Pulling 7 year old out of school. What do you do?

[catra121]

Let me put it this way. I have three children, one of whom died two years ago. The fondest memories my other two children and I have of him are from family trips, where, yes, we pulled them out of school at various ages (last one about 2 years before my son died).

Life is short. God, then family, then everything else. Go.

When you lose a child, you NEVER say "I wish he'd spent more time at school..."

OMG...I am SO sorry for your loss. A tragedy like that really puts things in perspective and you are 100% right in your statements. I know it probably doesn't mean much from someone you don't know, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Having suffered recent issues myself (nothing like the loss of a child) I have also come to the belief that there are things that are REALLY important and then there's all that other stuff that we sometimes let get in the way of what is really important. Live for now and enjoy every moment you possibly can with those you love. That's why those family vacations were always SO special for my family...those memories are something you keep with you always.

 

[Colleen27]

Talk to the teacher and read the school handbook to get a feel for what to expect because it varies widely from place to place.

We pulled both our kids out of school every year until this one for our big family vacation. DH's business is such that we can't plan big trips like Disney over the summer, and family obligations keep us from traveling over the kids' Christmas break. We can squeeze in short trips between jobs sometimes during the warmer months, but airfare at the last minute is cost-prohibitive and DH can't be away long enough to drive down to FL. So if we want to take the kids anywhere further than a short day's drive from home it has to be during the winter.

We've never had a problem with the kids' school, but different teachers have different preferred methods of handling makeups. Some have the work ready to go and will give it in advance, while others find it easier to just collect the work during the absence and have the kids make it up when they get back. Our school makes it easy - I'll be able to check the parent resource website to get a feel for most of what is missed and get her started on the basic, recurring assignments on the airplane, so all that she has to worry about when she gets back are the non-standard assignments.

I don't regret for a minute taking the kids out while we could. DS is in middle school now and isn't a strong enough student to handle the makeup work from an extended absence, and starting next year his football will be eating up much of our summer as well. I'm glad we took the big family trips while we could because what we'll be able to do in the future is very much up in the air.

 

[Colleen27]

OP, in my highly ranked school district, people pull their kids out for a week all the time, at least in elementary schools. It's just not considered a big deal....I know many, many parents who have done it. I can't even find a district policy on it. There's no "unexcused" absences ... just absences, and all of those must be called in by the parent.

And yet somehow, 90 plus percent of the high school goes on to college. Even though they MISSED A WEEK IN 2nd GRADE! Astonishing.

That's something that I think gets forgotten in these conversations - attendance policies weren't created to keep attentive, involved parents from traveling with their kids. They were created as a tool for dealing with parents who just couldn't be bothered to get their kids to school, and have since spread largely because of ill-advised state and federal legislation that aim for "improvement" through one-size-fits-all "solutions" to problems some districts don't even have.

 

[princessmom29]

Right now practices are on M/W/F so she has all night Tuesday, Thursday as well as all weekend Saturday and Sunday. Again, her choice, she loves it and is great at it and absolutely adores it. Michael Phelps probably didn't just start swimming when he was 16, KWIM? She goes to a Parochial school so church is pretty much covered too. She would actually rather be in the pool than "playing". The minute she doesn't want to do it any more we are done. I don't want to squash her dream. Plus, when she is older if she is in the pool she can't really be out getting into trouble. When she is playing, the kids are in front of wii or playing barbies anyway. She does consider this (swimming) playing and is getting great exercise too.

This is myt DD with dance. She is at the studio 3 nights a week, not my my choice but by hers. There is no placeshe would rahter be.She LOVES to dance, and even when she is not at the studio, she is dancing. Most of her play involves some sort of music and dance. I am like you in that the minute she doesn't want it, we are done. Until then she can dance as much as she wants as long as her grades don't suffer for it.

Yeah, I'll bite again.

I don't agree with you, but I do take exception to the fact that you consistently get on people who make the choice to pull their kids from school. You think you are discussing, but your tone is quite often condescending...you project "I'm a teacher and I know more than you". I admit it, it gets my dander up because you don't know me, you don't know my children and you know nothing about the schools and their policies in my district or anyone elses. You may speak to what happens in the school you work at and the one your child attends which we all now know are the best schools in the entire country. Quite obviously, any other school is completely lacking in academic competency.

