PSA - Kids Birthday Party RSVP's

[NEM]

Inspired by SerenaOne's thread....

Thoughts on young children’s birthday parties & RSVP's:

If you get an invitation to a child’s birthday party, please take a moment to RSVP as soon as you can, whether you plan to attend or not. It creates unnecessary worry on the parent throwing their child a party to imagine nobody attending, or not to know how much food or how many party favors to buy. One new pre-school mom asked me if we go to all the parties we’re invited to. I told her we can’t make it to all, but we try to attend as many as we can. Even if you’re not close with the child or their family, it’s still nice to attend – sometimes they don’t have a lot of close friends, and your being there makes a difference. Imagine it’s your own child’s party and how much it means to them and to you to have friends and classmates share their special day. It sometimes gets tiresome, but I try to think of these parties as a nice time to get to know other parents. If your child’s class is large, with several birthdays close together, you might consider (or suggest) combining a party with another child. Other parents will surely appreciate it! If gifts ($$) become an issue, try Marshall’s or Ross or the bargain book aisle at a book store. Kids don’t care how much the gift costs – the most fun is unwrapping it! If “nap time” is an issue, try to be flexible. It’s impossible for a parent to plan around every child’s nap, and your child will likely survive a slight change in schedule. It’s inevitable that you’ll have to miss a few parties, but next time you receive an invitation, before you toss it aside without a second thought, consider what it means to the child and parent who invited you.

 

[HelenePA]

I must be strange... if you dont call me, I will call/email you to find out if your coming.

 

[EMom]

Might I suggest a minor addition, in light of what happened to us this morning?

The deadline to RSVP for DD's party is tomorrow. "Jane" has told DD that she wants to come to DD's party, but isn't sure if she can. We're taking the girls to see HSM3 and YES, reservations are needed and require a firm head count!

I was in bed, feeling lousy, so DH answered the phone. I hear him asking the parent, "What's your daughter's name again?" and DH gives the caller our address and then DH says, "Okay, it's Jane. I'll tell my wife." I'm wondering if Jane can't attend and they want to mail a gift, which truly isn't necessary. I figure I'll let Jane know via DD (we have no address or phone # for them as they are not in the school directory) that there is no need to send a gift. So I rouse from the bed and ask DH, "So is Jane coming to DD's party or not?"

DH says, "I don't know. Her parents were calling to get OUR address (Uh...We ARE in the directory.) so they could invite DD to JANE'S PARTY." It seems Jane is having a party with a limo and can only invite a limited amount of girls. Clearly, DD made the cut. The irony here is that they could take the time to call us to get an address for THEIR child's party, but couldn't take two seconds to indicate whether or not Jane will attend OUR child's party. WTH?!?!?!?!?!

I told DH I have a good mind to fail to RSVP for Jane's party and then just show up at the limo pick up area with a big ignorant smile. I cannot believe they just did that.

 

[Terry36]

I totally understand your RSVP frustrations....

EMom - that person is very nervy!

I too am hosting a Halloween party for my dd and 17 or her girlfriends in 1 1/2weeks and I have yet to receive any RSVP's. I did attend a school field trip yesterday and I took the opportunity to ask each of them if their child was coming....Dang I just don't understand it.

 

[aprilgail2]

Nothing worse than sending out invites with RSVP on them and people not calling to say yes or no- how long does it take to just call and say "sorry sally can't make it"????

 

[EMom]

Nothing worse than sending out invites with RSVP on them and people not calling to say yes or no- how long does it take to just call and say "sorry sally can't make it"????

I included our home phone, cell phone and even EMAIL so they wouldn't even have to make a phone call. I cannot make it any easier than that.

 

[dizzyami]

For those of us idiots out there that really honestly had no idea you had to call to say you weren't coming - how about including on the invite to please call either way. I would have totally called if I saw that, but otherwise, I never knew it was necessary (but yes, now I know )

 

[mickeyfan1]

If an invitation has RSPV on it, that means to respond, either way.

