Public Speeking Class - HELP!

[maciec]

Oh boy! My dh is currently taking a public speeking class and he is just bombing out of nervousness. He is so stressed and upset about it. I cannot relate because I am not that way at all. He is so insecure and self conscious when he stands infront of the class he sweats profusely and his mouth goes bone dry. Tonight he has to go some Toastmasters function and he is just dying.

If you were the same way, how did you overcome this? What can I do to help him? I have tried everything I know of.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Practice, practice, practice. He has to know his stuff stone cold.

Once he does that then you practice on the art of the speech.

Taping himself is a good idea so he can look it over and adjust his style or get a style.

Tell him good luck at Toastmasters!

 

[Northstar]

Toastmasters is the way to go! I hope he gets a chance to meet other people who have the same nervousness he does at the Toastmasters thing.

Part of the stress of public speaking for a course is that if you don't do well, you get a bad grade. And when you see other people doing well, you get even more nervous feeling that you need to measure up to them.

Toastmasters, on the other hand, is a club. It's for fun. It's like the rec league of a sport, as opposed to a competitive league.

BTW, here's the tip I got, when I was a young teacher scared to death to get up and speak at a school assembly:
Scan the audience. Pick out somebody near the back. Now picture that person with a donkey's head, wearing a funny hat. Now smile at the funny picture and relax, because anybody can talk to a donkey!
(I picked out the headmaster to picture with the donkey's head... good thing he never found out my secret!)

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I agree PRACTICE! I had to take public speaking in college.
Our prof was awesome though, he could tell if you "practiced" KWIM? I mean if your voice was shaky, if you stuttered a little, he understood. He wanted to make sure you knew your info, knew your sources, didn't stare at your cards, made eye contact with everyone in the group, was loud enough, had a power point with the main ideas, and did the triangle. LoL then we had to watch ourselves (yes we were taped) and talk about our strengths and weaknesses.
So practice, know your info, sources, and just make sure your loud enough. Good Luck!

 

[OceanAnnie]

There was a good Brady Bunch episode on public speaking. I forget which kid had the issue. Marsha? Jan? Anyway, somebody told her to pretend everyone was in their underwear. It worked for her.

I know how it feels! When I was my most nervous, I'd pick a spot just above everyone's heads and talk to the spot (on the wall or a little to the side wall now and then). That helped me. Something about the eye contact made me more nervous. I got over it a little over time. Sometimes it's good to pick one thing to work on, like speaking in front of others, before the eye contact thing.

Just my .02.

 

[maciec]

Unfortunately he's doing everything you guys have suggested and it's not working. He practices all of the time and knows his material, it's just when he gets up there he loses it because of his lack of sercurity.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Tell him most people are sweating bullets thinking about when it's their turn. Or if they have already gone, they are wondering how they did. People's minds wander. And they do have sympathy/empathy for the person up front.

I didn't know many people who thought it was fun.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Unfortunately he's doing everything you guys have suggested and it's not working. He practices all of the time and knows his material, it's just when he gets up there he loses it because of his lack of sercurity.

He has to practice in front of people, not just by himself.

 

[Northstar]

Unfortunately he's doing everything you guys have suggested and it's not working. He practices all of the time and knows his material, it's just when he gets up there he loses it because of his lack of sercurity.

Have him try setting a smaller goal related to his nervousness.... instead of "I'm going to make it through the whole speech doing everything I practiced," go for "If I lose it because of stage fright, I'm going to take a deep breath, say 'excuse me a moment,' and look at my notes till I can start again."
And count it as a success if he can carry out that coping strategy.

It might help to look for some "public speaking epic fail" videos on Youtube! That should build confidence.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

Does he go to Columbia? The Toastmaster bit is part of their requirement, but at least my class you didn't have to speak, just observe.

As for breaking the fear, practice, that's all there is to it and it doesn't come easy for many people. I'm a strong public speaker but I was in a class that had a lot of people who struggled. The professor really instilled the importance of practicing and accepting both positive and negative feedback to help you develop as a public speaker.