I really don't care that you don't agree with my opinion, the lack of respect for it is what I object to.

I am sorry you feel that i don't respect your opinion, becuase it is not about that at all. I thought this was intended to be a discussion and not to be taken personally. Nothing i have siad was ment asa a personal jab at anyone, and I certianly am not attempting to be superior at all. Nor do I think my way of doing things is inherently better, and I am not trying to jump on anyone for taking thier kids out. I don't see how I could as I do it with my own DD. It just bothers me to hear over and over agian that taking kids out is no big deal becuase they are not missing anything anyway. It is a slap in the face of sorts.I owuld hope that any child that misses a week of school is in fact missing something worth doing. I think this is one subject that most are hypersensitive about.

 

[roscoepc1]

OMG...I am SO sorry for your loss. A tragedy like that really puts things in perspective and you are 100% right in your statements. I know it probably doesn't mean much from someone you don't know, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Having suffered recent issues myself (nothing like the loss of a child) I have also come to the belief that there are things that are REALLY important and then there's all that other stuff that we sometimes let get in the way of what is really important. Live for now and enjoy every moment you possibly can with those you love. That's why those family vacations were always SO special for my family...those memories are something you keep with you always.

Thank you. I miss him with every breath I take. I do appreciate your thoughts and prayers! God is the only reason I'm still sane (or as close as I get to it, lol). ITA with the bolded part. We spend so much time stressing over things like the OP's question, when really....does it REALLY matter? No.

 

[pacrosby]

Let me put it this way. I have three children, one of whom died two years ago. The fondest memories my other two children and I have of him are from family trips, where, yes, we pulled them out of school at various ages (last one about 2 years before my son died).

Life is short. God, then family, then everything else. Go.

When you lose a child, you NEVER say "I wish he'd spent more time at school..."

I made a promise to myself that I would stay out of these discussions awhile back but your post prompted me to jump in quickly.

First off, my condolences. And second, I do in a way completely understand. One of my 4 children has a life-threatening illness (in fact I discovered the DIS when we were planning his Make-A-Wish trip alittle over a year ago). I don't know when or if the other shoe will drop. I feel like we are living on borrowed time already. Life is soooooo short; too short. It needs to be lived in the present. What is that quote? Life is what happens while everyone is busy planning for the future? So true. In my opinion, family trumps school every time.

Some say the same family vacation experience can be achieved by going during the school calender breaks. Well, IDK. Some will beg to differ. The price difference between going on and off season can easily wipe out a family's entire annual vacation budget. For some it's simply cost prohibitive. Nevermind the crowds, weather etc. Some don't find vacationing with the masses much of a vacation as the point is to relax and have fun with their family not wait in long lines, be moved around like cattle and/or sweat to death in the heat of summer. So while not everyone will look at it as a necessity, others will and feel that they are justified in doing so.

And as far as whether it is really a 'big deal' or not to miss that week of school.......whether it really matters in the long run. IDK.....so little Susie goes on vacation and never quite grasps the life cycle of that caterpillar which her classmates studied in great detail during her absence. Is that really going to have a long term negative impact? Let's face it, a great deal of what is hammered into kids' heads in school is loooooong gone by the time they reach adulthood. When it's all said and done with Susie may not be an expert on caterpillars but she will have a boatload of memories of time spent with her family relaxing, enjoying one anothers' company without the interruption of the daily grind and yes, even learning. Twenty years later what do you think will matter more?

 

[spacemountainmom]

First of all my thoughts and prayers are with the previous posters. I absolutely cannot imagine what you ladies deal with on a daily basis. It is so true that life is precious and should be lived to the fullest each and every day.