I am of the mind that if I take the time to send out invites, and ask for RSVPs by X date, anyone who doesn't respond is an automatic no. And not to be mean to the kid, but if the mom shows up with the child I would have a word with her, out of earshot of the kids. I also don't get why people think it's ok to bring not only the invitee but his or her siblings. But that a whole other thread.

 

[EMom]

RSVP means "Repondez sil vous plait." That means "Respond, if you please." The "if you please " really does not give the option of only doing it if you please, it's just good manners and a very polite way of saying, "Please reply." In other words, you have been invited, so now please (sheer politeness there) let us know whether or not you will attend. The French are very formal in their manners and it IS their term.

Any etiquette book will tell you that RSVP means to respond with a positive or negative......Yes, we will attend or No, we will not. It differs from "Regrets only" which is a more modern trend. I truly do not mean to be snippy, but I'd feel like an idiot if I wrote something on the RSVP line to the effect of, "RSVP by Oct. 17. Please let us know whether or not you will attend." That would indicate that I didn't have a clue what RSVP meant, because if I knew what it meant I wouldn't have added the "please let us know whether or not you will attend." It's like saying, "Please let us know by Oct. 17 whether or not you will attend. Please let us know whether or not you will attend." It's redundant.

On the other hand, if I received an invitation like that, I'd either think, "Does she have no clue what RSVP means?" or....."God bless her, she's been burned so many times that she's had to resort to explaining what RSVP means in the hope she'll get replies. I'll call her right now. " To be honest, the way things are going, I halfway expect to receive an invitation reading, "Please RSVP by Oct. 17. We need to know one way or another whether your child, and ONLY THAT CHILD, is coming to the party. We have to prepay by the child, so an accurate headcount is required. If you don't RSVP and you show up anyway, I probably won't have a goody bag for your child, they may not get any cake, and might even have to stand while the other kids eat the pizza we failed to order for your surprise child." People are getting just that frustrated.

I've had people call and say they can't accept because of a family situation that makes them unsure whether or not they'll be in town that day. In that case, it gives me the chance to say, "The party is prepaid for X number of guests, so if you find out at the last minute that you can come, please do. We'd love to have your child there." That's so much nicer than them not calling or showing up unannounced. And it gives me the opportunity to plan for a possible extra child.

A lot of people today appear to have no idea what RSVP means and so they do not respond accordingly. Now you know, you'll call in the future, and you can discuss the point with others and possibly enlighten them. But I wouldn't expect an RSVP definition on the invitation. I'd be afraid that if I did that, I'd insult some guests and imply they didn't know what RSVP meant.....or they'd think I didn't know what it meant. Neither is good.

Again, it's hard to explain the thought process without sounding snippy, but I assure you, that is not what I meant to do.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

We are going through this right now. Invitations were popped in the mail this morning. I am sorta holding my breath because we've invited about 20 kids to a 15-child-limit party. I can pay extra if we go a little over, but in my experience usually up to a third of the kids won't attend. Of course there are exceptions to the rule. One year we invited every single child (30!) from a classroom because that was the school rule, no handing out invitations unless all are invited, well she had no problem with that, she gets along with everyone. EVERY SINGLE KID CAME!!! I was totally floored, lol. Luckily that was a back yard party so it didn't cost me an arm and a leg. So yeah, I'm worried that kids won't RSVP and then we'll be left hanging as to how many kids will actually show.

 

[dizzyami]

RSVP means "Repondez sil vous plait." That means "Respond, if you please." The "if you please " really does not give the option of only doing it if you please, it's just good manners and a very polite way of saying, "Please reply." In other words, you have been invited, so now please (sheer politeness there) let us know whether or not you will attend. The French are very formal in their manners and it IS their term.

