PSA: please don't comment on my tall child's height (vent)

[Bob NC]

If my kid is super smart and 2 grade levels ahead don't make any comments because that sets her apart and makes her feel weird.

If my kid is the best soccer player in town, please don't talk about that to him because it sets him uncomfortably apart.

If he was fantastic in the lead in the school play, please keep it to yourself because compliments don't go over too well with him.

If you have to say anything to my kids, please keep it to "Hi"

Wait, I'd prefer strangers not talk to them because it makes them feel icky.

 

[jrmasm]

And because of that, I think the worst thing a mom can do is reinforce that self-consciousness by also acting offended. I think that now is the time to try to teach the little girl how to respond to the comments, what the people intended with their comments, etc. I think asking people to tiptoe around around noticing her height is sending the message that there IS, in fact, something to be self-conscious about.

I have to agree. Teach your kids to embrace their assets whatever they may be and say thank you.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I wouldn't over react.

At this age, kids age and development is usually going to be initially guaged by their size. I am sure a lot of what you are seeing is genuine surprize.

It is not like they are saying "WOW you are fat'.

I was very short.
And, if somebody were surprized and commented on my size/age, I would not have been offended. (unless the comments went far beyond that)

I would rather somebody be surprized to learn that I was, for example, becoming a teenager and not a 9/10 year old, and then treat me accordingly, than be ashamed or try to hide and be ashamed of something as simple and obvious as my height.

It really pays to learn early on to become comfortable in one's own skin.
Children who are 'tall', 'short', 'disabled', whatever... That is a fact of life to be accepted and acknowledged. It pays to learn not to be over sensitive.

 

[mamacatnv]

Sometimes one just cannot win.

 

[njmom47]

I too was one of the tallest girls all through school.
My mom would always say she ran across people that thought I was older than I was just because of my height and would make similar comments that OPs have heard.
DD#1 was the tallest KID in school (boys included) in 5th grade so I heard it about her.
DS is the one who gets it now...he's 17 and is at least 6'4 (well, he keeps saying he is 6'4 but I think he's taller than that).
I am 5'9 1/2 and couldn't be prouder. Hopefully she will grow into herself and realize that tall is beautiful!

Oh yeah, and my best friend in Jr High was the shortest kid too.

 

[MomofKatie]

OP, that's a tough one- I understand that your little ones feel weird when all anyone comments on is their height. DD was very petite with very curly hair when she was younger- she was sick of hearing about both all the time. She still has the curls now that she is a teen, but is about average height- she likes hearing about her hair now.

I guess what you have to stress to your girls is that they can't control what others say, but they CAN control their reaction. It isn't a slam- most people just want to start a conversation and will comment on the obvious. As others have posted, most think being tall is a really positive thing! If they learn now to let those comments go with a, "Yes, I'm pretty tall- thanks for noticing!" then just change the subject, it will give them a better feeling about the conversation.

 

[PeterPanic]

I can pretty much guarantee that nobody is looking to insult your daughter by pointing out her most obvious, beautiful characteristic. Nobody says she's not those other things (do they?) I would probably try to teach my daughter to take those comments in the spirit with which they were intended. By acting offended, you're reinforcing any self-consciousness that she may already have. Now is an important time for her to KNOW that people are trying to compliment her by making those comments. This will set her up with the self-confidence that will make her height even more lovely in the years to come.

And because of that, I think the worst thing a mom can do is reinforce that self-consciousness by also acting offended. I think that now is the time to try to teach the little girl how to respond to the comments, what the people intended with their comments, etc. I think asking people to tiptoe around around noticing her height is sending the message that there IS, in fact, something to be self-conscious about.

Very good observations there!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Just a vent here...My DD is 9 years old and over 5 feet tall. Most of the kids in her class barely reach her shoulder. DD7 is the height of most of the kids in DD9's class, if not taller. The first thing anyone says to them is "Wow! You're tall." This is generally followed by a comment related to playing in basketball.

Yes, we know they are tall. They are also a lot of other things - smart, pretty, funny, kind, etc. No, their ambition in life is not to play basketball. They enjoy basketball, but they also like dancing, piano, singing, arts, crafts, etc.