I really do not think most people mean to imply that there is not any worth to a weeks worth of school. But really, how much actual instruction time is happening during a grade school day. My kids' elementary school day started out at 6 hours and went to 6 1/2 towards the end of my youngest's time there. We lose a good 30 minutes to lunch and recess. We lost a great deal of instructional time in the morning due to kids needing to leave the classroom for breakfast and all of the kids who arrived late and disrupted the class. We'll call it another 30 minutes lost. There was about 30 minutes a day spent with the music or pe specialist. Now we're down to 4 1/2 to 5 hours left for learning. How much of that is lost to the poor teacher having to deal with the multiple disciplinary problems. Still more time is devoted to the kids who struggle, leaving the average and above average kids to keep themselves busy with worksheets. We also can't forget the time spent on the feel good self esteem stuff. I just am not seeing that there was so much to miss in grade school in a typical week. I still wouldn't suggest that someone pull their kids out more than once or maybe twice in a school year.

Obviously, students miss more in Middle or High School and it takes more time to make up for what was missed. I still stand behind the idea that so far my kids have been able to do this and it wasn't terribly painful. It took some time on their part, but it was not a cause of any major stress for either one of them. My dd will be in mostly ap classes next year so we feel that we probably will not be able to pull her from school for even a four day school week.

Trust me, I am very supportive of schools and teachers. I work in a middle school and see what they deal with on a daily basis. I've also spent years as a volunteer tutor. However, I will always choose what I feel is better for my kids/family ahead of what the school may deem as acceptable.

 

[princessmom29]

First of all my thoughts and prayers are with the previous posters. I absolutely cannot imagine what you ladies deal with on a daily basis. It is so true that life is precious and should be lived to the fullest each and every day.

I really do not think most people mean to imply that there is not any worth to a weeks worth of school. But really, how much actual instruction time is happening during a grade school day. My kids' elementary school day started out at 6 hours and went to 6 1/2 towards the end of my youngest's time there. We lose a good 30 minutes to lunch and recess. We lost a great deal of instructional time in the morning due to kids needing to leave the classroom for breakfast and all of the kids who arrived late and disrupted the class. We'll call it another 30 minutes lost. There was about 30 minutes a day spent with the music or pe specialist. Now we're down to 4 1/2 to 5 hours left for learning. How much of that is lost to the poor teacher having to deal with the multiple disciplinary problems. Still more time is devoted to the kids who struggle, leaving the average and above average kids to keep themselves busy with worksheets. We also can't forget the time spent on the feel good self esteem stuff. I just am not seeing that there was so much to miss in grade school in a typical week. I still wouldn't suggest that someone pull their kids out more than once or maybe twice in a school year.

Obviously, students miss more in Middle or High School and it takes more time to make up for what was missed. I still stand behind the idea that so far my kids have been able to do this and it wasn't terribly painful. It took some time on their part, but it was not a cause of any major stress for either one of them. My dd will be in mostly ap classes next year so we feel that we probably will not be able to pull her from school for even a four day school week.

Trust me, I am very supportive of schools and teachers. I work in a middle school and see what they deal with on a daily basis. I've also spent years as a volunteer tutor. However, I will always choose what I feel is better for my kids/family ahead of what the school may deem as acceptable.

I think the difference of opinion sprouts from different experinces with grade schools. I wouldn't describe my DD's school anything like you are describing yours. They have an 8:00-3:00 school day, we loose a half hour to lunch, half hour to recess. Our PE is a true PE class. They are getting skills instruction in various sports, not free play. Our specials are true instruction as well. In music they are studying the life of Mozart right now. They do math and science lab, and it is always some sort of experiment. Last week was leaving water out to freeze, showing the volume difference between frozen and liquid, and investigating melting times under different conditions. We are in a private school, and they do not tolerate discipline issuses that are severe enough to be a disruption to the classroom on a regular basis. I have been in the classrooms when instruction is going on enough to know that all of the instruction time is solid instruction. The teacher does some individual hewlp, but we have specialists that pull struggling students for one on one and small group help.
I honestly think they have a pretty efficient model going. DD LVOES school and I feel that she is getting enough stimulation without having to work herself silly to keep up. It is good balance for us. She is a bright child, and the work is not that difficult for her, but there is new material all the time. None of it is hard, but would definitely need to be taught if it was missed. Missing a week would be a lot of work, but we COULD do it. We choose not to, becuase it is easy to avoid doing it. There would be no question in middle and high school, it is too much. I watch my students really struggle with it, and I know that I don't want my child to have to do that, if it can be avoided. A school where the is a lot of time wasted, and not much new material being presented would not be a good fit for us. DD would be bored, and likely finding other ways to occupy her time. She thrives on structure.

