Promise Rings and Teens

[Muffy]

My DD will be 17y/o next week. Yesterday I recieved an email from her BF17 asking for her ring size. He wants to get her a promise ring. They have been dating for around 1 year and we like him very much. He is a hard working young man. He gets all A's, works part time everyday after school and sat. He spends all his free time with DD. I'm excited for DD about this ring as long as it's not an engagment ring. It seems like promise rings signify serious dating and nothing more. He is absolutly crazy about my DD. I think DD feels the same way about him from the look of things. What are your feelings about promise rings?

 

[Mecha Figment]

I think they are a waste of money for something that is already symbolised in ones heart. Besides it's sort of like marking his territory .. this is mine, stay back. But then again i'm sort of synical.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Awwww that's sweet. I think you should ask him what the promise ring means to him. It might not hurt to throw in that he could promise to respect her, both emotionally and physically.

 

[helenabear]

Depends on what he is "promising"

Those who get promise rings that are "a promise to be engaged" are a waste IMO. Either get engaged or not. I personally think that a regular ring would be a big deal anyway. Not many buy rings w/o a relationship being serious (at least among my friends)​

 

[dturner]

It's not a big deal. I had one when I was in high school 20 years ago...we dated through high school but the relationship didn't last after we graduated.

 

[java]

I think it is cute. A promise ring is nothing more than a gift showing devotion. I got one in high school and while I loved him then- it drifted in college- but we are still friends 20 years later. I think it is sweet that he asked you and I say don't make it into more than it is. (anyone remember getting your boyfriend's high school ring?)

 

[Hedy]

I think it's sweet-I just (not to be cynical) would take into consideration that they're 17, and try to gently suggest that they consider the cost of such an item and ownership in the event of a break up.

 

[Caboosey]

Ha ha, we used to joke in my sorority that a promise ring meant the end was near! The end of the relationship, that is. It seemed like anytime someone got a promise ring, they ended up breaking up a few months.

They're both pretty young, and it sounds like they'll be college bound soon - that can change a lot of things. I think it would be better to just get her a nice ring (or other jewelry) without saying "This is a promise ring, it means I will marry you someday" - what's wrong with just getting some nice bling?

 

[mirthmaiden]

My DSD received a diamond "promise" ring from her BF in her senior year of high school. They are still together and getting ready to move in together, although she hasn't told us yet. She knows we'll be disappointed because it goes against our beliefs. I was not happy about it when she received the ring because this is the first boy she has ever dated, other than two "friends" kind of dates to school dances. It looks as if she will end up marrying this guy and, although I'm not totally crazy about him, he seems OK. But, my point is, how on earth can she know he's "right" for her when she hasn't dated anybody else? I don't understand in this day and age why anybody would do that.

I think kids are getting way too serious too early. Whatever happened to just dating and having fun? Even my 6th grade daughter was completely distraught the other day because she was without a boyfriend for 2 whole days. I mean she was in tears saying how she'll never get a boyfriend, she's a loser, etc. She's had a crush on an 8th grade boy for a while, but he's already got a girlfriend. So yesterday she comes home and is on top of the world because now she has a boyfriend.

Me: what about mr. 8th grade?

Her: Oh, I still like him.

Me: OK, well if you like him, why do you have a new boyfriend?

Her: Well, new boyfriend is a really good friend.

Me: Why can't you still just be really good friends without having to call each other bf/gf?

Her: I don't know. I want to have a boyfriend.

Way too much pressure on kids to behave like adults. It's sad that she feels like a loser if she doesn't have a boyfriend at all times.

 

[allison443]

I would want to know what the "promise" ring means TO THEM before I could decide how I felt about it. I have heard about the meaning "promising to get engaged." Honestly, I wouldn't be thrilled if my daughter was promising to get engaged to someone when she was 17 still in high school.
Although I'm glad he is a nice guy!

 

[ziggystardust]

I never saw the point in them. Actually thought they were kind of stupid. But my friend got one from her boyfriend. It was the promise of an engagement type thing. Luckily it wasn't an engagement ring b/c they didn't last

 

[clownfish1452]

I got a diamond promise ring in high school. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It took 7 years to get rid of him because he thought we were really getting married even though I told him no over and over. He acted like he owned me and controled every part of my life.

Sarah

 

[ADisneyQueen]

Well, I received a promise ring on my 16th b-day. We were married 6 years later and this summer will be our 14th wedding anniversary! You never know what will happen.

 

[mommasita]

I had one in High School..

I think they are ok, so long as it is anything but a diamond. To me a first diamond should be an engagement ring..

 

[HunnyPots]

I think it depends more on what he expects HER to promise. You say you like him and he's a good guy and all but let me tell you from experience, even "good guys" can have very high expectations when it comes to your teenage daughter. My daughter got a promise ring from her high school bf who we thought was a great kid but turned out to be bad news. He gave her the ring on their two year anniversary and it was just all so sweet for a while, but then he became very controlling. He seemed to think that giving her a $100 ring entitled him to control every part of her life. He wanted to know where she was at all times, who she was with, who she called on her cell phone, who called her. It seems after they were "promised", his true colors began to show.

I'm not saying that this will be the case with your dd and her bf. I just think it's a mistake to allow your dd to accept a ring without some SERIOUS talking about it's meaning and the expectations attached to it.

 

[Muffy]

Thanks everyone! I do feel kind of excited about this ring! I know DD will be thrilled. I appreciate all the comments about promise rings.

 

[JPN4265]

I think they are a waste of money for something that is already symbolised in ones heart. Besides it's sort of like marking his territory .. this is mine, stay back. But then again i'm sort of synical.

What they said.

 

[KelNottAt]

I like the idea of wearing a guy's hs class ring better than receiving a promise ring. I remember having my bf's on a chain around my neck in hs. ('81-ish)

Doesn't anyone do that anymore? It sure did make the break-up more clean-cut. Sounds like these days a girl gets to keep the promise ring, even after the break-up. That could be good or bad, depending who you are or how you look at it...

Oh, and then there's the old frat/college progression of dating: lavalier, pin, engaged. Does that still happen?

Sorry to go OT.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I personally think they are silly.

 

[Maleficent13]

Oh, and then there's the old frat/college progression of dating: lavalier, pin, engaged. Does that still happen?

Sorry to go OT.

I remember a post here not too long ago (a year or two?) from a college girl who'd just been "lavaliered". So I guess it does still happen.

Re: promise rings...they're cutesy little things teens give to each other. I never really put too much stock in them. It's just nice to get jewelry from your SO.