neck." Such a little wisenheimer...

I made masks for him and DH. The child-sized one was more difficult, being smaller. Still took as much time as the adult one.

Childhood friends...I can only think of one, and we're friends on FB, but I haven't spoken to her in person for at least 30 years. She lived down the street from me and I can't remember actually becoming friends with her, we just were. I have photos of her at my house for my 2nd or 3rd birthday party. She's 6 months younger and therefore was a year behind me in school, so we grew apart in elementary school, then I left her behind when I went to middle school and to high school. After high school, she moved to Maine and her parents followed. They passed away in recent years, which actually kind of upset me. She and I really have nothing in common anymore, honestly...she only posts about yoga (she teaches) and hosting Ukrainian exchange students, and she never acknowledges any of my posts.

I have another friend from high school who seemingly stalks my posts and only posts snarky comments. Like today, I posted a photo of my son in his new mask, joking about making it when "we really don't go out except for our daily walk." Her response was, "Um...yeah...why don't you go for a walk...play in the backyard..." which we do just about every day, except for when it's extremely cold and windy - which it has been in the past few days. What I meant by "going out" is that we don't go anywhere, so why would he need a mask. This is the same friend that, when I was pregnant, thought she was entitled to know the sex of my child before our family did, and 99% of her posts are complaints about some government agency not giving her family what they're entitled to, she or someone in her family being sick and in the emergency department "again," etc. I don't know why I'm still friends with her, honestly...

Indulgent dessert...I really want to go to the Creamery for their ice cream! It's a dairy farm, so the ice cream is made on-site and is VERY fresh! Definitely has a much different flavor than anything you'd buy in the stores and I personally think it's quite indulgent. I also love the cannolis from the Italian bakery. One entire display case is nothing but cannolis. They do all kinds of flavors, too - German chocolate, cherry cheesecake, candy bar-inspired flavors like Snickers and Reese's Pieces, Girl Scout cookie flavors, etc. You can get slices of triple-layer cakes, bar-type cookies, mini tarts, all those good desserts. I know it's a special day when we stop there!

 

[fla4fun]

Indulgent dessert . . . Hmmmm . . .well, the best dessert I ever had was at Le Cellier back during the 2000 celebration. It was a hollow dark chocolate model of Spaceship Earth, legs and all, and it was filled with a maple mousse. I can’t tell you how many reservations we made while that was on the menu. It was fabulous! A close second was the birthday cake my sister mail ordered for my birthday last month. It was vanilla cake with lemon curd between the layers and a fluffy frosting with fresh coconut in it. The texture of the coconut was totally different than what you would get out of a bag, and the cake was made from scratch, and I was happy I didn’t have to share it with anyone (and sad when it was gone).

Dessert in general? I consider it to be an indulgent treat to get a Publix birthday cake when it’s no one’s birthday. I got one at the store today. A nice ooey gooey brownie sundae would also hit the right indulgent notes.

 

[Nox]

DH and I joked, "Your dad just died,what are you doing next? I'm going to Disney World!" I hope this isn't insensitive but sometimes you laugh so you don't cry.

I've found myself making morbid jokes that people are absolutely aghast at, and I'm like .... no, listen, you didn't know my dad, he would have laughed at that! To give you a taste of the kind of man my dad was...

He had one of those shirts that spelled out a word using periodic table elements. It was "Ba C O N". Just a month before he died, he told my mom she should put him in that when he was cremated. He was a firefighter for decades, he saw a lot of gruesome things most people can't even imagine, and that was just the type of humor he had to compensate.

So back when they talked about lockdowns, I had intended to scatter him on April 4th, and people said "they probably won't let you do that if we're locked down. Police have been detaining people in other places." I said, let them try to stop me! I'll throw my dad on them! Pocket dad, sha-sha! (A callback to "pocket sand" from King of the Hill.) People were horrified at the joke, but my mom laughed. Because we all knew he would have, too. I can see him laughing in my head, scrunching his eyes like he always did when he found something especially funny.

We bought a personalized angel ornament from a vendor and they looked us a little weird when we told them the date to put on it. They kept saying but that's today date?? Yes, we know...lol

Yes! I ran into a friend's mom the day after, when we were out at a restaurant. She acted like we were doing something wrong being out at a nice restaurant the day after. Well... no one feels much like cooking. We're all tired and sad, but still need to eat. And my dad had always told us he didn't like the dreariness of funerals, and he hoped that people would celebrate his life instead of having a sad, dreary funeral. So, we celebrated. We went out and got margaritas and said cheers to a life well-loved and well-lived. I hope people do the same when it's my time.

I had a great lighthearted "question of the day" for this thread, but I forgot it by the time I got back to my computer! Bah! Maybe it'll come back to me.

 

[Snowysmom]

My favorite indulgent dessert is creme brulee. I always get some at Disney. Plus, I love turtle cheesecake. Yummy!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Yes! I ran into a friend's mom the day after, when we were out at a restaurant. She acted like we were doing something wrong being out at a nice restaurant the day after. Well... no one feels much like cooking. We're all tired and sad, but still need to eat. And my dad had always told us he didn't like the dreariness of funerals, and he hoped that people would celebrate his life instead of having a sad, dreary funeral. So, we celebrated. We went out and got margaritas and said cheers to a life well-loved and well-lived. I hope people do the same when it's my time.

I've dealt with this as well. When my grandmother died in July 2007, my mother had just spent 6 months straight caring for her at home. She was lucky if a volunteer could come for an hour once a week, just so Mom could go grocery shopping. So the day after Gram passed, Mom and I went shopping and out for lunch. We'd known it was coming and it felt like a weight had been lifted. Gram had made her own arrangements a year or two earlier; we did have to go to the funeral home and do a few things, but Gram had already done most of it so there was literally nothing for us to do. People were aghast that we'd actually had the nerve to go shopping the very next day. What were we supposed to do? Sit and stare at the walls?

Frankly, I hope my son does the same thing when I pass as well. I know how the burden feels. When I'm gone, go do something. Don't sit and think about it (unless that's REALLY what he wants to do...but I hope not).