Agian, I was responding to one particular poster who said that her children could miss a week and not miss anything.

 

[gandycat]

I've pulled my kids out of school and it's been fine. My 10 year old has done it three times and my 7 year old once. We asked for their work for the week and they kept a journal to share when they returned, and they kept up with their daily reading. Our district has considered them excused absences as long as the work is made up. I would check with your dd's teacher and ask how your school handles it. Good luck and have fun!

 

[mjmartin01]

We are planning taking our dd out of school next OCT '12, she will be in 2nd grade.. Our school district sees it as unexcused and she can not make up the homework lost. (which I think is b.s.)

 

[jodifla]

I think the difference of opinion sprouts from different experinces with grade schools. I wouldn't describe my DD's school anything like you are describing yours. They have an 8:00-3:00 school day, we loose a half hour to lunch, half hour to recess. Our PE is a true PE class. They are getting skills instruction in various sports, not free play. Our specials are true instruction as well. In music they are studying the life of Mozart right now. They do math and science lab, and it is always some sort of experiment. Last week was leaving water out to freeze, showing the volume difference between frozen and liquid, and investigating melting times under different conditions. We are in a private school, and they do not tolerate discipline issuses that are severe enough to be a disruption to the classroom on a regular basis. I have been in the classrooms when instruction is going on enough to know that all of the instruction time is solid instruction. The teacher does some individual hewlp, but we have specialists that pull struggling students for one on one and small group help.
I honestly think they have a pretty efficient model going. DD LVOES school and I feel that she is getting enough stimulation without having to work herself silly to keep up. It is good balance for us. She is a bright child, and the work is not that difficult for her, but there is new material all the time. None of it is hard, but would definitely need to be taught if it was missed. Missing a week would be a lot of work, but we COULD do it. We choose not to, becuase it is easy to avoid doing it. There would be no question in middle and high school, it is too much. I watch my students really struggle with it, and I know that I don't want my child to have to do that, if it can be avoided. A school where the is a lot of time wasted, and not much new material being presented would not be a good fit for us. DD would be bored, and likely finding other ways to occupy her time. She thrives on structure.

Agian, I was responding to one particular poster who said that her children could miss a week and not miss anything.

The thing is, most of the new material could be covered quickly one on one. Or, it may not be at all important that they miss a few days in the life of Mozart...it simply won't affect their schooling down the line.

 

[spacemountainmom]

We are in a private school, and they do not tolerate discipline issuses that are severe enough to be a disruption to the classroom on a regular basis.

The one reason why I would have truly loved to have sent my kids to private school. We just didn't think it was worth it for me to have to get a job to pay for school AND still have to pay for public schools. For us, the trade off was worth it for me to be a SAHM.

Just to clarify, my kids did get real pe and music instruction. I was just trying to show that in a 6 to 6 1/2 hour school day, there really isn't a ton of time spent on the three R's.

Fortunately, now that my kids are in middle and high school, they are in the accelerated classes. They do not have to deal as much with the real behavioral problem students.

 

[surfergrl31]

Just curious but have you taken the time to talk to the school?? There may be the possibility of an exception being made and they can treat it as educational enhancement. Take the time to talk one on one with the school/school board and go in with a calm attitude. Why wait until the truancy hearing to do it?? I know hear a truancy hearing can cost you a lot of money and they will ask the same thing I just did about whether you took the time to talk to the school and explain it to them.

I have tried to talk to the principal and the school board, but it has fallen on deaf ears. It's a South Carolina law that states any 3 unexcused abscences (family vacation are considered one) in a row, a truancy hearing will automatically be held. It is up to the school to decided weather to look the other way and excuse this abscences, but my children attend a school where field trips are not even held. They have stay at school field trips (yes we pay money for this) where they bring people in to entertain them instead of leaving school grounds.