So, please when you see a tall child, just say hello or ask how they are or what they enjoy. They know they are tall. They may even be somewhat self-conscious about it. I wonder why, considering every adult they meet mentions it. They are kind enough not to comment on your physical characteristics. Please, extend the same courtesy.

Thank you for listening. Sorry for the vent. We were just at an event last night where more than one adult informed my children that they are tall, so I'm a bit cranky. It happens ALL the time. I think people mean well. They just don't realize it happens ALL the time.

While everyone is at it, please don't comment on how short my sons are. It should come as no surprise if you know me at all. I am 5'4" and my husband is 5'6. My sons hate it. Why would "you" think that'd appreciate being told how short they are?

 

[spacemountainmom]

I understand completely. I was always one of the tallest ones growing up and it did get old. I'm proud of my height, but there is so much more to talk about than that.

My dd was one of the tallest until middle school, she stopped at 5'6" and now we tease her about being "short". It's just a family joke, but she counters with, "I'm not short, I'm fun-sized!"

My ds is 13 and 6'3" and doesn't appear to be stopping anytime soon. He hates basketball and pretty much any team sport. He's polite when people ask, but he is sick of it. He starts high school in the fall and I am told that the basketball coach will be hounding him, but I told him that he is free to tell the coach that he is not interested. He'll be too busy playing his bass!

 

[NikitaZee]

While everyone is at it, please don't comment on how short my sons are. It should come as no surprise if you know me at all. I am 5'4" and my husband is 5'6. My sons hate it. Why would "you" think that'd appreciate being told how short they are?

Agree. My DH is 5'4 and hears short jokes all the time. It doesn't ruin his day, he's gotten used to it by now, but he'd rather not hear it, thanks. I also agree with the OP, and am honestly surprised at some of the remarks. If I had the tallest child in the class, and it was constantly being remarked upon, yup it would bother me too. Not everyone is meaning it as a compliment. Last week we were at our youngest DS kindergarten show and one mom there was a good 5'10' and had high heels on - so she was probably 6'1 or so. She towered over every woman and many men there. Someone in the row behind us whispered 'geez I'm glad I'm not a giant like that'. So, no, not everyone wants to be tall, or constantly hear that they are, indeed that tall.
I also agree with PP's that suggest helping her be proud of herself and her attributes and not let what anyone says make her feel badly about herself. She cannot do anything about it, so help her to embrace it and hopefully as she gets older the comments will ease up -- seems that more people feel free to comment to a child (or child's parents) than they would to an adult with a stand-out attribute.

 

[EmJay2001]

All thru grade school I was that kid, the one in the back and in the middle for the class picture . My mom was always so proud of my height. So I grew up with it being a compliment. She would take it to the next level and say how nice and long my legs were too (she is short). LOL. I really rock high heals now . It did slow down in high school and I am only 5 11.5, just shy of 6 feet. My ds1 is tall for his age as well and we view it as a good thing. My dd is going to be like my mom I think, about 5ft 5 or so. Can't really tell at this time, my brother was the short fat kid till about middle of high school, now he is slim and has about 4 inches on me. Does not matter to me, as long as they are happy and healthy, I don't really care.

I know this is only a vent, but please try and take it as a compliment. I truly believe that is why people bring it up. But I am bias.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm 4 feet ten and a half. I WISH I had this problem.

You cannot control what people say, only how you react to them.

My son spent MOST of his life hearing how he should be a football player. He HATES football. Every single time he changed grades some guy in a whistle around his neck and a crew cut accosted us about joining the team.

People don't consider being tall or strong a BAD THING. They think they're complimenting the person... and they ARE.

Use this as an opportunity to teach your children how to handle people. They SAY stupid things. It HAPPENS. Now how you respond shows your character.

 

[moon]

All thru grade school I was that kid, the one in the back and in the middle for the class picture . My mom was always so proud of my height. So I grew up with it being a compliment. She would take it to the next level and say how nice and long my legs were too (she is short). LOL. I really rock high heals now . It did slow down in high school and I am only 5 11.5, just shy of 6 feet. My ds1 is tall for his age as well and we view it as a good thing. My dd is going to be like my mom I think, about 5ft 5 or so. Can't really tell at this time, my brother was the short fat kid till about middle of high school, now he is slim and has about 4 inches on me. Does not matter to me, as long as they are happy and healthy, I don't really care.