Any etiquette book will tell you that RSVP means to respond with a positive or negative......Yes, we will attend or No, we will not. It differs from "Regrets only" which is a more modern trend. I truly do not mean to be snippy, but I'd feel like an idiot if I wrote something on the RSVP line to the effect of, "RSVP by Oct. 17. Please let us know whether or not you will attend." That would indicate that I didn't have a clue what RSVP meant, because if I knew what it meant I wouldn't have added the "please let us know whether or not you will attend." It's like saying, "Please let us know by Oct. 17 whether or not you will attend. Please let us know whether or not you will attend." It's redundant.

On the other hand, if I received an invitation like that, I'd either think, "Does she have no clue what RSVP means?" or....."God bless her, she's been burned so many times that she's had to resort to explaining what RSVP means in the hope she'll get replies. I'll call her right now. " To be honest, the way things are going, I halfway expect to receive an invitation reading, "Please RSVP by Oct. 17. We need to know one way or another whether your child, and ONLY THAT CHILD, is coming to the party. We have to prepay by the child, so an accurate headcount is required. If you don't RSVP and you show up anyway, I probably won't have a goody bag for your child, they may not get any cake, and might even have to stand while the other kids eat the pizza we failed to order for your surprise child." People are getting just that frustrated.

I've had people call and say they can't accept because of a family situation that makes them unsure whether or not they'll be in town that day. In that case, it gives me the chance to say, "The party is prepaid for X number of guests, so if you find out at the last minute that you can come, please do. We'd love to have your child there." That's so much nicer than them not calling or showing up unannounced. And it gives me the opportunity to plan for a possible extra child.

A lot of people today appear to have no idea what RSVP means and so they do not respond accordingly. Now you know, you'll call in the future, and you can discuss the point with others and possibly enlighten them. But I wouldn't expect an RSVP definition on the invitation. I'd be afraid that if I did that, I'd insult some guests and imply they didn't know what RSVP meant.....or they'd think I didn't know what it meant. Neither is good.

Again, it's hard to explain the thought process without sounding snippy, but I assure you, that is not what I meant to do.

Ok then, just don't assume that someone that does not reply is being rude. I was NEVER allowed to go to a single party as a child, and I have no idea what my mom did with the invitation. So I am totally clueless when it comes to these things. I think I am glad though I have not really done the party thing - I think I would feel extremely awkward, especially knowing that there are all these things that I "should know" but don't, I really don't want those throwing the party to think I am being rude if I do something wrong.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ok then, just don't assume that someone that does not reply is being rude. I was NEVER allowed to go to a single party as a child, and I have no idea what my mom did with the invitation. So I am totally clueless when it comes to these things. I think I am glad though I have not really done the party thing - I think I would feel extremely awkward, especially knowing that there are all these things that I "should know" but don't, I really don't want those throwing the party to think I am being rude if I do something wrong.

When you say you don't do the party thing, do you mean you don't allow your children to attend birthday parties, like your mom? And I'm not being at all snarky, but I've never known of anyone who didn't know you are supposed to RSVP regardless if you attending a function or not. Parties, weddings, showers...you expect a response to an invitation. If someone doesn't RSVP, I call, and I've never come across anyone who said "oh, I didn't know I had to RSVP if I wasn't coming."

 

[happygirl]

I have always thought if you didn't respond that was a given you weren't coming.

 

[dizzyami]

When you say you don't do the party thing, do you mean you don't allow your children to attend birthday parties, like your mom? And I'm not being at all snarky, but I've never known of anyone who didn't know you are supposed to RSVP regardless if you attending a function or not. Parties, weddings, showers...you expect a response to an invitation. If someone doesn't RSVP, I call, and I've never come across anyone who said "oh, I didn't know I had to RSVP if I wasn't coming."

Sorry - never knew it.

I always just assumed that if I didn't respond, it would be assumed that I was not coming

I have also NEVER had anyone call to see if I was coming - so that part seems odd to me.

My kids have rarely gone to parties - granted they are young, and we moved a year ago - that and I honestly just don't know what is proper

 

[mjkacmom]

Sorry - never knew it.