This is starting to sound like a prision instead of a learning rich environment. If the school board wants to waste their time doing this, in my opinon this is counter productive and their resources could be used better else where. As it is, we leave in two weeks and I couldn't be happier about this decision. The school is putting a small dark spot on this, but my disney memories will be the silver lining!

 

[pacrosby]

This is starting to sound like a prision instead of a learning rich environment. If the school board wants to waste their time doing this, in my opinon this is counter productive and their resources could be used better else where.

I certainly hope you plan to tell them this when you go to the hearing, I know I would. Talk about Big Brother.

Also you may want to remind the that homeschooling is always an educational option (as is unenrolling and re-enrolling). I do wonder what would happen if more parents weren't 'afraid' of the truancy hearing. My guess is that they wouldn't feel so very powerful anymore thereby forcing them to be more reasonable with their policies. A girl can only hope LOL

Anyway.....have a great trip

 

[princessmom29]

The thing is, most of the new material could be covered quickly one on one. Or, it may not be at all important that they miss a few days in the life of Mozart...it simply won't affect their schooling down the line.

From personal experince with having to miss for illness, and the 2 days we miss for disney, it typically takes about 2 hours at home to catch up a school day missed if we actually cover the concepts in the kind of depth they do in the classroom, and do the practice needed to master them, so yes it takes less time, but 2 hours time 5 days is 10 hours I have to cram in to an already busy school week to get her caught up in time to take makeup tests. It just doesn't work for us. WE CAN do it, but choose not to trade a week of vacation for a week of stress when we get back. I am not saying it cannot be done, just that for us, it is not worth it.

The Mozat thing was just an example of what goes on in music class. I used it becuase a pp said she was counting music as lost instructional time. Our kids get real instruction in music and DD has been very interested in this particular unit. As for it not effecting the bigger picture, the same can be said of everything children are taught in school. No one thing will make or break the whole picture, but the more little pieces that end up missing, the weaker the overall effort becomes. Enough missing pieces, and it will crumble. I look at every day missed as a missed learing opportunity, a missing piece of the puzzle and I try to minimize what she is missing. Although we can play catch up at home, it really isn't the same.

 

[princessmom29]

The one reason why I would have truly loved to have sent my kids to private school. We just didn't think it was worth it for me to have to get a job to pay for school AND still have to pay for public schools. For us, the trade off was worth it for me to be a SAHM.

Just to clarify, my kids did get real pe and music instruction. I was just trying to show that in a 6 to 6 1/2 hour school day, there really isn't a ton of time spent on the three R's.

Fortunately, now that my kids are in middle and high school, they are in the accelerated classes. They do not have to deal as much with the real behavioral problem students.

We are lucky in that respect. We only have the one DD, and our schools are funded by sales tax rather than property taxes. I wqould be working regardless of where she went to school, and It was only a bit more to put her in a private school near the high school I teach at than to send her to the public elementary we are zoned for and have to pay for befroe and after care. I can drop her off to early care in the morining and pick her up at 3:00. WE just go back to my school so I can finish grading, ect. The public vs. private decision is one I agonized over. I teach in a public high school, so sending a kid to private school yields some flack at work. I think our public elementary schools put too much emphass on testing and meeting NCLB standards, and not enough on meeting the needs of ALL students. 5 year olds in K get numerical grades from day 1, and are expected to take CRT's after only 9 weeks of school. Thier teachers are reprimanded if they do not score well. That makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I've been reading this thread and have contributed some. Here's what I think. I think we all love our kids. I think we all want our kids to be happy, well educated and well adjusted. I think we all have our own ideas of how to do that, none are wrong, just different.

Our kids go to a charter school in a large urban district. Many of our friends think we should move to the burbs. We don't want to. We love our neighborhood. Our kids are 1 of 2 or 3 caucasian students in each of their respective classes. Socially Economically they are in the minority as the are of the 15% in their school that don't receive free or reduced price lunches. We love the school and the kids and quite frankly I think it is good for them to be in the minority, because in the future they probably won't be. Some people don't understand why we stay in the city. If DP got a full-time job DS could go to private school, but we feel it's important she stay home. Quite frankly the main reason he is in school at the moment is for the services he recieves as far as OT and his learning to interact with large groups of peers. As for academics, we can do that.