 

[NewCrew42]

I know this is going to sound crazy but has he tried pretending he was someone else when he gives his speech? Sort of like acting. That if he is playing a role, he should visualize a calm, cool, and collected actor giving the speech rather than he is giving the speech. Sort of pretend like he is someone else.

 

[maciec]

Thanks you guys so much! I will take everything and go back to him with it and see if it helps. I feel so bad for him. He's actually taking police administrators class at the FBI academy in Quantico. He's in class with a bunch of officers that already do media relations and are use to public speaking. His chief made him take this class because she thought it would be good for him. I really could smack her sometimes.

 

[maciec]

How bad is it to take a water bottle up to the podium with him? Is that frowned upon?

 

[tlbwriter]

When I took a public speaking class, my best speeches were the ones I felt passionate about. If he gets to pick his own topic, encourage him to pick something that really matters to him.

Also, one of our speakers got really befuddled and messed up, lost his train of thought completely, and he calmly said "You know, I think I need to gather myself and start over. Would it be all right if I did my speech later?" And when he did go, he was fine. Not an option in the real world, but maybe something to think about during class.

 

[mickeymedic]

When I took a public speaking class, my best speeches were the ones I felt passionate about. If he gets to pick his own topic, encourage him to pick something that really matters to him.

This!

I used to be terrified of public speaking - so much so that I delayed taking the public speaking class in college until the last possible moment. Fortunately we were allowed to choose our own topic within whatever category of speech we were giving. I was just getting started in volunteering on the Ambulance at that point. I ended up using some aspect of ambulance service for every speech. For example, I did a "demonstration" speech on how to relieve choking in an infant - using an infant manikin as a prop. I did a "persuasive" speech on getting involved to call for help if you witness an emergency happen in front of you. I did my "informative" speech on the ABC's of patient assessment.

So, what does your DH LOVE to talk about? What is he passionate about? What does he know inside and out? It's one thing to know your material. It's quite another to live it and be passionate about it. If I had been forced to choose a random topic - even if it was interesting to me - it would have been a lot harder to learn the material, write a speech, memorize the speech, then give the speech. In my case, I already knew the material inside and out. So, I just had to organize my thoughts - I was able to work from an outline without fear of forgetting what I was talking about. I was still nervous before giving the speech, but since the material was so natural for me, I actually relaxed within a minute or two of starting to speak.

As a side note - I enjoyed speaking about ambulance service and EMS so much that I realized had a passion for teaching the material. That public speaking class transformed me from someone who never wanted to talk in from of a group of adults for any reason into someone who LOVES teaching CPR and EMS classes. I'm still not a fan of public speaking on other topics, but my love of teaching these specific topics lead to a career path I would have never imagined previously.

I wish your husband the best of luck!

 

[maciec]

This!

So, what does your DH LOVE to talk about? What is he passionate about? What does he know inside and out? It's one thing to know your material. It's quite another to live it and be passionate about it. If I had been forced to choose a random topic - even if it was interesting to me - it would have been a lot harder to learn the material, write a speech, memorize the speech, then give the speech. In my case, I already knew the material inside and out. So, I just had to organize my thoughts - I was able to work from an outline without fear of forgetting what I was talking about. I was still nervous before giving the speech, but since the material was so natural for me, I actually relaxed within a minute or two of starting to speak.

I wish your husband the best of luck!

He's a police officer and knows DWI enforcement like the back of his hand. That was his speech today. He could talk until he's blue in the face about why it's important. Put him infront of a class of other cops who are just like him and he just freezes. He can look at dead bodies, but can't get over the fear of speaking infront of a room of people.

 

[mickeymedic]

He's a police officer and knows DWI enforcement like the back of his hand. That was his speech today. He could talk until he's blue in the face about why it's important. Put him infront of a class of other cops who are just like him and he just freezes. He can look at dead bodies, but can't get over the fear of speaking infront of a room of people.

Oh - I think I just spotted the problem. In college, I gave speeches about topics that no one else in the room had any expertise in. It's really a different ball game when you are giving a speech on a topic that everyone else in the room is an expert. So, I can definitely feel his pain there.