I always just assumed that if I didn't respond, it would be assumed that I was not coming

I have also NEVER had anyone call to see if I was coming - so that part seems odd to me.

My kids have rarely gone to parties - granted they are young, and we moved a year ago - that and I honestly just don't know what is proper

My 5 and 7 year olds have been to several parties already this year (today was bowling) - I've found we get less invitations the older they get, when kids invite less kids to parties, and not the whole class. There are not that many rules - you respond to the invitation by the date stated, you show up when it starts, you bring a gift, and you leave when it's over. Whether or not a parent stays depends upon the age, venue, and the child (I'd leave dd5 at a home party without me, but definately wouldn't trust her twin brother!).

I call when I don't get an RSVP, because I've found that 1/2 of those kids are planning on attending!

 

[luvmy3]

I'll admit that sometimes I have been a non RSVPer. I have never not responded and shown up anyway. I sometimes put the invit aside because I have 3 kids and we do have weekend plans pretty often and sometimes I just don't know if my child will be able to attend the party until the very last minute. By that time, I sometimes forget about the party all together. Once I realize I have forgotten I want to call and let the parents know that I'm sorry but I figured they are already mad that I didn't call, and no reason to make an a$$ out of myself again I truly don't mean to not respond, but sometimes it does happen.

 

[EMom]

Ok then, just don't assume that someone that does not reply is being rude. I was NEVER allowed to go to a single party as a child, and I have no idea what my mom did with the invitation. So I am totally clueless when it comes to these things. I think I am glad though I have not really done the party thing - I think I would feel extremely awkward, especially knowing that there are all these things that I "should know" but don't, I really don't want those throwing the party to think I am being rude if I do something wrong.

Again, I promise I am not trying to be snippy or snarky......

I grew up in a blue collar, working class town. No fancy airs about anyone there. But it was the South and mothers just taught their children these things. Heck, we covered it in school, but my school took these things seriously. At some point, we were handed etiquette books and expected to familiarize ourselves with at least the basics.

DH has a friend who is a doctor. A very well off, let's entertain a lot doctor. He married a woman who also came from a working class background and knew nada about the sort of entertaining she'd have to do. I remember going to see them as newlyweds and spotting all sorts of etiquette and entertaining books here and there. She took it upon herself to learn what she needed to know to fit in his world and take on the role of wealthy doctor's wife. If she hadn't, she knew she'd have wound up embarrassing herself.

So if your mother never taught you, that's not your fault. Just get a very simple etiquette book and read it. Not a thick volume, but a basic one. The rules often become much clearer once you read the background and explanation behind the rules. I truly recommend this. I've been in situations as an adult in which I had to research the answer. I'd rather do that than make a mistake I could have avoided.

With RSVPs, some of the reasons for indicating you aren't coming are:

*the hostess can know how much food, wine to buy/prepare
*how much seating she needs to prepare
*she might need to get more china, etc.
*perhaps the place requires a prepaid fee based on a head count
*since many people WILL show up unannounced, your call lets the hostess
know you will defintely not surprise her by showing up
*hostess will have enough goody bags

Basically, it cuts out the UNKNOWNS that drive a hostess crazy and make her life so much easier. And in the case of goody bags, etc., kids won't get their feelings burt by being left out.

Like someone else, we had a party in which we had to pay for any guest over the limit of 25. We invited 30, figuring half would show. Several RSVPed, but some did not. Including DD, we wound up with 25....some brought siblings. ACK! Luckily, I had made 24 goody bags, thinking that would be too many. DD didn't get any extra bag, because we had no extra bags!

So if you're not coming, a simple call lets the hostess know that FOR CERTAIN! She doesn't have to wonder if Little Billy is going to show up with his 2 siblings and put her over the agreed upon head count.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Yanno...I just realized I'm a hypocrite!
I get frustrated when I dont hear from people, because last yr my DD did only have the neighbor girl show up and we had lots of food ready in case people just forgot to RSVP but were coming...
But, I realized, if I wasn't going..I didnt' necessarily respond either.
I will from now on...because its just easier to know one way or the other for the party giver..