I know this is only a vent, but please try and take it as a compliment. I truly believe that is why people bring it up. But I am bias.

Being tall has always been associated with being healthier, well-nurished, attractive and successful.

I've never heard of an equivalent to the "Napoleon complex" for tall people.

I'm short, and always jealous of you, tall girls!

 

[Skywalker]

I also was tall as a child, how's the weather up there, do you play basketball, etc. etc. I certainly wasn't offended or bothered by it. Why does it bother you? Sounds oversensitive to me.

 

[babyrich]

I am 4 ft 11 AND A HALF inches!... I was always the shortest kid in class.. and everyone commented about my height. Gotta get that 1/2 inch in.

I find it funny that people always feel the need to tell me that I am short, like I may not be aware of it... conversation go like this... wow you are short and I reply back.. yes, I am.... and you are quite observant. Or if they say, you are short, I say... no I'm not. lots of times it just ends there.

Just the other day one of my coworkers commented that my feet were very small, I said, I would look pretty funny if I was this height with a size 9 foot.

when they comment on the children's height, just agree... yes, they are tall.

 

[MrsDuck]

I feel your pain, OP. I am 5'10" and was always the tallest kid in my class until high school. I was always sensitive to my height and HATED when people said stuff like "are you sure you're 12? You seem a lot older!" or "you MUST play basketball right!?"

In middle school I was so self conscious, I slouched. It was so very unattractive.

In high school, I embraced it - it didn't hurt that the boys were finally taller than me!

My mom used to get so frustrated because no one believed I was as old as she said because of my height - they wouldn't give me kids menus without a hassle and once a hostess asked to see my birth certificate because I didn't seem me that age. My mom was furious.

 

[Acklander]

When I hear comments like that I think people are just trying to make conversation with someone who they know nothing about. Think of it as the kid version of how's the weather. . With my oldest it was how tall he was, my youngest gets comments on his long curly hair, my best friend in high school always received comments on her red hair. You can teach your kids to look fo offense where none is intended, or you can teach your kids to go with the flow, and take it for what it is, a casual comment from a stranger.

 

[MSLRAC]

OP, I can totally understand because we deal with the same thing with my oldest DD. She's 5'2" and still growing at age 9. The thing is with her that she has precocious puberty and that is what causes her to be so tall. It's really made her self-conscious and we've tried telling her not to worry and being tall is a good thing that she'll appreciate when she's older. But it's still hard for her to hear height comments from everyone because not all the comments are made in a nice manner. Many are made more in an 'OMG' manner which is kind of offensive.

 

[Arielle22]

I have 2 daughters. The younger one was taller than her sister by the time she was 3 and older one was 5. Older DD was told she would be lucky to break 5 ft (she is now 5'3'). Younger DD is 5'8".

So we have heard both sides of height talk. We have taught our DDs to embrace themselves. As long as they are height/weight proportional everything is good. Both have asked for tshirts with sayings such as "I'm not short I'm fun sized or I'm tall and you're not Ha Ha".

My hair is very very curly. I have actually had 2 black men (on 2 different occasions) ask why I have black woman hair. I just laugh it off and say "I can't figure it out because I am a really white woman".

My nephew is 7 and is literally heads and shoulders above his classmates. He is at the end of first grade and looks like he is a third grader who wandered in. The doctor thinks he will be 6'5". He gets a lot of double takes but it rolls off his back.

Things on either end of a spectrum will get people's attention. You can't control what people say only how you and your family react to it.

 

[asta]

OP I understand what you are going through. While adults may see height as an advantage it does come with problems. My youngest daughter was very tall in elementary school. She was 5'7" in fourth grade and towered over everyone. When she was young she was frequently not allowed to play on commercial playgrounds because of her height. She was such a gentle soul that it broke my heart to see her get turned away because they thought she would hurt someone.

She was taller than her K and 2nd grade teachers and that did make her feel odd. The worst thing for her was that she sometimes came to school dressed in the same clothing as some of the young teachers. She was mortified by that. I can remember several GAP outfits that were never touched again after a teacher showed up in the same items.

And don't even mention the high school problems of getting a date when most of the boys are shorter. It is a problem OP, don't feel bad that you mentioned it.