DD loves school. She is an average student who works hard for her grades. We've considered home schooling each of them for various reasons. And maybe we will at some point down the road.

And as I've mentioned before we pull them out for vacations, the school has no problem with it and the children know they are expected to do homework while we're away.

The point I'm tyring to make is we're all different but with the same goals. Continuing to snipe at each other isn't going to make it better.

We all share the love of our children and the love of Disney. Isn't that why we're here on the DIS?

 

[Leajess99]

There was about 30 minutes a day spent with the music or pe specialist. Now we're down to 4 1/2 to 5 hours left for learning.

Do kids not learn in PE and music?? My daughter has a rotation of PE, Music, and Art with one class every afternoon. In PE, they learn various sports, participate in the NFL Punt, Pass, and Kick local competition (my daughter ended up taking 1st at her school for this and then got to go on to sectionals where she again took 1st. Her score was one of the top 4 in her age group for advancement to the Cincinnati Bengals Team Competition where she took 2nd place which is an opportunity she would not have had if she did not do it in school as we did not know about it prior), Marine Physical fitness competition (my daughter took 2nd place out of all of the girls in her school even beating out 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders), as well as health topics.
In Art and Music, they are also learning various things.

I am not saying that missing those are lifethreatening but they do learn at our school. I found out that our PE teacher plans to retire in a few years but thankfully my daughter will be done with that school when he retires. I know when I was in elementary school we did not learn near as much in PE as my kids have and are learning.

 

[Leajess99]

I have tried to talk to the principal and the school board, but it has fallen on deaf ears. It's a South Carolina law that states any 3 unexcused abscences (family vacation are considered one) in a row, a truancy hearing will automatically be held. It is up to the school to decided weather to look the other way and excuse this abscences, but my children attend a school where field trips are not even held. They have stay at school field trips (yes we pay money for this) where they bring people in to entertain them instead of leaving school grounds.

This is starting to sound like a prision instead of a learning rich environment. If the school board wants to waste their time doing this, in my opinon this is counter productive and their resources could be used better else where. As it is, we leave in two weeks and I couldn't be happier about this decision. The school is putting a small dark spot on this, but my disney memories will be the silver lining!

Okay with that than you could request to disenroll your children and re enroll them upon return. I would honestly do that if they want to be buttheads about it.

I can understand your feelings. That just sounds ridiculous for a school to be so uncaring. Sounds like the school board from Ohio that had the mom charged with a felony and sent to jail because they felt the need to hire a private investigator to prove these kids were out of district.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Do kids not learn in PE and music?? My daughter has a rotation of PE, Music, and Art with one class every afternoon. In PE, they learn various sports, participate in the NFL Punt, Pass, and Kick local competition (my daughter ended up taking 1st at her school for this and then got to go on to sectionals where she again took 1st. Her score was one of the top 4 in her age group for advancement to the Cincinnati Bengals Team Competition where she took 2nd place which is an opportunity she would not have had if she did not do it in school as we did not know about it prior), Marine Physical fitness competition (my daughter took 2nd place out of all of the girls in her school even beating out 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders), as well as health topics.
In Art and Music, they are also learning various things.

I am not saying that missing those are lifethreatening but they do learn at our school. I found out that our PE teacher plans to retire in a few years but thankfully my daughter will be done with that school when he retires. I know when I was in elementary school we did not learn near as much in PE as my kids have and are learning.

PE, Music and art are learning, but I am far more concerned with the 3 R's. If my kid misses out on elementary pe, music or art for 4 days, there really isn't any "make up" for those courses. My kids are involved in Band and sporting activities outside of what is required in school so I think they are more than adequately covered in those areas.

I do agree that kids today learn more about pe, music and art than I was taught in the 70's and 80's. However, I still do not consider that part of their education nearly as important as the core subjects.