I love the new EVites you can get in email...they are so much easier to respond to that actually picking up the phone...
lazy society I know

 

[powellrj]

I usually don't respond to RSVP vents, but sometimes things just hit me the wrong way.

I always respond to RSVPs, but to be honest, if we have to respond too early, the answer will always be no. I would say 90% of the time the answer is no. My DD still goes to lots of parties, but she only goes when I have to respond a few days before the event, or there is no RSVP.

I understand that people SOMETIMES need a head count, but you don't need a head count for a cake and punch party. Nor do you need one for a Cake and punch shower, wedding or any other party that a definite head count isn't needed.

RSVPs have gotten so out of control, now people are even asking for them for Tupperware and other home shopping parties. Come on, I will go if I am free at the time, I am not rearranging my life for your Tupperware Party.

I stopped doing RSVPs for our parties years ago and to be honest, it makes your life alot less stressful. We had a pool party last summer for DD and invited 20. 11 showed up. I had food and goodie bags for 20. We took the leftovers home and had party food for dinner that night.

I am having a graduation Open House for DS in the spring. I will invite maybe 150 people. I would never dream to have people RSVP for the Open House. If you can make it, great, if you are busy, I understand. I will have food for 150 and we may have leftovers for a few days.

We had an Open house for my parents 50th Anniversary last year. Once again, if you could come, great. We had lots of people come that hadn't planned to come, but at the last minute they were able and it was wonderful to have them. If we would have had it an RSVP party, we would have missed out on their company because they would have responded NO.

I understand if you are having a party that you need an exact headcount. Like I said, I will probably answer no because we are usually booked with things we have to do and most times don't know until the last minute if we are available. I know most people we know are like that too. Especially in the busy entertaining seasons. Many people try to attend as many functions as they can, but if RSVPs are required, the answer will be no.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I usually don't respond to RSVP vents, but sometimes things just hit me the wrong way.

I always respond to RSVPs, but to be honest, if we have to respond too early, the answer will always be no. I would say 90% of the time the answer is no. My DD still goes to lots of parties, but she only goes when I have to respond a few days before the event, or there is no RSVP.

I understand that people SOMETIMES need a head count, but you don't need a head count for a cake and punch party. Nor do you need one for a Cake and punch shower, wedding or any other party that a definite head count isn't needed.

RSVPs have gotten so out of control, now people are even asking for them for Tupperware and other home shopping parties. Come on, I will go if I am free at the time, I am not rearranging my life for your Tupperware Party.

I stopped doing RSVPs for our parties years ago and to be honest, it makes your life alot less stressful. We had a pool party last summer for DD and invited 20. 11 showed up. I had food and goodie bags for 20. We took the leftovers home and had party food for dinner that night.

I am having a graduation Open House for DS in the spring. I will invite maybe 150 people. I would never dream to have people RSVP for the Open House. If you can make it, great, if you are busy, I understand. I will have food for 150 and we may have leftovers for a few days.

We had an Open house for my parents 50th Anniversary last year. Once again, if you could come, great. We had lots of people come that hadn't planned to come, but at the last minute they were able and it was wonderful to have them. If we would have had it an RSVP party, we would have missed out on their company because they would have responded NO.

I understand if you are having a party that you need an exact headcount. Like I said, I will probably answer no because we are usually booked with things we have to do and most times don't know until the last minute if we are available. I know most people we know are like that too. Especially in the busy entertaining seasons. Many people try to attend as many functions as they can, but if RSVPs are required, the answer will be no.

Although I think your philosphy is great, not everyone is rich enough to have enough food for 150 if 150 aren't going to come...

and..as far as a little kids party....you want to know - to be sure your kid won't be alone with NO one showing up when 8 or 16 (invite package counts) are invited...